High School Sweetheart Mesg Me on FB Now What Please Read

Ugh.
This is not "rude" this is what I would tell my own daughter:
grow up, and stop thinking from below the waist.
Learn to tell the difference between love and lust.
You wanna mess around, have some fun? Fine.
Just don't expect anything else.
Don't be a fool.

Block him. He can't see you and you can't see him. Stop this before one or both of you does something you regret.

you're in love with what you think could have been-at 15 it isn't love This isn't a game of chance-this is time to get real and responsible and stop living as a teenager. Don't ruin his marriage. You asked for no rude comments because you know what you are doing is childish-there are small children involved now-they will take the biggest and hardest fall-end it now.

You are 29 years old
In a committed relationship for 7 years
A mother to one and trying to conceive another

Yet, you say you have been madly in love with this dude from high school for 14 years ???

So, basically, you have been in love with this high school dude the entire time you have been making babies with your current boyfriend. Wow, just Wow.

1. Grow up
2. Cease all contact with high school dude
3. Get thee into counseling and get yourself straightened out BEFORE you make any more babies
4. Grow up

You are 29. High school is long past. You have grown up responsibilities and your current boyfriend and your child deserve better than this.

If you pursue this on any level you are asking for trouble. Nothing good will come of it.

Closure? Really? For what? He was your high school boyfriend, and you eventually broke up and found other partners. That happens all the time. It is a normal passage of events. There is no "closure" necessary for a few FB messages.

You both have families. You reconnected for a day or two -- that's sweet and that's fine. There is nothing wrong with saying "hi how are you and what's happening in your life" to people who were once important to you. I've done it a few times myself. You can remember him fondly for a day or two, but then you go back to your real life.

He might have just contacted you to say hi. If he's "messing with your head" then he's a jerk.

Let it go. You have a family. And so does he.

That ship sailed a long time ago.
You broke up for a reason - you were not compatible then and you are not compatible now.
Leave it alone.
You've both grown to become different people than you were when you knew each other.
To get your head un-messed up, try Gibb's slapping yourself on the back of your head and delete your FB account.
If that doesn't work then put off having another child till you are sure you are %100 committed to your family, the child you already have and the man you are with.
If you are sure about who you are and where you belong, messages like this can't mess with your head.
Grow up already.
Quit acting the besotted 15 yr old.
It doesn't look good on you and you are WAY too old for it.
If you are really that immature then leave your 3 yr old with her father and get out - he deserves a better partner than you.
Stupidity deserves rude.

You are a grown up...you need to act like one. (I don't mean this rudely...just a fact)

You have a husband and a child...that is your future now. Stop looking backwards.

Don't start drama by ending your fb exchanges in a dramatic way with an explanation or goodbye message. Just don't respond back AT ALL.

Block him on fb. Whenever you start to think about him, quickly think of your child,your husband and your future you are building together.

It is normal to think of the "what went wrongs" and "what could have beens"..but not so much that it takes up a lot of mental space or makes your "head all messed up." He could be messing with ya...maybe he is not. But it is not mature or normal for two married people to be spending much time on past loves.

Oh, L.. This is a disaster waiting to happen, but I think you already know that or else you wouldn't be asking for advice on it.

It sounds like you've been going through a lot in your family/relationship right now with TTC baby #2. That is a lot of pressure for any marriage under the best of circumstances. Not only do you have medical trouble, but you are also now on medication that can be messing with your hormones, AND let's face it...when you're doing the deed with the primary intention of conceiving, you lose some of the magic/fun of making love.

Now, you're getting some attention from a former flame. As we all know, positive attention from another person can be flattering to just about anyone. Plus, you have a history together, which is causing you to reminisce.

Here's the deal, though: You need to first of all remember that you are MARRIED, and he is MARRIED. You have both made your choices. Time makes it easy to forget all of the reasons why you DIDN'T originally work out. You yourself describe this past relationship as mostly 'off.' It is very possible that you're simply remembering the euphoria of one of your first loves... That doesn't mean that this was your 'forever' love.

Also, let's face it, there is always something tempting about something that you cannot have. If I tell you that you cannot have any cake...NONE....nada....ZIP...for the next 3 months, then suddenly cake becomes very alluring, even if it normally isn't something you crave.

You need to limit your contact with your ex. Then put some focus on your husband and family. Remind yourself of all the reasons why you are where you are today. You're walking a very fine line here, and I would hate for you to inadvertently cross that line and end up with 2 destroyed families.

