Grieving the Loss of a Dear Friend

Well, when my dad died, it made my mom feel better when his old friends and such sent her 'thinking of you' notes and wrote down little stories of their adventures together. However, some people became needy and called my mom a lot, wanting her to comfort them, hello she was the new widow! It got a little ridiculous with some well intentioned people.

And while asking for photos would be nice, it's a heavy thing to ask right now. I would wait a bit for things to calm down. It can be hard to go and look through old photos, scan them, or get copies made and mail them off so soon. They are likely still going through her things, making arrangements for her children if she had any, selling her home if she was single, going through her will, and trying to grieve at the same time.

When my sister passed three years ago I welcomed all contact from those who loved her deeply like I did. I think knowing that others loved your family member is comforting. I think checking in is just fine and asking for pics a little down the road is totally fine as well. I was also hurt by the fact that some people I thought would be at the funeral and who would call to check in on me didn't, so I really think that periodic calls are very good. I am so sorry for your loss, hugs to you.

I'd say it is nice to try and keep in touch with the family. It makes sense to take the lead at first and see if they welcome the contact (if not let it go after a few months to a year but keep in mind grieving takes a long time). Definitely be there for your other mutual friend. I had a friend that died young and it hit my best friend much harder than it hit me (all three of us had been close for years, since high school).

I lost a close friend about 10 years ago and we tried to keep in touch with her family but it kind of faded out after a while. We made a book of photos that we (friends) had. I would have liked to ask about a keepsake but never felt comfortable asking (it might have just been me--it depend on how close you feel with the family).

One thing I have seen done is a facebook memorial site. If your friend had a facebook page then her family can convert it to one easily. The one person I knew that the family did this got a wonderful response and a lot of shared stories and pictures on the FB page.

Stay connected but ask for nothing. When you stay connected (visits, you send old pics etc) they will give you something as they see that you are genuinely her friend.

I had a close friend from high school pass away last May. It was very hard on me, and his entire family. It was sudden, and unexpected. I was close with his family as well. It was hard for me because I couldn't go to his funeral , so I decided to write a poem for them to share during the ceremony.

I keep in touch with his father and siblings through facebook,and by phone . I send them letters and cards as well, just to let them know that they are in my thoughts.

A couple months later I recieved the ceremony pamphlet. They had printed my poem in it, along with a picture. It is such a treasure to have it. I would wait for awhile to ask for picture. Sometimes they start going through things a month afterwards, and might find one to give to you. They might feel obligated to find one if you ask right away, and it might be hard on them to do that right now. You could offer to do things for them, and help them with whatever they may need. I know if I lived closer to my friends family I would cook for them or clean the home, etc.

K.,
I think those are all good ideas.
I lost a close friend last year. We still get together with her husband and son, along with the other family in our close knit group. Her birthday was last week, so I donated a book she would have liked to our local library.

Sadly, I have lost many people in my life. The greatest loss for me thus far has been my mother. It has been over 12 years since she passed away and I absolutely cherish the relationships that formed from her loss. Many of her friends stayed in touch and check in on me all these years later. I always feel after a loss, you know who your true friends are. They are the ones that don't just show up for the funeral, but the ones that don't forget you 3 months down the line. Reach out to those you felt connected with and I'm sure they will appreciate it. Also, I think it would be fine for you to ask for a photo, just be mindful of how you ask.