What Is the Best Age to Sent Your Toddler to a Day Care?

NO! You are your child's mother. Don't let anyone else tell you that spending less time with you and more time in daycare will be benificial to him. Countless studies have shown that children in daycare don't perform as well in school, are sick more often, and generally don't do as well as if they were with their parents.

That's not to say that if you have to put your child in daycare he will be somehow damaged for life. We all have to make those tough decisions with our children. If I wasn't blessed to have my mother and mother-in-law to help with childcare while I work part time I would have to put my daughter in child care as well. I'm just saying that you are the best thing out there for your son!

He may take a little while to adjust, but he will. Just like adults, it sometimes takes a while for children to adjust to new situations, but we do what we have to do. The extra time that you spend with your son will help him to become a well adjusted young man :-)

Ditto to what the others said. YOU are the one that decides how often your child goes to daycare. Everyday or every other day or twice a week.... a child will adjust. It's the "routine" of things that they will get used to. Also, do you know what the schedule/routines are of the daycare you send your baby to? Any provider will usually give parents a hand-out of some kind explaining their routine with the children, how they handle behaviors, feeding schedules, bowel movements, intake amounts, and so forth. They also typically have an open-door policy where the parents can drop in as needed etc. Ask yourself if you really like this provider and their methods & approaches? Are the babies "happy" or kept in cribs all day, or inter-acted with etc.? Did you spend time having an 'observation' day at this provider's home? Also, each baby/child is different. I have a sister that would cry EVERY day she went to a babysitter, and then at grade school and onward. As an adult, she just takes more time to adjust to big changes. She was this way since a baby. It's just her. BUT, Regardless... keep an open eye and use your instincts as to your child's well being and happiness. You will get good suggestions here. Good luck...
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

YES!!!! Double YES...lol!
I run a daycare out of my home and YES...when the child is #1 a single child thats a lot to deal with! His only support system up till this point has been YOU! He needs to learn that there are and will from here on always be others that will sometimes have to take 2nd place to you...his Mom!
The other thing I hate is when the parents (usually Moms) stick around hanging at the door...hanging behind the door. It's more upseting for the child than just making a clean break!
Give them a kiss or 2, lots of hugs and reassure them that you are coming back for him!
Remember to talk about going to this persons home "Tomorrow we're going to so and so's house where you will get to...that will be so much fun...you'll get to see/play with..." you get the idea! Warm them up to it so its not a (bad) surprise being dropped off in the door of a strangers home.
Of course if its about the money and thats all you can afford is 2 days then see about maybe dropping him off earlier or staying a little later. I think once it becomes routine he will be fine...it's a new thing for everyone...you and the lady included, some kids are naturally more clingy than others (especially the 1st born).

In my experience, it's best to send him to a childcare at least 3 times a week. Make sure the childcare center is has an organized schedule - learning time, nap time, etc. Children like routine so anything that disturbs their habitual schedule can upset them.

I also found out that most of the time, it's the environment of the daycare center. I had to try 3 different ones...funny thing is I first enrolled him in this expensive facility, etc. but he hated it and cried a lot (made me feel guilty). Finally, I found another one organized by some church and he loved the environment and the staff and did not cry one bit.

Here's something that you will appreciate === they don't remember all this anguish when they grow up. My boy doesn't remember anything about the crying, etc. sadly even about the fun times as a toddler. He remembers some from 4 or 5 years old but not much earlier. So the guilt only stays with mothers not with the babies!

My toddler is 14 months and she's gone to day care PT since she was 2 months. Because she was so little, she already knows now that every M-W she'll be at day care with her friends. T-F she stays with Daddy (at work) or Grandma/Grandpa. We followed her ques with her provider, but she always went right to her with no problems. In your case, I'm not sure if sending him every day will get him to adjust easily (in addition to it being a higher cost of tuition). I read somewhere (I think Parents Mag) that as toddlers get older, the transition needs to be gradual (because they know more of whats going on). Like taking them for a few hours at first, then longer and longer, then all day, etc so that they adjust that way to their surroundings and the other children. A friend of mine started her son at a day care center FT about 18 months (watched by grandparent prior). In the beginning she would stay there and play with him for a while (about 20-30 min, then tell him good bye). Then gradually she would stay for a while (15-20 min, then shorter and shorter) and watch him while he played with the other kids (tell him goodbye). To the point where she was just dropping him off, saying good bye at the entrance and going with his teacher. Her son adjust well to that. Hope this helps. Good luck!

