Reclaiming Parents' Bed!

My almost 3 year old has been in my bed mostly from birth. He has NEVER been a good sleeper. As he approached 3 I decided I wanted to claim my bed back. Here's what I have done. I have his toddler bed next to mine. I explained to him that this was his big boy bed. We could read stories and snuggle in my bed. When it was time to go to sleep he would go to his bed. When he woke up he could get into my bed. He initially woke up at 11pm. However, it has gotten later and later each night. Last night he spent the entire night there and was very excited about it. He did wake up and talk to me but never left his bed. The next step will be to move it farther away. Hope this helps.

yes simply put her into her own bed as much as you can.. My 4&1/2 yr old still climbs in with us and we put her backinher own bed as soon as she is back to sleep.. Okay sometimes as soon as we realise she is there...

We downsized from a king to queen size bed and told her there wasn't enough room any more. It worked for us.

My husband and I also had this problem. I ended up explaining to my daughter that I could not sleep well when she was in the bed with us. Then I took her crib mattress out and put it on the floor in our room next to my side of the bed. I told her that she could still come into our room if she got scared, but that she would have to sleep on her "little" bed next to me, not in our bed. She loved it. She could still be close enough, but gave us the space we needed to sleep well. Good luck!

I wish I had some advice for you- instead I would love for you to pass along any advice you get!! I am in the same boat- my daughter is almost 3 and sleeps with us nightly! She did well in her own bed for a couple of weeks but then decided she wanted to come back in ours!! I don't have the heart to force her to sleep in her own bed- I figure that she won't want to sleep with us forever(hopefully)!!!!

We allow our son in bed when he is sick and when traveling since the surroundings are unfamiliar. We wean him back into the crib by the second day away from home. When he naps on vacation, I am nearby since he wakes up every hour to see if someone is familiar. If he has had a bad dream at home, I take him to the couch to fall back to sleep in my arms in the early a.m. We sometimes stay there since he sleeps lighter in the morning and realizes he is going back to the crib. It's easier on the working spouse if the crying is kept to a minimum.

Hi S.,

My brother's daughter is now 4 years old. Since they moved (around one year ago), she would get asleep in her own bed but go into their bed around midnight and spend the night there.
They tried so many things to have her stay in her bed (they even switch room with her).
The last trick works. Once month ago, they bought her a new big bed and "redecorate" the room around it. Since she has her big bed, she sleeps in it and stays in it until morning. Hope this helps,

Geranska.

My husband and I had the same problem, we tried a sticker system once our child was old enough to understand the concept.about 3 yrs old...reward her with a sticker for each full night that she spends in her bed and have a goal(start small..3 nights in a row) then she might be able to go out for an ice cream for example...then make the goals larger by increasing the number of nights in a row, perhaps a new toy.. If they slip up and come into your bed, the counting starts over at 1. This method worked for us, I hope that you will try it. Make the chart together and pick out some pretty stickers, that way your child feels like she is helping and it makes her feel good about it.
M. B
Avon, Ma

I went through the same with my son, Joseph. We transitioned from our bed to the sleeping bag next to us and eventually his own bed. it did take some time. I agree, I would never trade in those cuddly moments :)

He is a very loving and cuddly kid; nothing wrong with that!

Hi,

Have you thought of giving either her bed in your room or creating a special bed for when she has nightmares? My 4yo has increased her snuggletime since her now 8 mo brother has come into our lives and sleeps in our bed. We bought her a special comforter, one of her choosing, and it is placed on the floor in our room just in case she wants/needs to be with us.

E. P.

Let me tell you, I totally agree! We let our daughter sleep with us for about a year. She climbed out of her crib at 9 months, and never stayed in it for anything. We tried a big girl bed but she screamed forever until she fell asleep in her changing tables 2nd shelf. my husband allowed her to sleep with us because he couldn't handle it...I was so happy when he caved first. As she got older my back killed due to her turning and making it harder for me to sleep. Then when she started crying in her sleep is when my husband agreed it was time to reclaim our bed. We put her in her bed and let her scream it out. It took less than a week but she now loves her bed. What's your daughter into..mine was princesses. We decked her toddler bed out in princess decor and that helped a LOT. Now she knows she's a big girl and tells everyone she sleeps in her princess bed. She is able to claim her independence herself which helps.

