Done Done DONE!!!!!

My children do not get a choice in what I make for dinner. I do not make two dinners. They eat the adult food we eat.

oh no,
I cook what I want to cook and if they don't eat it tough.
I will not beg or barter with them. If I let them pick whats for dinner , and they don't eat it , oh well.
No one gets separate dinners we all eat the same thing, unless it's leftover night then there's a choice.
My house is not a democracy when it comes to dinner.

I make dinner, they eat it or nothing until next meal. So no, I don't get that frustrated. Don't do it!

You cook what you want to cook.
Their choice is to eat it or go hungry.
It won't hurt them to go without supper once in awhile.
They'll eat when they are hungry.
And if there's enough left over (because they didn't eat it) you don't have to cook next day because leftovers is what's for dinner!

Why do you make separate meals? This is extremely foreign to me. I cook a delicious meal for my family every night and we all sit down together and feast on it together. If someone doesn't like the okra, oh well! Don't like the peas? Too bad. Go to bed hungry...your next meal is breakfast tomorrow morning ~no exceptions! Cooking for my family is not frustrating at all. I plan my meals according to what I like, keeping in mind that one child likes spicy foods and the others not so much but I never make separate meals. For anyone. No wonder you are so upset. You know what I do??? I plan my meals for two weeks. I go through my recipe cards, my cookbooks (I have a lot of them) and I plan out all my meals for two weeks. I will take "special requests" like when my children want pizza one night, I will make homemade pizzas or when my husband really has a taste for steak, I will plan a meal around that as well. We all eat the same thing. I don't think you should be giving them options at all. You are making this so much harder on yourself and they are not learning to appreciate what you have done.

Am I the only one with a refridgerator full of left-overs? I guess I don't understand why it's an either/or. Either you make the kids eat what you prepared that night or you become a short order cook. I do neither. I cook dinner. They need to have a couple of bites. Once they've had the required number of bites, I heat up a left-over or give them yogurt. When they are old enough to make their own sandwich, they can have pbj.

I do not want to see dinner time become a battle ground. Food needs to be a positive experience. If you're not in the mood for chicken, here's some pasta. Enjoy!

Don't give options. Say, "This is what's for dinner," or even say nothing and it shows up on their plates. If you're making pasta for the WHOLE family, for instance, and you know that kid 1 will eat the pasta, but not the sauce, yeah, leave it off kid 1's plate unless you really want to prove a point and fight that battle on that particular night. But don't say "You can have X or Y or Z" because they will change their minds or won't listen the first time you offer and will say "I thought you said J or K or L!" etc.

I used to do this and it drove me NUTS! I mainly did it because my daughter has TONS of food allergies. My kids got used to this and thought that I was running a made to order kitchen. Stop while you can...they will adjust. Good luck.

I make dinner and serve dinner and they eat dinner. I don't ask unless its a special occasion like a birthday and they request something special. Otherwise I make the food choices and they eat. I'm not a short order cook. Make what you feel is appropriate and tell them to suck it up. :) If htey don't eat, they won't starve.

The only input my girls get into dinner are small things, like if they want their roll toasted or not, if they want their carrots in sticks or circles - stuff like that. We all eat dinner together every night and I (or my hubby) cooks ONCE and that's it.

My middle daughter is a little picky, so I do try to make sure at least one element of the meal is something she likes and will eat, but I rarely ask her what that will be.

I cook what I want for dinner and that's it. I always make sure there is at least one or two foods that my boys like, but I refuse to tailor to what they want. What's on the table is what you can eat.

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I agree with Luv.. Do not make anything special or extra. You are the mother, you decide what the meals are. , make it serve it and they either eat it or they don't..

Children will not starve. It is not a reflection of your motherhood, if they do not eat what you cook. It is their problem.

A glass of milk will get them through.

I make one dinner - and that is what EVERYBODY gets! Quit trying to please everybody. I had a friend and the rule at her house was that if you didn't like what was for dinner, you could make yourself a sandwich. If your kids are old enough you could always apply that rule. There is no reason for you to be making seperate meals. Just my opinion. I would get very frustrated with that as well!

Nope, I have rarely given my children options about their dinner. I am the parent. I buy the food and prep it and know what is nutritous. They do not have the experience to be telling you what to cook. I see that as my job and responsibility.

I recommend you change your approach. YOU decide what is for dinner and no complaining. You could ask for their input and recommendations on occaision, perhaps through the the next couple of weeks what meals they would like to have.