I think it's not a problem to be friendly with exes in a healthy way but if you were madly in love with him for 14 years, that puts you to two weeks ago when you were frantically trying to conceive with your boyfriend.

You received great advice to see an endocrinologist for your concerns and make this relationship legal. If you are still so madly in love and excited by the attention you are receiving from the ex, you probably shouldn't be trying to create another human with your boyfriend.

I think you are mourning what might have been and experiencing a "grass is greener" kind of moment. I used to dream of my ex on occasion and wake feeling so sad - and guilty - it had not worked out with him. But in the bright light of day I had to admit that I was not the person I had been anymore and while I was growing up, so was he. What we had belonged to the past and as wonderful as it was, we broke up for a reason. It took a little while for my heart to agree with what my head knew was right, but it did. Trying to recapture your past is rarely successful and you stand to lose your present in the attempt.
Take the high road here. Let him know you wish him well and don't engage in whatever desire he seems to be trying to fulfill - maybe recapture those more carefree high school days where we all seem invincible and free and had our whole lives ahead of us - in contacting you. That road is too dangerous to go down. Adulthood may suck sometimes, but returning to our youthful passions is not an alternative.

Cut off all contact.
You are married.

my rule is, if you've slept with them and you are married, don't friend them on face book.

He's being a jerk. Seriously, he broke up with you for someone else, married that person, is STILL married, and is contacting an ex? Take off the rose colored glasses. If your husband were doing this, you would be PISSED.

here is the link with directions to block him on facebook.
http://www.facebook.com/help/www/290450221052800?rdrhc

I haven't read any of the other responses.

What do you do? Well, you've already crossed the line by not telling your current man. And now you're thinking of him romantically and dreaming of him? You're in cheating territory now.

He's doing this because he's not happy in his marriage, pure and simple. But it doesn't MATTER if he's happy or not, or if he has feelings for you. He's married and you should know that if he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat ON you. And you HAVE a great man!! STOP TALKING TO THIS OLD FLAME!!

The very best advice that I can give you is to block him on Facebook and delete his messages. Focus on your husband (or whatever he is) and family. This person from your past is NOT worth destroying the wonderful relationship you have, and it's not worth hurting your child. Be an adult and put an end to this nonsense RIGHT NOW.

L.,

Patricia G gave you the link to blocking this guy-- you should have done so already.

I don't know what else to tell you; based on previous posts, I think you need to go talk to someone and get yourself together. Your posts are all over the place. DO NOT try to have a baby now-- it seems to me like you can't even think straight. This guy is not a prince-- he's MAKING more drama on purpose. "Why is he doing this?" -- why are you even SPECULATING as to reasons?

You are putting too much of your energy on this fellow when you should be focused on your own relationship. Go talk to a counselor or someone who can help you figure out what you want, because it seems to me like you don't really know.

Stop. Just stop. Ask yourself if this is worth losing your marriage and possibly losing full time custody of your child. He's an ex from the past and while he'll always hold a special place in your heart you have to know that living your life is more important than living in a fantasy world.

Personally I don't friend exs and I never look for them. If they find me (quite a chore since I only use my married name on fb) I block them. It's not because I'm not curious about them it's because I love my husband, I'm a happily married woman, and I don't need to have potential high school drama in my life.

You never had a real relationship. Sounds like every time you came close you were off again. So here you are in love with the good times and you don't seem to see if you had married you would feel much the same way you do about your husband. The excitement would have worn off.

So understand this is not real, it is all fantasy, let it go.

I will bet that no matter what you're told, you're still going to continue to play with fire here. Then your husband will read this stuff, his wife will read this stuff, you'll hurt all the family members involved, especially the children, and then this man will STILL end up with his own family. You, however, will find yourself without a husband and possibly lose your child. Your husband will DEFINITELY not want to have another baby with you.

If you want to preserve your marriage and your family unit, you will wise up and for the love of God, stop writing this man. BLOCK HIM on your facebook. That way he cannot see anything of yours or write you again. Don't even warn him.

Do you not understand that all his wife has to do is look at his computer? ALL your messages are there. Or do you not care????

Part of being a grown up is staying away from unhealthy things. This man is poison to you. If you don't care about your kids and your husband, keep writing him. If you don't care about your mental state, keep writing him. If you want to BE the grown up you are supposed to be, block him. It IS that simple.

You are messing with your head. You have not told us anything that would indicate that his intention is anything other than saying hello and catching up with someone who was once important to him. You are over thinking this.