Honestly,I sad cold turkey!!! I would just tell her, that this is your bed, and she has her bed, and that is where she is to sleep. And simply no longer allow her into your bed. I know it will be hard at first. I feel it is the only way. To let them in your bed sometimes, and not other times is confusing to them. I say just drop it all together. I love snuggling too, and perhaps set aside time to snuggle on the couch when watching a good childrens movie.
Best of Luck

This is a very hard thing to break.We had to have our first daugther in our room with us until 9 months old because she had bad reflux. She did eventually make her way to her own room and bed but as soon as she could walk she would get out and come into our room probably because she was so use to being with us. She then developed cronic ear infections and ended up needing tubes so we let her sleep with us for that ordeal. She never really did learn how to stay in her bed all night.

She is now 10 and she starts off in her own room and bed but still comes into our room every night. Most of the time we are to exhausted to realize. We stopped fighting it. It does stink but at this point we just go with it and know that someday she will want her "own" space. It is not for everyone but we deal with hit. Sorry I was no help. I just wanted to give you the other side, things could be much worse in life. Good Luck.

Hi S.
We had the same problem with my son (who is now 18 and sleeps in his own bed!). What we did was to get him a sleeping bag and put it on the floor next to our bed. We talked about it first. Then told him when it would start, giving him a few days to adjust to the idea. It took some work but it went much better than I had anticipated. He liked the sleeping bag idea but I do remember having to stuff pillows around the underbed area to block the "dark". I slept close to the edge so he could see me and know I was watching him. Eventually he would just get up at night and show up on the floor and I wouldn't even hear him. Then eventually he stayed in his own bed. That usually happens around school age. Good luck. Be persistent. Remind him of what you talked about and tell him how it's going to work. Expect some tears. Rewards can help too although I don't remember what we used. Good luck. Hope this helps.
D. S

We have also been in this situation with our almost 3 year old twins. Some nights they want to get into our bed and other nights they make their way to the couch in the living room. Some nights they both stay in bed all night and others they take turns- no rhyme or reason. We have tried EVERYTHING! I too will be reading the responses and hoping for some resolutions. Good Luck!

Hi S.. I have not had this problem - but as a parent of a little girl who once had colic, I did SO much research on sleep issues (and I still am)!
I have read a couple of things you can try:
- once she falls asleep in your bed, pick her up and move her quietly to her own bed.
- go to HER room and sleep with her in her bed, and leave once she falls asleep
- tell her it is time for her to be a big girl, and sleep in her own space. Let her sleep on your bedroom floor if she has to. (My parents let me do that when I was little and had a nightmare).
Good luck to you!

Try taking her shopping for a bedroom maekover. You could go with a fairy theme and get a pretty fairy net to encase her bed. A few pretty pillows and glowing stars for the walls would be fun. You could also get her a cd player ( pink if she likes that) and burn a couple "nighttime music" cds for her. Add a nightlight and if you can find one a star lantern (check online). My son has one and loves it! It gives a soft glow to the room. Talk up the makeover big time. tell her how lucky she is to be a big girl and get a big girl makeover. Let her help to pick out what she likes. Then make a big deal about sleeping in her pretty room. You could read a fairy book before bed to complete the fanatasy. Good luck!

my 5 yr old STILL climbs into bed with us. and seeing as it only happens once in a while, we still like the snuggle time with her too! most of the time, we dont even know that she has climbed between us!! anyways, we started a reward chart to incourage her to do various tasks. at the time, climbing in was an almost every night occasion, so we put up "staying in bed all night" (this also helped to keep her in bed when it was time to go to sleep) if she got out of bed at any point that night, the next day she would not get a sticker. a good reward we used was pennies. we cant afford (nor do i necessarily agree with alowance) however, kids LOVE getting money for their piggy banks and it doesnt matter if its a penny or a dollar! at the end of the week, she would get a penny for every sticker, and if she got all of her stickers for any day, she would get a dime (or 10 pennies). that way, at the most, she would get 70 cents at the end of the week. this worked great for us, i hope it helps you too!

