Thank You So Much to Everyone Who Replied to "No Intimacy.."

Hi L., I think once men have trouble in that area their afraid it may happen again and are embarassed. My husband is over weight and older so he has issues but won't discuss it. When I suggest sex which is not the norm for me he has some excuse and I notice he will ask me when he knows I have my period or am not feeling well and this way the fault lays on me. Hes a great guy but men don't like to admit to problems in that area I guess they feel like their not a manly man anymore. I hope this helped a little. Take care A.

If there is anyway to openly and honestly discuss this oh please do so. New babies make people tired. LIbidos aren't the same. I recall this happening with my first husband. I now have a second of thirteen years but my thoughts often go back to the beginning of the end of my first husband and I.It needs to be discussed. Out in the open. Perhaps I would still have my first husband and not a guilty conscience because I thought he was another way, or that he didn't care about me or so on and so on. I loved him a lot, and he fathered my two children. I just about made the second child come about on my own. He needed a lot of prompting. If I could go back and not have us play the games that people play and be straight oh who knows what life could be like. I am happy now with my second husband but there were two kids with the first that paid the price, and we went through many, many counselors and a lot of help for so many things but didn't address that issue. I tried the cute little wink, wink stuff. Oh please somehow get this underway, I look back and should have let the man just sleep for a couple of months.

Well its nice to see im not the only one either. I wonder if it has to do with age, recession (sp) or something like that. To make my story as short as i possibly can...haha...I've been married 14yrs. aug.5th. sex life fine, twice a day, had two children stayed home to raise them...11yrs. after giving birth for the first time (two kids) i decided to go back to work. Got two jobs, both part time. sex still fine maybe once a day now for the past 3yrs. still nothing to complain about. Whent down to one job. He started working nights. And this whole time things are gradually becoming distant between us. We gradually just stopped having sex, from twice a week, to once and then just none at all. I have no desire to have sex with him. Im acually seriously considering going to a counselor. We both dont send off that come hither vibe anymore. And we are fairly young, 32me , 34. going on months now that we havent been intimate:( i miss that close feeling , even the cuddling. im scared it might split us apart. im sorry i didnt have any advice for you. I just wanted to let you know there is someone else out here that is confussed when it comes to this situation. If you have found a solution let me know.

K.

L.,

I agree with Cathy on a lot of points.

I also do not believe the bed is a place for children. I know some people practice attachment parenting and feel that it is the best thing they can do, and perhaps it is a great thing. I have not found it to be easy for me, maybe because I very much enjoy some alone time and to keep my sanity I need some separation. I'm not just a mother... I'm a wife and a woman, and I am not willing to neglect the rest of me and my husband... I believe there is a balance, and I personally believe (just my opinion here) that keeping baby in bed and attachment parenting may set them up for a lack of independence later in life depending on how long it continues. I keep my babies in my bedroom for the first week... then they go into their bassinet in their room and I go to them when they need it... again, just my opinion.

The sheer presence of baby whether inutero or once they're born can do a lot to deter a man's sex drive... but i dont think that is the only factor here. although we can give our opinions on your problem, and the first thing to do is open up so i dont think this is a bad place to start, but.... your husband needs to be involved in the solution...

if he is having impotency problems he may have anxiety about getting intimate... his sex drive could be greatly affected by depression, anxiety or a hormone imbalance... perhaps his doctor could prescribe testosterone - i know two men who use this and have seen great improvement overall. (p.s. has he had a prostate exam? - might want to suggest that...)

Also, it can be a tough adjustment for any marriage when you have children... balance is a juggling act.

