How Do You Deal with the Constant "Mommy Play with Me"?

Does he have a friend you can invite over to play? That may sound like more work, but I always find it to be easier, because my kids are entertained by their friends and need less immediate attention from me.

Take several steps, all a little different, but the mixture can help decrease the "mommy" needs.

(1) Start calling other moms with four year olds or going to places like playgrounds, libraries, local parks, etc. where four year olds may go to play (since many go to a morning preschool, try catching them in the afternoon). Some children will get along with your son, and you can ask the mom if they can do a playdate (exchange phone numbers). It could be to repeat the trip to the same place (homes can wait a few more visits if you like).

(2) Get a ticking timer (the dial past 10 to set time sort of thing). Use the timer as your commitment to make time for your son. When your son asks you to play with him, tell him you can give him, ___ minutes (at least 5, at most 1 hour). Occasionally point out the timer ticking, "we still have time". Or, when the bell rings, wrap up the game or project (allow at least 3 minutes transition if there's clean-up or a new joint activity like both getting in the car for errands. If you want, you can tell your son that when there is 3 minutes left (before the ring), it'll be clean up time - and teach planning within parameters. Either style, respect the timer and the limits it sets.

(3) After two or three times with #2, use the timer to time his wait time before you can play. For example, "I need ten more minutes to finish what I am doing, then I can play until lunch (and set the timer)". If he interrupts, point out that the timer is still ticking, he needs to let you finish.

(4) Although you've noticed his invitations to play after your trip, it is a part of a stage around four years of age, to "play with mommy". This is your chance to be with your child and be able to cherish and share the time with him in later years. Good sportsmanship is best taught at this time, as well.

Playdates at your house are good :)

Set boundries right away. When mommy is cooking/cleaning/on the phone/etc. I cannot play with you. Show him a clock and the times you are doing these things so he knows what to expect. Give him alternatives like coloring etc to do while you are doing these things.

My son is only 2 1/2 but went through this type phase recently. I was always saying "just a minute" or "soon", etc. The day I switched to an honest "not right now, but I'll be there when I'm finished" he started playing by himself much more. I also had good results with having him help with dishes, laundry, dumping things in for supper, etc. Good luck.

i know exactly what youre going through!! my girls are 3 and 5, so im sure you can do this with your son... when you have housework that has to be done and he wants your attention, let him help you! not only will this constitute as 'mommy time', but it will help him learn responsibility, and playtime will be more productive... or if youre lucky, like i was with my 3 year old, he'll get super bored with it and decide he'd rather go play by himself ;)

something else i used to do, if have a neighbor who did or did not have kids, come over while i was doing housework, so the child is trying to get THEIR constant attention, not yours! this at least gives you a short break from the incessant 'mommyyyy! play with meee!', and gives you time to think!! GOOD LUCK!

My first thought is to ask him to help you cook and do laundry. My 5 year old (number 7 of 8 children) LOVES to help me out. Also he was home alone for 3 years and I was so not used to hearing "play with me" all the time. Generally in our home they had a sibling home to play with. I just let him help me do anything and everything. He could crack an egg all by himself before he turned 3 yrs. old. He also learned to wash his hands when he was finished or before he began cooking. Just yesterday he finally mastered our cordless can opener. I HAD things that needed done around the house. When I folded clothes he was right there with me. He loved doing dishes. I would wash and he would rinse.

We have to really "teach" our children how to entertain themselves. They are living in a time where the world is so ready to keep us busy with tv, video games, and computers. So if you are looking for some space may I make a few suggestions.

*Tape record you reading books to him. Then he can use the tape recorder along with the books all by himself. Make sure you make a special sound so he will know when to turn the page.
*Get him started on a project then leave to do your thing. Such as giving him a box of buttons to glue onto a paper or to make whatever he wants out of. Give him a box of craft supplies (just cheapy dollar tree stuff). Give him paper,glue, child scissors,googly eyes) Give him a project to paint (remind him to stay at the table until he is finished)
*blocks are wonderful. Ask him to build you a tower or house but you want it to be a surprise so you can't see it until it is finished.
*invite a friend over to play with him

Hope these help.
~Q.

Hi there J.! I think as mothers/parents, the battle of "play with me vs. housework/give me space" is always a tough one. I attempt to gain a sense of balance by setting the timer on my microwave. I'll set it for, say, 10 minutes while I'm cleaning up or "running the house" in some way. Once the timer goes off, I reset it for, say, 15 minutes and remind the kids that once the timer goes off, I have to do whatever until it goes off again. It seems to work pretty well.

Another thing you may want to try is to incorporate play with housework. Ask your child to help you cook something; my kids are master pourers and mixers :-)! Also, just yesterday, I was folding laundry on the floor while playing dollhouse with my girl. I'd jump in the "conversation" that the dolls were having and ask my daughter questions to keep things doing.

I know these don't necessarily solve the "give me space" issue but I hope these suggestions help a little.

Yep, every mom has this problem. That's why we have so much trouble concentrating. Every time I sit down at the computer, my girls want to sit on my lap, ask me questions about what is on the screen, ask me questions about life, type on the computer... It is so frustrating.

When I do house work, I give them a job. They have a little vacuum cleaner and broom/dustpan set. They love to help me clean. Yes, it takes a little longer, but it is so much healthier to have them trying to help than not. Give them a swiffer duster and they will go wild with it. Give them some pointers so it is helpful and entertaining. Praise them for helping you take less time working on cleaning (even if it isn't true). They will be proud and want to "help" again. 4 year olds can help with laundry. I hang most clothes because it keeps them looking nice and it's easy to rifle through them without making a mess. So, my daughter loves to help hang her shirts on little hangers. She also takes the piles of underwear and socks and puts them away in her drawer.

