Go Go Go

When my DD ignores me, I say "OK, you have a choice. You can either do what you have been asked to do or you can think about it in time out." DD tries to do "one more thing" even if she's gotten a warning. "DD, in 5 minutes, you will be taking a bath." Uh huh. So in 5 minutes, she tries to get more play dough real quick. I don't think so! But if she has a fit when given her choice, I remind her that it's her choice but throwing a fit is not an option.

He is not doing this on purpose to get you upset! If you can stop thinking that you will be less upset. When you think he's doing this to upset me your mind will automatically get irritated/angry at what you perceive his purpose is as well as his not following directions.

I would try asking him in a different way. Make doing what you want fun. Perhaps pick up the first toy and say let's put your toys in the box. Once he's started say, you're doing a good job. I'm going to go start dinner. You just keep working and then praise him when he's done.

Have you tried the pick up toys song. I don't remember the words but you can use any words. Sing your request and keep singing as he keeps working.

When he just stands there, he may just need a bit of extra time to process the request. I've seen moms expect their children to immediately move. Kids just cannot quickly switch from one activity to the next. Allow him some time. And, in a friendly manner help him get started. Children are more apt to co-operate when it's co-operation and not orders being used.

I suggest that he throws a tantrum because you're upset with him. I urge you to be calm, compassionate and light handed when asking him to do something. Say you know he wants to keep playing but it's time to pick up the toys and get ready for dinner. Let him know you understand his feelings too.

You have three kids, the oldest is 8 and you just asked a few weeks ago about how to stop the yelling. This question is how to get respect from your middle child.

I'd suggest it's definitely time to chose a new parenting plan, get some books and start researching.

I'm sorry, I know that sounds harsh. Rearing a child and "homemaking" is a full time job. That means I read some books on my new profession. I humbly suggest that what you've been doing hasn't been working. It might be time to try something new.

I know what you are going through because our son was pretty difficult for a while there. Starting at age 5 he would angrily talk back to us when we told him to go do something. The speaking rudely AND refusing to do what he was told was really bad. We started giving him a punishment if he did not do what was asked and we had to be very black and white about it...meaning do it and follow through every single time. For our son what worked was to take away a day of video games because he loves them or to take away a standing playdate he has every week. You have to find what works for your son. The other thing was I learned to give him lots of advance warning before he had to do something. I have to keep him well fed...if he is hungry he is extra impossible. And most importantly I have to make my request very specific. For example if he has to do his homework I say first, go get your pencil. Then, come sit at the table and I will bring you a snack. Then, start reading your homework book. Ok, now start the writing par of your homework. For cleaning his room I have to say first, pick up your legos. Ok, now pick up your stuffed animals. Ok, now put all your spy gear away. Etc... It is more work but we don't have the huge standoffs anymore. It could also be that he has matured as he has gotten older. Sit your son down and you and your husband tell him the new house rules. Tell him if he stands there and does nothing when asked to do something that he will get a consequence and it will be X.

Good morning. Sounds like a little stand off to me. I say that you take him by the arm and lead him to what you are asking of him and let him know that you are willing to wait as long as it takes for him to get this job/homework done. The more time that he takes from you getting to handle your things will be taken from his free play time. This may or may not work but the outcome is better than you waiting on him and giving him the power to decide when he is ready to listen or comply. It's funny how at different stages each child has a moment of "testing". It doesn't stop at grade school and continues :( not to mention, each child seems to test differently and over different issues. They are interesting little humans that become someobody's life partner and think about it...our husband's still test (as do we wives at times...hee hee)

:)

I noticed when my kids were smaller that I would get this when I gave a vague or overwhelming command, like clean your room. Sometimes a sharp clap would break them out of the trance, but usually it was a gentle "ok, what do you think is the first step in cleaning your room?" and lead them to a logical step, such as pick up the dirty clothes. Or for homework, bring your backpack to the table. In other words, breaking it up to manageable steps instead of such an overwhelming idea.

I know it can be so frustrating. My youngest loves to be challenged by authority. The best thing to do IMO is to give him fair warning. IF he does not do the task, then there needs to be a valid consequence. Like no tv, no video games time out, whatever works. My oldest responded well to a reward chart. Maybe have him put a sticker on his chart everytime he completes the task and then it can be a treat- ice cream, candy, extra tv, or a small treat/treasure box. They understand so much more than we give them credit. Another thing is never to go back on your word. Stick to the punishment. It takes a good 2-3 weeks to correct behavior and once to undo it! Oh and also seriously, if you feel like you are losing it, just walk away and come back. He probably feels an little accomplished when you get upset over him not listening! Good luck!

Ditto AV. Word for word.