I am really glad you posted this, because, believe it or not, just recently I overheard a mother of 3 kids in the parking lot as they all were getting into their car..."What do you all want for dinner?" I was shocked that she was asking them and it set off quite the discussion in our car. Of course children will have likes and dislikes, but I believe it is ultimately our job as parents to be in charge of an important issue like this that has long lasting health implications.

I think your frustration level will drop by you deciding what to cook, with again, occaisional input from the kiddos, and amount of time spent preparing so many different dinners will decrease.

Out dinner tonight is Honey Dijon Salmon, steamed cauliflower, and herbed rice. Everyone loves this meal. I would also add that you make tasty and healthy food, not some funky, check out this new recipe I found on this vegan site....

PS....When my son was very young, people use to say to me, "your child is such a good eater and well mannered, how do you do this? Jokingly I would reply, in my house I have one rule at meal time, EAT IT OR WEAR IT". No I did not throw food on my family....I just asked that they try a bite of new things, if they didn't like it, don't make a fuss (especially outside the home) and eat what they could. I am a firm believer of NO dessert if a child consistently refuses to eat what is on their plate...Also, make sure the portion is ONLY a child's portion. If you are introducing a new food to a child, the portion should be just a teaspoon full or less.

W.,

You need not ask your children what they would like or make separate meals for you and your husband. If you continue to do this, you can blame no one but W..

Make well balanced breakfast, lunch and dinner for your family. Desserts and healthy snacks are O.K. but should be considered treats. Let your kids know if they don't eat their meals, there will be NO dessert or in between snacks.

You and dad are meant to train your children, they are NOT in charge of you.

Blessings.....

Like many others... I cook once (technically 3x a day)... HOWEVER:

- We often eat at separate times (just the way the schedule works, kiddo and I will eat together, or I'll wait and H and I will eat together when he gets home at 9ish/10ish)

- AND... we have a house rule: If you don't like it, you don't have to eat it. You can have cereal or a sammie or something you can make yourself.

Okay, I don't want to jump on the bandwagon, but really, don't do it! I compromise...I make one dinner and I keep in mind everyone's likes/dislikes. I try and make at least one thing that the kids will eat. Luckily Husband is pretty easy going and eats most everything. If the kids don't like it they can have a pre-made, pre-approved snack like yogurt, applesauce or cheese. Everyone else basically gets what they want for breakfast and lunch, so for dinner it's all me. I get that you're just ranting, you have a reason to be frustrated! If you want to change, think about it, it's worth it!

Yes, but it's not the end of the world. Tonight my little guy wouldn't eat chicken, so I popped a hotdog in the microwave halfway through eating. No biggie...

When I cook, I don't ask what my family wants for dinner unless I'm in a rut and can't think of anything. The only options are eat what I cook or don't eat at all.

Cook what you want to cook. Don't ask them what they want. Just cook it and put it on the table. Tell them to eat it or don't, but there will be no more until the next meal. No snacks. No juice. No milk... just water.
YMMV
LBC

We just don't do it. We cook one meal. The adult cooking decides what it will be and we all eat it. We generally do a fish, chicken, occ meat or whole grain pasta with a vegetable and fruit for dessert. We all eat together and that helps a lot. There also is some good evidence that kids who eat meals with the family do better in school and have fewer discipline problems. DS (5) doesn't have to eat anything. He can decide if he is hungry or not. We do not cook other food if he doesn't particularly like something. We also don't use dessert as a reward - he can have it whether or not he chose to eat. If you decide to do this, it will likely take a little time and they will get used to it. We do not force him to eat anything - food is not a power struggle in our house. And I see no point in there being a winner and loser here. Best of luck.

mami
you decide what's for dinner. i've learned the hard way. i would end up with several dishes and none of them really eaten. so now i decide. they get to decide what they want to eat when we go out to a restaurant. otherwise, i decide:)

W.:

I am SOOOO sorry!! I make what I want to eat - I do ask for suggestions when I make the menu for the week - but overall - it's what I want to cook.

If they don't eat it - they don't eat. They have to TRY it. I am NOT a short order cook and I REFUSE to make different meals.

We eat as a family EVERY NIGHT - the exception of Friday since that's my night out and the boys take of themselves (dad fixes dinner - usually a TV dinner -but hey! I'm not fixing it!)

We have no food allergies in my house. I don't have picky eaters - i REFUSED to allow my children to picky eaters. I don't fix things I, myself, won't eat. But overall - if they don't like it - they don't eat.

DO NOT be a short order cook. Make a menu for the week - as for their suggestions. YOU ARE THE BOSS!!! YOU ARE THE QUEEN!!! DO NOT LET THE CHILDREN RULE THE ROOST!!!

