Am I Being an Overly Sensitive About My Daycare?

The minute I'm told my kid is not wanted at a child care place, I'm moving. I won't put my kiddo in a place she's not wanted. Yes, it's a lot of movement for him at such an early age, but if you find the right place it will be worth it for all of you.

I would move in ASAP!!! Trust me if she is showing signs of being annoyed when you are there, imagine how she treats him while you are gone!
Poor thing must feel that he is in a place that does not care for him... get him out right away!!!

I'm going to take a wild guess that your son really wasn't exposed to other kids on a regular basis until he went to Daycare at 10 months. I tell parents as a nanny that this factor is SO EXTREMELY important when the child is an infant/young toddler.

It sounds though like your son is not enjoying his daycare situation with Pam, and would be better at your sister's daycare. Daycare employees in a large facility would have better resources to deal with that vs Pam's daycare, where it's just her and up to 10 children.

Keep in mind too, your child shouldn't be crying all day long, that should send up red flags that it's not a good situation. If he's allergic to cats, why keep him there, you never know that an ear infection, and other things may be causing him to not feel good and thus making him fuss all day.

Megan:

You have a lot of different things to address. You are not being overly sensitive but you do have many things to address.

1. A child can pick up when the person who is caring for him doesn't "care" for him. It's obvious your son is picking that up.
2. Your apprehension about leaving him is transferring to him - i.e., he's picking up on your distress and working it.
3. Your husband doesn't like it - has a problem with the cats - so not only is your son picking up the vibe from YOU - he's picking it up from DAD AND the care giver.

I realize your son is young - you at some point - he has to get used to you not being there all the time. You have to find a happy ground.

I would dump the at home provider. She should be skilled enough to do things with your son to occupy him and distract him from the fact that you aren't there. It's obvious she's NOT doing that. If she was, he wouldn't be crying all day long.

If you can afford to quit your job - do. If not and your dad will watch him, then utilize your dad and have him wait-listed at the other center. However, prior to taking him to the other center - ask for 1/2 days or trial visits so you can see how your son reacts.

Once you and your husband get on your feet and get your own place, things will change. There's a lot of stress right now - while it's great to live with family - everyone needs privacy - although i don't know the arrangements, I'm just stating what my opinion is.

Bottom line - your son is picking up your misgivings. He is also playing you - he knows, yes, even at this age, HE KNOWS you don't want to leave him so he's playing it to the hilt...he's NOT trying to be "bad", it's his way of expressing his dislike for the situation. Like adults get cranky - kids cry and scream.

best of luck to you!

Would you rather her not say anything and be annoyed and resentful to him all day? Shew was honest about what she could and could not handle, and that's what a child care provider SHOULD do.

I'm just going to be very honest...you should count yourself very lucky, if you can find a provider who will put up with a child crying the entire day. My sister has a son like your child and she has been at I don't even know how many daycare's now. They have other children to take care of and can't spend the entire day tying to comfort one child. It's not safe, or fair. Perhaps you could find someone he already knows to leave him with, while you socialize him more. He REALLY won't get better, until you socialize him. He is at the age where this is very important, anyway. Take him around other adults and children, until he enjoys the company. A child shouldn't be so dependent on one parent, that he can't be left ten minutes with the other. It's quite unhealthy and unfair of the child, to have to live so afraid of being apart from you. This is MORE the attachment anxiety. YOU need to do something about this, not a daycare. The daycare shouldn't be responsible, for safely socializing him...that's the parents responsibility.

Think of it this way:

If she has the guts to complain to your face about how annoyed she is with your son, think of what she does/says to him when you aren't there...

Done done done. This provider is done. If she is SHOWING you she is annoyed, just think what her attitude is when you leave! Mad dad is right! You need to remove him from care there, soon. I would even contest paying a two week notice because if she cant do her job right, and she's complaining about it, she doesn't deserve two weeks notice. The whole cat situation is another red flag (she should have told you she has pets! That's a big deal for some people).

