Help! Explaining and Helping Children Grieve the Death of a Loved One.....

Hello P.. I am sorry for your loss. My sister's Mother in Law passed away last May at 52 of a 7 year battle with cancer. My nephew was about to be 4 at the time. It was a very(and still is)sad thing because he and his "Nana" were very close(as we all were to her). Kadyn has done well but he has times even recently when he will wake up crying bc he misses Nana or even talk constantly aboiut her. What my sister did was tell Kadyn that Nana was going to be in Heaven, but she could always see him and she was always in his heart. She told Kadyn he could "talk" to Nana any time he felt he needed to. They pray at night and always tell God to tell Nana hi and they miss her and love her. But the main thing is that he knows he can still talk to her whenever he thinks he needs to and that she is always his angel watching over him. This has really helped him cope with not having Nana "there" anymore. Kadyn also got his special books from Nana's house so he and Mom can read those at any time. I would just assure your child(ren)that their Grandmother is always watching out for them and always in their hearts. I do hope that this helps you in any way as it is never easy to lose a loved one.

Good Morning P. A,

I am so sorry for your loss.

My family and I have had to live through the passing of every grandparent and parent that my husband and I have so, needless to say, we have had to explain more than once. Our Oldest son, now 20, was 8 when my mother passed away and he was very close to her. He knows the Lord as his savior and he did then so, he already knew what had happened to my mom and where she would spend eternity. Fast forward to 2004 & 2005 when my MIL and My daddy, who my oldest son is named after passed away within 8 months of each other. Our now 7 year old was 3 & 4 at the time. We explained to him that Grandma and Papa's had to go live with Jesus in Heaven and that even though we would miss them that we would see them again someday because, of the assurance that we have through salvation in Jesus Christ. If your children have been raised in church they are most likely hearing the story of Jesus each week. You just have to explain it on their level and help them to work through it. Tell them that if they have any questions to please ask you and you will try and help them to understand. Luckily for our family we did not lose anyone unexpectedly but, no matter how long you have expected the possible death of a loved one it is never easy to let go of them.

Again, I am sorry for your loss and I hope that this will maybe help you in some way to explain.

Blessings,
J.

Last year when my mother-in-law died, we bought several books to try to help our almost 5-yr-old understand what was happening and to help her find the words to express her grief and questions. The best of all the books we got was The Next Place by Warren Hanson. It is beautifully written without any religious biases. I hear my daughter regularly using prases from the book when she talks about missing her Granny.

We had to explain to my 3 year old son about death before Thanksgiving when we went to visit my Granddad who is in a nursing home and new there was a chance that he'd pass away while we were there. We talked about how when people die they go to live with Heavenly Father (GOD) and Jesus and that when we die we will get to see them again. With this weekend being Easter, explaining about Christ's death and resurrection could help with that. My son understands (as much as a 3 yr old can) about that part of Easter. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (aka mormons) and they have a website which might be able to help you with this if you are interested. It's www.mormon.org. You don't have to worry about the religion being forced down your throat, but it may be able to answer some questions and help you through this time of loss in your life. They have a chat room where you can ask questions and get answers from real people with no obligation to hear more than what's discussed there. THey will probably ask you if you want to hear more, but there should be no pressure involved.
I'm sorry for your loss. Good luck with helping your children understand. They are very impressionable at this age and hopefully a good explanation will stick with them and help them. It's important for them to understand that it's okay to miss them and that it's okay to cry about it, (and possibly to see you do that too) but letting them know they can see them again after we die should be comforting to them, even if it (death) is still a LONG way away.

Wow, P., this is a hard one. My perspective may be a bit different because I am not one that finds much comfort in the idea of heaven-- I have dealt with much loss in my life, but i'll tell you about the ones that my children were affected by. My grandmother (who I was very close to and even lived with for a few years) passed away when my daughters were 1 and 2, almost 3. We too were on a trip, interviewing for a job, and rushed home. My grandmother was in the hospital for a few days before she passed, and my girls were terrified. They would latch on to us and cry at the sight of her. The funeral helped them to understand that she was gone. Since they were younger, they didn't react so harshly afterward-- but they would speak of her every now and again and still do--sometimes out of the B.. When my dad (their paw-paw, "scooby do":) passed away on Christmas day of 2006. They were 6 & 5 at the time. We had been up for Thanksgiving, and the girls again were afraid of him b/c at that time, he was sick and in bed. They did have ice cream with him, which is my last memory of the girls with him. They were very inquisitive about what had happened. I was a mess, and we all cried. But after the tears, my husband and I sat them down and asked them what they thought had happened to paw-paw. They had some hard questions about creation and death, and we used it as an opportunity to teach. They did research on the computer and shared with us their thoughts on death and all of those grown up philosophical questions that we never stop pondering. The thing that affects them most is worrying about their maw-maw, who is now alone. We talk about being healthy and being independent and about living our best lives. They also expressed fear in us (their parents) growing old, and that was a hard one to deal with too. I don't sugar coat death-- it is absurd to me that people are born to eventually one day die. We establish these deep connections with the knowledge that they will one day be physically severed. When a loved one dies, they do take a piece of us with them. With our situation, we have 2 examples for our girls: a grandmother who lived a full 92-year life vibrantly, and a grandfather that left us at 69 after suffering for a decade with smoking-related illnesses. Our kids will hopefully learn from these experiences, as dealing with death is part of life... it isn't fair that these kids have to mourn so young in their lives-- all we can do is give great big hugs and keep the memories of our loved ones alive through photographs and discussions of who they were and how they shaped our lives. Deepest condolensces.

I'm sorry for your loss. Last year we lost my grandfather and my father-in-law within a few months of each other. Two books I thought were fabulous in helping my 6 year old deal with things - "Tear Soup" a beautiful picture book about dealing with loss on any level, great for any age; and "Help Me Say Good-bye" is an art therapy book where you discuss the loss and draw together. Just a note, there is a religious reference in "Tear Soup" and no reference in the other book. Not knowing where your family stands, you will want to read through both books first and make adjustments as needed.

I found them both on Amazon. There's also a website www.tearsoup.com that had lots of info on grieving.