My middle son is very close to age 10 (birthday in 3 weeks). He shares a room with his 8-year-old brother and while they have bunk beds, they often prefer to sleep in the same bed. Their beds are full of pillows and stuffed animals. His favorite is one that he got at Build A Bear when he was 3 as a reward for (finally!) giving up his pacifier. He's not ridiculously attached to his bear, but he sleeps with it, will bring it on sleepovers (to other kids' houses where they also have stuffed animals), and sometimes plays with it during the day. "Rocky" will sometimes make an appearance to watch a movie, or go for a car ride, etc. My son is almost too grown up in other ways, thanks to having a teenage brother - he plays video games, listens to rock music (favorite band is Metallica) and is otherwise a "tough" kid - plays hockey, and lacrosse, likes to wrestle and fight, wants to watch movies that he's too young for, etc.
To me, the fact that he still loves his bear and isn't shy about it is sweet. My husband thinks otherwise and has started to make comments about it, telling him that stuffed animals are for babies and girls, that having a stuffed animal is for younger kids, that it's embarrassing, etc.
I of course told my husband to back off (privately) and when my son told me what my husband has been saying I reassured him that it's totally fine and normal.
However...I figured I'd throw it out there for your opinions...did your boys have a favorite stuffed animal or toy at this age? Did it bother you?
my son is nine and has so many stuffed animals. He has one that he sleeps with and that he plays with from time to time.
Nothing wrong with it at all.
Many blessings
If he were taking it with him everywhere, yes, I would say he needed to learn to let go. Since he just has it at home, I think it's okay.
As for taking it on sleepovers, if others bring them, its fine. However, there will be a time when he is the only one.
My 13 year old loves a beanie baby cat that was given to him when he was much younger. He has it wrapped up in a tiny "lovey" blanket he has had for even longer. Kitty usually stays in his room, but he does take it with when we travel.
of course not.
my buff, athletic, macho boys kept their childhood woobies with 'em for as long as they lived at home. they didn't 'need' or cuddle them, but they occupied a place of honor in their beds. might still for all i know. they took them when they moved out.
2 of *my* favorite kids came to visit last week. they had just come from build-a-bear. they're 20 and 21.
tell your husband to STFU.
khairete
S.
I would like to punch your husband in the nose.
My son, 11, has a giant pile of animals that take up most of his bed. They will not leave his room until he is ready for them to leave. And, not that it matters, but he is all "stereotypical boy"--sports, video games, etc.
So glad you stuck up for your son on this!
Tell your husband to back off.
YOU guys - his PARENTS gave it to him for an accomplishment. He may not remember it, but he remembers the FEELINGS he got from getting it. So tell that to your husband, that the bear is a symbol of YOUR PRIDE in your son for accomplishment, and that your son loves it.
It's embarrassing your HUSBAND, not your son. Your son sleeps with it, he doesn't cart it around school all day. Geez, some men need to chill. Sigh.
Of course there's nothing wrong with it. Shame on your husband for making him feel bad about having a loving attachment to something :-(
Your son is fine. Tell your husband to back off and stfu.
Boys (men) require comforting same as girls (women).
Frankly, I'd suggest your husband needs a "lovey", too, clearly. Grrr.
Anyway, yes my boys had blankies, or stuffed animals that brought them comfort for sleep. Then didn't carry them around in public, just had them at home, yes even at 10 and beyond.
In fact they STILL do, both while away at college, have their "pillow" that they slept with at home in their teenaged boy bedrooms.
Wanting to be comforted by a "lovey" is not a sign of weakness or "weird". Not allowing oneself to be comforted ever is the sign of a fool. In fact it's a sign of strength that
all he needs is an inanimate object for soothing. If he were pulling up your shirt and looking to nurse at 10, well THAT would be weird. This way, he is actually comforting himself.
:)
I see NO problem with it.
Your HUSBAND has a problem with it.
