Had Full Hysterectomy and Now I Dont Want It

J.,
You are definitely in need of prayers. When you have so many things going on and you are not handling it well mentally, it affects your sex drive. I know this from experience. Praise God we are doing so much better.

I also was diagnosed with fibromyalgia by my rheumatologist but i decided not to take any medications at all after I read the side-effects. My rheumatologists recommended me to get chiropractic care because apparently many people with FM responds very well with chiropractic care. It doesn't cure it but it improves the joints and nerve so you can go through your days without pain or stiffness aching. My sister in law and her three kids all have been going to this husband-and-wife chiropractors in Lawrenceburg KY about an hour from where we live and since I never been to any I just went to the same office. They scanned me and found lots of nerve interference. They used this clicky instrument thing called Activator on your spine instead of the old school twisting popping style that I expected at first. The first few treatments actually made my muscles real sore the next day because they're not used to the new changes I guess. But the biggest differences my husband and I saw was that ever since I have been having more energy, less aches, more able to do more things with my kids, and the sex drive is back.
Try chiropractic, J.. We all now go about once a week or every other week for preventative / maintenance wellness visits and we all look forward to each visit everytime.

I have absolutely no advice for you other to empathize - my sister has fibro (and CF) so I understand what you're going through there and if your husband thinks he's in as much pain as you are he's insane.

Also, I'm 28 with only two kids with a full reproductive system and once I get into the habit of not having sex (a full week or two) I don't want to do it either. it's messy, time consuming, but mostly retracts from the amount of time I get to spend sleeping - not just because of the time it takes to actually do the deed, but alot of times I get all revved and then I'm up til i can come off of it.

Basically, given all that's on your plate plus the hysterectomy in addition to my consistent desire to NOT do it, I don't think there's anything wrong with you and would suggest finding a marriage counselor through your church.

Good luck!

I havent had a hysterectomy ,only had my tubes tied,but I know what you mean about the sex thing!! Im almost 39 with 4 children and my husband wants sex all the time and I just dont! When we do have sex it is great but actually getting to that point is a whole different story! I dont know why because I do love him and I know that because Im always saying no creates a problem for us,but to me sex just isnt important! Im sorry couldnt give you any advice but I just thought Id let you know that you arent the only one in this type situation! Good Luck to you!! L.

Dear J.,

I don't have much advice to offer except to say that you should be true to yourself and deal gently with your soul. Regardless of whether you have been through what others have been through, everybody has a different way of handling the stress, the load, etc.
It is good to try and resolve bedroom issues somehow in a way that leaves both partners feeling fulfilled and loved... So it sounds like somehow you and your husband have some work to do in that area.
I know for myself that my interest in having sex/making love goes waaaaay down if there are unresolved issues with my partner. And it takes work to bring things back. If the underlying love is there, unearth it, rekindle it, find something (some things!) to make it sweet again. And I think you will find the love that grows from that spark will spread throughout the family and manifest in good ways for your daughter also.

Try calling Clinical Apothecaries in Medina. One of the owners is a good friend of mine and he can help you with the hormones. Google their website.

I think your not wanting to have sex may have more to do with your daughter having cancer than your hysterectomy. Since you hysterectomy have you told you doctor about this problem? There is treatment for this if it is due to your surgery.

The reason I feel it may have to do with your daughter's illness is that you have been through a lot,she is in remission,but as you say,"keep her in your prayers". You have been and are still under a tremendous amount of stress and her condition is a constant worry. Psychologically,you might be just "burned out" and your body is telling you that you just want to be left alone until you recuperate somewhat.
You must remind yourself that sex and intimacy with someone you care about may be just what you need to calm yourself,feel better about life and yourself. It helps relieve stress and oftentimes alleviates or at least strengthens our ability to deal with life's and difficult problems.It may take you making yourself do it a while to find out that you can once again enjoy it and benefit from it.
I hade that sugery 27yrs. ago and still enjoy an active sex life. You may need a lubricant if you have vaginal dryness and sex is uncomfortable. There is help for you. It will also help your husband,marriage and your ability to handle your daughter's condition. Someone to love,share intimacy and to lean on is so improtant during difficult times. I've had cancer and we have a handicapped son and without each other I don't think either of us could do what needs to be done. If you can't get back to normal,go for counseling. I also have fibromyalgia,polimyalgia and generalized osteo arthritis,so of course my husband has to be understanding at times,but I must be sure and not use that as an excuse when maybe it's not as bad as I let it get to me.

i fully sympathize with you about not wanting sex. i am a 29 year old, pregnant, working mother of a 21 month old. my hubby wants sex every night and get frustrated with my cause i don't. hormones, exhaustion, stress, age, ect all contibute to a woman's loss of labido. given everything you've been through and everything you have to deal with on a daily basis (5 kids...i'd lose my mind!) it's no wonder you don't want it. you just need to sit with your hubby and your doctor about the situation. your doc might need to try you another type of hormone and maybe even an anti depressant might help...if you feel you need one. your hubby needs to also try to understand that there are other ways to be intimate...sex should be about quality than quantity. a nice massage, foot rub, kissing, and snuggling ca go a long way. i know, when my hubby gets fussy/pushy about sex it makes me jsut want to with hold it even more because sometimes he makes seem like an obligation rather than something enjoyable. i know with 5 kids, it's easier saif than done, but maybe yuo and hubby need to get away by your selves. maybe not a trip out of town...but just a date night...dinner and movie or dancing...and if you can get some one to stay over with the kids just a night at a nice hotel might be enough to recharge the spark. a change of scenary can work wonders for a ho-hum sex life.

Try it in the morning!