I would suggest talking to your husband in a non-confrontational way... tell him that his lack of interest is making you feel insecure and you want to better understand so you dont take it personally. ask him to be 100% honest, regardless of the answer and then take his responses lightly if he starts turning the reason to you. you have to be ready for whatever he has to say (and hopefully if he says it's you, he is tactful about it). Then, you two can work on whatever the problem is. But i think you definitely need to get to the root cause... the problem may not be in the functioning of the organ, but rather the psychology of the function... i think he's not being 100% honest about what's going on in his head, and that my friend is what makes you not alone on this. Most men, have a really difficult time expressing themselves honestly...

open your heart to him, open your mind and involve him in the solution. i have to imagine he is about the same age as you, and almost 40 is too young to lose your sex drive.

Good luck to you L.... I hope things get better.

and I have found a lot of people embellish their sex life, so resist comparing. The only thing that matters is the satisfaction you and your husband experience behind those bedroom doors,... or on the kitchen counter, or couch, or shower, or wherever you get it on :)

I know EXACTLY what you mean!

Going through fertility and such really can take a lot of romance out of a relationship. It becomes more of a chore and really a big downer- especially if it does not work right away. I had cancer and lots of surgeries and our only option to possibly get pregnant was to do fertility. We ended up choosing to not do that since it was Gods will for us to not have any more kids... SURPRISE we got pregnant YEARS later! lol But when I was going through treatments that was very stressful and caused stress on our intimacy!

Before getting pregnant I was working as a Firefighter/EMT when we had to deliver a baby on the way to the hospital. The look on the guys faces afterwards was unbelievable! They kept their cool but were shaken. They joked around on the way back to the station how their girlfriend and wife are gonna be put on the back burner for awhile. They wanted nothing to do with any female sexual parts after seeing that!

Most of us as women see having a baby as a beautiful experience where as the men tend to see it as OMG- that came out of where I am putting this, Ewwwwwww! They see it close up and stretched beyond imagination. More often than not it has an impact on the men, even though they will not admit it. They have a hard time getting this picture out of their heads. I was lucky to get a glimpse into the guys heads while working with them since I was "just one of the guys" It totally prepared me for my hubbys reaction- even though it still bothers me.

I had a c-section and even though my hubby is also trained professionally- he is also a FF/EMT- almost 2 years later still tells me all that he saw that day. He was quite traumatized by it!

You just have to grab the bull by the horns or your man by whatever you want and go for it! I finally got us a babysitter one night so we could go for dinner. I didnt do much special but while driving down a dark road I told my hubby to pull over.... I told him we were going to watch the stars before going home. THat I wanted to enjoy the quiet... well we got out and I seduced him away from home and away from the chance that the baby would wake up! NOW- looking back I still can not believe we acted like teenagers but maybe that was the spark we needed to reignite us! We couldda gotten caught from someone besides the baby and maybe that was the extra YEAH we needed to put into it! I will admit though- almost 2 years later it is still not as I would hope it would have been but I am planning a dinner out again soon.. wink wink!

Just know you are not alone... and TOOOOOOO many of your friends will not admit to it either. They dont want to admit that they feel unattractive, undesiable etc... it is easier to pretend their lives are like those steamy books they read!

Good luck to you and many blessings! Congrats on your son!

L.,

I have kind of a different perspective. I am 44 and my DH is 47 and we don't have sex very often (I actually can't remember the last time). We had our son 4 years ago and things were different then but, I know the reason, it's because he is on zoloft which is an anti-depressant that causes reduction in sex drive. He has also gained weight so even if he did have more of a drive he probably wouldn't want to very often anyway.

But here's my perspective; I would rather have a non-depressed, engaged father and husband than have sex. I don't know if that's right or wrong, but living with him when he was depressed was not fun. And then about a year into him being medicated I asked him to try a different anti-depressant to resolve this issue so he (and his Dr.) decided to go on Wellbutrin, this was a total disaster!! Those were the worst months of our 12 years of marriage!!! So he went back onto the zoloft.

Don't feel as though we are any less in love because we don't have sex regularly but that could be attributed to the fact that we are Christians and we didn't have sex before we got married, so our love and committment isn't any way affected by how much sex we have or don't have. I look back on that decision (as hard as it was because we had both been married and in other sexual relationships before marrying each other) and thank God for the strength to endure it. So now when we are in this 'dry' season if you will I look to God and to the strength of non-sexual intimacy we enjoy...

