Help!! I Don't Know What Else to Do!

It isn't necessarily a "boy" thing because I have a daughter who tried to act the way you describe. First, I removed her from gymnastics class, right in the middle of class, and told her we would not be staying since her behavior was unacceptable. I explained the behavior that was expected and she tried the class again the next week. As soon as she started acting up again, I marched into the gym and gently grabbed her little hand and led her out to the car and we left. From that day on, she had excellent behavior in class because she knew that we would leave if she didn't. I also told her that if the bad behavior continued I would stop classes altogether because it was a waste of my time and money. At 4 almost 5 they understand actions and consequences. The days that she had behavior that exceeded my expectations she was rewarded and it was explained to her why she was getting the reward. I praised her other days, don't get me wrong, but those days where she really shined, she got a special reward.

Hope this helps.

As a long time nanny and preschool teacher, I've dealt with kids in all behavior brackets!! You only mention positive reinforcement... I hate to be the bad guy here, but if that's not working, shouldn't you consider using consequences for bad behavior? In my home, my kids are expected to behave. If they have a great day, they are rewarded with praise and dessert after dinner. But being obedient and kind is EXPECTED. If they are directly disobedient, there are immediate consequences. Time-out, toys being taken away, leaving the place where we are having fun, etc. If I had been in your shoes at the Gymnastics class, I would have removed my son from gymnastics. Kids only do however much they KNOW they can get away with. I truly believe that the children that are well behaved have a healthy balance of positive reinforcement and consequences. If you are EXPECTING him to be bad but rewarding him if he surprises you, then you're fighting a losing battle. EXPECT him to be obedient and have consequences when he's not. Good luck... I hope that things turn around soon!!

I am a SAHM of 4 boys, and I can assure you that boys are definitely a breed of their own! They can be so wonderful one day and completely challenging the next. While what your son is doing sounds "typical", I think you are wise to want to nip this behavior in the bud. It will just get worse as time goes on. Kevin Leman is a child expert in Tucson who has written many wonderful books on child rearing -- I LIVE by his books and can tell you that his advice is practical, sound and easy to follow -- best of all IT WORKS. I would recommend reading either "Making Your Children Mind Without Losing Yours" or "Have a New Kid By Friday". I have both of them and they are similar in content, but each worth reading. I know you will find answers to your questions in either one of these books. Good luck with your little guy!

Check out the MAGIC 1-2-3 cd/dvd/book program. It's full of lots of great ideas that work quickly.

Positive reinforcement is just one angle. Removing him from such wonderful opportunities, like gymnastics, is totally fine too. Take him to the the park instead to get his wiggles out. Especially while hot out. Once you tell him he can only return to the gym if he respects the instructor, he'll be begging to go back to escape the heat.

Good luck!

Do you have any consequences for his bad behavior? Have you tried time out or removed him from the group? If there are no consequences for his bad behavior then why should he stop?

Looks like it's time for some negative reinforcement. Bring on the punishment! Your son needs to have some consequences for his horrible behavior.

Been there, done that! I had the same problems with my boy and found the answer in Your Four Year Old by Ames. It is an old book--my son is now 25! But it really zeros in on the issue--4 year olds operate out of bounds. They are testing limits and doing it repeatedly. If you can just change your response to it, everything will get easier. Good luck!

All I can tell you is continue doing what your doing. My son went through the same thing. His is now almost 6 and just recently started acting better. I don't know if it's because he started kindergarten or he's just out growing the behavior. I went though the same thing, neither positive or negative reinforcement helped. They are trying to assert themselves. Just hang in there. It will get better, I still have episodes with my son, but not to the extent that they were at. The one thing I have found that does work is a time out chair and a timer. It gives time for both of you to calm down. Make sure he can see the timer or he will want to get up and keep checking the time. Usually my son is better behaved after his stint on the chair. As far as your training, I have noticed one thing, kids respond better to others then their own parents. I speak from experience. My friend can make him listen better and he responds more to her discipline then mine.

Since positive reinforcement isn't working, have you tried the opposite? When he does exhibit bad behavior, maybe he should LOSE a privilege/toy/prize?
Good behavior is an expectation and maybe if he learns that there are consequences for bad behavior, he might start listening more. Rewarding good behavior and leaving bad behavior unpunished creates a child that does not appreciate consequences, i.e. his apathy at not getting stamps at gymnastics. Maybe if he continues to misbehave in gymnastics, you tell him, there will be no more gymnastics?