I met another mom from this website and at first we hit it off and became good friends. As time went on, it kept being that me and my family did a lot for her and her family. We got into a scuffle, and a major disagreement when it came to my child's health concern and she didn't respect what I asked in regards to it. She apologized and said she wanted to maintain friends, and I agreed that we can work things out. I called her, and then I didn't hear from her for a while. Then I saw her at the WalMart and she said she would call me soon. Well it's been two months now. Guess she changed her mind. Oh well I say. I started to think about the times we had, and everything we did together as a family group. We did most of the forking out of the money, and we were very generous to her and her family, and she even told my husband that she has his birthday gift. That was back in July. She never gave it to him. I didn't say anything to her, but if you tell someone you got a gift for them, you should give it to them and not renig on it. We were still friends at the time. Anyway, come to think about everything, we spent a lot of money on them, and were very generous. There are other issues that bothered me but I let it go and didn't say anything. When it came to my son's health, I expressed my concern with a certain issue, and she got very offended. Now I realize why ppl on this website are sometimes leary of making friends on here. I am now very skeptical and leary because I do not want someone who is a 'taker', and someone who is going to take advantage of me and my family's generosity. Have any of you had the same experience?
Kristen L: You're way off line. There is such a thing called, "Taking advantage". I understand your point about 'you can't take unless you give', but there is a fine line between both, and it could lean towards 'taking advantage of'. but thank you for your response anyway.
Denise: You make a good point and I understand what you are talking about. Thank you. We are generous people without expectations other than the friendship at hand.
All I did here was ask if anyone else had the same experience with meeting ppl on this website, or anyone else in general in their lives. I was venting. That's all. It's ok to vent about whatever problems you have in life, or what ever problem you HAD. Some of you are harsh in your responses. It wasn't necessary. Yes this is a lesson learned, and excuse me for venting!!
Unfortunately you can not "take" unless someone is willing to "give". I have been in the reverse situations where people felt I owed them something because they were "helpful" even when I never asked them to be. Most of the "help" was given so I could be involved in something they wanted to do, not something I wanted to do. Aggrivating!
Maybe she does not want to remain friends because you had made her feel she owed you something.
Hello,
What I don't understand is why you are having such a hard time letting go of all this. She hasn't made any attempt to keep your friendship alive so that is a sign that you were not truly friends to begin with. Sure you had some good times but you can have that with anyone. As far as the money that you and your husband spent on her and her family, did you do it with alterior motives or just because you are kind individuals? Were you trying to buy friendships or are you just generous at heart? If the latter were true then you wouldn't be having such an issue with the money that has been spent. Did it bother you when you were spending it or does it just bother you that you are no longer friends and the money is gone. Some people ae just takers and the more you pull out your wallet the less likely they are to pull out theirs. Generosity is a wonderful thing to give and shouldn't have any rules on payback. It is time to let go and move on. They aren't worthy of your friendship obviously.
Hello G.,
First off let me start off by saying in reading your post that you are a very generous perosn when it comes to your kids and if someone cant respect your wishes when it comes to your son then it may have been time to just let her go. You really dont need those kind of poeple in your life. She just may have been a great person I dont know and I cant make judgements but from what your saying I beleive that she may have gotten her feelings got hurt. I was in a very simlnliar sit, and we would always have dinner at my home and if we went out it was always will I dont think I have enough money to pay for this things like that, so I would end up picking up the tab and just after the years our freindship really just turned we didnt spend as much time together and I think it was because when we went to see a movie she said it was her treat we got there and she tried to pay with her debit card and it got declined so I had to pick up that tab the next day she called to apologize and intived me out for coffee I told her that I couldn't afford to keep picking up her tab and she flew off the handle, and just becuase I paid for a few things makes me all high and mighty and I told her it wasnt just a few things it was a lot more, but I didn't mind doing it once in a while but I have a family to that I need to support so in the future maybe we shouldn't go out to eat or maybe just rent a moive an watch it here or something becuase if she couldn't afford to do something then maybe we could just hang out, and she said well give everything you spent on me and I'll pay you back and I never herd from her again.