Thanks for sharing your heart, it's important to start talking about it for sure!

Things won't get better if you don't talk to him. The number one thing you should be able to do with your husband is TALK to him about what your feeling. I know it is so hard and it seems so redundant, but it has to be done. If you share your innermost fears and thoughts he might open up and share his. It's been almost six months of disconnection and every day you guys will fall further apart. Believe me, I know from my own personal experience. Sit him down and say "hey I'm still here" and "I have needs". It might ultimately come down to the blue pill issue, men have a hard time dealing with their "junk" not working, but he has to get over it and work with you or it will be the demise of your relationship. Picture two years from now... No intimacy, no affection, then what? Good luck hun and God bless you!

Your husband sounds depressed (I mean in an actual clinical sense, not just sad). The lack of sexual desire and weight gain can be symptoms of depression in men. Men can present with depression much differently than woman. I strongly encourage you or him to talk to his physician or other trusted healthcare provider about this. Good luck.

L.,

No, you are not alone fortunately and UNfortunately, I suppose. Personally, my husband and I do have a stable sex-life. But, I know many who don't. AND, when I say "stable" I don't mean we are all over each other like we once were, lol. We find ways to make it work. I had our second son 8 months ago and it has changed. A newborn in the house lowered our quantity but seemed to increase our quality.

If I ask my DH how often he would want to, I think he'd say like 3 - 4 times a week. Realistically, we just can't do that anymore with the baby and a 3 year old. At the same time as often as he may say he would want it - he rarely initiates it. Which can be frustrating for me. I like to feel wanted and the one always wanting. Lol.

Ok, so in my opinion, I would suggest moving the baby to his crib. It's hard for either of us to get in the mood when either of the boys are awake, much less in the room or BED. Both of my boys have been in their crib since two weeks old. My 3 y/o is a great napper/sleeper and has a strong bond to DH and I.

Then, I would pretty much seduce your hubby. Whatever it is that works for you/him - do it. Make it SO clear that you intend on bein intimate. He may have some insecurities at this point, so make him feel wanted.

If you can get a sitter and have a night alone - do it.

At this point, I would focus on getting him in the mood.

Others mentioned medical reasons for his situation and I agree that those should be explored. But, personally, before going that route, I would really just try to make an effort to be husband and wife again and not JUST Mom and Dad.

Good luck to you.

T.

L.,
Just know that you are loved by God and to be grateful for every little thing. I have been through something similar and it can be a very painful and hurtful experience. I accredit many things to my faith in Jesus Christ. Read Psalm 139 and when you are ready have a sincere heartfelt talk with your spouse. This will all take time, but it will get better. Just know that you are beautiful no matter what, because God made you. It's hard to believe at first, but it will get better with time and your husband will slowly begin to open up to you. I hope this helps some...I'm still learning. I've realized you have to believe this no matter what, because people and situations can make you feel the opposite.

Peace

L.-

You are not alone. Every marriage goes through the ups and downs with intimacy. While my husband and I didn't go through situation, we struggled. After having my first child, I had a lot of pain with sex. This went on for literally a couple of years. Things are just now getting (somewhat better) and my son is about to turn 5. The point is to keep trying.

I have found this to be a very open and helpful group of women. Reaching out to this group could be the best thing you could do. Like you, I choose not to talk with my friends about things with my husband because I don't want to shed him or our relationship in a bad light. I hope that you find the comfort and advice that you are looking for within this group.

I would encourage you to have a serious talk with your husband about what is going on. He most likely thinks about this regularly and while you may not like the answer(s), it will be the first step in getting things better. Like the other Mommie said, the best thing that you can give your child/ children is a healthy marriage.

Also, don't get wrapped up in what *could* be going on. Just ask directly and see what happens.

I wish you the best. Good luck.
N.

