Need Success Stories and Tips for Using Reward Charts!

My older two (6 and 4) are really good (thanks to book "Back to Basics Discipline" by Janet Campbell Matson) We've never done charts. But recently, for "fun" I've started offering a treat at the end of the week to whoever was generally most helpful during the week. That way, if they're reluctant to do something, I can say, "Hmmm, who will get the..." and they both rush to action because their basic foundations are set and they are coopertive. Before now, they never got a single reward for expected behavior.

Rewards aren't always effective at stopping defiance. They're nice, but they often don't deter bad behavior because they don't offer serious consequences. My friends have found that the rewards are fun at first, but after a while, the kid gets a "So I don't get a sticker, so what?" attitude. Plus since they are kids with happy plentiful homes, they still get nice stuff all the time regardless of their behavior or the charts. Just some pitfalls you may want to look out for.

If his disposition is SUPER easy going, then maybe positive incentive is all he needs, but if he's pretty darn defiant, I think this is too lax. "removing a sticker" isn't very harsh for a five year old boy (and you're right, it will get way worse as he gets older if not stopped). My spirited four year old boy would not care about a sticker removal or "lack" of sticker.

I would rein in the constant battles with something tougher (it's not nipping it at five, it's late in the game), and then add in rewards for fun if you want.

I don't have any advice. I just want to say that I often feel like being a parent is being a parrot. You will be repeating yourself a LOT over the years, you might as well to get used to it. Adding a point system to an already annoying situation would just make it more tedious IMO :(

I agree with Mamazita that this whole thing sounds very tedious. I've never done rewards like this for my daughter. It goes against what I understand about motivation in children (and adults, actually). Points and rewards quickly have a diminishing return. Read the book "Drive" by Daniel Pink to truly understand intrinsic (internal) motivation and how much of what we do in school, home, and later the workplace kills the motivation we were born with.

At five, I would expect to repeat myself and remind a child of expected behavior. Nothing you mention seems out of line for five year-old behaviors. Tell him immediately when he does something good - a positive word from Mom means more than a sticker. And make the "punishment fit the crime" when he is outwardly defiant.

And if not putting on shoes at first request is defiance, then my 10 year-old excels at defiance ;-) These things don't have to always be a battle. It helps if I instead focus on the reason we are leaving, to help us get out the door. I've taken her to stores that allow touching, because this is something kids love to do. Explaining that a fat, or sick, dog is not a happy dog can work.

You may want to read the book "How to Talk so Kids will Listen, and Listen so Kids will Talk". The authors have some simple straightforward advice for situations like those you mention.

Wel, I am starting this too - My plan is:
Each item, each day gets a star, so many stars get a reward, like 10 stars= 60 min video game time
OR I am looking at him being able to "Bank" it for a larger thing like a day at the Zoo 100 stars. We are going to use the Mellissa & Doug chart - bought from amazon. I am sure that as it goes adjustments will be made and ideas will form. Interested to see what suggestions are made here.

I did successfully do a chart for potty training - 1sticker each time (2 for #1and2) once he got 10 stickers he got a prize in his mailbox - all bought from the dollar store - took a week to potty train 100% ;) OHHH and before we did the chart it was a BATTLE ROYALE!

It's mostly about staying positive and using encouragement... the reward is just sort of an accessory.

They are older so you can get away with something that has specific tasks that they get to acheive. Right now we have two columns "to do" and "done" with a line of "stars" at the bottom. Each day our son has to do certain tasks and each one he completes he moves the magnet to the "done" column. At the end of each day he puts a "star" (magnet) in a square at the bottom if he's done all his tasks IN AN AGREEABLE FASHION (without a giant fight). When he gets five "stars" he gets a "surprise".

Below is my reply to another question (about tantrums) and our general approach to rewarding good behavior and how we started using the system, which you'll see has changed a bit. Good luck!
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We have been having some new discipline issues with our three year old and have created a rewards chart that actually has been really great.

Great for him because it keeps him motivated and proud and reminded etc.
It kind of takes care of the discipline issue on its own because A) NOT getting to put a sticker on the chart BECOMES the punishment, and B) you don't have to punish as often because they're motivated to use the chart.

Great for us because it reminds us to keep up on the POSITIVE side of discipline vs. negative. To punish after something has already happened is SO MUCH harder. If you CONSTANTLY keep cheering their good behavior on, you will see a difference. Sometimes it feels excessive to give a kiss or a high five for every little cooperative/good thing they do or bad thing they choose not to do, but it really keeps them on the good behavior end of the spectrum.

With tantrums, it may be a little trickier since they are so impulsive, but I think if she's motivated and if you have the "stop to think before acting" talk, it could work. Be very specific about what the chart is about before you start using it so it's clear to her how she will earn stickers. You probably will have to be a little more conciencious about rewarding for missed tantrums... like maybe if you see a situation where she had the potential to be upset or even whine about something and wasn't/didn't, give a sticker. May have to be more often/overly generous in the beginning so she gets the picture.

