Ex-husband Won't Give Back Son's Favorite Toy

M.,

It will never end...you just have to be the bigger person and let it go. Once you've explained your side and the importance of the stuffed animal, your ex should be able to make the mature choice and mail it back. If he hasn't yet, he isn't going to.

I too, have ex issues and to be honest, you are always going to have to be the bigger person. The mature adult, who knows better and makes the appropriate choices for your kids. If I had a nickle for every excuse I heard, I'd be rich!!

Take a special trip with your son to the store and let him pick out a new stuffed toy to be his pal, and then before he goes to his Dad's house again take him to pick out a special 'Daddy visit toy'. I have had to do this with my son, and it's worked pretty well. Don't tell him he can't take 'special things' to Daddy's house because it may create a sense of distrust for his father. And, that may come later anyway, but let him discover and create HIS own opinion of his father...not yours.

I hope this helps...and trust me it doesn't get any better with people who enjoy creating discord in their lives and the lives of others. But, we've got to let it roll off our backs to be the best Mommy we can to our kiddos, even their Daddy's need to check themselves.

Good Luck.
Deanna

So so sorry to hear this... things like this leaves a "forever" imprint on a child's mind and heart... and on yours, his very loving and caring Mommy.

Sorry, but I don't think you can get a "hardheaded...jerk" as you say, to cooperate.

At least he is your "ex"...but the legacy of his emotional-blackmail is still lingering and still being actively employed by him as a weapon. Yah, it is emotional-blackmail... and passive aggressive hostility toward you... and then his own Son.

For your Ex to take it away from your son while it is still something he "loves" and sleeps with is very "sadistic". And then to lie to his own son about it and you... is just mind-boggling.

Pretty pathetic. If your Ex truly cared about his children... he would not be doing this, nor lying. See it as a "litmus" test... in which your Ex is "revealing" to you how dark his heart is.... and which you should watch out for in the future... always. Both for yourself, and your children.

I hope you have a great holiday season... despite this icky and terribly sad ordeal.

Depending how old your children are... perhaps just don't let them take anything "valuable" to their Dad's house anymore. If you can explain it to them somehow in a benign way to them.

Take care,
Susan

Hi
Wow, I can't believe he would intentionally do that to his own child. I dont know if you want to invest the time to fight about this with him. You could probably find a replacement toy in ebay
Good luck

Please just let this issue go.
Yes, it was not nice of your ex to keep the toy, but speaking from experience (as the child) you need to really let this go.
For YEARS I would arrive at my fathers house with a list of things that my mother would want me to bring back.
It made me nervous to the point that I was sick to my stomach at every freaking visit - and noone made the connection - not even me - until I was an adult.
Yes, it is very hard to share custody, especially when you live far away from each other, but you have to make every effort to make it easier on the child. I would not make this an issue again with your child since he seemingly has moved on, and sleeps well at night (?).
On the other hand, maybe your ex has the same plan as you - and in that case - does it matter who saved it as long as your child eventually gets the toy?
Take a deep breath - and just let it go.

he should have returned it with your son. i could see getting the replacement for while he was there untill the orrigional could be fixed but he shouldnt have tossed it that was wrong. i would say to give up even though its hard to (im not a very good person on giving up like that or at all for that matter lol). maybe talk to your son about it and ask him if he wants to pick out a new special toy to snuggle with at night. good luck im sorry that your ex is soo selfish like that.

Hi M.,
Let it go. It sounds like your son has been able to sleep without it, since you say the visit was during the summer, so several months have passed without him having it. It sounds like your son has been able to move on.

If he's found a new toy that he likes to sleep with, see if you can buy a few extras so if it ever gets lost again you have a replacement. If you can find the same version of the old toy, again, buy 2-3 of them so you can keep one at your house, one at his dad's, and a back-up in case of emergencies.

Your son's only 5, so he has plenty of time to attach to something else that you can keep as a memento of his childhood.

If you can let it go, you win. If you let your ex keep aggravating you over this, he wins. Maybe if you stop making a big deal out of it, it will lose some value for your ex and he'll give it back (assuming he still has it and hasn't thrown it out). If your son visits his father over the holidays, maybe he can bring it back with him if his father still has it.

Best of luck to you, from a fellow grudge holder and hardheaded person!

M., that is why he is the X! Let it go. It is not worth it. It is obvious he is not going to give it back and if he does let it be a surprise. He could careless who it belongs to...it pisses you off, that's all. I wouldn't say another word to him about it. If he likes to piss you off and control you, I would never pay mind to his nonsense again and just remind yourself in the future to just consider the source and let it go.