Hi L.
My name is D. and my husband and i experienced the exact same situation, my husband picked up some weight too and we were down to (having fun) once a month, after talking to my husbands doctor he explained that my husband had high blood pressure and pre-diabetes which was contributing to my husbands lack of intrest. After treating his med condition things got better

I haven't read the other responses yet, I'll give you my 1st thoughts. 1. To some people, the "marriage bed" is for husband & wife, and not babies. I konw people feel differently about this, but maybe the baby in the bed has something to do with it. 2. You said your husband put on 20lbs. Do you know why? Maybe his weight gain is part of some other issue going on with him (depression, stress, just to name a few). How is he with the baby? Is he very involved with the baby or is he a little detached? Having a baby is a huge adjustment, bigger for some people than others. Have you been giving him as much attention? In the first few months it's hard to split your attention b/t husband & baby, it's an adjustment everyone goes through. Is he still on this pill? Maybe that's goofing with his hormones. I'm just trying to throw out some ideas. Good luck.
P.S. All your friends do not have fabulous sex lives. If they don't have kids, then maybe. I'm sure if you were a fly on the wall you'd see they have problems of their own sometimes too.

Hi L.- I just want to say thank you for your post and you are definitely not on your own! My husband sounds exactly the same! Then I realized one day that he is afraid that our intimacy will lead to another pregnancy (our third was a surprise). I'm still working on the matter with him now, but I've found that trying to pleasure him is a way to show him that not all intimacy will lead to pregnancy, and I still want to get it on with him. I hope that doesn't sound too blunt, but I know that feeling of wanting to feel appealing or sexy or desired. We're still working on it, but I am sure that once I am on birth control again, things may pick up. If not, just try pleasuring him, and hopefully he will be enticed enough to return the favor some day.
By the way, we just set up the crib for our 5 month old, so we'll see how that has an impact on our intimacy.
I hope things improve for you! I completely hear you on this issue!!!!!!

L.,
I can TOTALLY relate. My daughter is 8 months old and my husband and I just had sex for the first time (last weekend) in a year. I too felt so unattractive and I actually confronted him with that. He also needs the "blue pill". It wasn't that he was unattracted to me, but the fact that he was so tired from work and the added responsibility of having our second child seemed to be the problem. He was really embarassed about the need for the pill. Also, when the bassinette was in our room, he was completely uninterested in sex (which was fine with me too). I did get worried after we moved her to her own room and crib and it didn't help our sex life. This also happened after our first daugther was born and we did get over it, so please hang in there. Don't be afraid, though,to come right out and ask him why he doesn't seem to be interested. Good luck.

some men just dont feel intamacy- many men feel like they lost their wife to the baby etc.. they dont mean to but they do. I recommend to treat your husband how you want to be treated- it may take awhile but he will do the same- compliment throughout the day, leave notes etc.. then later who knows what can happen. I know when I make my man feel like a man- telling him how sexy he is, what a wonderful husband father and thanking him for every thing he does etc he does the same.

Hello,
My guess is that you and your husband need to "date" each other again. Get a sitter, and candle light dinner,etc. Setting the mood helps you both to feel intimate and wanted. When you become parents,(first time) your'e somewhat in need of adjustment periods. You both need to communicate your feelings, and talk about what's going on. Openess is mandatory in this situation! Don't forget to be a good listener, patience,understanding and last but not least trusting,unconditional love. This won't happen overnite so pray, pray, pray! The best gift to your child, is that the parents love one another! God Bless..........J.

Just since you asked "if it's normal" I just want to say that having s** a lot, I think is within the range of normal. Now I will say that now I am a single mom and don't do it at all, but back in the day--i mean really watch out--I hate to be so crass, but it was quite a lot--like more than once a day and way more than 10 minutes--I really hate to be so crass-- and I gained a lot of weight while pregnant, and I had just cut my hair really short--not as pretty--and it was still really good and frequent, and almost too much for me, I needed a break! But I am only saying this because you asked what is normal, not that that's normal, but maybe in the range. On the other hand I do think that as people start to have kids they just get more tired and more busy, and most couples sex lives slow down.

