Helping Children Through Death

I don't know about different journals, but I think it is a wonderful idea. Maybe another idea is little letters or loose leaf stories to give them on their birthdays (depending, I guess, on how they handle coming to grips and realizing the death as permanent.) For instance, on their tenth birthday, slide a little sheet of paper in with their birthday card or what not that starts with "When your mother was 10..." and relate a story that you remember. Or make several scrapbooks...one for each year of her childhood, for her children to "keep" or look at as they grow up.

With them being so little, what about "buying" a star and naming it after their mother (maybe one for the lost baby too)...for now it might help them process it a little by being able to point of to the sky and say "Mommy is up there, with the angels, watching over you. And anytime you need to talk to mommy, you can find her right there." As they get older they may appreciate the commemoration.

I am so sorry about your loss. I work at a school and when we have had situations like this, Kara Grief Support has been really helpful. http://www.kara-grief.org/ They are in the SF Bay Area, but may be a good connection for you to start asking questions. They also may have local support suggestions.

After my husbands death(age 56) we had his friends and all the family members find whatever pictures they had with him in it and asked them to write about him from thier eyes. Then we compiled the book ourselves. We had family members on video just talking and telling stories about his likes and dislikes as well as his values and personal codes. We even had the family doctor do it and he told about what it was like tohave him in the office witha sick child or our son with Asperger's. We have a glass top table that we put different pictures in a collage type and all the grandchildren and our children adore it. I will keep them in my thoughts as this is going to be a hard year as they face so many firsts and experiances that the family will not understand. If there is a Kaiser near by they have a wonderful support group and you don't have to be a member to join. The Hospice program will have ideas of spport for the children. Circle of Care East Bay Agency in Oakland may have a resource as well to refer the family to. Having grandchildren that are 3 and 4 I know that they won't know what to ask or even talk about they will just want their mommy so I hope there is lots of family and friends that will love and treasure them thru this.

My prayers are with the family...and you. While I haven't personally seen a book like this, I thought of a few other suggestions.
My youngest sister was a year & a half when we lost our mom. She & I went through my family pictures and put them in a photo album together when she was older. I was able to share memories of our mom as well as use them to show what kind of person she was. My other suggestion is to make one yourself. Scrapbooks are getting easier & easier to make if you are not a scrapper yourself. Regardless, you can design pages of pictures of the mom with so many people. The people who are in pictures with her can write the journal for that page.
My heart hurts for all of those involved - no one should have to lose a parent so young!

We did something similar to this using just plain copier paper and plastic page protectors. We typed out a few prompts (The thing I most remember about your mom is... My favorite thing about your mom is... I first met your mom when... etc.) and sent them to everyone we could get an address for. We also asked each person to send copies of any photos they had of or with the person. Then we assembled them all in a big three-ring binder. This was more than 15 years ago and the books are still treasured (and intact.) You could make two copies of each page so that each child could have their own book. So sorry for the loss.

A.,
So sorry to hear about the loss....it is heart breaking!! I wish I had some advice, but the only thing I can think of is to tell those little ones that as long as they keep their mom & sibling in their heart, they are never gone. That is what we did with my 3 & 4 year olds when our cat died last month (I know it's not the same). Hoping this might help in some small way!
Prayers for this family!!!!

I will say a prayer...so hard and I'm sorry for your friend's loss.

Would something like this work? Maybe with a few adaptations..
http://www.amazon.com/Story-Lifetime-Keepsake-Personal-Me...

You might be asking a lot for the mother and sister to write things they must be devastated. I am assuming you plan on giving them a journal somewhere down the line. Also at a time when they are ready maybe they could dig up old pictures of the sister, even as sa chilkd, her kids would probably enjoy that to see their mom carefree and young. You could also make sure everyone is looked after emotionally that includes the dad, he lost his wife, mother of his children and his child, what could be worse? My heart breaks for that family I will say a prayer. You are a good friend.

I have a couple of journals that are along this line. "One is Reflections From a MOther's Heart." It is a journal but really at the top of each page is a thought provoking question like "What did your room look like when you were a kid?" Tell me about your first job. "What did you do to celebrate birthdays growing up?" There are also more thought provoking questions about faith and the like.
There is one for fathers. I think it is called A Father's Legacy. Same kind of questions but with more boy stuff thrown in. What was your favorite sport? Did you play an instrument?
This is info that may get lost in the shuffle of daily life and grieving of this magnitude but that someday the kids may want to know.
I believe I bought both of these books at CVS, formerly Longs but I'm sure Amazon has them.
Maybe you can find a similar book and begin filling it out with what you know for the kids.
There are grandmother books also so I assume there will be one that comes closer to meeting this need.\
So sorry for your loss.

Just a blank lined journal... is fine.
They can then write in it as they want.
The main thing being... that they journal.

ALSO though... it is important.... for them to grieve too.
When my Dad died.... 10 years ago, the only way my Mom processed everything and got help... was that she attended a community "grief support group." She met MANY good people there... grieving... for various losses in their life. It REALLY helped my Mom. She could not have done it by herself nor even with me helping her.
I would really suggest that... for your friend and her Mother.... it is really... key..... in healing and processing it all. My Mom... still attends the group... when she needs to. Even if it has been 10 years since my Dad died.
She made MANY friends there.... who all understood, HER and what she was going through.... grieving....

A journal... is one aspect of 'grieving.'

ALSO, her Husband... would benefit by a Grief Support Group... he is her Spouse, a Widow....now...... and with 2 young children. "Men" often do not know how to 'grieve'... and they keep things all pent up inside... I would really make SURE... that he is okay and not getting depressed.... it takes observation of him, closely.... to make sure he is okay... and that he can vent/express himself too... for HIS loss.
Not just the women.
Men... grieve in different ways.... keep that in mind. They get overwhelmed with it.... and don't know how to talk about it.
And sometimes, men are lost... as well.... in this process.
Just because for example, they may be silent about it or not talk about it... does not mean they are okay.

all the best,
Susan

Tear drop, hug and prayer for that family. I hope the older sister can be a M. for them. At that age, I would venture to say they know her and will miss having her around, but if they get the same model type support and care as their M. would give, in time they will get used to the new family. Kids are resilient and that journal is a great idea.

i don't know of specific journals but regular diary type journals would be fine. i will keep your friend and her family in my prayers. kisses to the little ones. if you have time, maybe offer to watch the kids and help them while the family grieves. so sad.

So sorry -and that's a wonderful idea that they will appreciate when they are older, I'm sure. If all else fails, get a large blank journal and decorate it yourself with picture of her and the baby. Best wishes to you and your family...

When they are ready down the line you might record them with video or at least audio going thru family photo albums and telling stories. Havingnlost my mother as an adult I treasure any video I can show them. Also have someone compile any video they have of their mother with them. Since I'll never see my mom with my kids we recently put old 8mm film of my mom on DVD and seeing her gold me as a baby was priceless for me to imagine her cherishing my children.

I mention the albums because so many little stories behind photos get lost and in my family my dad is horrible with details we find interesting. This way down the line they will also have footage of their grandmother for when their children (I know a long way off are older).

Obviously give them time before you suggest this, photos can be hard right now.