No Sex Drive - Rockford, IL

I have the same problem, but im 28, have my tubes tied,2 children that im around 24/7 and my huband works all the time. When he is home I dont want him to touch me.I love him and he is very atractive.I am never in the mood any more.M. V

I know you are tired....all moms are. If hubby isn't helping out around the house, give him a list of chores that he can do taht will really help you out....hand it to him. When he gives you that cross-eyed look of astonishment, tell him that in doing this, it will give you more time to relax...wink, wink.
Having a hubby that helps out around the house is really great...and it does help the sex life. I think I would go crazy if I had to do it all. I work 2 jobs (1 full time, 1 part time) and we only have 1 almost 3 year old. But my hubby is VERY helpful...cooks, cleans, dishes, laundry and bathes the kiddo. I feel like we have a real partnership....and not tired old gender roles. Becasue of this, we are both more relaxed, we spend a lot of quality time together...in and out of the bedroom. It is funny....Saturdays are the big cleaning day....and it is almost fun. We put on loud, upbeat music, clean and dance around...even the 2 year old trys to help w/ her play vacuum. And almost every time..the cleaning session ends up in the bedroom after little one goes down for her nap.

Also...few other things...
Even if you are tired, you have to make time for this. Remember why you married your hubby in the first place. Maybe work out a date night ever couple of weeks. TURN OFF THE TV!!!!!! After the kids go down so many people use the boob tube to wind down after a crazy day.....use sex instead, you will relax better and sleep better.

Good luck! No one ever said marriage was easy...you have to work at it every day.

had that problem! mother of 4 full time R.N. and 33. Alot of the problem is you are just toooo stressed and tired and who wouldn't be with all that going on. take some mommy and daddy time or maybe just some mommy time. It really helps... Destress and get some rest and maybe your sex drive will come back.

Hi M., I think the "no sex drive" is a common issue, more so now than before; at least more spoken of now. I am experiencing the same issue since my son was born 15mos ago. I could care less about sex and it has started to affect my marriage. My husband is trying to be patient but I can see him affected by my inability or desire to get intimate. Last night I was watching the news (tivo) and saw a new treatment called G-shot. I haven't discussed it with my obgyn or done research on it so don't know much of it other than what I saw on tv which was that it enhances your sex drive. Maybe you could look into it? Have you discussed the matter with your Dr.?

I know what you mean!! I have 2 kids (9 and 18 months). I work full time days. My husband works full time nights. I take care of the cooking, cleaning, paying the bills, and etc. We only have the weekends together and by then I'm exhausted. We can't do anything until the kids go to bed which is about 9pm for the 9 year old. By then I'm ready for bed myself. I don't have the desire at all. Maybe if I had some help I would have more me time and then I would have time to think about sex. My husband doesn't understand this. He says it isn't his fault that he works nights. He is home during the day. He doesn't do anything when he is home. He is not stressed out dealing with everything so he doesn't know what it is like. Plus for men sex is the thing they think about most. Women are caregivers. They have to make sure everyone is happy before they think about themselves. We just don't have the time to make sure our husbands are happy too. Since you have some older girls coming over the summer, maybe you can pay them to babysit for a few hours and go out to dinner or a movie with your husband. If you have the option of getting an over night babysitter, you could spend some alone time with your husband for the night.

I just wanted to send a big hug!!! My hubby is demanding sex too and I am pooped!!! I have a 16 month old and a 15 year old.. I am zapped half the time.... I dont sleep not cuz of baby.. just I dont sleep... I cant.. tried sleeping pills too.. so when I go to bed early he thinks it is play time.. And gets tickd when I tell him no.. I even look forward to my time of the month!!
He went out after a meeting and stayed out at bar till 2 a few times.. later I found out it was to see if anybody woudl talk to him.. That made me feel sooo bad... what would of happen...

He said last night.. Well You know if you dont start showing me some appreciation you will be sorry...

HELLO!!!!

I guess what goes around comes around.. cuz he did not help with his first son and not with second.. so I guess he will have 2 kids on my side later on hu!!!!

Hope things get better for you hun!!!

You have way too much stress! Maybe a night away from the kids once in awhile might help. Or even a date night. K.

The brain plays funny tricks on people......it is VERY addictive. If you spend 24/7 with your children, you will basically be hypnotised (OCD)on them. The only solution to breaking ANY habit is to force yourself to do other things. You can include your child in most the other things too! The sex thing is just going to have to be a separate time for you and hubby......just like anything else, you'll have to work to improve it........and spice it up. Surprise him......and you'll be surprising yourself too. Best of luck.