HE thinks, boys have to be all macho and unfeeling and hide their feelings or attachments etc.
He thinks, a "boy" should not be themselves.
And the other thing wrong with this is... your Husband is insulting your son, about it. Making him feel, worthless.
That is, wrong.
You should not have to make excuses about it for your son.
Your son should not have to make excuses about it, for your Husband.
Your Husband is the one that has the PROBLEM, with it.
I feel sorry for your son.
Please, back up your son.
This is really sad... that at his age, your Husband is starting to push his stereotypes about what a boy is or isn't, onto your son.
If your Husband keeps this up... he will have a son... that starts to HIDE his feelings from you and him, and your son will start to be all "fake"... just to keep up a certain "image" FOR your Husband and his macho attitudes. That is, sad.
A child, should not be afraid of their Dad or be embarrassed by their Dad. Boy or girl.
You (privately) told your Husband to back off.
But if that were me... I would have done it, IN front of my kid and Husband.
And I do, do that.
Just the other day, my daughter was having trouble with some homework. She was also burnt out from it. Studying all day. Huge projects due this week etc. She had a slight crying fit about it. She needed to vent. But my Husband thought, she was just being whiney for no reason. He told her basically to toughen up. And he was scolding her. I STEPPED in, RIGHT there, stood in front of her... and told him to BACK OFF... she is working HARD, she needs to VENT, and she needs a break, and leave her alone. And I stood there, until he, improved. And told her sorry. And I told him, he needs to give HER a hug. He was WRONG. She is working SO hard, and she needs a break.
And yes, my daughter was SO happy I did that. Stood up for her. RIGHT there. She thanked me. AND at the same time, I was giving my kids, an EXAMPLE of what a Wife and Mom and woman is. THAT Is why, I stand up for my kids, RIGHT there.
Your Husband.... I would like to tell him off.
Do not let his macho stereotypes about "boys" affect your son.
SINCE... your Husband is not very positive FOR your son... then from here on out... YOU have to be, your son's rudder and anchor.
It would be a REAL shame... if your son started to change himself... just to please your Husband and his erroneously harmful "macho" attitudes. And just because your Husband belittles, him.
Your son, should be able to be himself.
Period.
And feel good about himself.
My kids, a boy and girl, have TONS of stuffed animals in their bed.
They love it.
I still sleep with a stuffed animal (I'm 52) - a teddy bear- my husband gave it to me.
I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't mess around.
If you've got to have a vice, sleeping with a stuffed animal is not a bad one to have.
My son is 15 and still has a favorite stuffed animal (an armadillo - that Dad gave to him).
My husband still has a stuffed animal of his own.
It's one of the things my husband and I first bonded over.
They all stay in bed and it's no one else's business that we all love our stuffed stuff.
Gund and Ty just love our whole family!
Nope. I held onto dolls longer than some of my peers, but I also shared a room with and played with a younger sibling. He's at a weird age between childhood and adolescence and I'd not worry overmuch about it. I knew grown men in college who took along a favorite childhood item for comfort their first year or two away from home. I don't often snuggle with it, but I have a ratty old bear I made in 8th grade on my bed. I keep it for sentimental value.
We too often tell our kids to "man up" and "buck up" and "stop crying" when they are just kids. I hope your DH backs down. Shame isn't what your son needs.
My husband, aged 37, still has a soft spot for stuffed animals. Were it up to him, we'd "adopt" stuffies at every gas station, supermarket check out, gift shop and toy store. I exaggerate a bit, but what can I tell you, he is a mush in this regard. Your kid may or may not give up his Rocky, or his penchant for stuffed animals, but either way, he'll be ok.
Best,
F. B.
My SIXTEEN year old son has a favorite stuffed animal that lives on his bed. He ALSO has his "cuddles"…a blanket he's had since he was born, threadbare and falling apart. Try to take these things off his bed and he will not be very happy. I see nothing wrong with it. Why should a teenage *girl* be allowed to have cute stuffed animals on her bed, but not a boy?
