Help with the "Momma, Look at Me!'

Why do you wait until you have to yell to end it?

There is no reason to always give them attention all the time. Just tell them I don't have time now, but don't yell it.

I would talk with them, letting them know that there are some times when you can't look and won't respond. Then I'd consistently tell them, I can't look now or just a not now, every time they ask and don't look or answer in any other way. Eventually they will get the message that you won't look.

My grandkids do this in the car. My standard answer is, "I'm driving. I can't look." They stop after hearing that 2-3 times.

Play with them less.
Seriously, they should be able to entertain themselves and play well both together AND on their own.
They are used to your undivided attention so they expect it all the time.
No need to be mean about it, just say, mommy is reading now but you can show me later...or if you need a towel go ahead and get it...keep your eyes on your book.
It may take a little time and they may whine at first, just be consistent and they will move on to something else :)

Give them your attention for whatever amount of time. Tell them you will watch them or listen to them for a few minutes and then you have some things to do and they will have to go play. Then do it. Watch, listen and comment on it and hug them or whatever and then say it's now time for you to do whatever you need to do and send them off to play.

gotta love it :) don't worry, we've all been there. i think the key is to nip it in the bud before you're at your breaking point. look for opportunities for them to handle it themselves. in the case of the towel, "mommy i need a towel!" i would say, "then what do you need to do?" (this is twofold, because A. my son learns to get it himself, OR -depending on the task at hand, B. he learns instead of stating a fact "mom i need a towel!" he needs to ASK for help. i'm not a mind reader and he needs to ask when he needs something, not just complain or state something like i'm expected to jump up and do it for him. he can have the courtesy to ask nicely.)

the other thing i think is perfectly reasonable is to set them up with a game, some computer, or tv time and set a timer. a kitchen timer works great. even if it's just 15 minutes. tell them unless someone is bleeding they are not to come to you until the buzzer goes off. you can help them by not giving them the attention they want during that time. when they come to you (as they inevitably will at first), just say, "are you hurt? is something broken? then go back to your room/game/book/ etc".

i use that for "rest time" too. it's great!

My kids are now 5 & 9.
And they (still) do this too.
So, there is no 'cure' per say that stops it completely.
And because, kids LOVE telling their Mom... things.
She after all, knows everything and is the one kids go to for everything and anything.
They know, they can count, on Mommy.

YES.... it drives me crazy. I've been going through this for NINE years.
Even an infant, in their non-verbal stage, STILL calls for Mommy... via crying and whatever needs they have.
It is just that now, our kids are verbal and know how to actually talk, now.
I was just telling my Husband... that in fact. Because, ALL at one time, like 5 minutes ago... my Son/Daughter AND Husband... were all calling me all at the same time... to "come look...." at different things that they wanted to show me.
So, I had 3 people calling me at the same exact time... and I was totally just, going crazy.
So then, I didn't answer any of them. And I was busy... doing the dishes. I told them I am doing the dishes.

I told my Husband, I CANNOT... pay attention nor come, to 3 different people all at the same time in different parts of the house... and EACH of them were WONDERING WHY... I did not come AS SOON as they called.
So... how's that for going nuts?
Then Hubby will say "why are you so irritated?"
And my reply was "Because, YOU don't have a 24-hour pager on your forehead like I do, nor do YOU get called constantly every 5 seconds like I do... thus, you do not know how it feels.... day and night. THEN you wonder how come I can't relax?"
That... shut him up.

The point is: It is not just kids who call the Mom... it is ANYONE in the house including Husband.
AND, they ALL expect You... to come when beckoned, right away or to look right away at whatever they are calling you for.
AND it does not end.

They are competing with you for your attention. You're not alone. . If you know you've given each of them some time, don't feel guilty, just tell them "Mommy is busy right now, I will look at that later" and continue to ignore them or do what you're doing. Eventually they will find their own thing to do and learn to respect your time.

Don't children do that well!

Here's something you already know. Your job is to take care of your children and meet their needs. It isn't their job to take care of you and meet your needs. 'Nuff said. Meanwhile, the "look-at-mes" are - understandably - still driving you crazy.

Try NOT to raise your voice. Save raising your voice for when the house is on fire.

Some of it you have to put up with graciously. "Momma, momma, I love you!" Stop what you're doing for three seconds and run over and hug that girl and say, "I love you more!" Then you'll have to do it with the other girl.

Sometimes children want to validate themselves by knowing they have an audience. It's as if they're saying, "Momma, do I exist for you right now?"

Sometimes there's a little competition going on. If Big Sister can get Momma's attention by "momma-ing," then Little Sister will get more of Momma's attention the same way - but louder. It seems pretty obvious that the two-year-old is probably following the five-year-old. It could even have become a game they're playing, and when it gets a rise out of you, you're playing, too.

