I love the fact that my hubby is engrossed in DD's life. Since he works full time out of the home, he pays 110 percent attention to her when he is in her presence. Hurray, for being involved. Yay.
I, however, am finding it difficult to talk to my husband. Even at the dinner table, he is so focused on her that my conversation goes to the wind.
DD and I just got back from a fair and I started telling him about it, and was ignored.
I'm not jealous but just want to find time to have a conversation with him and teach DD about taking turns talking. She is two.
Again, I am grateful for his involvement and the breaks I get, but am wondering how to squeeze in my voice here :-)
Anyone else go through this?
Most 2 yr olds go to bed around 8:00 leaving husband wife time alone! Does he listen after she goes to bed?
If DH is not listening to you even after DD goes to bed, then I'm going to guess there is a deeper issue here, as you are suspecting. This sounds like passive agressive behavior to me... He's not outright telling you to shut up, but by hyperfocusing on a 2 year old his behavior is sending the same signal. For some reason, he does not want to talk to you - usually this is caused by an underlying anger at the other person. Otherwise known as the silent treatment.
If DH is not listening or communicating after DD goes to bed, you need to confront this. I'd start by asking out right if there is something you have done to make him angry. Ask for honesty here, even though the words might sting. If necessary, if you can't bring him around to acknowledge you when you are in the room, it may come to counseling. This isn't normal. No one relies on the input of a 2 year old soley to find out how things went.
You need regular date nights where you go as a couple and communicate. I am a firm believer in regular date nights helping a marriage.
You don't have to go out and spend a ton of money... Do easy cheap things as well as the finer things from time to time.
Also, when does DD go to bed? You should have couple time after she is in bed as well.
You hubby can't read your mind... communicate with him in a loving (non confrontational) tone.
Conversation is great. Family conversations are awesome. To me, it seems that during dinner time, the whole family should be able to converse and interject about their days, how wonderful the food is, etc.
To leave one person out of the conversation, or ignore them, isn't polite.
I think it's wonderful that your husband is so fascinated by your daughter and adores her so much. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, he may not realize that he is exluding you.
That said, if you and your husband can't communicate and talk freely when your daughter is asleep or not present, it would seem you have a bigger issue.
If it's just when he gets home, let him have some time with her. I hope I'm not wrong in assuming you are home with your daughter all day. He may feel that you get her all to yourself during the day, and he wants some time to focus on her when he gets home. Just a guess.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and also mention that many dads feel left out when mom is so very focused and madly in love with her baby. It's an adjustment, for sure, but the couple just needs to find a way to make time for each other and reconnect and remember the love that brought the precious little cherub into existance in the first place.
If all attention is placed on the child, the parents can forget the most important thing.
Each other.
Happy parents grow happy kids.
Best wishes.
It's probably just a phase. Dad sounds pretty proud and is probably loving the fact that daughter has begun to talk and understand stuff and he's all into it, congrats on that, you probably have a lot of envious friends.
In time, I believe the novelty will sort of wear off, in the meantime find someone else that will listen to you... like US for example.
And the suggestion to talk to him after your child is asleep is a good one too, that makes the most sense at this juncture.
What time does she go to bed? I know for us, the only time we really have to talk or reconnect is after 9:00 when both kids are sleeping, the dishes are done, the lunches are packed and the coffee is made for the next morning. When I get home from work, they are usually already involved in some kind of playtime which doesn't really involve me, so I get where you are coming from.
She's two and he's in love with her. The more attention she gives him, the more he interacts with her. Try showing him some attention after she goes to bed! Tell him that you miss having time with him without your daughter and go from there.
Well the only alone time my husband and I have ever really gotten in almost 20 years with three kids is the few hours after they (the kids) go down, which is mostly spent sitting in bed, watching TV and having a glass of wine together.
Other than the occasional date night or weekend away, this is how we connect on a daily basis.
Are you able to do that?
A two year old is wonderful but tedious!
Of course your daughter is fascinating but what happens after she goes to bed?
That's mommy and daddy time, focus on THAT :)
Have you told him how you feel? If not, start there. Tell him, using I statements and a calm voice. Be open to hear what he says. Together make a plan for dinner table conversation.