I read somewhere that alot of times the reason moms have no sex drive is because they are with kids all day and always having a kid hanging on them. So when its night time and the kids are in bed they just want some time to them selfs. Maybe try taking some time to yourself durning the afternoon when the young kids are naping try taking a nice bath or a long shower that might help you.

wow you have alot on your plate plus you are suppose to want sex *giggles* It never ends for us moms. I too had a drop in sex drive after the birth of my first daughter. It will come back in time of course, but mean while you need to figure something else out. you NEED time for you! Find someone to watch the kids and take a bubble bath, take a nap, whatever it is as long as its for you. Also hubby needs to help around the house if he wants you to have some energy for sex. You cant help but resent your husband, I mean he gets to go out of the house, kid free to work with adults and you are stuck home in sweat pants with a baby on your hip. That makes any woman not even want to think about sex. Men dont understand mommy syndrome. Find a play group for your kids to go to and you can chat with other moms. I know a few places offer moms day out where you can drop off the childern and you can do what you need to do without the kids. Grocery shopping is much easier when you dont have childern with. The kids are never too young to start to help out around the house. The 5 yr can vacuum, or unload the dishwasher(if you have one), they can help sort clothes for laundry. At least it would be a little bit of help so your arent doing it all alone. Good luck
T.

Been there - done that! :) I have 3 kids (ages 9, 6, 5) and I babysit a 2 yo every day and run a business on top of all that. I can tell you that the best way to get your hubby "on your side" so that he supports you and what it takes to be a mom/wife/etc... is to keep him happy. The best way to get back "in the mood" is to initiate physical contact. Sometimes you might not feel like having sex, but I'm sure that once you get going, your feelings will change.

Honestly, I've felt this way many, many, many times and I always remember the wise words of a wonderful (elderly) woman who attends the same Bible Study that I do. She gives us words of advice often and reminds us to "keep our husbands happy". Of course we all giggle, but it really is true. Hold his hand in the middle of the day. Hug him when he gets home. Give him kisses in the middle of the day and I bet things will change for both of you. It makes sex feel less like "putting out" and more like love. Your "drive" will be much less an issue and spending time together becomes a priority.

M.,
Girl, you are not alone, although there could be something medical from the tubal, my guess is that there is so much stress in your life that you can't even think about sex. I have been there and want you to know that although this will sound like I am trying to drum up business, I am not, I may have some products that can help you "feel" like you want to have sex. I have 3 children of my own and a house and dogs and cats and horses and so many other things that depend on me, the last thing I thought I wanted was sex. The problem is that we tend to start to look at it like yet another "chore" instead of looking at it like something that will relax you. I don't want to go to much into detail, but think about how relaxed you feel when you finally do have sex. It's almost like getting a massage. Try to look at it as being pampered for an evening. Okay if you have any questions you can call me and I will direct you to my website so you can take a look.
Good Luck hun and remember that the kids will be gone eventually, you don't want to be left in the nest with a stranger :o)
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K.

I am seven months pregnant with my first child and for the past four months my sex drive has been practically zero. My husband and I had a very active sex life before. So I feel your pain! I never think about it and the days go by, and weeks. I have so little desire for any sexual intimacy that sometimes I don't even want to make out!! It's really sad. I feel kind of like a jerk because even though I tell my husband it's not because I don't want him, I know he still feels hurt. Sometimes I get so frustrated about it that I just cry.

The first thing you have to ask yourself is, Is it because I'm too tired/drained/exhausted from dealing with the kids all day? Do I harbor any little bit of resentment towards my husband for it? Can you be aroused on your own? (And if you haven't even given it a try, you definitely need to to find out if it's a mental or a physical issue.)

Often when he's getting frisky, I want to do it, but I get no response from my body. Attempts to arouse myself are pretty much futile. I asked my OB what to do about it, and he said he can't give me anything to increase my drive because I'm pregnant. But that my sex drive should come back in my third trimester (I'm here, and the drive's not!), but if it doesn't, it definitely will after I give birth and my hormones are back to normal. I hope so!

But one thing I have realized is, I have to make the effort to initiate sex with him, and more often than not, when I do, it starts off feeling weird because I'm not at all aroused, but then magically it comes back! (I have to use lots of brain power though.) I'm always shocked and happy when that happens (and my husband is too!).

So my advice to you:
1st) try to figure out for yourself if it's a mental/emotional or physical problem. That will help you get a handle on the issue. Either way, definitely go talk to your doctor about it! There are many reasons you could be experiencing this, including depression or hormonal changes.
2nd) Don't let it get the better of you. If you haven't already, talk to your husband about it and let him know how you're feeling! Let him know it's definitley not because you don't love him/find him attractive anymore. Not only will that make him feel better, but it will help him understand and be more supportive for you. Do little things throughout the day to show him you still love him. Be sure to find the time to be alone with him - get a sitter, or even when the kids are in bed - even if you can't bring yourself to have sex, at least have that intimacy. If you do want to give sex a try, don't be afraid to use "help"! Bring up every fantasy in your mind to try to get the wheels turning, and there's nothing wrong with enlisting the help of "marital aids"!
As many people have said, it's true, you do have to keep your man happy - but more importantly, you have to keep yourself happy!!

First, it sounds like you need a break! Can you and your husband take a vacation alone? Maybe being away from your children and routine will help liven things up a bit, or atleast give you some time to sort of regroup. Make sure that you are happy first, I always think that is the herdest thing for me to do, but how can you make someone else happy if you aren't happy first?