Am I Being Taken Advantage Of? My Hubby Thinks So.

This may help you sleep...kids from rough, chaotic backgrounds who do manage to achieve later ALWAYS say it is because at some point in their life they had someone who showed they cared. You are that person. Blessings to you.

She may be taking advantage, but if you don't mind the boy being there, what does it matter?!?! If you feel that you are doing good for him, let him come. I think it is up to you if you want to view it that way!

Yes, you are being taken advantage of by the Grandma. But, I agree with you to let it go. Like you said, school is starting soon - why fuss about it now?

You are really doing this boy a great favor by providing a wonderful, safe place to play. He sounds like he loves being with you and your family.

I believe it is all in how you want to perceive it. To me, you are being extremely kind to a young boy who seemingly needs someone to care about him and from what you have said, he gets that from you and your boys. The fact that you paid g-ma to watch your children is the right gesture...unfortunately, she should have declined. When she didn't refuse the money, just think of it as you were able to be a blessing to someone who maybe needed it. Maybe she didn't need it but know that you are doing the right thing. Also remember, parents are generally the root of the problem, don't punish the kids for their parents/caregivers shortcomings. You are truly being a gift to this young boy and that is what is most important....at least, that is my perception. Good job T.!

Hmm. My viewpoint is a little different. Two possibilities I can see here: is she the neglectful kind of grandma that she sounds like in your post? I have unfortunately seen children that weren't cared for and they had to figure out what to do on their own because they weren't as important as soap operas or chores. If she isn't a good care giver for her own grandchild, I certainly wouldn't have her watching MY children.
If she is not neglectful but thinks she's doing him a favor by letting him play with his friends, thinking you'll send him home for lunch if you wanted to, then her view may be different. Yeah, she should say "No, I owe you one" but if you offered to pay in your question, she probably just was happy to take whatever was offered. Maybe she thinks you're better off than she is? I don't know. You never really know what's going through peoples' heads if you don't outright ask. (I send my boys to the backyard to play while cooking dinner, and sometimes my eldest will come running in, tumbling through the door in his haste to tell me that the neighbor boy asked him to come play. I'll say yes....and they play outside together in his yard.....but it makes me a little nervous since I don't know the new neighbors well as to whether they think I'm just "sending" him to them or not. I give them an hour or so, then come get him for dinner and thank the parents, reiterating that I know she just got home from work and to send him home anytime she just wants to veg with the family).
If it were me, I would have approached it something like "Hey, I have a 2 hour appointment that I can't bring the boys for, and was wondering if you'd be willing to swap with me? Would you watch my guys for me, and then when I get back your grandson can come back over to play?" (Basically a request with a reminder that you have her guy all the time). If I thought she might need the money, I would have paid for 2 hours....just not more than $20.

I don't necessarily think you're being taken advantage of, but I also wouldn't have paid her to watch your 2 kids for 2 hours when you've been watching her 1 kid for what, 8-10 hours a day for however long.

Does Grandmom Need the money? she is being taken advantage of by her daughter, raising her grandson because his mother isnt. My neighbors and I try to help each other out all the time, but if I felt they needed money...

I think you keep being the kind, caring person that you are, by helping out this little boy out and making his life better.

Are you supposed to refuse the little boy because his grandma and useless mother can't be bothered with him?

Even if they ARE taking advantage of you, you are doing it for the little boy (and for your own children to have a playmate), not for the useless adults.

I can see both points of view. You're basically having a playdate with her grandson, and she was babysitting your two.

Personally, I think she should have offered to do it for free because of everything you've done for her grandson. But she didn't, so I can understand why you paid her.

I have to agree with your husband. You are so very kind to watch this boy for his grandma, and I don't see anything wrong with that, if you're okay with it. Commen sense should have told her, though, to offer to pay you since you pay her when she watches your boys. This would have at least given you a chance to say something like, "Perhpas we can do a trade instead of payment for the next time I could use your help with my boys." Would this be something you could say to her?

You seem to be fine with having him around. Let him hang around and learn a different style of family life than the one he's been given.

I would probably have offered to pay the grandma also.

Sometimes my husband thinks I am being taken advantage of, or that I am being asked to do too much, or that I am too accomidating of others-- I have to tell him that I LIKE feeling that I am helpful and that half the things he thinks I've been ASKED to do I volunteered for.

April C said it perfectly. I can't add a thing.

Thanks April. Very well said.

Good luck to you and yours.