NONE THE LESS--I do not think that what other people do is relevant to your situation. The point of the whole deal is not to compare your self to other people or "keep up with the joneses"--I think it's quite the opposite--it's really about connecting as a couple, and of course, enjoying yourselves. Just because people "do it" a lot, does not mean that they connect deeply on an intimate plane. They might have a great relationship, but sex is not the barometer. The fact that you and your husband don't connect in the bedroom only matters because it matters to you--and that's okay.

I really hope that this is encouraging to you. I do not know what factors are bothering your husband--but regardless you are an important person. I can't see you, but I'm sure that you are an attractive person--and really it's not important if you meet anybodies standards of beauty--please accept that every part of your body IS BEAUTIFUL! If you feel unappreciated, or like your needs are not being met, and your husband is hard to connect with, it seems that you have "issues" to address--but it is nothing to be ashamed of. The thing that is NORMAL about your situation is not related to how much you "do it" but the fact that you have issues just like everybody else does/has had/will have--and that you are lovable and important in spite of this--that's part of what makes us human.

Also--in the long run yeah we had a good s** life, but you know what-- we really weren't a good couple, and now we are not together. So the fact that you are very in love with your husband sounds like you are very blessed.
-H.

First of all - Have you confronted him about it? Maybe he's nervous you'll get pregnant again and he's not ready for another baby. Or maybe he thinks that he'll hurt you. Or maybe there is something else bothering him - you should look into that if you haven't yet. If he doesn't have a 'good' reason, then maybe you should plan ahead for it and be ready for him BEFORE it's time to go to SLEEP. Put the your baby in his own crib out of your room. Try making your room sexy and appealing and wear some sexy lingerie or pajamas, so that he'll know and see that you are really interested. Or find whatever it is that gets him going.... Good Luck!

Ok, L., I'm going to guess that most people (including my own friends) lie about having terrific sex lives! Nobody wants to admit that their husband or wife isn't interested in having sex with them. So, by no means should you feel all alone in that respect! This probably has little to do with you and more to do with your husband's own insecurities. I would suggest that you find someone you feel safe leaving the baby with for either a whole day or night. I know it's hard becuase you work full time and you want to spend the time you are home with your baby, but it's only 1 night and trust me it'll be worth it. If you don't feel comfortable leaving the baby for a night go for an all day date during the day and then pick the baby up that night. Take your husband somewhere that will bring back pre-baby memories (a special restaurant, beach/lake, sporting event etc.) then either get a hotel room or if you don't feel comfortable with that just go home and light some candles, take a bubble bath together, you get the idea. He can't possibly have any excuses with no baby, he can't be tired, hungry or have any other excuse! Oh, buy something special to wear, it doesn't have to be lingerie, a sexy dress, top or whatever- something that makes you feel super sexy!! Let me know if this helps! Sometimes you just have to go back to the basics!

L.
First let me start by saying I can completely empathize with you. I have been through that with my husband, still am, but not to the extent that it had been. I know as a woman, you feel rejected over it. I know I would look at myself and wonder what was wrong with me. I'm 41 and I definetly am not as this as I was before. I am probably about 15 lbs overweight but as some people would put it, I gained the weight in all the right places. In spite of all of that, there are so many times that I have initiated trying to be with my husband only to get rejected! So I do know the hurt that goes with that. If this helps at all, while my husband has been having this problem (which he will not even go to the doctor to check out) his solution to not "disappoint" me in the bedroom was to just not even go there. Even though he has been told numerous times how much it hurts and how rejected I would feel, he just thinks that by telling me that the problem isnt me, it's just him will make it allright...and it doesnt! Dont lose heart....and dont let this affect your confidence( which I know is easier said than done) and just know that you are not alone in this battle! Many...MANY women have faced this problem. I truly believe that it just comes with age for them. Just a quick question....does he drink? Alcohol plays a major factor in that so if he does...well, there is part of the problem. Let me know it this has helped at all. Or if you just need someone to vent to, I'm all ears....or in this case, eyes! :-)
See, made you smile a moment!
J.

