Getting Kids to Sleep in Their Own Bed

My kids are all in their 20's now, but I remember they loved their bed tents. They had plastic piping and the tent portion and fitted sheet were different characters (Rainbow Bright, My Pretty Pony, etc.). They liked to play in their tents, so they kept special toys inside their tent pockets.

I have battled with this over the years on and off. A couple of things have worked for me...

I have one daughter who was always a good sleeper, but got into the habit of coming over in the middle of the night (bad dreams); once they get in that habit, it's very hard for them to break it on their own, even if what started it is no longer an issue. With this daughter (she was about 5 at the time)I eventually made a little bed on the floor next to me (a sleeping bag is ideal) and told her she'd have to sleep there if she came over because I just couldn't sleep with her in my bed and I need my sleep too to stay healthy. She was fine with this. Then, after a few nights of that, I rolled up the sleeping bag and put it into the corner of my room and told her that if she wanted to sleep in my room, she'd have to make the little bed when she came over. She was OK with this, but it didn't take more than a few nights and she stayed in her own bed again! The idea was to make it difficult for her; it was too easy for her to just come over and hop in my bed, and I was always way too tired to walk her back over and over again each night.

This strategy did not work for my other daughter, but I found one that did and am currently implementing it. She too was always a good sleeper, but got into the habit of coming over after an illness. This daughter (8 yrs old) is extremely competetive and always responds to a challenge. So, I made a chart for the three daughters and gave them a star sticker for every night they went to bed well and stayed in their own beds for the whole night. I gave half stars if they stayed in bed, but behaved poorly at bedtime or whatever. I said that at the end of a week (7 nights) they would get a reward. I decided that the reward would be $ and they could choose what to do with it. I valued each star at $.50 and each half star at $.25; they earned NO $ unless they had gotten a minimum of 5 stars that week. At the end of the week, they got paid. My plan is to carry out the chart for 3 weeks (then it will just kind of disappear) banking on the theory that it takes that long to establish/break a habit. Let me tell you though, this daughter (who screamed and yelled about the chart initially) earned 5 stars the first week (adding up the half stars); seven stars the second week, and is about to get seven stars for this last week! She always responds to a challenge!!! Initially, she was so against it and said she would not participate. I told her that it was my chart, not hers and that I was going to keep track because I wanted to. I said that at the end of the week, if she had earned any $, she could choose not to accept it, but that being on the chart was not a choice because it was MY chart. This worked. Also, I praised her each day that she had had a good night, telling her how proud I was of her!

Also, I think laying with him until he falls asleep goes against your ultimate goal. He has never learned to fall asleep on his own and he needs to! When he wakes in the middle of the night, he is not able to fall back to sleep unless he is near you, because that's the only way he knows how to fall asleep. This is a habit he needs to learn his way out of. One thing you can try is to lay with him one or two more nights, but leave before he falls asleep. Then, the next couple of nights sit next to the bed, but leave the room before he falls asleep! Then, sit in the room for a couple of nights, but not right next to the bed. Then, put him to bed and tell him that you'll check on him in 10 minutes. After 10 minutes, go in, kiss him and leave saying you'll check in a few more minutes; go back 15 minutes later and so on until he's asleep. Continue this checking on thing for as many nights as necessary. Be sure not to have a clock in his room or he'll stay awake counting the minutes until you come in.

I don't really have any specific advice, but have had MANY sleep issues w/ my oldest boy who is almost 6. Throughout these past 6 years a book which I have found extremely helpful, empowering, flexible in approaches, and non-judgemental is "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissblueth". Check it out.

Quit laying down with him to get to sleep!STOP!
And if it is that important to your husband then he should get up in the night and quietly put the boy back in his own bed, no talking, etc.
He must do it as many times as it takes for him to get the idea.
The only exception to the rule should be if the child has a severe nightmare.....that may or may not happen so don't mention it.