The little boy obviously loves being with your boys. I dont' know if your being taken advantage of though. The boy wants to come play because he is probably bored at grandma's house,gma lets him come over. You don't call and say come get your grandson in 2 hours so she figures you don't care how long he is over. If you dont' want to feed him send him home and tell him he can come back in an hour(make sure grandma knows you'll be eating so she can feed him) The grandma probably feels bad for him since his mother isn't the best and probably just wants him to have fun when he is with her. I don't think your babysitting him since she is home and didn't ask you and how much food is he really eating? Is it breaking you? I think your husband is being a jerk. This poor little boy has a rotton home life and coming to gma's and seeing his friends is what he looks forward to all week.
As far as paying the grandma to watch your kids I think you should. You are asking her to take care of your children while you are away from your home,if the grandson was there it may be different.

As a grandmother who has had her grandkids forced on her even when I had appointments and even work I can tell you she may have said no several times to the child's parent. She may have told them she had to get the house repairs finished but he came anyway. I would take the high road and just let it be, it's only for a few more days.

Also, she may be very very grateful that someone is helping her out. Is it possible she needs a bit of extra income too? One never knows first hand just how another person is doing financially, if you can afford it then go ahead and pay her. If she takes good care of your kids then she has proven herself to you.

I think let it go, if it is putting a hardship on you financially to let him eat with you then just tell him you have some things to do and he has to go back to grandma's then can come back later.

Definitely, it was not fair of the Grandmother to take payment. I think you already know this from the way you wrote the description, and the information given: weeks of free care you've provided, the free meals you've fed. Either you are doing it for hospitality or business, since you've provided a place for the child to visit with yours as a good neighbor, it is dishonest of the Grandmother not to offer the same in kind for only two hours. It shows a disconnect...she clearly would not do for you what you are doing for them, so on some level must be aware she's "getting" something for nothing from you. It doesn't sound like she's appreciative, or she would have rejected your money. It's too late now that you've paid her, what can you do? Just don't do it again. Have a conversation that you're happy to have the child over, but it return it would be appropriate to have your son visit as well.

Set some time limits and walk him back home. You aren't getting paid, she is. I tend to somewhat agree with your hubby. Not entirely.
So again, set time limits and physically take him home. Granny should get the idea. Give an excuse like "I just dont want him to get so bored at my house all day", or "my kid is worn out and needs a nap".

But it's true that with school starting, this should be over. If it gets to be a problem after school starts, then enforce your time limits.

There would be conflicting feelings for me if I were in that situation...

I would say that you're being taken advantage of somewhat, but your husband has to take into acct that you have more than one. I don't know the age of this grandma (i.e. my mother is only 55 where my mother in law is almost 70 - one can handle a lot more than the other), but I'm sure you're making her life easier. And you're not technically babysitting either. She's not asking you to watch her grandson. She's just not checking up on him when he wants to play with your boys. Yes... That is a technicality.

There's so few days left of the summer... I'd brush it off. Maybe by next summer you'll have something figured out. Explain to your husband that this little boy has chosen you and your boys as his friends and friends are family you get to pick. ☺

My neighbor and I go back and forth with our girls... If she needs a break, her daughter comes to my house. If I need a break, my daughter goes to her house.

you are kind. no.

T.:

Next time you have a Dr's appointment - schedule it with her in advance, of course, for her to babysit but DO NOT pay her...if she expects payment - say - I'm sorry - I was under the impression we were even since I watch your grandson...you don't need to be snotty or mean - just matter of fact.

The only way you are being taking advantage of is you DO NOT want to do it and don't speak up....

GOOD LUCK!!

Sorry such a long response...I think Mel F. made a point to consider when she said:

"As far as paying the grandma to watch your kids I think you should. You are asking her to take care of your children while you are away from your home,if the grandson was there it may be different."

...You didn't mention if her grandson is there or not when the gma babysits. I guess if you look at it like this you might want to continue to pay her. Although I agree with what J.C. said also, she could turn down the money since she knows her grandson is over your house so much...or she could even take less than the amount offered. But just think, she may be less forunate than you and need the money, but you have to be the judge of that.

I think if you can afford to do it, then do it. It will get paid forward to you in the future for doing something so caring. I also can agree with the others, if you can't afford to feed him, send him home and tell him to tell his gma the boys are eating lunch. And I was told I could come back after I ate lunch. That way she might get the point....

Hope everything works out!

You are being taken advantage of, the Grandma should not have accepted money from you for babysitting!!!

However, if YOU don't feel resentful for the time he's there, then let it go. I'd sit down with Grandma and let her know that this is becoming an issue with your husband. Just be honest.