It is tough trying to find new people to hang out with, I assure you we aren't all bad on this site. I also have a 3 year old little boy asnd I live in the Rio Rancho area, please feel free to contact me I would like my son Aiden to know more kids his own age.
Please PM me and I will give you my e-mail address okay
Hi G.
I know what you are talking about, I have learned over the years that you never give money out to family or friends thinking you will get it back. If you have it to give, god bless you and if you don't then don't give it. You have to treat it like a gift and know that you will not get it back.
But if you do, well then it is like you getting a surprise. I am going though something similar right now, but with 3 of my brother in laws. 2 owes us large sums of money, and yet they can go out and buy new equipment, new pool table and new cars, but we can't get the money back and the other borrowed a $700.00 pc of equipment and he has an excuse everytime we ask for it back. (it's not that we need it at this time, it is the fact that he will not even talk to us about it or return it). although last night at a family gathering he did mention he was going out in the next couple of week to buy himself one and would return ours. My husband trying to make lite of it, told him we would be sending him an invoice for the rental of it. It is better just to make an excuse than to bring unwanted problems with family and friends. I think in regards to money, it is better to give to a charity than to someone who is able-body and can make money and buy their own stuff. Also on another note, not one of the brothers, have ever even have us over for dinner or anything, they expect us to do all the holiday barbques and parties. They never even offer to bring a dish or anything. But we do it to keep the family strong. so I can not b***h about it. Not all people are like the friend you encountered, there are some really nice people here in vegas, and I am sure you will find a really great friend. I have some friends that would bend over backwards for us and then I have the few that always need something, I do not mind helping them or just listening, but we will not loan out money to them. If they want to borrow something that I have and really dont use, I will just give it to them. I never expect it back. So you really need to look at things in a different way. I truly
hope you find a really good friend. Take care and God Bless
I don't think it has anything to do with meeting people on here. I have not meet people off this site but have off others and have had both positive and negative experiences. I have however known people like you mention in "real life" for sure! I just know that I am very aware of the kind of people I allow in my life. I am surrounded by friends today that I am very generous too but I also know their is a give and take. My best friend watches my daughter often but I also often have her son. No one keeps track of money or time but we are always available to help each other. It is nice to give but it is also important to know I have people in my life that support and appreciate me! Being a single parent it has amazed me that sometimes the people that really have nothing give the most to each other, it is the only way to get by.
just remember... no one can take advantage of youwithout your permission. it is not all her fault because you allowed her to take advantage of you. hopefully it is a lesson learned and although you are grieveing for that friendship now, you need to get out more and meet new people and keep it just at that, aquaintances. you go out and both pay. if they dont have money then they stay home. you dont babysit but also dont expect her to abaysit either, you dont loan out anything and you dont borrow anything . if she gets upset because you have different rules at your house then dont ask her to visit and the same for you. meet at a neutral plac elike a park. if you exchange gifts, do so without the expctation that you will also receive on in return. that is not what gift giving is about. be upfront about your rules from the start so taht there are no expectations. nice people always get taken advantage of. i used tto be one of those "nice people" and my firends and family cleaned me out and when i needed them they wrent available. but now there is no borrowing money or tools or anything and we get along just fine. i dont care what they say about me but i really didnt go to kindergarten so i really didnt learn how to share. i just forgot about it for a few years. i have some really good friends and they all know about my rules and respect that. actually i think that is why we are good friends still.if we go to lunch we each pay our own way unless one of us specifys that they will be paying and that they dont expect anything in return but that is mostly reserved for birthdays and holidays. they know they can call me anytime of day or night and i will be there for them and ican do the same. but whenyou start involving money in the situation thigns go awry immediately. you just have to set your rules and stick tothem
I have had the same issues before, accept for they weren't people who I met on this website. So I feel what you are feeling and I would like to meet you and hopefully be friends with you and your family. Since we have that in common I don't think we will have an issue with taking advantage of each other. At least I hope not. Please let me know if you would like to get to know each other and each others family more and possibly hang out.
