Hitting

Hi K.! As I see it, it's a normal thing at their age, and it all starts within the home. My daughter will use her hands to hit me or her father, and it's not in a hatred way, but a way for them to get their point across. They need to understand that it's wrong, not nice, and we use our words... Not our hands for communicating. I put my daughter in Time Out when she uses her hands, and/or I will take away what she's playing with. I'm assuming they don't use Time Out in school, but they should probably be disciplining in some way, like not letting him enjoy what the other children are doing. When he hits, right then and there.... You or the teacher need to explain why we don't hit, what we should do instead of hitting, have him appologize to the person he hit. It's important to nip it in the bud immediately, and be sure to follow through on disciplining. This phase should end pretty quickly as long as it's addressed. Good luck K. :o).

I think it's pretty normal for the age. Sometimes kids will hit when overly tired or when they get frustrated due to lack of communication skills. Is your son talking well yet? Does the hitting tend to happen when he is more tired? The more he learns to communicate with words, the less he will hit. With my daughter, I appealed to her empathetic side. I sat down with her and really layed it on thick about how hitting hurts people and makes them cry. It did the trick for her.

BTW, my daughter was in school (and I mean school) at 2 and a half. She was in a 1/2 day program at a church 3 days per week. Our church offers a PMO (parents morning out) which is basically babysitting and gives kids social interaction. And they also provide pre-school (which is what my daugter was in), as well as a Pre-K program and Kindergarten. So yes, it is possible that a 2.5 year old can go to school.

I'm sure you were refering to Day Care instead of school. Even though some people consider Day care a learning experience for the child on social behavious and what not!!

Anywho..........What is his care giver doing about it?? Time outs for 2 mins ever time he does it or just telling him not to do that and moving on?? If they are just letting it slide then he isn't going to get the right message that it isn't ok to hit. He is plenty old enough for time outs and anyone can sit Little Johnny in the chair and make sure he doesn't play for 2 mins while he is there. As far as home, if he hits, you need to put him in time out as well. There for he is getting the same message at both places that this isn't ok behaviour. Also, at his age, it is a phase and mostly due to lack of verbal skills to express how he feels. So helping him with learning new words at the same time may help. Example: Beth takes the toy away from Little Johnny, it makes Johnny mad so he hits Beth instead of angerily yelling that's mine. So the adult needs to tell Little Johnny that she understands he is mad that Beth took the toy but it is not ok to hit. Or use sad, upset, which ever. As long has he starts to learn that these feelings have words just like being happy and that it is ok to have them as well, he will start to come out of the hitting phase and move on to something else.

On a side note, children in a group setting will copy other behaviours from the other children as well. It's all part of the learning!!

Good luck!
S.

All toddlers seem to go through a hitting phase. My pediatrician gave me a suggestion with my oldest that has worked with all my children. When you see your child hit, scoop them onto your lap, fold your arms over theirs, hold them and say "no hitting". After a minute or so, let them down. Toddlers are on the move and don't like to be restrained. I found this to be better than spanking, which may reinforce hitting, and more effective than a time-out. It only took 5-6 times of doing this for my kids to get the hint. I don't know what you would do for your child during school hours though.

K., I completely understand what you are going thru right now. I am a military wife and my husband was recently on a short deployment overseas for 6 weeks. My almost three year old was really acting out and hitting every day at daycare (or school). Yes my son has been in a daycare since he was quite young because I have to work because we would not be able to make it on just a military salary. (That is what my world is coming too!) At my son's school they do not use time out but if the children act out then they have to go to "think about it" for a couple of minutes...just really another form of time out. I tried every idea that I got from here, elsewhere on the internet, friends, books and where ever else I could look. My son was mainly doing this to the same child everyday and it happens to be his best friend. We also spend a lot of time together outside of daycare. Nothing was working and one day he had the absolute worst day at school and I just didn't know what else I could do. My mother actually suggested for me to put a few of his toys in his room and take him in there and explain that if he could not play nice with others then he needed to stay in there and play by himself. Of course I knew he would not stay so I put up a baby gate in front of his room and walked away. A few mins later he walked into the den because he had crawled over the gate, so I put him back in there and raised the gate. A few mins later here he comes again and I figured out that he had crawled under the gate. So I move the gate position again and on went our night trying to find the best position. When bed time came around I did our normal routine and talked to my son again about hitting. I explained that I didn't like to punish him and that his friends did not like it when they hurt him. I am sure that someone will tell me that what I did was cruel but I will say that my son has not hit since then. Previously I had went to Barnes & Noble and bought the children's book Hands Are Not For Hitting and we read that book every time he had a hitting day. He can almost recite it to you now...... Anyway, this is my two cents worth and I really hope you find the trick that will work best for you! I have found many suggestions thru this forum and I love to read it everyday!

2 1/2 in school!!!! What is going on with this world.