We are major foodies at our house. Dinner is always a party. I have always involved the kids in the process (we watch a lot of cooking shows, take them to the grocery store, involve them in the techniques, discuss the history of the dish), makes them WAY more likely to try new things, even when they were younger.

That aside, I really like to cook, and respect everyone's individual palettes, so I'm pretty flexible with what everybody wants to eat. To me it's an art form, and the greatest compliment when (now that all three kids are older) and they ask waht's for dinner, and their response is SA-WEET!!

Just a little different point of view!

:)

It's just me and my daughter here so I'm only cooking for 2. She chooses what she wants for breakfast and lunch each day. I just cook dinner. She's a good eater so it's not a problem, but if it were she would either eat what I made or not. If not, she gets nothing until morning. There are some days when I can't really decide so I'll say something to her like "S, would you like chicken or fish tonight?" I'll cook what she decides. I wouldn't give them the option. Just cook what you want be done.

My stepkids could always make themselves a sandwich, and to an extent we allow things like a salad vs peas, but they couldn't trade a salad for jello.

I'd put out the main meal and let them either eat it or not. But no snacks later.

I agree with you. My husband gets home late a lot and I dont make a very "adult" meal when hes gone. I do let the kids have a say when hes not here. My kids do the same thing. I completely ignore the dinner drama now. If they eat, they eat, if they dont, they dont. They get nothing else to eat. I will not fix two seperate meals for them. I finally believe my kids doctor, they wont starve.

I used to be you! Now I make what I want to for dinner and there is always at least one thing in the meal that everyone likes- maybe just the salad or mac & cheese or the applesauce. If that is the only item they choose to eat- then so be it. But they are not getting anything after that. If they pass on dinner- thats it. My kids have started trying lots of new things since I made these changes. Good luck!

They are doing it because they see you as a short order cook. You are taking orders and asking what they want. Why would you do that? Don't make separate dinners. Cook what is for dinner, and they can eat it or go to bed hungry. If they don't like the main dish, be sure to serve plenty of options on the side (rice, bread and butter, a cooked and a raw veggie, melon cubes, cheese cubes) but don't cook separate meals. Kids should be sitting down to a family dinner. If you take control, rather than giving the kids control, you won't have these issues. I don't know how old your kids are, but I made "kid friendly" dinner for my oldest til she was 4, and I did not make this mistake with my younger kid. If you give them a choice and make them feel they are in control and you wil make whatever they want, they'll treat you like a short order cook. You are creating this behavior.

I would totally just stop making them a seperate dinner. Make what you and your husband eats and if they dont eat it. . . oh well. They will start to eat when they are hungry. You shouldn't be catering to them. It's only making them stronger and you weaker. You have to be the strong one, your the mom. I live with my sister and when her kids don't eat dinner and i'm in charge, they don't leave the table till they eat the 3 bites of whatever. They then are learning that I'm in charge (or their mom, but she is weakling) and they don't always get what they want. If they sit there for longer than a half an hour then they go straight to bed. They learn quickly that 3 bites is not a lot and that going hungry sucks.
Oh and this way you aren't spending the evening slaving over the stove, you can have YOU time, more time with your husband (less dishes) and less in grocery bills!!!!

Four year old boys are a special breed in my experience. My oldest is almost 6, and 4 was the hardest year so far for him.

My second is four now, and I am constantly reminding myself that 4 is hard.. and to be patient.

That said - I make one meal for dinner (kids get more choices at lunch time - left overs, noodles, fruit options). Everyone gets a "grown up" meal and they can eat what they like. I try to make sure I put something on their plate that they do like. Last night I made homemade lasagna. My four year old has NEVER eaten it. I always put a vegi he likes (broccoli) and bread with it and ask him to take one bite. Last night he actually decide he DID like it and ate the whole serving. Some kids really do need multiple exposures to certain foods, I can tell you he has had it served to him at least 15 times before last night and never once ate it. Tonight I made pork medallions with a basalmic honey mustard sauce. He ate his dipped in ranch dressing. He's never liked ranch dressing before. He also asked for more meat - which has never happened before either.

I guess my point is - keep offering him the food you make. Eventually he will eat it. I also really try to just not say anything once the food is in front of him. He complains about nearly everything. I smile and nod. We all keep eating. Sometimes he'll decide to eat as I'm clearing the table (after sitting through the whole meal complaining about what is on his plate). I just give him time to finish.

It is frustrating. My 4 year old has never been a "good eater" like his brother and his 2 year old sister. Some days she eats twice what he does.

I say - stick to your guns. I'd try not to make too many "kid meals". They are not as healthy and telling your kids it is ok to eat something other than what the grown ups are eating.