I'm with Suz - you know what to tell your husband.
There is nothing wrong with him having stuffed animals. My son is 9.5 and still sleeps with stuffed animals. He has 2 he is attached to. One that his cousin gave him (she lives in another state) when he was about 4 or 5, and one he made at Build-A-Bear. He packs both when he visits his dad every other weekend. Interestingly enough, when he was 7 or so, his dad banned him from bringing them to his house because he didn't like him so attached to something at our house. My son was devastated by this and I tried to convince him to allow him to bring them. While we were in Court regarding other issues, I mentioned this to the Judge who then Court Ordered my ex to allow him to bring his stuffed animals to his house! Tell your husband to back off and let him enjoy a piece of child hood that will be gone soon enough. Why does everyone try to rush boys into being men???
I agree with you. Your hubby needs to back off. Why all the pressure to make them grow up fast? My son is 9 and just went on a field trip with the entire third grade-every kid made a bear and loved it! My daughter is 10 and still takes dolls and stuffies for show and tell (and her boy classmates do too)-it's not called show and tell but student of the week can bring stuff to show, and tell, lol.
Just let em be kids!
i kid you not when I say that my 11 year old son has about 35 stuffed animals on his bed. He is also a premier soccer player, rough and tumble, ALL boy. I dare your husband to say he's not.
My 8 year old ALSO has a bed full of "buddies." Plays premier soccer as well, flag football, ALL boy.
Your husband is a jerk if he is making your boy feel bad about having a stuffed animal.
L.
My son isn't old enough to qualify for this question, but when my brother was about that age he still had a stuffed animal. He knew that it was mostly an 'at home' thing, and since our mom and his dad split up, it was great that he had a 'buddy' to take when he visited his father.
Oh, and our mother basically told us that if we gave our brother a hard time about it, she would K.I.L.L. us. My sis and I were 6 and 8 respectively when she had our brother, so we are older and therefore, we knew better. :)
Suz, I laughed out loud! Thank you for always keepin' it real! :)
I've read all of the answers and I agree- your husband needs to back off. My son (14) still has a basket of stuffed animals in his room. He doesn't play with them, but there is a 'comfort' of sorts knowing that they are there. I would never get rid of them- that will be his decision.
My husband has never said a word about his son having stuffed animals, even as a small child. Even if it did bother him inside, he would never shame his child like this.
Stand your ground, mama! You've got this right!
My 11 year old has a favourite teddy bear than stays in his bed. He has never been one to "play" with stuffed animals or take any toys with him, so that has never been an issue. I imagine your son will follow the social cues of his friends, and if they start telling him the teddy bear isn't "cool", then he will just play with it in private.
Your husband probably sincerely believes that the sexism he's trying to pass on to his son is a good thing. It isn't, but I can see that he's hoping to protect his boy from shame and embarrassment. He's actually trying to protect himself from embarrassment.
Your son sounds well-balanced to me. Tenderness, playfulness and loyalty are good characteristics in a boy.
Your husband is immature by picking on a 10 year child. I am with Suz on this one. The hubs needs to STFU in those terms and right this second.
Awww. I think it is sweet that he still loves his stuffed bear. I think your husband is being weird about it.
All my kids, both boys and girls, had favorite playthings at that age. And, later on, their attentions changed to other things as part of growing up.
What is your husband concerned about? Has he been reading things on Dadipedia (that's a joke) that make him worry? Is he personally embarrassed when his son is in public with a toy? What does he think his son should have on his bed? See if you can find out.
I know macho men who still have their toy car collections (hidden away). I know some who remember certain other toys with great fondness.
"Rocky" will be retired to a place of honor soon. It will happen in a natural way.
No. It's great to have kids stay kids as LONG as they can!
