Ok Mamas, Here goes. I have an awesome hubby. He's a great guy, good daddy and all the important stuff. However, we have had to deal with a fairly good amount of heavy duty drama with our extended fam this year. In fact, it's been so bad that some of the fam aren't even talking to us. Now, this isn't for small petty issues, it's for really big possibly life changing things. (such as theft, criminal charges etc) So the problem is this: We're still in the same boat as we were when all the drama went down. I can't seem to get my hubs to make some sort of decision on what to do about the drama one way or another. (we got stuck in the middle of it, knowing WAY more than we ever wanted too, so now were sorta responsible for our knowledge) Now, honestly, I can say that I have teetered both directions on this thing too, but the truth is, the drama doesn't just effect us, but there are children involved as well. So, I'm not saying I know what the right thing to do is (other than prayer) but what I am saying is either we decided to do SOMETHING or NOTHING...but either way I want to know. And right now, he doesn't seem to want to commit to either something or nothing. How can I get it across to him that this needs to be taken care of or forgotten? (not that I can really forget, but I'll try....) Any positive advice? Thanks!!!
Actually he has made his choice. HIs choice is to do nothing. Space does help with drama. Gives eveyone to step back, rethink and regroup
Sometimes men are much more logical than we are so you kind of have to listen to what he's saying. Time generally fixes some issues so you don't have to make a pat decision on your own.
I've found that once the cat is out of the bag you really never can go back to the way things used to be, you just have to adapt to the new normal and adjust.
It seems to me that he's going with the nothing option. Let it all sit and shake out for a while before you make any decisions. Wait and see is always a good option.
File what you know away for a while. That doesn't mean forget. It means just file it... Take the lessons you've learned and move on.
LBC
Do what is best for you and YOUR family first.
Weigh the pros and cons for each senario (something vs nothing) and see how each will affect your family.
Your husband may not doing anything now, in 6 months, in a year, in 5 yrs...you might have to take the lead on this one and make a decision for what's best for your brood.
gl
Drama sucks. I try to avoid it, personally.
But, I also hate the SOMETHING or NOTHING choice because sometimes things aren't always that easy. It's not always so cut and dried, so black or white, so up or down. When there is absolutely no room for anything in the middle, no gray area, no compromise, and possibly no turning back, that's never easy.
I don't know for sure what you are talking about, but it sounds a bit more complicated than deciding between lasagne or liver with onions for dinner.
I'm sure your husband is weighing things heavily. If you trust him to make the right decision, give him time to think it through.
Best wishes.
I know in my marriage my husband can think clearer then I can in these types of situations lol! I am more of a hot head and and I have to have the last word (not always a good trait). I'm not the type to just let things go, I am a fixer, and I have learned from my husbands calmness that sometimes things can't be fixed. Before I react to anything I always go to my husband for advice because most times he can calm me down, and sometimes if justified I will go ahead and do what I need to do, or say what I need to say. On the flip side sometimes he is just tooooo calm lol!! For the most part men do not seem to get as emotional, or as involved as we do in drama and because of that sometimes they can see clearer in these situations. It seems to me that your husband has made his decision, and in order to not cause further drama for both of you I would go with his lead. Family drama sucks, but sometimes less is more, and although your intensions are good it may make it worse. I would make it clear to all parties if they bring it up that you have chosen to stay out of things and no longer wish to be in the middle. Good luck!!
My advice would be that sometimes you can't force an issue, or make a person decide before they are ready. I think wait and see is a valid response, you say that you are not directly involved with the drama, just stuck in the middle because of the knowledge you have of the situation. I don't think that necessarily makes you responsible to act on that information. As long as you know enough to be able to keep your family safe, stay out of it and let the dust settle let the chips fall where they may so to speak. Mybe you should try to support your husband wherever he is in the process of working through this. He's not ready to do something, nd not ready to forget about it yet. You could be his sounding board, he probably doesn't need added pressure from you in this difficult situation. God Bless, keep up with the prayers, that's the best thing to do.
Is the family drama with your side or his side?
-- If it is your side you have to decide what to do.
-- If it is his side he has to decide what to do.
When making the decision yes talk it over with each other but if the other one does not want to make a choice reguarding the others family do not press it and do what you think is best for your family (hubby, yourself & kids).
If there is ever family drama on my side I deal with it, I do talk it over with my hubby but in the end I am the one dealing with it.
If there is ever family drama on hubby's side he deals with it, he always talks to me first and then deals with it on his side.
Look at your vaules, what would you do if you were in that position, or one of your kids were in that position. Some times tough love is the best way to deal with drama, maybe that person causing all the drama will mature.
Don't know the full story. Am a little confused on whose side of the family the drama took place. In any case if it's a serious matter and it really needs to be addressed can you speak to a psychologist about it? Meaning you and your husband so that you can get a solution out of this. How about your priest if the psychologist sounds too much. It's better to keep friends out of this because gossip doesn't take too long to travel. Sorry this is the best I could do.
Be well