If you can send him 3 days in a row a week even if you need the daycare for 2 days. It will give you 1 day to yourself to get homework or errands or housework or you can leave 1 day to come into daycare and while you are there let your child play with the other kids just so he can get use to playing with the kids and not cry for you.
For a mother there is no perfect time to leave your kids but it is a perfect time for you and your child before he is off to preschool. What I did was my daycare provider let me come in for 1 day because my son was crying for mom and dad too. I stayed and let him play with kids and gave me a chance to see how the provider reacted to situations. For that day I was a "classroom mom" and ate snacks and lunch with my son while he was sitting with his new friends, played memory games with him and his new friends, after a while he was having fun and did not realize I was even there. To this day he has his days where he does not even want to come home because he wants to play with his friends.
My advise to you is that it may seem hard right now to hear you child cry for you but in the long run you teaching your child independence and that mom will always come back.
Good luck in college.

K.,

No! He is right at the age that separation anxiety is kicking into high gear. Do you really want 5 days of the heart wrenching crying and handing over of your child if you don't have to? Take a step back and read about separation anxiety. It is something that all children have to go through, some more than others. Even with twins they react differently. One of my twin boys had no problem leaving me for a stranger(to him) where his brother would cry and cry. I must say that I am not a proponent for much day care or full time preschool and my 16 yr. twins are in Honors and Gate classes with a well rounded schedule of sports and drama.

The success of your drop offs to day care are all up to you. Here is my advice.
Before hand show your son the calendar with day care time marked with a smiley face.
Talk to him about how you are going to school and why.
Tell him how you chose this day care and how much fun he will have with the other children. Talk to him about all the toys that they have that aren't at home. He will only be able to play with them there.
If the day care provides snack talk about how neat it is to be able to eat somewhere other than home. Is there a special place to eat snack or lunch? Bring anything special to his attention so he will look for it next time he goes there.
If you communicate that you are in this together it may help him in time to calm down easier.
Possibly go by your college classes on an off day and show him where you are when he is having fun at day care. If you are able to maybe sit down in an empty class for as long as possible to show him how quiet and boring your time away from him is.

The morning of day care do not be rushed, put extra effort into having everything ready the day before. Get there early so that you can spend a few relaxed minutes snuggling and walking around the day care. Pointing out all the things that you had talked about. Do not sit down or he will think that you are going to stay. Even if he is crying in your arms just love him but hand him over as calmly as possible, give him a kiss and say goodbye. Do not hesitate because he is crying or he will learn if he cries that you will not leave him.
Talk with the day care provider to spend some extra time holding him and try to help with some interaction between other children or just with a puzzle or book. Have her note how long it takes him to calm down (although if she wants him there more hours to make more money she might embellish on this information).
When you return to pick him up be calm and if possible watch him for a few moments as he plays and let him "find" you there as he looks around. Be prepared for him to be angry with you at this time for a while. Even though he was perfectly happy moments before, all of a sudden he will see you and start crying. He is saying "How could you leave me here?" and that he is not happy that he is not in control of that.
Just pick him up and reassure him that you did miss him but that you are happy that he had such a good time. Be as matter of fact as possible and he will learn that he does not have to get upset before and after child care time.
Enjoy the days that you do have with your son. Try to get help with family or friends for studying time. Maybe trade play dates so you can have a morning or afternoon for school work.

I have not been a paid child care provider but I have cared for many children through friends(4 children;18,16,16,5), church (Children's Director, teacher, nursery care, Midweek and Sunday programs) and as a Children's Leader at BSF intl. for 5 years(2-5 yr. olds). I can only remember 2 children/babies that were inconsolable after 10-15 minutes and those parents were called in and both were either getting over something or coming down with something.

Be confident with you child care provider and if you are not confident then look for another. I know that is not easy but it is well worth it. Maybe request info. on another provider here at Mamasource. She should work with you in this time (it will not last very long if handled correctly) not try to wrangle more days.

Hope that helps,

Evelyn

I have to say YES!!!! Even if you only take the child like 2 hours a day on the days he doesn't need to be there. It will get him used to the routine in your daycare plus it will give you time to do homework and other errands. I would make those days the same hours like 9 to 11 or 10 to 12, that way the child has lunch at your daycare, plus probably morning activities and would be home for naptime.

I am a childcare provider myself and watched a child who had never been in daycare and I got her once a week. If she came more, it would have ended a lot sooner.

Hope that helps.