I suggest that you respect your marriage and his and stop thinking about him. If it would help you let go you could send a brief message saying it was good catching up; you're glad both of you now have families and are moving on. No need to say goodbye or verbalize your feelings. This implies you won't be continuing a conversation. But if he writes more you can ignore it.

It does not matter if he's happy in his marriage unless you want to leave yours. Focus on what you want in your marriage. Stop yourself from thinking of him every time he enters your mind. Remind yourself of your long range goals.

In therapy I learned that it is usual for us to always keep our first love in our minds in a special way; that it csn be difficult to let go of them. I've found this to true for me. We met each other at a retirees dinner and it would've been easy to suggest another meeting. He is married. We gave each other a quick hug and included others in our conversation. I have did some daydreaming but then I'm now single. Neither of us have contacted the other. We do see each other at the dinners, catch up with each others lives as friends. Because of our history as a couple we deem it unwise to see or talk with each other outside of the dinners. It is wise to avoid temptation when we know that to succomb will hurt ourselves and those we love.

What does ttyl stand for?

LEAVE IT ALONE. He is playing games and frankly so are you !
He is MARRIED, you are in a relationship with a child. It's easy for someone to seem dreamy over facebook. Live in reality my dear.
I know someone who's 37 year marriage ended over the same kind of bullsh*t on facebook. And guess what? The long lost lovers didn't end together either! Their spouses dumped them, and they ended up realizing they wanted two totally different things, and that they were NOT compatible.
Be an adult, and think with your head. Block him from your page, do not message him back. Get your head out of the clouds, you are not a teenager, you are a mother now. Act like one!
I want to add, a few years ago a man I had really strong feelings for and had no real closure with friend requested me on F.B. He is married now w/ a child. I denied his request. A few months later he requested me again. I denied it and blocked him. He was my PAST. I have no reason to be "friends" with someone who was a past relationship. I am married, adore my husband and for the simple matter of respect for him, I have no business talking to this man. We didn't remain friends after, so what did he want? I don't care, and didn't want to find out. Don't put yourself in a stupid and very likely destructive situation.

Honestly, I probably wouldn't have messaged him back in the first place. Does your husband know you've been messaging him? If you don't feel you can tell your husband, you know it's wrong. So just quit, and try to get on with your life.

Don't message him, and block him on Facebook so that he can't contact you again.

Consider seeing a therapist to find out why you're still hung up on your past. Also remember - he is an Ex for a reason. Your relationship with him wasn't good. You're seeing things through the distorted lens of time and have been hanging on to what you think was love for so long that you can't detach from it.

Leave it alone. Don't bother messaging him and in fact block him

1) I'm sure that there was a very good reason why things between the two of you didn't last

2) You are now happily married

3) If your husband ever comes across these messages, he will be heartbroken

Leave the past in the past

Ugh... I hate Facebook it starts so much drama and allows people to connect or reconnect where they probably otherwise never would have (or should have) It's so fake... Anyways I digress. You're in a relationship & have a child, you need to make peace with this issue and move on. If you're still day dreaming of an ex why are you ttc another baby? Good luck.. Oh and does your boyfriend/fiancé/dh have any knowledge or these exchanges? If an ex contacted me I would tell dh about it. Would he be upset if he knew you were talking & exchanging pics?

Why don't you ask his wife or your husband what you should do.

If you hide something from a spouse, because you know it's wrong, then KNOCK IT OFF

Your playing with fire! Don't give your husband any reason to not trust you or question your love for him. We all think the grass might be greener on the other side at some point, but it's definitely not worth it.

Let him go. You have your own family. Keeping in touch will create big problems.

If you truly love the man you are with now I would unfriend this other man and block him from your Facebook account.

It sounds like you were nothing more to him than a play thing and if he is married now I don't see it becoming anything other then that. Be strong and don't let him break your heart again.

This happened to me too a few years ago except i dated my ex for a year and i was 17, he was 18. When he graduated HS, he moved to CA and we lost touch over the next year. I was in love with him and so deeply hurt that he didn't do more to keep in contact with me. I never tt him again. Fast forward to 2009 and through FB, he found me! Sent me a FR and also msg'd me. We talked for about a week, just up to date stuff that had been going on in our lives, never once said anything about the past. One day he asked me to call him on the phone so he could hear my voice again. (forgot to mention he was not married but in a committed relationship). I thought about it for about a day and then msg'd him back saying that i was married, had three children and i didnt think that was appropriate bc it would hurt my DH if he found out. For the next few months i thought about him all the time. I think that is normal for people to feel especially when you experience young love. I would always think about the times we spent together while we were still in high school. Its always fun to think on the past...... but i was not willing to jeopardize my marriage for a high school fling. Trust me, it goes away.

