Dont Know What to Do

Have you talked to her parents about this? Just wondering if she acts the same at home or if it is only like this at the daycare.

I too know what you are going thru! I have been watching a little girl for a year and half (she was 11 months when she started, now 2.5) she cried all day, everyday for 3 months. Just when I was going to tell her mom I couldn't watch her anymore she started to adjust and play with the other kids. Before coming to me her Grandma had watched her and her parents do attachment parenting and at 2.5 she still has only slept in their bed with them. She is still very, very shy and can NOT handle new stituations! Some days she still will cry off and on especially if her mom drops her off! My dd and I have been to play dates at her house and she is completely different than at my house. We have also been places with her and her mom like to the zoo or open gym at a local club and again like at my house she is nervous, quiet, clingy and cries and cries. I don't give in to her crying or baby her, the tough love approach but softer. I always tell her everything before it happens and remind/warn her again right before we do something different, when she is sad I talk to her and tell her I love her but I explain why she doesn't need to be sad or scared - it works most of the time (her parents though, just hold her and say oh honey Its ok you don't have to....)

I think of her as a very delicate flower and you have to be gentle but firm and surround her with sturdier flowers to compliment and protect her.

Good luck!

I'm only guessing but was she at home with mom or someone prior to you watching her and use to someone constantly holding her like a constant lap baby.

I honestly would start giving tough love. What happens if you just let her scream? Do you jump at her ever whimper? Or does she just sit there and cry for hours straight? If she's crying in the play area I would try and ignore if that works or distract her, go to the kitchen and put her in a highchair or whatever and give her and your son shaving cream to play with on tray or pudding if their still in the stage of putting everything in their mouth let them play with pudding and smear it all over paper and create art. Or try going outside that's usually a good distractor.

Definitely visit the parents about behavior at home. I would suggest getting a developmental assessment or screening done. This is not necessarily just strong willed or spoiled behavior. Some kids can't make sense of their world and it is terrifying for them. As you said, your own little one easily communicates to you what he needs. It doesn't sound like she has the communication, motor, or play skills typical of a 12 month old. I'd recommend ruling out developmental issues before I launched into tough love. Every state has an early intervention program that should provide screening and/or evaluation in all the developmental areas. It is usually provided at little or no cost to families and participation in the program, should she be eligible is totally voluntary.

I strongly second Pat's message: when a child is behind in the areas you mentioned, it might mean that something is wrong. Please write down your observations for the parents. Sometimes it is hard for parents to hear concerns about their children, so it will give them something to refer to later. They will also be able to bring it in to their child's pediatrician to help get an evaluation started. It sounds like there is more going on here than an adjustment period.

Second, watch your son for signs that he is getting stressed. Hopefully this little girl is showing some signs that she will adjust. Is she doing any better than she was the first couple of days? If she is with you full time, then by now you should have seen some improvement. It is so wonderful that you want to help this child adjust; it sounds like you are very observant and thoughtful, and trying lots of things. Just make sure that the needs of your son and yourself come first- put a limit on how much you will tolerate.

Best wishes.

E. - I would definitely say this little girl has some special needs issues and the parent should have said something to you. If she is a year old and not even crawling well - or standing on her own, then something is definitely not quite right.

I would have a long talk with the parent, explain your concerns and ask the parent if they have had the child to the pediatrician lately and/or to a Birth-to-3 evaluation in their school district. The evaluation is free of charge and will let them know if there are concerns enough to bring in a occupational or physical therapist for services. These services are also totally free of charge so the family does not have to worry about that.

I have great insight on these matters as my youngest grandson is a special needs child with Autism AND I work at the local school district as the Director of Special Needs' secretary.

Good luck - definitely don't put off the talk - it can only benefit the child and her progress.
Blessings!
D.

I had one child who was like this. He came to my DC at 18m. He spent all the time before with his mother and her family; she lived with her parents and siblings. We found he loved to be outdoors so that saved me/my family until it rained. He cried for 2 weeks then asked mom to talk to him to reassure him she would be back and he was ok by me. He ended up in my daycare for about 3 years. Also don't let the child know you are frustrated. They can sense/see that. Young children are a lot smarter than most people think. We also pray.

I had a little daycare girl who was about 11 months when I got her. Her previous daycare (AND PARENTS) held her 24/7. She was the only little one at her old daycare and an only child. I did the tough love thing. Only holding her when it was time to put her in the crib for naps. She was great after about a week or two.