"Or so they say" is right. Something could be going on at work that's stressing him out. Did he see the delivery? that could shut him down for a while. Try not to leave the decision up to him. Put the baby in his own bed and own room; very important. You take the initiative and get into something sexy after a wonderful meal and have some candles going in the bedroom and ask him to come "help you with something, something you can't do by yourself".If he still doesn't take the hint, you hold him and start the carressing and kissing- that should do it! Make sure you tell him how wonderful a partner he is and yo don't know what you'de do without him. Have fun and good luck. Happy Mommys Day

Does your husband have diabetes? That can really screw with your sexual desire, I have diabetes and I am pregnant, and it stinks because them sometimes I won't want sex for a really long time, Or When I do want it, We will be in the middle of the act and it just doesn't feel right or comfortable. But the best part is that me and my husband talk about everything. So if I am feeling frustrated about sex he is the one person I talk to and I tell him what I need, It not easy but find a safe place where you can be honest with each other. for me and my husband it in our bed under the covers we always talk before we go to bed. And that's when if there is something to get off our chest we get it out. and we sleep better for it. maybe try to set up a day where you put the baby in the crib before even trying to have sex. if that doesn't work try talking and holding each and being intimate in another way. until he feel comfortable, and turned on.
Good Luck and God Bless your Marriage
R.

L.,

The best advice I can give is to try opening the communication dialogue again, making it clear that you really want to resolve this, so you don't want to hear any lame excuses. Let him know how you see the situation (his excuses, the way you're beginning to feel, etc.). Also, consider dating each other again, or being intimate without having actual intercourse. During the last couple of months of my pregnancy, sex was the last thing I wanted, but my husband was on the opposite end of the spectrum, so I compromised by offering intimacy. We'd share a bubble bath, give each other massages, etc. By doing that, we let the other know that that we still mattered. I really hope this helps; I'll be praying for you.

A fabulous sex life is all in the eye of the beholder so to speak. The first thing you need to do is not think about what other people say they are having. Nine times out of then, if the truth be known, their sex life is as plain and unsexy as the rest of ours.

I recently listened to a sex therapist explain that if sex lasts less than three minutes the man has a problem...but in the same respect if he's going more than 10 he's going overboard.

Now I"m not sure how fabulous, Hollywood a couple can get in three to ten minutes, but I can certainly say it is going to be nothing like the movies.

I've been with my husband for 16 years. I'm a tired mom, with 25 lbs of extra baby weight. I don't feel the least bit sexy and I don't look at my hubby that way anymore either. Does that mean our sex life sucks? No. It is just different. It is a way to express my love for him and he make me feel the same. He gets a little added benefit because he does still enjoy it physically very much. I can't really say the same to be honest. My body has long since become less sensitive.

We have sex about once a week. It suits us fine...if we skip a week..no biggie. We giggle and laugh. It's over in less time than it took us to get undressed and prepared. That bothers my hubby a little, but it doesn't bother me a bit.

I think too many people watch movies with some kind of subconcious idea that they should be having sex like that. If the truth be known, I doubt most of the actors in those movies have sex like that.

Now some sex is a necessary thing I do believe. I would begin to feel pretty self-concious if my husband didn't want me physically. He's always had a really good sex drive. Women are emotional beings and we live by how we feel.

My mom always told me that she had to chase my dad. Which doesn't surprise me because my dad was kind of a pessimistic, woe-is-me fella. I loved him very much but I can understand how my mom would get frustrated at times...so I imagine she knows how you feel.

Maybe if he doesn't have the sex drive then you could talk to him about expressing himself in other ways that would reassure you from time to time that things are what they should be between the two of you.