It means nothing. It means he thinks of you and that is all. It's common for ex's to reach out on email or fb and profess their undying love for you and let you know you made them who they are now. Trust me, let it go. All it means is that you were important to him once and he thinks of you fondly. It's okay to feel the same way, but don't act on it. Be mature and enjoy your lovely life. My first love sends me an email Christmas letter each year with a picture of his family and news about his life. It's very sweet, but that is all it is. Another ex connected with me to let me know how much I influenced his life and announced he was getting married. He basically wanted to apologize for all his BS during college. It was nice of him to let me know, but really he was doing it to get it off his chest. Not necessary for me, since I had already grieved that relationship and we ended things as close friends. That was all the closure I needed. So, in other words, it's a guy thing. Let it go.

I think he is just trying to connect as a "facebook friend" given the long time period since you were involved. However, you have taken this "friend" thing much more seriously and that is indeed a problem for you. You should not continue any contact and meet with a counselor to discuss your own reaction. Also if you are thinking of another man all of the time, why are you ttc with someone else? Hold off on any more children until you can commit to your current partner.

I see where you are coming from. I'm friends with a few of my ex's on Facebook (though NOT my ex-husband - yech!). And while I can objectively look at each of them and say "Oh yeah, that marriage wouldn't have lasted!" it can still give you a thrill knowing that someone is giving you attention. I'll admit - as a mom who is definitely not in her best shape any more with a husband who I love but who I still bicker with sometimes because we are past the burning fire of first love, it's nice to get some validation of being desirable from someone. And the problem with Facebook is that the photos I see are of me and the ex as we used to be - young, goodlooking and carefree.

And maybe that is what this guy is after - the thrill of knowing he was able to string you along so long, and if he is not getting the ego boost he wants from his day to day love (wife) he can get a little charge messing with your head.

So my advice is to let this one go. Unfriend him. Block him if you want. Realize there is a reason you guys didn't work out in the first place and keep that in the front of your mind. And since your emotions are getting so worked up with this you need to just step back and let it go.

Good luck. I feel for you!

If you still have feelings for him, and you are married/partnered, then you need to cut off contact with him, plain and simple. Do you really want to risk the life you have created for your child for a man who might cheat? I would suggest that you need to unfriend him, block him and forget about him.
You said that you had a mostly "off" relationship with him for your teen years, but you are still thinking about him daily? After barely being together? I don't think you are in a position to be considering having other children if you think you would leave your family for this man. You don't sound like a nearly 30 year old mother in a committed relationship.

If you feel that you need closer or to move on then you should send him back a message that you are content in your life and would appreciate if he did NOT contact you anymore! If it is meant to be, life will find a way.

If being in contact with him is upsetting you, don't do it. Unfriend him.

I am friends with more than one ex-romantic interest. My husband is aware of every single one. You can have a perfectly harmless and healthy relationship with an ex-boyfriend. I am happily married with 3 kids. I no longer harbor a single romantic interest in any of them. There is no desire to rekindle anything. It did not work out romantically but we remain friends. I know I found my "perfect person" in my husband.
You however do not come across as someone that could have that kind of relationship with this person. It is extremely obvious that you still have strong feelings for this guy and keep holding out hope that you'll get back together while still playing house somewhere else. This is not healthy. Not for you, not for your husband, not for your child, not for him or his family. From everything you've posted it sounds like the relationship with your ex was toxic. Better to let it die. Tell him it was nice to catch up and leave well enough alone. If you want your marriage to work, get counseling.

Facebook causes more harm than good. I have 4 friends on FB. I'm not even friends with any family members. The 4 on my list are my tax preparer, a coworker that I want to introduce to my son, a Peace Corps pal and a California older pal.

He will always be your first love, but not your last. You husband is your last! You need to block/unfriend whatever it may be. You remember nothing but the good times I bet because I'm sure if you were mostly off, there were a lot of bad times, but those don't cross your mind. Being around my age, nearing that 30 year old mark, as weird as it seems this might be you holding on to your youth? If you let it go that might be the last push over the hill into the older category. Best advice is to leave it alone, I've been in your shoes. Same situation, but after being married 2 years and thought I still loved my high school sweetheart, I finally cut off all ties. We had talked everyday and I hid it from my husband and began to resent him for even being around. Cutting off ties were the best thing I ever did. We have been married 8 years and I have never been more in love with my husband! My judgement about our love was clouded by the past and once I let the past go, I was able to focus on our future and it has been great ever since!