Our first provider quit us (she said she couldn't handle a baby) because our baby cried too much. Panicked, I interviewed providers until I was blue in the face, and found a really great provider. She NEVER cried all day with this new provider like she did with the old one.

Not sure about the situation with your dad, after 6 weeks he would just be getting into a routine and then have to change again. But then again, better with Grandpa than a bad cranky provider!! If you REALLY want to go to your sisters daycare, ask that provider to ask her licenser for an 'exception' for that six weeks until the spots open. Some states will grant a temporary exception in certain situations, so she will be able to take one more kid for a short time.

Even if you think your sisters daycare is the place, I would suggest you interview a ton of providers. You need to know what is out there to know what your choices are. We found the best home daycare ever when my DD was 3, I wish I had found her sooner!

I'm so sorry you and your little guy are struggling with this.

I understand that it would be incredibly frustrating to have a child cry and cry and cry. However, as a childcare provider, it is up to them to provided compassionate care and help the child through that.

I'm not trying to be mean, but I don't think that some home daycare providers have as much experience with as many children, and we all know that children are individuals and all different.... She should be working with you and him on getting through this....

Before you switch, you could try something like this: Get a picture of you and your DH, and put it in a plastic protector, and then work with the childcare provider to find a place where that picture can be posted within easy sight of the child. If you have a favorite t-shirt or nightgown (nothing racy, LOL!), put it there with the picture (your clothes will have your smell on them). When he gets upset, have him go over to the picture, and have the lady keep reaffirming that mommy & daddy are coming back.

I would also give it a couple of weeks before you "give up"---IF you think the daycare provider can get over her frustration and be compassionate. If you don't think she can, then switch. But keep in mind that a lot of changes (one daycare to another in a short period) can be very hard on them. So, I think you might want to just keep him at the current place until the other place opens, so that he doesn't have so many changes.

Definitely talk to the other place & find out how they would handle this scenario (the crying all day), and ask if they have had any kids do that, and how they dealt with it, and moved past it.

Two books you can read with him are "Adam's Daycare" and "Llama Llama Misses Mama" -- read these to him at home and talk about them and how he might feel about going to daycare. He doesn't have the words for his feelings yet, and by starting to give those to him, it might help a little bit. And it will also let him know that you understand how he feels.

You might also try calling the Jobs & Family Services department for your area and seeing if they provide a list of daycares. Action For Children was who helped us, by providing a list of providers for us to contact (they don't make recommendations, but do give info for how to help evaluate the providers). You might google Action For Children and see if they have a service in your area, and/or download their pdf on what to look for in a childcare situation.

I have a mixed review of this situation because I am a Mom and also a daycare provider who has had two babies go through this. I didn't see where you mention how long your son was at the old center and now at this new daycare. First time childcare, coupled with teething molars, an ear infection, significant attachment to mom/dad, separation anxiety and a childcare switch is a TON for a little person.

As a Mom I hear what you're saying... you want your little one to be happy in his daycare environment and it's heartbreaking to hear that he is crying all day. But I have to say that part of it will be something that he will grow out of. Separation anxiety and teething are developmental phases that kids go through and get through. It's likely that moving him to another care environment will yield the same result of him crying all day for at least a while.

As a daycare provider I can tell you that having a baby cry ALL day for days on end can be taxing for everyone. It's very hard on the other kids in care as well, which places additional stress on the caregiver. On the one hand maybe she should be more understanding about the various causes for him to cry all day and she should have some tricks up her sleeve, but again, I don't know how long this has been going on... she she might be at the point where she just doesn't know what to do anymore, and he's not showing any sign of adjustment. I'm not sure her statement about not being able to handle another day is unprofessional as much as it is honest.

Depending on how comfortable you feel with her, it may be time for an honest chat about how you are both feeling. She may be feeling like the situation isn't working for her either or she may have just been having a bad moment and because of your concerns you read into it as her being annoyed with your baby.

