Heartbroken Teen

My daughter had the same thing happen to her when she was 15. To her it was the end of the world so I respected that. Just remind him that you are his greatest cheerleader no matter what and that you are there for him when he is ready to talk. My daughter did and still handles things by staying away from everyone and just works it out in her head. I have learned not to intrude when she is in process mode and somehow she manages to make sense of it all. Just stand by with a hug an kind words. He has to find his way of making sense of it in his own mind. Do watch out for him though, emotions can get the best of them. Hugs for you, stay strong for his sake. <3

I think dating that young is TOO young. It makes them so dependent 1) On another person for puppy love 2) Are not mature enough to handle it 3) They don't really know what they have done to be hurt so badly 4) It's too confusing for them---as they are still LITTLE.

I met the love of my life at that age, too. I broke up with him and he did not talk to me for 8 years. Looking back, I was a MESS and lived to hear the song "Endless Love." But, his best friend kept me away from him in very mean ways ! Looking back, I wish my parents would have set rules about having a boyfriend too young.

It will take time for him to heal. Give him another week or two and then, get him out of the house.

It happens to us all at one time or another. For the next week or two, just check on him and be there for him.

One day, he will laugh at the fact that he had a serious girlfriend at the young age of 13.

I agree with Sandy, honor his grief. Give him big hugs with no words.
He just needs some time.

And FYI, good luck trying to keep kids from having crushes, and loves at any age. I am married to my Jr. High Boyfriend.. This will be our 33 year wedding anniversary. We fell in love when we were in 7th grade..

Sure we dated other people and had crushes and dates with other people, but no one could keep us from caring about each other with all of our hearts.

aw, the poor bean!
i remember my older son's devastation at just this age. and how inappropriately furious i was with the girl (she was a dishonest little snitty miss, but she was 14 too.) and how my heart broke in two and ran in tears down the gutter every time i saw him cry. or droop. or listen to the sad songs. or shut me out.
i so wanted to fix it for him.
it's the tragic beauty of being a teen, isn't it?
there's just no way a mom can fix this. but you CAN help by being a warm soft background for him. he won't understand or acknowledge this as 'help', of course, but you will be providing a safe place for him to go through this very necessary life stage. don't push him, just keep the door open so he can come back through when he's ready.
he'll be okay, mama.
khairete
S.

You can help him by not pushing him to talk to you right now. He will talk when he is ready. The break up of a first love (and first loves almost always end) is especially hard. Let him deal with it his own way, and don't interfere unless you see him doing something dangerous.

This is one reason why we don't let our son date till he's at least 16.
Most people will date MANY people before they find the right person for them.
They have to realize this and that a break up means that although there was an initial attraction the match just didn't work out and it's time to keep looking.
Going steady too early is a big mistake - especially in high school they should all be going on dates with lot's of people.
Your son will get over it eventually.
It might be a good idea for him to wait a few years before he tries this again.
A few more years maturity will help a great deal.

Yup, let him feel the burn. Psychologically, this is how most of us get over break-ups. Wallowing and overdoing it on the songs, the memories, the pictures, until all those artifacts "lose" their meaning from overexposure. If you play the song a trillion times eventually the song just becomes pointless and irritating.

He is really young though to have been so invested, and to have made a relationship last that long at that age. That is pretty rare. I would keep a close eye on him. Teenage boys are notoriously impulsive and I wouldn't trust him alone if he seems to be having such an extreme response. Sorry to end on that note, but I work with this age group and honestly he should bounce back a little better at that age.

This may seem extreme, but really this is the world of being a teen. Emotions run high. The best thing you can do is give him permission and hold space for him to fully feel all of his feelings.

One emotion that often gets overlooked in grief is anger. Give him permission to feel angry as well as sad. Feeling anger doesn't mean he never cared about her, it just acknowledges the pain of loss. Give him an old phone book or stack of magazines and let him know that he can tear them to shreds when the anger shows up.

Encourage him to write letters (that he will NOT send) to her. This is a great way to support him in processing what happened for himself and to get out all the thoughts and feelings he may be stuffing inside.

Don't nag him. Give him space. Let him know you are there. Give him the tools he needs. Then let him be. He is fully capable of dealing with this. It will look messy for a little while. Acknowledge that this is a deep loss for him.

Don't push him. He just has to feel the pain sometimes. Dating for a full year (age 13 to 14) is way too young for kids - they just can't handle the level of communication required to make a relationship work. So they can't handle the communication afterwards to tell their mom or dad what's going on.

Sometimes kids just have to work through their feelings. However, I do think you need to keep an eye on things like not participating in life, not eating, and being devastated. Expecting him to "snap out of it" and go places with his mom isn't realistic, but letting him wallow in the depths of depression isn't good either. When teens feel that all hope is lost, they can do something devastating and self-harming just to relieve the pain.

Please get some expert advice from a local mental health professional and decide whether to take your son for counseling.

Awe. Hearbreak is never easy. Some are easier than others, but no two people go through the same things.

I don't know that I would make him talk to me, but I would make him keep a daily routine. Eating with the family, showering, fresh clothes each day, etc.

Yeah, I would definitely think this is normal. Give him some time to grieve the relationship while still trying to engage him in other activities. However, if he is still the same after a week, then it is time to really force him to talk and get back into life. I remember that feeling where you feel like the entire world has ended and things will never be good again. Overdramatic? Sure, but I do remember feeling that way.

I honestly do not think he was too young to date. I think people nowadays tend to shelter their kids to long and not let them grow up. He is growing up and this a part of it. Not everyone experiences it the same. He is mourning a loss, and he will do it in his own way and his own time. Just be there for him, don't push him to talk if he is not ready. Offer to have him to talk to someone else if he wants, sometimes it is hard for kids to talk to family. This could be a trusted friend or a professional counselor. He is struggling now with his emotions and his way of coping is to reminisce and isolate himself. This is not all bad, tho do encourage him to eat. But it can get extreme if he doesn't got through it on his own. Even adults sometimes need extra help from others to cope and deal with emotions. So do encourage him to both mourn the loss but also to move on. Let him know some options like writing letters to her, which he may or may not choose to send. Keep being there for him, and do invite him to family things, but don't get upset or angry if he doesn't join yet. And let him know it is okay to spend some time alone and that he might feel better if he gets out some too. He may get angry or go through some denial in addition to the grief and sadness. It can take some time, to get through mourning. In a lot of ways it is like dealing with a death. Just keep being there for him, but do take him to someone like a counselor to talk if he isn't perking up, or even ask him now if he would like that. Or just take him if you are really concerned about how he is processing this. Like I said people all need help, and we can't always get that from our families. And just continue to give him lots of love. You are doing great!

Just be there for him, WHEN and IF... he needs your shoulder.

He'll get over it.
But if he does not, and gets "depressed" and/or apathetic, and becomes unhealthy about his heartbreak... then you as a parent has to be able to recognize that and gauge him/his behavior and then, help him. Even if that means professional help.

But this is life.
He will get over it.
This will happen, again and again.
I remember things like that when I was a kid/teen/college aged kid.
Oh well.
Hopefully one day, he will KNOW himself well, and KNOW who he is and then be fine about it, regardless if there is a girlfriend or not in his life.

He is bummed.
This is a process.

I don't know that I agree with letting him sit in his room and mope. At his age he's not able to cope with relationships and breakups like an older child.

I'd have him out and doing stuff with the family. He is at risk, not that I'd have him on suicide watch but I would make sure the door was open and I was around where I could hear what was going on in that room.