Help with Motherless Cousin

If his father does not know tell him and get his father to get him some help ASAP. Cutting is not a good thing and it could be missing his mom, new girlfriend, or something else. It does not matter. Get him to see someone quickly. Good luck and he is lucky to have a concerned relative.

I am very sorry for your loss and for what you are going through. Cutting for a teenager is always difficult to address and deal with. I would first recommend that you try talking to your uncle if you feel that it is an option. You will need his help and involvement in getting help for your cousin. If he is willing to help I would recommend taking him to see his physician (they can be very helpful in these types of matters). If your uncle is unwilling to listen or to help I would speak to your cousin's school counselor and see how they might be able to help. Many times they just want and need someone to talk to outside of their world. Someone that they can be completely honest with without any worries of judgement or punishment. This is VERY serious and I am glad that you are close enough to him to notice this behavior. I would say that whatever you decide to do, the sooner you address this behavior the better. Be very careful when addressing this issue directly with him. Cutting is a behavior of self inflicted pain, it is about punishment for the person who is doing it for guilt or for things that they feel they have done wrong on an internal level. If someone address this in an accusatory manner then it could make things worse instead of better.
Good luck and I hope that everything works out for all of you.

J.

Sorry about your loss and about the pain your cousin is going through. My daughter cut too. Counseling really did help. With my daughter it lasted about 5 months. Everyone is different, my daughter's friend has been under counseling for a 1 1/2 years but she is also on meds. She was first able to resist for one month. Now she is at 150 days. Insurance usually pays for some. About the only thing that got me through is remembering that cutter's are generally not suicidal. Please see if his dad can get him to a counselor. If not perhaps you can or can guide him to another behavior when he is hurting. It can become a habit as it releases endorphin. Hopefully schools have started a program (I don't think so) as another daughter (never a cutter) knows 13 students who cut.

I'm really sorry about the loss of your aunt. Whether your cousin is cutting himself because of the death of his mother or some other reason, it is somthing to be addressed and the sooner the better.

I am not a health care provider, but I do know that people cut themselves because the perceived "release" makes them feel better. To continue to feel better they have to cut themselves more.

Contact a counselor at his school. I don't know what kind of parent notification they may have. If they can see the cutting, they may be able to take action without it. They certainly should be able to tell you what your options are.

Hang in there, be there for your cousin and continue to let him know that you are there for him, love him, and there are other ways to feel better.

This is not going to be "fixed" easily.

Good luck!

Talk to his father and help him to understand that his son is in dire need of counseling. He is in great pain and needs professional help. My prayers are with you and your cousin.

Good Morning A., I am so very sorry for your loss. I would get your cousin in theraphy or counseling as soon as possible. Children can do some strange things but with loosing his mom, and dad having new interest can take its toll. He is cutting himself to bring either More pain then loosing his mom or to block out that pain.

This is very serious A., get him help as soon as possible.

God Bless you, I will be praying for you and your cousin.
K. Nana of 5

very tough situation. I would ask him if he wants to live with you? If he's against it I wouldn't bring him in the house with my kids. What does your husband think? A stable home would be good. But the years ahead could be rough. 15, 16, 17, 18??? I would probably do it if I thought it would help.

God Bless you,
L.

One of my good friends in high school cut herself. She said that it was the only way to express all the pain she had inside... that it felt good to see her blood flow. It scared me. She needed and got help. Your cousin needs help, too. Talk to his dad. Talk to his school counselor. Talk to your cousin, if you have that kind or relationship, and see what's going on. See if he's willing to get help. He needs to know, first, that it's not normal. And he needs to want to get help.
Good luck. This is very painful. You are in my prayers.

It's hard to know what is causing your cousin to cut himself, but generally it's not a suicidal impulse. It's a way of relieving overwhelming pain and/or guilt. I would think losing his mother would be enough to cause pain, without his dad having a new interest. He definitely needs help though.

I know people thing counseling is expensive, but most insurance companies cover it now. My granddaughter went when she was having some problems and we only paid a $15 co-pay each time, usually they just need someone to talk to and tell them that they are too precious for anyone to hurt even themselves (we worried about her cutting herself too). He needs to know how much you value him, maybe if you let him stay with you some weekends and let him know how much you value him, do things with him, talk to him not about cutting himself unless he brings it up, but about what he does that you're proud of, how proud his mother would be. Sometimes a father only has time to be a parent, he doesn't have time to communicate well. Good Luck!