I really don't think anyone can tell you what to do here... your really have to go with your feelings about the provider, what you know of your child, and how you feel he's being treated there. I will say that in my two cases, one family was asked to leave after 8 months, not because of the baby, but because of the parents. As a provider, I never felt as though they were completely happy with the care their son was receiving and their (ridiculous and unwarranted) concerns/complaints were one after the other. When I asked them to leave they assured me that they were very happy and thought that I had worked miracles ( because I put him on a sleep schedule). From my perspective, if your provider doesn't feel as though you are happy with the care you son receives, it's not likely that the relationship will work for very long.

If you do decide to switch, I would consider switching a daycare that has more than one provider. This can make a world of difference. I have no idea how one person can give consistent quality care to 6 children at a time in care. On a perfect day I could do it, but many many days are not perfect when you are working with kids.

Good luck~

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If you were the parent of the other kids would you likeit if you are paying for a place to care for your child and they are not getting total care becaus eof the needs of the one unhappy child? Since your son is unhappy, you are and your dad, and if dad is willing to watch his grandson till you get a new spot for him, I'd go with that choice. However, you need to prepare your son, have more kid interaction, don't, not sure if you, run to him when he cries at your departures. It's hard and I cried 1st week I left my son, as he cried the second I put him down. He finally adjusted and he HAS seperation anxiety, so I get where you are coming from. Bottom line that woman dosen't want your son and I wouldn't want the negative vibes around him.

I feel for the both of you! I'm a daycare mom...and have been for 9 years...and I feel she's very unprofessional. If she's acting annoyed in front of you, then I'm sure she's even more annoyed as the day goes on. Does she have other daycare kids now? How long has she been in daycare? I've had only one child that has been a "crier", and I know it can be very difficult, but she should know how to cope with the situation. I'm thinking you should remove him from that daycare asap....if you can. Hope all goes well for you guys!

Have you looked into a nanny? That way he can have 1-1 attention, which might help with distracting him from your absence. You might look into costs there. For us, it was a wash, daycare vs. nanny at our home. So the latter was a no-brainer.

His anxiety sounds pretty severe, and I have to echo the others in saying that you're helping it along a bit. He can pick up on it from you. And at some point, you have to be more "business" with him than lovey when it comes to leaving him. If you're not, you can actually make it worse. He's playing on that.

Either way, I'd dump the woman that he's with now. I'd feel bad about his crying, but then I'd feel worse that she's annoyed with him and probably not comforting or distracting him. It's true, he should handle you leaving better than he does. But that doesn't change it being her responsiblity as a caregiver to try to comfort him (at least, in my mind.).

Try a nanny.
I LOVE ours, and she is as loving to my kids as I am. Once you have a chance to observe something like that, it will fix *your* anxiety in leaving him.

Good luck.

It isn't normal for kids to keep crying all day after you drop them off. My son is a total momma's boy as well. I HAD to go back to work when he was 11 months old. There wasn't a choice. The economy was starting to go bad and my husband's job was cratering. The first week was rough but then he got into the swing of things. I guess my point is this. If your son is truly having that hard a time, he needs to be home with his momma. If your husband needs to work 2 jobs to make ends meet, then that's what he needs to do. Your son will grow out of this phase but until he gets there, you need to be home with him. Good luck. . . I know that what I've told you is easier said than done.

It could be sepperation anxiety but crying ALL DAY indicates a greater problem. My guess is that he might be getting molars? My son was miserable with his molars and I think he would have cried like yours if he was away from me for so many hours. Have you tried giving him tylenol or motrin in the morning and see how it goes? I would rule out medical issues first.

your are not being sensative you are just trying to be the best mom you can be. All kids are different and just beause your daycare persons kids did not have the sep anxiety like yours does make she question herself. she doesnt want your kid to cry and doesnt know how to break his habit and i am sure you can understand how stressful it is to be with a crying kid all day....now think if it was someone elses kid. I would maybe give your lady a break and send your baby to the center for a couple weeks...see if he does better. I could be something at that persons house that your son doesnt like....could your son have allergies to the cats and just the smell of the place irritates him? I would change. He is 15 months old and it might be a struggle until you get him to the center, but look at the alternative, he is going to cry there all day anyway. I say have your dad watch him.
My DD's daycare was aweful too. I took her out of there after she was 10 months old, 7 diaper rashes later and 8 ear infections. it took me that long to figure out what they told me they were doing and what they were ACTUALLY doing was 2 differnt things. The DAY I took her to a new center, she has not had 1 diaper rash and has only had 2 ear infections in 1.5 years.
You need to have a place that it works for BOTH parties...sounds like the existing home place is not that thrilled about having your son.....which then makes it hard for her to 'love' him.

