Fun Stuff to Do/talk About with Husband

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I havent had a date night these last 7 years, i booked a room at a nice hotel /spa..........uninterupted sex and a professional massage is what i am planning.

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The best thing we did was to stop watching TV so that we could sleep earlier. We started waking up earlier to make out and read our favorite inspirational book to each other. Then, we would tell each other one thing we like to do or something we like about the other. Only one person can talk at a time and the other has to listen,repeat and affirm what the speaker is saying.

We tried doing stuff in the evening but our daughter would interrupt us or we would end up being too tired to do anything productive. One of us would get irritable and it wasn't fun. So waking up in the morning was the best bet for us. It took a while to adjust but since we stuck to it, we now feel more connected.

We talk about anything and everything! Something else that we do, that has turned out to be really fun and great for us both is we read together... when laying in bed at night we take turns reading chapters out loud to each other, of whatever book we have chosen at that moment! Might be worth a try...you can start with some classics or more cult classics...like Fahrenheit 451 (hubby's all time favorite, I wasn't all that impressed, shhh! Don't tell)...or Animal Farm...or Hitchhikers Guide to the galaxy...or Catcher in the Rye....or Lord of the Flies...or whatever you guys like and have always wanted to read but never had the time?

I must admit...Moby Dick kicked our Arse! So many weird descriptive words...it was the only book we gave up on...sad, I know! and we were so excited about it too!?

~We got the idea after we read all the Harry Potter's out loud to our kids:)

I asked the same question to mampedia a couple months ago and got a great recommendation from many moms. They told me to read a book called "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". I didn't like the sound of it at first but I ended up buying it anyways on Amazon.com for like $10. I really changed my outlook on my marriage and REALLY helped our relationship. The first day I read it I started implementing the advice in it and I saw a change for the better that same night. Now I can say that we are happy and connected again.

Another bit of advice I have for you it to try and enjoy those moments of comfortable silence with your hubby on the couch after he gets home. Men really need to unwind after a day at work. and now I know that one thing my man likes IS the silence. And I step it up a notch now by cuddling with him while we do it which makes it enjoyable for both of us. I know its hard to not spill out everything about your day that sucked, or was good, or stressful, or what have you. But the last thing they want to do after stressing all day at work is to hear about whats wrong at home. I think as moms we just have to accept the fact that our job doesn't have a clock out time.

One other thing we have started doing lately, (as we too have a 2 1/2 year old and a 3 month old) is scheduling. I have my hubby get my 2 year old up with him around 6 am in the morning so she gets special time with him, then he gets me up before he leaves around 7 am, then I spend my special time with her until 8 am. Then I get the baby up around 8 am and we all hang out until 1pm. Then I try to get both of them down for naps and get as much housework done as possible. Then once they wake I spend time with them again until 6 pm when I start making dinner. After dinner the kids get baths alternately from each parent every night and they are in bed by 8pm. That way, my hubby and I have 2 adult hours to ourselves. And whether those hours are spent in silence watching movies on the couch or me watching him work in the garage, or even just spent with me cleaning and him watching tv and trying to talk to him while we do both. At least he's here. And when he's here. Its doesn't matter what were doing as long as were together. He just got back after a week long trip away from us and I tell you what. I could care less now how silent it is or if were talking or not. I just love knowing he's here.

We started trading books this summer so we each had read the others favorites--we re-read our book and traded so we could talk about them. That was fun. We already have most of the same favorites, but we definitely read new stuff.

We are total losers and talk about medieval history, literature, philosophical interpretations of Monty Python movies, song lyrics, I ask my husband about his hobbies and let him talk all he wants (he is a music snob/nut and I like to ask him about weird genres and how they are defined and what makes music one thing or another--guaranteed a long conversation). We talk about things we did as kids, fishing trips, vacations, funny family stories, what our favorite holiday traditions were, we re-hash arguments even if we are on the same side of the issue. They actually make Conversation Cards which give you "ice breakers" or "conversation starters" which can work for a silly dinner game.

Oh, and we often eat dinner around 9 or 10--when my husband works he gets home at 11:15, so the kids and I eat late, stay up late, and they all sleep late (I work early). It beats college when we were still up eating at 2 a.m., doesn't it?? :)

The best way we reconnect is by going on a walk together. Pop the kids in the stroller and walk every night. There's no other distractions. Remember also that he's not your girlfriend so try to ask him questions about what's important to him. Focus on what he likes and chances are, conversations will start. A great book would be:
http://www.amazon.com/GodChicks-They-Love-Holly-Wagner/dp...

Don't give up!!!

He's probably MORE awkward about it than you are... being a "Man."
So, well, men don't always know 'how' to make conversation. Really.