I made up a little bed on the floor next to ours then eventaully they got tired of sleeping on the floor and realized their bed was much more comfortable. you have to be consistent and fully prepared for some resistance habits are hard to break. K.

I also had the same issue with my now five year old daughter. What we did was wait for her fourth birthday and we kept reminding her when she turned four we would redo her room (in princess, and buy a new comforter and a castel night light) and she would need to sleep every night in her big girl bed except if she had a bad dream she could wake us up and we would go back to her room and tuck her in. Or if she was sick she could come and wake us up and we would check her but only if she couldn't wait until the morning. We told her if she was sick enough to wake us up then that ment we had to go to the doctors.

After reading the Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child book, I picked a few points from it that I really liked. My goal was to get my then 3 1/2 yr old to sleep thru the night in his own bed. We got a timer that you plug into the wall, that a lamp plugs into - we chose a really kid fun lamp. He was allowed in our room when the lamp went on. Started it out early early, then when he succeeded, moved it a bit later until we got to about 7 am. If he made it until the light went on, he got to pick something from the "Goody Basket" - a basket prominently displayed and ceremoniously placed on a high shelf with really cool toys in it - he got to look thru the basket before bed and we'd talk about being able to pick something special if he made it thru the night - we talked about if he woke up before the lamp was on, he could just go back to sleep. Worked like a charm - anytime we'd travel or get sick and needed to go back to it, we did. Once he was sleeping well, we'd say that he was such a great sleeper that he no longer needed the "Goody Basket" He is now a very proud and good sleeper.

Good Luck!

Hello,

I also am blessed with a 3 1/2 year old only daughter at age 44 now. I do have 3 older boys also. My husband and I got in the habit from her infancy of having her sleep with us. Recently she started to become so squirmy (she would sleep sidewards with her legs always kicking my husband).

We started to tell her that big girls sleep in their own beds, naming a few of the older girls she knows. We also told her we would be fine if she came in our bed when she wakes up in the morning (daylight). She seems to have understood us. If she occasionally comes in bed in the middle of the night we will bring her back to her bed. But overall it seems to be working!!

About a year or so ago we stopped allowing our son to come into bed with us, but he also hasn;t stopped waking in the middle of the night either. In the middle of the night if he is having trouble sleeping we allow him to camp out on our floor in a sleeping bag. Works for me!

She's only little once. She won't want to sleep with you forever. When she's older and you're up to midnight wondering when the heck she's going to call or get in, you'll think back to the days when you spent the night with her tucked in securely and safely beside you. Don't be too quick to give it up!

Hi S.,
I think a bedtime routine definitely helps. Something like dinner, a bath, reading either on the couch or in bed, brushing teeth and then you can try having her go to bed in her bed, or staying with her till she falls asleep. When she gets used to the routine, she will probably fall asleep more readily.
My son is 6 and we usually have put him to bed or let him fall asleep in our bed. But now, he will sometimes say, ok I'm going to sleep in my bed, come say good night to me. He is our youngest.
Bedtime is one of the hardest times of day. It is harder for us now too, because our older kids stay up later than they used to. It extends our night and gives us less time than we had when our kids went to bed at 8:00. I find it hard to get the routine under way with my 6 year old.(he wants to stay up late like his brothers) I would say to just be patient with her, do lots of reading and maybe take turns with your husband. Also, going outside during the day for exercise seems to help everyone sleep better at night.
Hope that helps! Enjoy your daughter! These are really fun years!