When I'm on the computer, I sometimes give them "homework" to do. I print out pictures to color or give them wipe off books with activities in them and dry erase markers. We have a little plastic desk now in our study so when Mommy needs to work, my 3 year old can do her "work".

Leggos are a great toy too. Ask them to build you something wonderful (or ask for something specific like a car, house, airplane, person) and set a timer. When the timer goes off, you will see what they have done. My daughters like to make picnics too. They take orders and then go set up a pretend picnic with the food you've requested. Sometimes I will stop what I am doing for 10 min and go sit and enjoy the picnic.

Everything takes longer with kids around. A 5 minute email takes me closer to 10 and I have to re-read it a few times to make sure it makes sense. Timers are wonderful because they know Mommy isn't just going to indefinitely make it longer. Also, do what you say. Take the break and see what they've done. Praise them for working so well on their own. Tell them you need to have Mommy work time and that is their "Johnny work time". Let them feel older and important. My kids like to make cards for people. Give them some crayons and a folded piece of paper and let them go to town. Then you can teach them how to address an envelope and put the stamp on. They are learning and it gives you a few minutes. Save on stamps and let them put a sticker there instead and walk it over to a friend or neighbor.

Good luck and just remember, they are only small for a short while. Pretty soon they will be interested in everything around them and you'll have to fight for their attention. Try to savor it while maintaining your sanity. They grow up fast. My oldest is in Kindergarten now and I feel like I have very little time with her now. I try to get my "work" done before she gets home because I don't want to miss that "mommy play with me" time :)

Liz

My son is only almost 2, so I don't have experience with a 4yo, but my first thought (as others have said) is to have him help you with your housework. Even if it takes you a bit longer to get something done, he feels included and you can make a fun game of it, too!

Good luck!

Have you tried taking him to a mommy play date? You can look on meetup.com for groups in your area. I find that if the boys get to play with other kids at least once over the weekend, they seem happier with playing with themselves longer. Good luck! I'm so sick of, "momma, you wanna play trains," that I could scream! :)

My 6 y/o daughter does this to an extent too. If she doesnt seem to be taking, "not now" for an answer, I tell her what I have to do FIRST and give her a time frame. Then I give her a time frame of how long I will play with her.
We use the cell phone alarm clock to set a timer. When the timer goes off, she knows her time is up. This works for the park too, or anything! Like when we go to the mall and she wants to do something that only applies to her, we set the cell phone alarm. It works wonderfully!
But if you tell your son that you PROMISE to play with him but you need to x y z first and give him a time limit of when youll play, he should begin to understand that. You can also set him up to play something while you do xyz, like if you're cooking, give him playdough at the table so you're at least in the same room. Then when you're ready, give him his time you promised but again set the alarm. It sounds like all he needs is clear cut structured rules around playime.
Good luck !

I would say play with you kid as much as possible. If you are doing something and can't at that time just involve your child with what you are doing. It has nothing to do with you actually playing with them. They are just asking for your time. I would say GIVE IT!!! He is just telling you in his own way. Mommy, I love you! Who wouldn't want that!

WOW! All I can say is WOW! People suggesting you set a schedule where playing with your kid is built in for 30 mins in the morning and 30 mins in the afternoon or setting a timer for 15 mins of play time. What did you have kids for? Really?!?! I mean I hate to sound harsh but dang. Yes there are times I need to do something like cook, give another kid a bath, change a diaper, something but for the most part if my kids want to play we play. Often they just want to be in the same room as me. So my oldest might want to play with me or just be happy if I am watching him play something. So I can still do what I need to and watch him to keep him happy. Or I have them help me with stuff if all they need is attention. I figure my kids are only young for a short time and I am going to enjoy it as much as I can. This is not directed at the OP as it seems she does spend as much time as possible with her kid but to some of the rest of you, you might want to sit back as think what your kids will say about their childhood in 15 years. You really want them to remmeber that they got to play with mommy between 10 and 10:30 then 4 and 4:30?

I have had the same problem recently. My older daughter was home with us all summer so my 3 year old had a playmate. Once school started and she lost her sister she wants me to fill in. I did for the first month or so but got really frustrated. Someone suggested I set up a schedule so my daughter would know what to expect. Built into the schedule is time (about 30 minutes to an hour every morning and any afternoon that we are home) devoted to playing together. I focus entirely on her for that period of time doing whatever activity she chooses. She still asks me to play other times but not as much and I don't feel as guilty about neglecting her as I know I am not.

I'm taking a parenting class right now called Becoming a more Encouraging Parent. So this is partly from that.

Have "Special Time" every day. For 15 minutes or so a day. He gets to choose the activity. Set a timer and during that time your focus is solely him, don't answer the phone and try no to let your mind wander:) This is time that cannot be taken away for punishment. It is his special time.

Then tell him you have to do XYZ. Give him some choices of what he can do on his own. Then you may have to do some ignoring.

I agree with the below responses, and would expand on the schedule idea. I started taking tips from SuperNanny when the kids would drive me crazy with too much free time on their hands and they would constantly be asking for things....so I devised a schedule and hung it up on the wall, and even let them help me make it - my issues were more - "Can I have a snack?" or "Can I watch TV now." So, I had meal times, snack times, outside times, game times, TV times, worksheets times, etc. I would print of coloring pages and activity sheets from the Internet (especially in summer to prepare for the next grade, in your case Kindergarten). The kids felt like they were playing school, and it helped me to get my work done...and I would let them help me cook dinner, etc...and I would take them out for walks, etc. But if I had to rush through dinner, I would tell them they can can stir something else and then it will be time for them to do something else (puzzle, game, etc). And 'help' is a big thing - tell them it would really be a big help to you if they could set the table with the napkins, or clean their room, etc....