Grandma Too Busy to Feed Child!

crazy, crazy, crazy.

did Gma eat lunch? & what happened to the food you brought? AND did she drive by a McDonalds at all?

One time is ....whatever. If it happens again, time to kick ......& you know what, it doesn't matter if you pay her. What matters is that this is a child in her care. I wish you Peace.

If this is a one time thing or a thing that doesn't happen every day then I'd say it was just one of "those" days. I have sometimes had to cook ramen noodles for dinner at 8pm and not have much else so I could get the kids something in their tummy and off to bed. Nutritious? Not even, filling and fun? Yes.

If she is doing this every day then you need to find alternative child care, in a child care center that is regulated and overseen by a licensing worker.

In a roundabout way, your mother saying she was "too busy" may have been her way of saying that she's no longer cut out for watching your 8 yr old. I mean, really... she's 72 yrs old. "Busy" is code for "tired" or "don't have enough energy to do this" or "I have other things I'd rather do but can't because I have to lug your kid around" or "I've changed my mind about watching your kid but don't want to hurt your feelings" or even "I forgot to feed your kid but I'm embarrassed to say so."

I don't think she actually meant "too busy." I do think she's trying to tell you that she can't do this any more. Find another babysitter.

Absolutely not!! And I would also be concerned that your child was too scared to ask her for anything.

No you're not being at all unreasonable. I think it's time to find other arrangements. I don't think it's a good situation if your daughter is afraid to ask your mother for something to eat.

Whats the chance that Grama took her to see the uncle and lunch time came around and because she didnt have the food you sent with her, they decided to eat at the eatnpark and it was your daughters idea to just have the shake and crackers? I know a lot of kids would love to trick grama into letting them have what mommy wont. And are you just hearing daughters side of the story? Or would grama let her do this thinking its no big deal if its only once in a while? Maybe your girl told her she wasnt hungry but wouldnt mind having a shake. So grama told you she was busy, because they were out, but really, shes just being the scape goat for the girl. Who knows. Kids can spin the story to come out the way they want and grama might not want her to get in trouble for making poor choices. It was just one meal, and at her age, she should be able to make her sandwich or get it out of the fridge when she got back to gramas. I wouldnt worry about it.

You're PAYING her. Definitely not unreasonable to expect her to actually feed your daughter real food. Wow. I'd be kind of annoyed...well, maybe not the first time, but if she did this repeatedly, I'd be annoyed.

Yes, say something to your mom. Also an 8 year old can get a prepared lunch out of the fridge on her own and probably microwave it too. (I could cook easy stuff on my own at that age and it was before we even had a microwave.) The easiest way around the situation may be to send lunch your daughter can eat on her own.

Mom may be getting too old to be taking care of your daughter. Perhaps it's time to find new childcare arrangments. Your daughter needs regular healthy meals, cheezits and shakes don't cut it in that department.

WHAT IN THE WORLD??? You're paying someone to ignore the needs of your child, AND she's your MOTHER? Look for someone else to watch your DD after school if you're paying that much money. BUT, if that's not an option, then you need to talk to your mom and set some things straight. Your daughter is old enough to get into the refrigerator and get the food you had prepared for her, and eat it WITHOUT your mother's permission. Your DD sounds sweet and polite :) I think she needs a clear understanding of what she's able to do on her own while her grandma is "BUSY". I would be so mad!

Not unreasonable at all. First you should never be "too busy" and not feed a child, seriously that is just laziness or not thinking out the day. You even gave the food to be fed, that is more then I get when taking care of a kid over a meal time. If she wants to be out and about around lunch time grandma then needs to plan for a quick stop to get lunch. Secondly you are paying her, she either has to be more responsible and see too that it never happens again or you find someone else (if possible). Lasly your daughter should not be scared to ask for food/lunch, as her why she is scared to ask, tell her it is just fine to ask and if grandma gets angry or raises her voice over it tell your daughter to tell you.

I would bring your mom in for a check up. Has this kind of thing ever happened before? It sounds as if your mom might be having beginning stages of dementia or something.

I would have her checked. I would never have her watch my daughter again, after that!

You are not being unreasonable - your mother is. Did SHE eat lunch? If she can't provide the basic necessities (like food!) during her babysitting hours, she shouldn't do it. At 72, it makes me wonder if she forgot to feed her - is she becoming forgetful? If so, it might be time for you to re-think her as a caregiver for your daughter. Even at age 8, a child still is not able to care for themselves independently. Good luck. You're in a tough situation.

Hi J.,

You are not being unreasonable at all!!! You are paying her to watch your child and she is too busy??? What in the world is more important than making sure a child's needs are met at all times??? I don't get it. I would have a talk with her and tell her this is absolutely unacceptable. You wouldn't take this behavior from a non-family member and if it were her child, she wouldn't be happy about it either. Tell her if its too much for her to handle, you are happy to pay someone else who will care for your daughter properly. GL

M

I think this is your Mom's passive aggressive way of saying she is too busy to babysit your daughter.

You are not being unreasonable! I can't imagine my parents or inlaws being too busy to feed my kids! Poor kiddo! I also can't imagine 72 being old for caring for an 8 year old. My husband's grandmother would jump at the chance to watch our kids, but she lives too far away.

If your mom really doesn't want to watch your daughter any more, I would still be irate. There are better ways of being passive agressive than not feeding a child.
I'm so sorry you are needing to deal with this! Good luck!

This certainly should not happen, HOWEVER- if it is the first time, I would not be that upset.

It does add a lot more to thought when you mentioned you PAY her. That, technically is a job- and if it isn't enough of a reason to feed her (proper food) because shes her own grandchild, surely the reason that she's getting paid for it will have her MAKE time. Eating SHOULD be priority... because well, it is a necessity! Still, if this only happens once, I would not be mad.

I'd be PISSED and spend that money for an after-school program! Your 8 year old daughter should be able to heat up lunch herself though?? maybe a communication problem, but definately not ok on g-ma's part. My G-ma is 80 and took care of my 2 (4 yrs and newborn) with NO PROBLEM!

You are not being unreasonable. Id find someone else to watch your daughter. If she is too busy to feed her she is too busy to pay attention to her, or play with her. Your mother unfortunately is aging and it may be more then she can handle to watch your daughter.

No you are not! If she is "too busy" to feed her, then I would be "too busy" to pay her! I know she is your mother, but I would consider another form of childcare...or at the very least have a serious heart to heart with her and let her know that is never acceptable.

Not HARDLY. I care for my grandson for free and his care is my priority. I'd be HAPPY with 400 per month from my paying clients for what it sounds like she does.

72 is a bit old to be primarily responsible for children...I guess. I can't imagine being like that when I am 72. But my mother is 66 this year and she's a GREAT help when she wants to be. But she can also be spoiled and lazy and sometimes I think our roles are reversed.

Did she get too busy and forgot because of running around, or did she just not care. That is two seperate things. If it was a honest miscommunication and your daughter never reminded her, then I would not make a deal out of it. If she just don't plan care that is different. Many people including myself expect kids about that age to start thinking about their own care. I will still make lunch for my son, IF he asks. He is 12 now, but I probably started not reminding him to eat every day about the age of you daughter. Not all the time, but sometimes, I was busy and he could make a sandwhich.

I do not know your history with your mom so I do not know what to say really. If it had been my mom or grandma I would not be upset in the least, but I know they would never intentionally not feed my son, of course they love food, so I know it would be true oopsy becaue they forget to feed themselves.

Of course it is reasonable to be upset.

I'm much more concerned that your daughter is afraid to ask her own grandmother for some lunch. This doesn't sound like a good situation for your daughter.