Then I had another girl I got when she was almost 2. She was awful. Needed constant attention ALL DAY LONG!!! She couldn't do anything by or for herself. It took months for her to calm down and not whine or cry about everything. After I'd had her for about a year, it started all over again. By that time I was about 8 months pregnant and I had my grandma and mom coming in when I had all my doctor appointments. I think that's what set her off again. She was terrible again. Cried half the day. Wouldn't play with any of the kids anymore. Really hard to deal with.... After about 3 weeks of that (and by then I was 9 months pregnant) I called her mom at work because she had been crying since the minute she dropped her off and it was over 3 hours later. I just couldn't take it anymore. That was my last day with her!

So, if you can do the tough love thing and she adjusts good pretty quick, I would keep her. But if it is still kind of tough going, I suggest that you save yourself a LOT OF HEADACHES and just give them their 2 week notice. Not every daycare is a good fit for every child no matter how good of a daycare it is. Everyone has different preferences and likes and it could be that her personality just doesn't fit the rest of your daycares'.

Don't beat yourself up about it. If you tried some different things, you should NOT feel guilty about considering taking her off your roster. You need to do what's best to keep you sane and the rest of your daycare happy as well.

Good luck.

Oh boy do I know what you are going through! I went through this same thing last fall with a little boy who was 11 months old. I was a new SAHM with a 4 month old and a 2 year old. This little boy screamed from the time he was dropped off until, literally, the time he was picked up. He would play well next to me for a few minutes, but then continue on with his shrill scream. It made my adjustment to being home stressful and my children didn't enjoy it either. In fact, my two year old would "camp out" in the loft upstairs where this little person couldn't go. It was awful. What I did to TRY to remedy the situation was keep in touch with the mom. It was hard, and I felt like a failure, but I asked her for tidbits on what they do to comofrt him. I also tried to just let him adjust and promote playing alone while I was not right next to him. He wouldn't nap either unless I was RIGHT next to him ( and he needed a nap!) In the end, after almost 3 months of this and several conversations with other daycare providers, I had to let the family go. It was very hard and even harder because my husband and the little boy's dad work together. In the end, I just wasn't a good fit for the boy, which was hard for me to swallow. I don't know why this was. I am an elementary teacher and never had a situation like this, but teaching and providing care are two different things!
Anyway, good luck to you!

this is hard.
ask mom what she thinks, what she does at home, that kind of thing.

im a licensed child care provider, and there are signs to watch for any developmental delays or anything of that sort. she doesnt sound like shes too bad or anything, she just sounds a bit sad. ask mom the normal things she does at home. if you are a licensed provider, you should know resources to get the info you need.....
either way, ask mom to talk to her doctor about the issues if they are not issues mom has at home. i hope that you are clsoe enough with the mom to have a good communication with her, and get the info you need.

good luck.
try a sling, that worked for me, although the kid i was using it for was 8 months. the moby wrap will work best for her age, though it is a cost, its worth it most of the time.

im worried about the lack of movement, though its not a bad thing to not be walking yet, she should be interested in moving around i would think.

anyway,
sorry i cant really help more
good luck

I know you have gotten a lot of great advice but I just wanted to add one more tidbit. Try baby signing time videos with her. I think most libraries have them now otherwise you can get them online. They would be great for your little ones also. It will help her to communicate her needs and maybe even distract her from the screaming while its on. I used it with my 19 mo old starting at about 11 mo and he now signs over 30 words and speaks over 60 words.

E.
This sounds like my daughter when we first starting taking her to her in home daycare provider. She was 11 months, we had never had have anyone watch her before that, plus we moved to another state and were living with friends while our new house was being built. I feel like it took her almost 2 months to adjust to being with someone else and other kids. I'm not exactly sure what our fabulous provider did, but she is so much better, but still after 4 months still has some rough days. She doesn't like to be left in the living room when Becca goes into the kitchen even though she can see her and she still has weepy days when I drop her off instead of my husband.
I know this doesn't help much, but I just wanted you to know that there is another little one that went through the same thing and it sounds like you're doing a wonderful job by trying to adjust things for her for now. Our provider Becca was always asking us for suggestions and worried she wasn't doing something right with our daughter. Turns out, it was just our daughter and it did get better. Just try to keep up good communication with the mom and dad. I know I wanted to know when Lauren had bad days, sometimes I had helpful hints for things other times I was as clueless about what to do as our provider!!
Good Luck
J. M.