Tammy/B. Family Daycare/Lic#: 334816143

I have worked with (young)children/toddlers since 1977. In my experience, YES...sending your son every day will be easier. Children function better with consistency and continuity. But, the days should not be extended, long days; a few hours each day is best. Also, make sure when you drop him off, that your attitude is positive: if you are feeling hesitant, apprehensive, upset, etc., you're child will definitely pick up those feelings, and reciprocate.
Good luck!

Hi K., Good for you for going back to school.
I have heard the exact same thing, that children adjust quicker when being cared for 5 days per week vs. 2 days a week. However, just keep in mind that each child is different. I started putting my daughter in child-care one day a week when she was about 1 year old, it didn't take her long to adjust. The caretakers were wonderful and there was a good ratio of adults per child. When she was approx. 20 months old I switched to a out-of-the-home babysitter 2 days per week. She never made a fuss when I'd drop her off; however, when we'd get home at the end of the day she would through tantrums and be very clingy. This went on for several months. She only behaved differently on those 2 days, and I discovered that the babysitter would have the TV on all day long. Needless to say I pulled her out as soon as I could. Just know that your son will adjust in his own time and instead of it taking 1 weeks it may take 3 weeks. Children get used to routine quickly and they usually feel more secure when they are in a routine. I wouldn't worry about it, unless you know that he's not getting the care and attention he deserves. Good Luck.

Truth be told, with the repitition of going everyday he would adjust more easily. I am a preschool teacher and mother of two girls. But he will adjust going 2 days a week too, it will just take a little longer. It has only been a week (2 days) and this is a big change for him. Give it some time, and before you know it he probably won't want to leave when you pick him up. If in a month he is still having trouble I would look into sending him another day, but not yet. And something else to consider, this is the age of seperation anxiety. My 19 month old won't even let me leave to room to pee. So please just give him time, and then do what your heart tells you. It won't stear you wrong where your children are concerned.

D.

Hey K.!

Sounds like the daycare is trying to get more money out of you!

And him going more then 2 days a week will not change the fact that all he wants is his mommy! It will not help, it will take a lot of time for your baby to adjust to strangers!!

Good Luck!!

I do Home DayCare and I know how stresful it can be on everyone, but personnally I feel the less he has to be at DayCare the better especially at his age. He will get use to your routine, just give him time. It's still importanat for him to be with you.

Dear K. R
Your son is going through separtion adjustments. That is developmentally correct for his age. It would be unclear to determin if more days would help, if he is not accepting the two days more days will not be better.I would leave him at the 2 days for now and try not to linger when you drop him off. Kiss him good bye and tell him that you will see him later on go.Hanging around only makes it worse. When you pick him up give him extra hugs and kisses, By doing this it teaches your child that you can leave and come back and he will be safe.
16 months is a good time to start childcare . It will help your child to become more independent, learn to develop other relationships with others and learn developmental skills for his age. Hang in there it will pass.
W. E Lil Blessings Family Daycare

Not a chance. She's trying to get more money out of you. It takes children time to adjust to any changes, even when you travel for just a week. Maybe this isn't the right daycare for him...? His adjustment depends largely on how he feels about the persons he is being left with and how he is cared for while in their hands. Trust his instincts, please. Most children cry for the first two minutes while you're there and then start playing the second you're gone. If he is having real problems I would say that A- He is going through separation anxiety which is really common at his age, and you can try some techniques like leaving your scarf with him or something that you wear that is baby safe, and let him know that he can hold on to it until you come back and pick him up..things like that, or B-this daycare is not for him.

I understand how hard it must be to have to leave your little one, but don't worry, they will never be harmed for life! Trust yourself and him too, and I am sure you will make the best decision for the both of you!

Take care,

S.

Hi K.-
I really cant speak from experience, because I have family watching my son (for now). But maybe think about this, Im trying to put myself in your shoes. Take maybe one or two days and stay there with him, show him all the toys and show him her routine, as far as eating and nap times, but then he knows you are right there. Then maybe leave him for an hour and come back,so that he knows you will be back. So he can get use to her surroundings, with you there. They are so young and really dont understand. I have a 16 month old, and he sometimes has a hard time being left. I know its hard to leave your baby, in the long run, everything will be ok!
Good Luck!