Good luck!
Jessica

If I had a dime for every time I said "This isn't a restaurant. Eat what I make or go hungry."...wasted breath.

Yep. My two kids do it too. I quit making dinner for the oldest unless I want the same thing he likes. The 4 year old is content with chicken nuggets, fries, and mac and cheese.

I just want to know when I am going to be able to eat my food while it's still hot...lol.

you are not crazy for being upset or not wanting to be a short order cook but your first mistake is asking what the children want. You make dinner and everyone eats it unless it is something that children just wouldn't eat. We always eat the same dinner except sometimes on the weekends my husband and I may want seafood that they won't eat, etc and then, and only then, do they get a choice. Babysitter nights they get a choice too, pizza, chk nuggets, etc otherwise, they eat chilli, spaghetti, chk and veggies, home made pot pie, fish and veggies, burgers, jambalaya, ham and potatoes, etc whatever we are having they eat. ;o)

Sorry, I don't. We all eat the same thing no matter if we eat together or separate. I cook/reheat left overs once. Yes there may be complaining but that is dealt with promptly. The dinner table is where we are often teaching gratitude. If you are really sick of doing it, don't do it.

I only make one meal unless I make something that i know no one else likes. I am the only one that like salmon so I get one piece for myself and cook the family something different.

How about this?
No more suggestions from the peanut gallery.
You make what you make and the kids eat it or don't.
It's really not that hard.
People are amazed at how my kids ate anything I made.
I didn't discuss or ask what they wanted. I just made it.
My promise to them was that I would never make anything I wasn't willing to eat for myself. They just went with it. It was either that, or they could go to bed hungry, because I truly never made anything gross.
It was never a fight or argument. They ate what I made or didn't. They didn't get a Plan B dinner.
I have so many friends who struggle with their kids over what they will eat and I personally think it's because they've given too many options.
Plan a menu, stick to it. That's the way it goes.
Trust me....you don't want kids being teenagers telling you what they will and won't eat to the point where you don't even bother anymore. I have friends like that.
They're so afraid their kids won't eat, that they will get up from the table and ignore their own dinner to drive miles to a McDonald's or something just to get their cherub to eat something.
I think it's bull.
And, they always ask what my secret to non picky kids is.
It's not that difficult.
Plan a menu for the week and cook it. Make sure there is plenty left for your husband. The kids will eat what you make if you play your cards right.

Just my opinion.

I understand your reasoning for the separate dinners and think that is fine. The kids have too much control though. Offer them two choices (I always liked to offer a choice as well), for example, do you want nuggets or mac and cheese tonight. If they agree, that's what they get. If not, PB&Js is the backup. If they decide not to eat what they asked for, PB&J is the only backup, then leftovers are lunch for the next day. No need to get into any discussions or anything, just make that the rule and don't discuss it.

If you can get them involved in the food prep, you may have more success.
It sure works at our house.

Together with their input write a bunch of dinner options on a card with numbers. Then roll the dice to figure out what will be for dinner the next night. Or make a 2 week dinner schedule with their input and stick to it.

My 7 year old was giving me such a hard time every single night. It became such a power struggle. I decided to give him the option of making himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich if he didn't want to eat what I had cooked. After a couple of weeks having had a sandwich for lunch and dinner he is back to eating his meals. I think he got a little sick of peanut butter sandwiches and doesn't even want to have them for lunch. Bottom line is, it took the struggle out of dinner. Also, have you considered cooking just one meal and having your husband heat it up when he gets home?

A friend of mine with three kids literally went on strike for a week. After eating cereal, fruit, yougart and toast for 5 days, her kids are happy to eat (most of) whatever lands on their plates. Maybe time for a mom uprising in your home too?

I can understand why you want to give them a choice for dinner since your husband and you eat later. The problem may lie in your reaction to the child when they don't eat what they requested. Do you give them another choice? Make something else? If you are doing this or even showing a really strong negative reaction then you are reinforcing the behavior from the child that chooses something and then won't eat it. During the week I have daycare kids about so I plan a menu and they eat what they eat--period--very few exceptions unless they are not feeling well, etc. On the weekends , it is way harder to get my daughter to eat even though she is choosing more of her meals and snacks! Counterintuitive I know ! Maybe let the child who is not being difficult choose the dinner meal and when your younger one stops with the power play he can help choose again;)

You are not alone. I have 3, ages 11, 8 and 7... none of them like the same foods. There are only a couple of meals that they all agree on, but not always. ha,ha Most of my friends make 1 dinner and that's all the family is offered... I'm going to start that soon... because I, too, am done!, DONE!, DONE!!! lol