Hi J.,
I am a mother of five (3 of mine and 2 stepchildren). I experienced similar problems with my oldest when they were younger(3-5yrs). The one thing that helped me the most was to establish a nightly routine: snack,read a book, or just some quiet time, brush teeth, and go to bed. The older they got the harder it was, but sticking to a routine, and letting them know that you are serious about him sleeping in his own bed should work. there might be three or four nights of kicking and screaming, especially at his age, but the hardest part is not giving in to it. I am a firm believer of children sleeping in their own beds (with the exception of a storm or if they are sick). Mom's and Dad's need their time too!! I hope this helps!
M.

I know it is kind of a crazy idea , but my daughter slept with us every night . We came up with the bed time fairy , which every night she made it all night in her bed , the bedtime fairy came and left her something (a quarter , small prizes) after a week or two , she was excited that she had extra money and sleeping in her bed , we told her the fairy had to move on and help other kids sleep in their beds .... (not sure at 7 if it would work or not , my daughter is 7 and still believes in all those things ) :-)

Hi I am a mother of Five. They are all older now the youngest being 12 years old. My first did this until he was five. My husband tried to complain at first, but I reminded him he was susposed to be the adult in the situation. This usually calmed him down. Even in the future when it came to other things. When my husband passed away from a Heart Attack at age 33. I still had some very young kids. Three of the Five would sleep with me every night. They were scared I would pass away while they slept just like their Dad.
I don't know your son's circumstances, but perhaps there is a reason why he needs you close. Your Husbands angry actions will not help the situation, only make it take longer and keep you from finding out the problem. If there is any.
I don't know. If there has never been any change in your young sons life then perhaps it is just time for you to explain in a very nice manner, that you and Daddy need your space and can't sleep right with so many people in your bed.
Ask him if he would like it if you were always taking over his bed. Or if he would like it if you were taking over his toys. But Perhaps he's scarred of something. I am not sure.
I only know that my children were and got to sleep with me until they were secure in the fact that I was here to stay.
God Bless you and your Little family. I sure hope everything goes your way and I understand why your husband wants his space, but know that angry thoughts, or words won't fix the problem. AD

HI! Our family goes through cycles where our bed seems like a merry go round at night-someone is always coming in or out. Try this: Put a sleeping bag next to your bed. Tell your son that if he feels like he needs to come in, he can get into the sleeping bag, but not your bed. Tell him that he must not wake you up. Do that for a week, and then move the bag next to your door and do the same for a week. After a week of that, move it into the hallway, etc. until you have moved it back to his room. Hopefully at this point, your son will be used to staying in his bed. At the very least, you are not being disturbed in the middle of the night and you will have your bed to yourself!

OMgosh I as so glad to hear it isn't just me!!!!!!!! Sorry I know that didn't help. I have finally told my son in a very firm way that he has to be a big boy and sleep in his own bed. We have been doing "a pattern" one night with me, 3 by himself. This week will be one and 4 nights, etc. Best advice I can give is to take him back to his bed when he comes to your bed, and let him throw a bit of a fit and he will eventually goto sleep. Barring no underlying reason, he is just trying to have some control over you and get his own way. If you have a pet, let him take the pet to bed or in the room with him. That might help him not be scared.

Good luck!

my son is 5 and occassionally will get in our bed, he used to join us every night. we got him a flashlight that has a handle(he picked it out), and told him that if he gets scared just to turn it on & it'll keep him safe. needless to say we went through ALOT of D batteries the first few weeks, now he has a blue night light that he turns on before bedtime. tell your husband to try not to get upset most kids go through this, especially ones that were sleeping with thier parents when they were infants. they need to know that you are their ALL the time. also you can try sleeping with an old shirt or nightgown(not on you)but craddled in your arms and the next night, give it to your child, the scent of you being near them can be a great comfort to them as well.

It sounds like the problem might be with your husband and not your son, If he's the one that's angry about it. Just something to think about, maybe have a talk with him on how you feel.

Buy your son a cheap and fun alarm clock and help him set it for an half-hour or 15 minutes before you get up. Tell him he can only come in when the alarm clock goes off. This will mean he will still get the attention, hugs, and kisses he needs from you in the morning, but it will be when everyone is well-rested. Stress to him that this is the only exceptable time to come in unless he is ill.In his eyes, this means he gets the attention he wants and he will accept this. This works for our 8 year old (we started it when he was five) who still sets his alarm every night.