Are there other kids in the home daycare? (That are his age?) If this is the first daycare you've tried, it's going to be an adjustment, and it may not be the right fit the first time. You may have to try several daycares before you find the one that works for you and your child. Have you tried to see if the college you're attending has daycare there? Then maybe you can peek in on him between classes. I'm going to college too, I just try to make sure all of my classes are online classes, that way I still stay home with my 11-month-old and get the best of both worlds. Sometimes it's challenging because I can't get much done while he's awake, but when he naps and sleeps at night, I study.

hey K.,
My 2.5 year old has been going to "school" for almost a year now. I have a 4 month old and wanted to make sure I had some one on one with him, AND my home business picked up a lot and keeps me so busy that it felt like the right time for my little girl to start and she LOVES it, but she only goes Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. I dunno if it's cause it's 3 days in a row, but she does great and loves the social time with her friends and loves her teachers. I can't imagine sending her any more. I already feel like it's a lot, but it does work great, so if your 2 days have a day in between them, then maybe go ahead and try 3 days in a row like me. I love it, my little one loves it, it's great.
Good luck.
I hope that helps a little.
Happy mothering!
S.
www.MomsOnAMission.US

Dear K.,
My name is B. and I've owned a operated Montessori Schools on the Westside of LA for the past 30 years. The AMI (Association Montessori International) offers special training for teachers of children ages birth until 3 years old. If you wish to learn more, google Montessori AMI. The organization is internationally approved and it will give you more insight on how to feel comfortable about leaving your young child with another care giver. It has been my experience that children do adapt more quickly the more contact that they have with the new caregiver. Once the bond has been created and there are quality activities for the child to engage with, the separation process is an enriching one for all, parent, child and caregiver. You must really feel comfortable about where you are leaving your child and not feel guilty about leaving him with someone else. If you are unsure in those 2 areas it will be more difficult for your little one, regardless of the age. I've worked with 5 years olds that have never been separated and it was much more difficult for all concerned, so age is not a factor, even though it is harder for Moms when the child is younger.

I am a provider and I've worked in the child care field for about 6 years. I use to work at a Child Development Center and now ventured off to do my own child care business. In my years of experience I have seen children who would come to the child care center maybe once or twice a week and notice that they are still in the same stage as they were when they first began. Meaning that they are still having seperation anxiety. Once you've allowed your child to go everyday he will become more confident and feel more comfortable at exploring the environment around him in a week than in just a few days. When your child is there everyday, he will learn to develop his social skills,his self help skills etc. He will also learn more on developing his fine motors and gross motors because he see the other children at his age having fun pushing, and painting etc. I just think that two days isn't enough for a child to come out of their comfort zone and develop the skills within the stage of development or age group.
I also want to comment on your question, I have taken care of children from an infant to preschool so your child should definetly be in a day care.

I'm right there with Susan. I'm also a childcare provider. I don't think the question can be answered with 100% certainty, based on the information you've given. We can only speculate based on our own experience and what we THINK the provider's motives are. I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt in this case, that she is telling you what she honestly believes. She may be right or wrong. If it were my daycare, there would be no price difference: a slot is full-time-paid (just like rent), whether you use it all or not. If she has the same policy and she is suggesting that you use more of your slot, her heart may just be in the right place. Even if she would charge more, she could be well-intentioned in her suggestion. I have said this myself, when a child's attendance was inconsistent - affecting meals, naps, etc. for younger children - or when a preschooler felt they were missing out on a lot of the activities.

It is NOT true that children in "daycare" are at disadvantages later. In fact, the opposite can be concluded as well. The key is QUALITY. "Bad daycare is bad for kids; and good daycare is good for kids": a quote from the following AP article.
http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/887196/study_stokes_l...

I think it is IMPERATIVE that you check out other daycares. Just see what your other options are. You might not be able to pinpoint your concern until you compare her to others. If you give more specific info about your child's temperament, schedule, history and your and your provider's methods, I may be able to help you determine the cause of your son's anxiety. His being unhappy all day is NOT normal separation anxiety.

The best to you,
J. Smithson
Loving Hands Learn 'n' Play
http://www.lhlearnandplay.com

Please hear me when I say this and listen to the other mothers who have been through this. Your baby will learn to love is daycare, they all do. I had to leave my shadow (which is my youngest daughter) in kinder. She cried and cried for 5 days. I felt so guilty but I knew it had to be done. The following Monday she was fine. I know that your baby is younger but if you make an attempt to make him feel like where he is is great that there is no other place as wonderful as day care he'll actually start to think that way. Kids imitate what they see us do and imitate our feelings to, so make up his mind for him by leading him in the direction of liking the day care center. I also think that it is so wonderful that you have gone back to school while having a baby to take care of. That takes a lot of guts and determination. Good luck in all you do. Pam

He will adjust sooner or later. The more he goes the sooner he will adjust. Is it worth the extra money you are going to pay the sitter to have him adjust sooner? Are you ready to give up more of your one on one time with your son? If I was in your shoes, I would take him just for the two days and cherish the extra you have with him.