If your dad is allergic to cats you need to change.
Just know that if you do change places you will probably have the same problem with him crying. My oldest son cried for about 1 month when he first went to daycare. After that he did not cry or if he did I was told that he would stop shortly after I left. I would see new kids come in all the time screaming and crying and their parents saying when does it end. A few months later you would see the same child/baby strolling inside the center with no problems at all.

Switch daycares. My son was crying all day everyday in one daycare for a month before I finally moved him to a different one. He adjusted in a week and is there to this day and now actually looks forward to going b/c he loves it there so much. You need LOVING teachers and that lady in your daycare doesn't sound loving or patient to me at ALL. He's definitely peaking right now in stranger anxiety so it's going to be rough whereever you take him but I guarantee there are better daycare teachers out there who will be more patient and understanding with your little guy.

If the daycare provider is annoyed with him and telling you Dad she is not sure she can handle another day of his crying, do not continue to take him there. When child care providers become annoyed and resent a child that is when "accidents" can occur. For your childs safety and well being let your father watch him until there is an opening at another center.
While you are waiting continue to encourage his interaction with others while you are in the room with him. This will help his transition into being around others. If he is going to be at the same daycare as your sisters children, encourage interaction with the other children. This will also make the transition easier.

Pam and your son aren't working switch him!! With her being annoyed right off the bat he can sense that!!! Making him stay is worse than trying somewhere new. I bet if you even tell her you are switching and to give you a couple days she will calm down and he may settle down himself.

I agree - make a change mainly b/c she said she is tired of him crying... not a good sign. Staying with your Dad isn't bad either. Take your time finding a place, then maybe transition him in if your Dad is willing to help so it's not 100% change at once. Good luck. Hope he's happier soon : ) He will be. Hang in there.

Time to change... sounds like it is not working for you, your son or this home daycare. Depending on if you have a contract or not, give two weeks notice you are leaving (if needed) and arrange with dad or another place to watch your son.

For many reasons, I would take him out.
Can you try in your own home care? Could your dad care for him at your place? Look on care.com, there may be a reasonably priced option in this economy. Maybe your job would loosen up your hours?
Maybe you could go in with someone on a nanny share - they are pretty affordable.
Good luck

Do you believe your Dad could could watch him all day if he is crying the whole time? If he can do that, than that is probably the best answer.

My first boy had the worst time with daycare. He just needed a loving environment and not a clinical one. So many times I had care providers go on and on about how clean they were or how organized they were but my kid cried and cried. I changed daycare two times and caught my son in the middle of the day sitting in the corner crying by himself. The teacher told me he did this the whole time he was there, yet after two months of being there, she never told me. Then I moved him to three home day cares, the first one she never changed him and he was covered in diaper rash daily, the second one she was so focused on cleanliness she never gave him attention and ultimately said he was too high maintenance, the third one started out great but ultimately her husband got transferred so I had to again find something else. My final choice was a daycare at a church, it was the most perfect place I have ever experienced. They were loving, patient, and so good at keeping him interested in what what going on. What a beautiful relief from where we were at the other places.

I now have 4 kids and three of them have all gone to Christian care and I have never had a problem - EVER! Ultimately, I really did not like having my first son bop around so much but I would do it again to avoid him being unhappy. I just needed to find a match. He is now 10 and although he still is a mama's boy, he is well adjusted and makes friends easily.

Good luck and follow your gut, you will find the right place for your son, don't ever let someone tell you your son is abnormal because he doesn't follow their rules. All kids are special and you know what is best, this lady is not the best for him, in fact she probably has so much irritation that she isn't even nice anymore. Get him out!