L.
You know it's funny, I think everyone at one time or another has had a friend like that. I used to be friends with this girl who lived three doors down form me and at first we were really good friends, but as time went on I gave her money, babythings(my girl was 4 months older than hers)and from time to time I would let her barrow movies, even my DVD player. When it came time for her to return those things I stopped hearing from her then she moved. I found out that she sold my things. I confronted her and she want balistic. We haven't talked scence. When I moved here from Wyoming I thought it was going to be great, but nine years later, I don't trust anyone until they have proven to me that I can. Horible hu?
Sounds familiar to me, only, the person I know was somebody supposedly real close to me. Let it go. It is not worth stressing over. There are more important things to concern yourself with and she isn't one of them. Have you ever heard of letting go of something/somebody you love/value????...and if it comes back, it was always yours/always meant to be??? Things/people come into our lives for a reason, some of them for a season. Cherish the good memories and let go of the bad. It is not healthy for you. Stress/worry kills.
By the way, it is good to vent...nothing wrong with that. I am sure other people, (if not all), have gone through similar situations. It is normal because we are all humans and we are not perfect. Sooner or later, she will come to realize what happened.
Hi G.,
Welcome to my friends list if you would like. Since moving from Calif. I have found that Colorado is not only colder in climate at times, but there are not the same kind of people here, except the new friends I found at church. My family and I have lived here for 4 years. Tried to be a good neighbor, and have been snubbed by one, ignored by another, reported on by another and "used" so far 4 times from one of them. I watched a neighbors 4 show dogs, administering medications to three of them in the span of 4 months. First I was given a bottle of wine as a "Thank-you", the second time 100.00 (for watching them 3 days) and the third time for 4 days, just a thank you card. The last time, (and I do mean last time), I watched them for a week (each time this neighbor was out of town.) It snowed to beat the band, and my van got stuck in her driveway, it was freezin cold. I never expected anything, but since she did bless me for doing this for her for less days, I thought I might get a token of her appreciation...Nada, nothing. I wanted to be her friend, but she does not have time for me unless she needs something.
So called friend #2, was my mail lady. She seemed like a good friend, until she offered to do something for me involving a purchase I was making on a horse. She offered to evaluate him for me, (as she said she had once worked for Wayne Newton's Arab Ranch,)she never showed up to see the horse, (I was out of town at the time.) Then she lied and made excuses for why a no show, and then told me she was going to do it in a day or two and still did not show, and then did not answer my calls. It has been 4 months. Guess she feels guilty or embarrassed, even though I still try to e-mail her as a friend with no response. She just forwards stuff to me, without comment.
SO with all that said, the only place that I have found real comfort is within my church friendship group through Southeast Christian Church on Jordan Rd. It has been about 4 months now.We meet every tow weeks, but it is not the same as going out for lunch or breakfast like the good ol days in Ca.
Just remember "the Lord is our constant friend, our help in times of need. He will always be there for us. Hope you know its true...
Blessings,
C.
Yes I have! In fact it's the same friend whose 3 year old is a terror. (You responded to my request)
I am constantly being "asked" to babysit, to buy her things (such as "I don't have any milk and you're at the store - would you mind?") And it's gotten to the point that I am fed up. Especially after reading everyones (wonderful) advice, I've decided to talk to her and let her know that I'm tired of being a doormat & being polite about it obviously hasn't gotten me anywhere, so blunt & to the point it is!
From now on, instead of being a people pleaser, my children / family WILL come first. Theres never a 'perfect' friend, our differences make us unique - but it would be nice to not have so many 'takers' out there :D
Just thought I'd add- I've met 2 people through this website. One was not so great... I only showed up at her house unannounced one time and she opened the door and smoke from pot just poured out of her apartment while her 2 babies sat on the floor. The other one is AMAZING... she is now one of my best friends. So I just wanted to let you know, don't give up if you are looking for friends!!!!!!!!!
Isnt she going to read this???