Just chat... imagine you are talking to a girlfriend. Just chat... and then every so often, ask him something about himself, his day, what he did, what he thought of something... share what you did or how you felt etc.
Just chat....
that's what I do.
My Husband, grew up with only brothers... so, his sense of chatting, is well, limited. So me, I'm talkative, so I just chat chat chat to him... and then I ask about himself... and then respond to what he is saying too... Men like to feel "heard" when they say something...

My Hubby and I like to play backgammon or scrabble. Or just watch tv shows, that my husband calls "our shows." Meaning, something we do together... and enjoy. We recently was watching the Bachelorette show... yah, whoa. But it is pure entertainment and silly and fun to watch and 'critique' ourselves and just for mindless no-stress watching and fun.

Yah, and well sex. That is how Men "connect" with their Spouse.

just some quick ideas,
All the best,
Susan

When it is time to watch tv or read at night, after the kids go to bed, we make an effort to have sex. Not every night, but a lot of nights. After wards you feel closer and we usually end up lying in bed and talking rather than turning the TV back on.

Hi M. First let me say the family table is very important and your 2 1/2 year old should be at the diner table with you and your husband but not at no 9 pm, most family's eat between 5 and 6. My husband and I talk about anything and everything, we talk about the kids, about his work, my business, we talk about the Bible and share with each other what we studied for the day, we talk about ideas for our house and yards, we I mean anything that has to do with life we talk about, 29 years of marriage and still everytime he passes me in the house he pats me on the butt, so sometimes i pay him on the butt first, sometimes when he is at his computer watching a movie or playing a game I'll go up and just start massaging his shoulders, things like that. Hope this helps. J.

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Hi M. First let me say the family table is very important and your 2 1/2 year old should be at the diner table with you and your husband but not at no 9 pm, most family's eat between 5 and 6. My husband and I talk about anything and everything, we talk about the kids, about his work, my business, we talk about the Bible and share with each other what we studied for the day, we talk about ideas for our house and yards, we I mean anything that has to do with life we talk about, 29 years of marriage and still everytime he passes me in the house he pats me on the butt, so sometimes i pay him on the butt first, sometimes when he is at his computer watching a movie or playing a game I'll go up and just start massaging his shoulders, things like that. Hope this helps. J.

Dear M. H,

I understand how you feel. You could sing this is the best way you could choose some special songs and convey you messages through them.If one of you can't sing or reciprocate then play on your computer select the songs you think would be right for the time.

Lots of Love
P.

It's hard to have any fun/alone time when you have such young babies, much less any conversations that don't involve the kids. When my daughter was a baby, we would savor the quiet time that would come at night when she was asleep, and sometimes not even talk at all. Just sit together and enjoy the silence. I don't think it is a "sign" that your relationship is mellowing or anything like that. I have tried the asking a million questions, but it totally annoyed my husband.

I remember when my husband and I first got married we took a swing dance class together once a week. We hired a babysitter for an hour and half and went. It was totally fun and just got us out of the house. It was also fairly inexpensive $30 a month. Also my husband and I take walks with the kids in the stroller and talked about houses, landscaping and just stuff we wanted to do to our house. We still do this but now the kids walk too. WE also talk about work, politics and our crazy families. My husband likes old cars so we talk about that too. Get a wii and you can play lots of games, like ARe you smarter than a 5th grader which we have the board game too. We also had our kids start playing Canyland and memory games, which are only $5 each at Target when they were getting close to three years old.
good luck.
S.

My husband loves to play board games. I honestly hate them, but if it makes him happy and we are spending time together I guess I can stand it. We also sometimes curl up together on the porch swing and read a book together. I sit against him and we both read silently. I read 2 pages to his 1, so I usually have to wait for him to tell me to turn the page. We also sometimes load a PC game on the laptop and sit together and figure it out together. Our favorites or the Nancy Drew Detective games and Syberia I and Syberia II. I am better at the detecting part and he is better at figuring out the puzzles. If you can afford it, make a date night and arrange for someone to keep the kiddos for a few hours. Revisit some of the places you enjoyed when you dated. My husband and I sometimes visit the park behind our college just for the memories.

turn of the tv and eat at the dining table put candles and make is special

jokes, my husband loves jokes. A lot of questions, I ask my husband everything, at first I think the thought it was annoying, but then he gets into a talking mood and we end up having great conversations

Hi M.,
One thing you should consider is to come into Dream Dinners so the making of dinner is easier/faster...You could even make it a date night. Bring a bottle of wine and make your meals for the month. That way the stress/time of making the meal is eliminated. Personally, I would make dinner about dinner and connecting...Try to find interesting things in the news to bring up (The Week is great for this)...Or you can google table conversation starters for more provacative topics (e.g. If you could have one Super Power what would it be?).
But please come visit us at Dream Dinners. We have Dinner Topics cards that we will give you when you come in for your session...I think you'll love it. dreamdinners.com/warneraveca Hope to see you soon!
D.