You are not alone in how you feel, but I guarantee you things aren't as bad as you think compared to others. I've found that others tend to exagerate.

Hi L.,

Looks like you've got tons of advice already, so I'll just add one thought. It's not his problem alone, it's a communication thing. You don't necessarily need a therapist to facilitate communication or be the catalyst, but it seems like you do need something to guide you along so that your interactions are productive and focused and produce the results you want.

R.

Dear L.,
We have five kids and yes all have spent time in our bed. My first for almost 3 years, number 2 the same numbers 3 and 4 are only 17 months apart. So were there is a will there is a way. they say a way to a man's heart is through his stomach.... with that in mind you want to make a special meal for the two of you to share and what else follows is up to you.

J. O

Hi L.

My kids are teens now but we went through the same thing when our first was born. Sex was always great and he was always interested but after the 1st baby he was not interested at all. This baffled me because before all I had to do was make a suggestion and he was ready.

There were many causes for this:
I had a difficult labor & emergency c-section. Our daughter was 6 weeks early and had some minor complications. I had complications too and was very sick for about the 1st week afterwards.. This was all very stressful to him and honestly he was freaked out by it all. He was so worried about our baby and my health that the anxiety got the best of him.

Next he wanted to be absolutely sure I would not get pregnant again too soon and he wasn't taking any chances. Some men really have a lot on their minds once they become dads.

Next time he says "if you want to" put the baby in the crib and make your move. You may just need to break the ice and show him your physically ready.

Also, does he stay home with the baby while you work? If so he may feel like women sometimes feel when they are cooped up with a baby all day long/ Maybe he needs some "me time" or maybe you guys needs a date night.

BTW, you get a HUGE GOLD STAR from me for having a new baby, working full time and still wanting to even have sex.

Hope this helps,
L.

PS
This all passed with time and today things are switched around for us. I have had a hysterectomy and have little interest in sex but he is always ready. LOL!

Hi L.,
I haven't read the other responses so I apologize if I am repeating.
There is a thing called Andropause. It is male menopause. You could speak with your husband and have him get his hormone levels tested. It is easily treated. The following website will give you more info.
www.andropause.com

Good Luck!

I would have him checked out by a doctor who specializes in natural bio-identical hormone replacement therapy. He could be low in testosterone. Could make all the difference in the world. Just takes a blood test to find out.

Has the blue pill or any other medication he's on had a side effect that kills sex drive?

I'm not 37 yet but I know lots of 37 year olds and they certainly don't have amazing sex lives. Is your husband over-stressed? That totally kills sex drive. It may or may not be related to the baby. The biggest thing I find that kills mine is stress and fatigue and since you're saying that your husband rolled over lately and went to sleep I'm wondering if it's just that?

DO NOT FEEL ALONE!!! Throughout my pregnancy, my husband went through trends of looking at me like i was the "sacred cow" and not be touched to "honey can't you try". It was annoying and irritating and i was emotional non-stop because i felt uge and ugly. But i had to talk it out with him and get advice from other male friends that were dads.

Sometimes, it's pure fear and emotion and self-doubt. My husband feared he'd hurt the baby or damage me in some way when i was pregnant (untrue unless doc says so). His sex drive plummeted other times when he thought about how our lives will be changed forever, and how he'll have a little one who solely depends n our nurturing. He doubted that he'd be the wonderful father that he now is to our 7 month old son.

Now that our little boy is born, it took a time before we hopped in the sack. Six to eight weeks post-partum is 2 months! I never thought of it like that until i was past 5 weeks and still "recovering" to put it delicately. My husband (now confesses) he was anxious to jump in the sack a week after the baby was born when i was home nursing, but he was so worried about what i needed as new mom to be safe and healthy.

Give it time! It's a frustrating piece of advice, but give it time, talk it out and enjoy the baby! It also doesn't hurt to put the baby in the crib to sleep at night just so he has the option more often to spontaneously get things going.