Some of it is just disciplinary. "Laurie, look at me so I'll know you're listening: if you need a towel, ask me *once*. I will hand it to you or show you where it is. Do not ask me twelve times." (If she tests you on that, you'll have to have a consequence already in mind.) Both your girls need to learn how to pay attention and listen to you.

Why not start your own game? "See the timer? Right now I'm taking a Momma rest. This is time for a Laurie rest and an Ellie rest, too. Rest your voices and your bodies. Let your voices only whisper. When the timer goes off, it will be show time! Each of you can show me three things. Then it's snack time, and after that you can start helping me with supper."

You might want to do that differently, but the idea is to play your own game instead, and to get yourself back in charge of the time. Perhaps having certain "show times" will give your girls some of the audience they want from you.

I don't know that your girls are old enough to be true showoffs, but some time when you're at the library, get Betty McDonald's HELLO, MRS. PIGGLE-WIGGLE, and read "The Showoff Cure." That's a problem you don't have, and you can smile about it.

hee! i so remember this!
i also tried ignoring, but it's a technique that will backfire. not only will it up the tempo and volume, it's just not a courteous way to treat your kids (and even through these maddening phases, they're learning how to behave from what we do, not what we say- or dont' say as the case may be.)
the best thing to do is to say 'i can watch you now! show me what you want me to see for X minutes (set a timer if necessary) and then i need to cook/scrub the toilets/read/garden/meditate.' then when they start yammering after the time is up, you just have to repeat until your head falls off 'i'm busy with something else right now'.
of course, with the understanding that you have to give 'em another 'watch everything' session in about 15 minutes.
it's very difficult to find the right balance during this phase. it's a good thing you clearly have a great sense of humor and writing skills!
:D
khairete
S.

Oh the art of boundaries. You need to set them now. Or you will be like another poster having her kids and husband wanting you to drop everything and come running.

Let your daughters know that you love them and play with them for 30 minutes in the morning. Then they can play with each other in their room(s) while you do household things If they are big enough and start the "Look at ME!" thing, have them help you clean the house. That might shut them up and they will learn about housekeeing.

We all need our own bubble/space and they have invaded yours to the point that you don't have any. They can learn patience and know that they are safe and that mom will be there. You make them feel safe and let them learn to explore they will come back. Learn to take "me" time even if it is a bath with the door locked.

Good luck. This phase too shall pass.

The other S.

PS Teach them now so that they don't continue this demanding pattern in life and into work.

Suzanna W. is right on, boundries are necessary it teaches the kids so much and there is a safe feeling when they know where the boundries are and that you will enforce the boundries you have set, you can't be wishy-washy, set your girls down and tell your girls the new rules, but first make such you know the rules you are making and that you will be able to enforce them, not knowing how to enforce the conseqences you set will be worse than where you are now, they will gain even more control if you fail at following through with what you say. Kids need to know you are a person of your word, what you say is what you will do and they will trust you more, (think of this in your own situation, don't you feel better taking to someone who is firm in their word and you know you can trust them to do what they say.) Kids are the same set your rules and also the consequence if they disobey the rules, and they will disobey to test you to see if you will keep your word. Be brave and strong for your girls they need that in their life to grow up in this world today. "Just Do It"
you will be happier and so will they.

mom, mom, mom, Yep, my son will repeat it over and over, and not just mom, dad, and his sister get it too. We counted him saying mom 42 times in a row once before his sister got up and gave him what he wanted. It is horrible, but we all yell at him after a while because it is annoying. I told him he can just say what he has to say, he doesn't need to say our names over and over first, but he still does it. I once told him I was changing my name and would answer him only when he figured out what my new name is. You know what he did, he started repeating my first name over and over.

I haven't figured out how to handle this, but I totally feel for you.

I am sooo there!
Some times it really makes me crazy! Specially if I am trying to have a conversation with my husband or my mom, both of my kids are calling me non stop!!!
I guess it just comes with the territory! ;)

You play with them and give them attention. Then when you are done, they aren't. How would they actually know you are done? Of course they get upset becaue you yell at them, put them down, and shame them all because YOU were done and they didn't get the hint. They are old enough to understand that you need time alone (especially the older one). Lay out clear expectations. They are obviously not neglected. They love you and love your attention but they don't know limits because they are not clearly laid out. I would not yell or punish them. Tell them what is going to happen and when you are done, tell them one more time, or whatever works for you, and then stick to it. Then if they are still pestering, answer and move on. Distract them with something, or eachother. If all else fails, put on the t.v.

Hugs! I feel your pain!

So glad i am not the only one! Imagine though that this is the car, they love doing this in the car!