People are really coming down hard on your husband :)
I don't blame him for thinking that way, he was probably not really into stuffed animals or sentimental things as a kid. Not everyone is. Myself included. I had zero attachment to my stuffed animals. I'm very sentimental and I love keepsakes and mementos, but not those furry little dustcatchers.
That said, I hope he listened to you. Your son sounds perfectly normal. Why should girls corner the market on soft cuddly sentimental items?
Reminds me of my BIL, who recently tore apart his parents' garage looking for the SECOND trashbag of his stuffed animals from childhood that he swears exists somewhere. He infamously collected tons of carebears and other cuddlies, and now he wants to pass them down to his son. I think they went into trashbags when he went to college, but obviously have never been forgotten (This is the football playing, hard drinking party boy who now works with tough teens in juvenile hall). Luckily his wife is a saver as well and appreciates this- I would be a little skeezed out if my hubs wanted to unearth stuffed animals from the 80's for our kids to play with. Meanwhile, my husband couldn't name or describe a single stufftie he had as a child. To each his own :)
It is not weird but it might be time to stop taking it to other friends houses. My son still has the smoky the bear we got on vacation when he was 3. he is 26 this year. and it went with him to his apartment. but he stopped taking it to friends houses for sleepovers when he was about 8. nothing wrong with sleeping with it. but I would curtail the taking it to friends houses.
He's not 10, but my 7 1/2 year old still has to have his cow to sleep, and occasionally, he'll try to play with him during the day or take him on excursions. I don't foresee him giving it up any time soon. So if you ask me, it's totally normal. :)
My husband got him this cow on the day he was born, so he's pretty cool with my son still having an attachment. We have had to say no more to outings and play, only because "Buttermilk" has seen better days. I told him once his head falls off or stuffing falls out his rear, it's over for him and he'll have to be put away. Butters was a limited edition Gund, and is no longer made, so there's no replacement. Since then, he only really sleeps with him.
When I go to check on him at night, I always smile. He has a bunk full of stuff Angry Birds, Plants vs. Zombies, etc., but yet, he's always snuggled up with Butters. :)
My youngest son will be 10 in a couple of weeks, and he has a stuffed giraffe that he LOVES and sleeps with every night. The giraffe also often watches movies with us, but he does not leave the house.
Our oldest son is 16, and although his favorite stuffed snake has been gently placed on a shelf in the closet, he is still loved, and I don't think he will ever be given away.
My husband was devastated when he lost a beloved stuffed dog when he was a little boy and his family was moving across the country. I think that experience helped him to understand our sons' attachment to their stuffed animals.
I still have my stuffed mouse from when I was a little girl. I threw her out once about 15 years ago when I was in a cleaning mood. The next morning I cried and cried when I realized what I had done, but the trash was already gone. A month later on my birthday, my husband gave me my mouse, all cleaned up. He knew I would regret throwing her out, so he had retrieved her from the trash that night and had her professionally cleaned. I knew for certain I had married the right man in that moment.
It's great. Your husband needs to shut the heck up.
If my kids want a stuffed animal till they're 80, that's just fine and dandy with me. Your husband needs to grow up, and stop being "embarrassed" so easily.
My dd is 10 and still has her teddy bear....no sign of ever parting with it. It comes on vacation,etc.
Maybe your husband needs one?
No, and I hope your husband listens to you to back off on the comments to your son. They are belittling and sound like he wants your son to feel shameful, which he shouldn't. My boys are 14 and 17 and still have stuffed animals in their rooms and have "favorites." They don't sleep with them or take them out in public, but they also aren't ready to take them out of their rooms. During this sub-zero winter we recently sorted the stuffed animals and put them outside in bags to freeze any dust mites. A few animals didn't make it back totheir rooms, but for the most part they wanted them returned. Like your son, my boys play hockey and baseball, video games and are "all boy" in many stereotypical ways. I think it's sweet that they have a soft spot in their hearts for their favorite stuffed animals. My husband doesn't mind and even has a few favorites of his own! (He actually has saved more stuffed animals from his childhood than I have from mine.)