Hello
Maybe you could try making a 'big deal' of her bed and bedding. You could take her out shopping and have her pick out her favorite sheets. You could purchase a sheer canopy (I saw one at A.J. Wrights for $16.00). And turn it into a theme. I did princess bed. I also made a slip cover for their headboard that they could decorate themselves. My theory was to personalize and love their bed so that their own space is something special to them and wants to spend time there.
My daughters were readers so I would allow a book--I put a little wind up alarm on their bedside table and when that went off they were to go to bed.
Almost forgot: I also purchased a special bed stuff animal. I told my daughter that "bunny bunny" was tired and needed to go to sleep. "She had a special day tommorrow and needed to get her rest" or was "tired from all the activities of today"
{Also helps her to feel she is not alone in her room}. [My younger daughter had a barbie she brought EVERYWHERE with her].
***Do not feel guilty if she cries a bit--it is a new experience--try and make it FUN!!!! not something stressful or something you dread.
!Good luck!

I know exactly what you mean when you say you wouldn't give up those moments. Some of my best memories are from my now 13 year old daughter sleeping the night in my bed. She would talk up a storm and put her little hand on my shoulder and tell me how much she loves me, etc. Now the bad news, she still crawls into my bed. I am divorced so really not a big issue for me. When she is at her dad's she sleeps in her own bed. Believe it or not, she still talks up a storm at night and it is our closest times together. Unfortunately the only way to break the habbit, is cold turkey. You will need to go through a couple of very bad nights but then it will be over. Every time she climbs into your bed, you will have to get up and put her back in her bed. Reinforcing that she is a big girl, etc. Good luck!

Well if that doesn't sound familiar! After the birth of our second and trying to get the 2 girls in their shared room, we have let a few bedtime regimens fall off...to my shame. Our older daughter (2.5) used to be the most independent FANTASTIC sleeper and now we're sliding backwards, losing ground. But, I think we have tackled having her stay in her bed once we put her in it - for the whole night. We did it with a behavioral chart. I thought she might be too young, but it seems to have worked. She gets a sticker on the chart every morning that she wakes up in her own bed and sometimes a little treat and then, after 7 nights in her bed (not necessarily in a row) she get s big treat, we did a trip to the ice-cream store and we have some small gifts in store for her. We remind her every night before she goes to sleep and so far it's worked (for about 2-3 weeks). Now we have to figure out how to get her to go to sleep in her own bed, which means without a screaming fuss so she doesn't wake up little sister. For now, she falls asleep in our bed and even then she's not always a big fan, but one thing at a time!

Hi S.,
Don't kick yourself too hard -- you're certainly not alone in this particular struggle. Your daughter is old enough to sit down with and explain that you're going to have some new rules. You can let her know that you love her snuggles, but that it's very important for you and Daddy to also have time together because you love his snuggles too. They can understand that at this age, and it gives kids a sense of security knowing that their parents love one another. This way you can prep her a little bit, because the only approach I know of that works is as the last post said: cold turkey. I'm a mom of 6, soon to be 7, and we've had to do this quite a few times over the years, most recently just last week with our 4-year-old, in almost the same situation. My trusty "sleep bible" is "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child," by Dr. Marc Weissbluth, and here is his approach to this issue at this age: before bed, you review the new sleep rules with her: 1. Stay in bed. 2. Close your eyes. 3. Stay very quiet. 4. Go to sleep. For my son I added one, because he went to bed fine, but came up in the middle of every night. 5. If you wake up in the night, stay in your bed and go back to sleep. Then we promised him a reward if he stayed in his bed all night. It can be a little gift, a favorite breakfast, whatever will motivate. That's the easy part. The hard part is what follows. They will try repeatedly, with tears and drama, to come into your bed all night long, to test the new rules. Each time, you have to take them by the hand, with no talking, and no eye contact, and quietly walk them back to bed. They are looking for a reaction. Do not give any reaction. With our son, it took three nights. It may take longer depending on how ingrained the habit is. We actually ended up closing our door, which was enough to send our son back down to bed without us having to take him. He did this several times, but the third night he stayed in bed all night. But the carrying on is almost unbearable at first, so you have to hang tough. What we've noticed though, is when they get it, they are so proud of themselves for being a big kid. Good luck.