Also, we very liberally us the chart as reminders - i.e. "do you think you will get a sticker on your chart if to throw that toy at my face?" It works! You could use the same reminders at the beginning of tantrums or things you might know are triggers.

You can research an age/personality appropriate system for your child and maybe even tantrum specific tips. I found lots of stuff online, including Dr Sears' site. We use a simple but cute chart I found online and just printed it for free. (You can make them too!) It has the numbers 1 - 10 and he gets to put a sticker on a number when he has been a good boy. When he gets to 10 he gets a special surprise. (In the beginning you can introduce a smaller reward halfway through if you think she needs it.) It can be a toy, outing/activity, favorite food.... doesn't have to be object based. You can even give them a choice of things if you want to empower them even more. He usually gets 1-2 stickers on his chart per day. Rewards charts need to be age appropriate and the younger they are the more often they need a star so they can see they are moving up the chart - esp. in the beginning. That said, he often get as much pride by our constant high-fives and kisses for his good behavior. With time I think they become a little less reliant on the chart and the good behavior just comes more naturally. Then you can change the "goal" of the chart to be specific to something else she may need to work on.

You might try to really 'set the stage' for her. Talk about it beforehand, let her help design it, pick the stickers etc... get her really excited so she'll take a lot of pride in it. You can even save the completed charts for her to look at and show friends and family and/or take photos of her enjoying her "surprise" and put it next to the next chart for extra motivation. Right now we have two different designs. I may add more designs since he gets such a big kick out of that alone, it seems like a great way to keep him motivated.

Also, at this age most people say to never take away stickers that they've earned because it sends the wrong message and gets back to the negative end of the spectrum. We have done it only one time when he was being absolutely nuts, but in hindsight I feel like it was an impulse move on my part and not appropriate/helpful.

Sorry so long-winded! ;) We just started and are seeing good results so it's pretty exciting. Mainly for me, it's a great way to keep us parents in the habit of using positive reinforcement to avoid the bad behavior all together.

With my kids, I use the point system. 1 pt is equal to .50 cents. They get one point everytime they do a chore. The chore is anything that i request and sometimes things they do on their own. I mark the points on a white borad. The points add up over two weeks and then I pay them allowance on how many points they earned.However there is a catch, They get a point or two taken away if they are disrespectful or do not follow the rules in our house. It really has worked for me. My kids usually are good kids too but there are those random times that they need to learn thier difficult behavior can compromise their rewards as well.

I've tried reward charts and sticker charts, point systems etc. They are all way too tedious and end up being more work than their worth! Plus my daughter got the attitude that she deserves a reward for ALL good behavior. I didn't want to have to give her some kind of reward every time she did something that was expected. She also needs instant discipline at the moment she did something wrong. Waiting for the reward until the end of the day or week didn't change any behavior. Instead she'd be disappointed at the moment she didn't earn what she expected and we'd have tears at the end of the week, but no behavior change.

My daughter has a checklist of her daily chores in a plastic sheet and she checks them off with a dry erase marker. Her instant reward is TV time at the end of the night. If her chores are not complete, she has to finish her chores instead of watching TV. As soon as her chores are done, she can watch TV until bedtime. She learned very fast to get her chores done during the day.

Much of what I have done (and it's taken a while to work it all out!) is I've learned to work WITH her personality. This cuts down drastically on defiant moments.

I have learned she works well with a "heads up" on many things. I tell her she has 5 more minutes of playtime. This has helped reduce her not listening when I say playtime is over. I used to set a timer for 5 more minutes and when it went off she was done. When she brought me the timer at the end of the 5 minutes I rewarded her with praise.

I have learned she needs to do all chores before playtime, as soon as she starts playing she doesn't want to stop and then she's sullen when asked to do chores.

I "race" her to get ready to leave. I tell her if I win, I get to listen to what I want on the radio in the car. If she wins, she gets to pick. Making it fun adds an element of "game" to it and she is more likely to respond.

And I just learned about this from something I saw online and I wish I had thought of it when my daughter was younger! "Store Bingo" You get a bingo card (that you can print out or make yourself) that fits in a plastic bag. You can check off the items you see in the store with a dry erase marker and re-use the sheets. There are ones for grocery store, mall, etc. It gives the kids something to do while in the store. I do try to reward good behavior in the store because let's face it, the kid doesn't have a choice! They have to go with you and it's boooooring. I always reward for good behavior in the store.

Mostly I suggest also stating the behavior you want and the consequence that will happen if your son doesn't comply. You can also state the reward if there is one.

"Junior, I need you to put your toys away so we can leave to go to the store. I am going to count to 20, and if your toys are put away by the time I get to 10 then I will give you a sticker! If they are not put away by the time I get to 20, I will put your toys in timeout for the week."

Good luck!