It's great. Your husband needs to shut the heck up.
If my kids want a stuffed animal till they're 80, that's just fine and dandy with me. Your husband needs to grow up, and stop being "embarrassed" so easily.
I sure hope your husband backs off and let's your son decide when he doesn't need his "lovey" any longer. My son is 12 and still sleeps with his "Doggy" that he has had since he was and infant. He doesn't take it to sleepovers or out of the house at all but obviously finds comfort from it. He ignores it when his friends sleep over and only sleeps with it when he, his dad and myself are around. I have no problem with it at all and know he will give it up when "he" is ready. He is also all boy in every way. I honestly think that it's completely normal and wouldn't worry unless he walks down the isle at his wedding with it. Good luck :)
Nothing wrong with a boy having a favorite stuffed animal to sleep with, especially if he leaves it in his bed. I would say it was a problem if he was taking it everywhere he goes, but having it to sleep with or even play with a bit at home is fine in my book.
It is totally fine to have a stuffed animal at any age!! I find nothing wrong with it. If he likes it than let him keepit. I am not trying to insult your husband in any way, because everybody has different ways of thinking, but he isjust wrong this time. Stuffed animals are a happy memory that every child should have. It is totallynormal to have stuffedanimals at that age. I didnt get rid of mine till I was way past that age. All of my children have a stuffed animal. They donot take it with them everywhere, but they still play with it. I have no doubt that your husband had a stuffed animal when he was a littleboy and i have no doubt that he would have been upset if anybody tried to take it away from him. I still have my first stuffed animal and I aam a grown woman. There is no way having a favorite toy is girly.
My son still has his Rocky that he got when he was 3 and having his tonsils out. He is 36 now. Rocky just hangs out with the grandchildren now.
He is always visible in my sons home. Every stuffed animal needs lots of Lovin by little boys and girls and Moms and Dads and Grandmas and Grandpas. You are never too old yo have one.
It's ok! I have two teen boys. My youngest would still have his blankie if I hadn't packed it away, for him to keep when he was older. It was in shreds anyway, and he is 15. He still has another blanket that he likes to snuggle with, but he doesn't take it places with him.
Have you rad the evidence of just how HEALTHY it is for kids--especially boys--to have loveys? Obviously your husband hasn't.
It's gone.
My 10 year old is your typical tough kid--sports, hi top tennies, hoodies, scrappy, etc. guess what? He may not carry them around--but his fav stuffed animals are still on his bed.
My husband makes the occasional snide comment now & then but I figure when he's ready to ditch them, THEN it's time.
No way! My almost 10 year old son has his favorite elephant...and some other lesser favorites as well. His good friend who is 10 just had a sleepover at our house and he brought 2 stuffed animals. They didn't actually play with them...they scootered, jumped on the trampoline, and played Minecraft. But they are not shy about having a favorite stuffed animal they like to bring along. It's perfectly normal and wonderful! Your husband is totally wrong! And not being nice! I hope he backs off.
Hey, my son took "Koala" to college with him. His gal friends love it. My high school senior still has "Dog" on his bed. (Why neither of them ever named their lovey's, I'll never understand.)
Your husband should shut the heck up.
My brother is 44 and still has his favorite stuffed animal. It's a huge black panther named Blackie and he's had it since he was maybe 3. I grew up with bikers, and many of them have stuffed animals that were given to them as gifts from their kids and they are all proud to display them. Have you ever seen a Toys for Tots rally? Watching hundreds of bikers, many with club colors, ride with stuffed animals on the backs of their bikes is a sight to behold. So IMO real men aren't afraid of stuffed animals and your husband needs to back off.
My 8.5 yr old son is very attached to his blue puppy that's he's had since birth. I can easily see him still sleeping with that thing when he's 10 and beyond. Your husband needs to chillax on this one!
