What Do You Do When Your Child(ren) Doesn't Eat the Meal You've Prepared?

My boys are 2 1/2 and 5 and I put whatever is made on their plate, and they at least have to try 1 bite. If they don't like it, they don't have to eat the rest, but if they're hungry they'll eat what is served and I don't make substitutes. We have eaten cereal for dinner though, but all of us, not just the kids. LOL!

If they don't eat what I prepare - they get a piece of bread and water or milk - I will NOT make a special meal nor will I fix something else after I've cleaned up the kitchen.

I typically do not let them get down from the table and play.

However, my kids - even at 2 & 4 had input to dinner/meals. So they didn't have an excuse not to like it or eat it.

I don't care if they eat but when they get hungry it is what I served earlier that gets warmed up. If you let them have a snack or cereal then you are giving them a choice and they are choosing the snack.

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We do not make a big deal about it. It is just known that if you don't eat much then you will be hungry. There is no back up meal. I think it helps that I make sure there is something on the plate they will eat. They have to eat at least one bite of everything then they are dismissed once we are all finished.

Good luck and best wishes!

I try to include at least one component of dinner that I know my kids like.

But if they're not hungry, I don't force it.

But you ARE replacing what you made for dinner...you're replacing it with a snack or a bowl of cereal. IMO, if you let them skip dinner and then later serve them a snack, in their mind, they're thinking, "OH, I don't have to eat if I don't want to. I'll just get a snack later if I'm hungry. Skipping this meal won't matter b/c I'll get a snack anyways". So basically, you are catering to their wants instead of to their needs.

I am not surprised at all if a child chooses a yummy snack over a healthy meal. And if a parent caters to the WANTS over their needs regarding nutrition, I would not be surprised if the child becomes a highly picky eater.

My daughter (5yrs old) is not picky. She likes the food, she just chooses not to eat it. If she had the opportunity, she would absolutely choose a snack later in the evening over her dinner. But, in our house, I tell her, "No Eat, No Treat". And if she doesn't eat at least MOST of her dinner, she goes to bed hungry & w/o a treat. My son (almost 8yrs old) eats everything from steak to lobster to vegetables to whatever you put in front of him. It's b/c we serve what we serve and if doesn't eat it, then that's too bad. He knows that we WILL NOT give in and just serve whatever, whenever.

My wife and I always put good stuff on the table.

If they don't eat what we cook, they go without. If they want something later, its the plate they wouldn't eat off of that we put in the frig.

There is an old english saying, "A wife can throw more out the kitchen window with a tablespoon than her husband can can bring in the front door with a wheel barrow." That primarily refers to wasting food.

Good luck to you and yours.

I don't care if they eat it or not, but they don't get anything to eat later if they didn't eat dinner. I find that this cuts down on a lot of nonsense at the dinner table with regard to "I don't like this!" and "Ewww!" I don't make dishes that I know they hate, and so there's no good reason they can't eat what's on their plates if they're hungry. If they're not hungry, then of course they don't HAVE to eat.

i do nothing and either I have a couple not hungry kids or i've got two gonna be hungry kids :) they get no "afters" if they don't eat in the first place!

I make one meal...take it or leave it. If they decide not to eat dinner, then no treat later plain and simple. That being said, I try not to cook things that I know they will hate.

If my son does not eat his dinner, and it is often a spin off of the adults meal when I KNOW he does not/will not like it (ex fish and asparagus he gets nuggets and potatoes) then he does not eat until tomorrow's breakfast. I know to make it a bit larger than usual as he will be hungry but overall no changes are made. I will allow him to drink a glass of milk however (typically water with dinner) if he decides he does not want dinner so he will not wake at 3am starving.

Our household rule is: If you don't like it, you can have a bowl of cereal or a sammie BUT you cannot be rude about it. (Faces, gagging, etc on the disliked portion, or overly dramatic about the 'good' food, etc.)

Similarly, if you're not hungry, you don't have to eat... but you do need to come sit and visit.

I have foods I despise. I won't eat them. I don't cook them. Since dinner is made by ME per MY likes, I figure it's only fair to show the same respect to others I would want shown toward myself. SURE there are all times we glue a smile to our face as we gag over Aunt Hilda's scones, or Gramma's fish. But why create the need on a regular basis to be miserable?

http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/447088902709313537
I posted this question about something similar.

Me: I don't force my kids. We don't battle about food. Period.
There is no battle.

I buy and cook healthy food.

if mine don't eat dinner, they go to bed hungry - doesn't hurt my feelings any or cause me any guilt - and, like you, it's not a battle - eat or don't eat, i'm not gonna force it. on the VERY rare occassion i'm cooking something strange that i know they won't like(lobster and asparagus, or something very "adult" like that), i'll make something a little more kid friendly for my 3 little ones(but that's maybe a once or twice a year type thing, if that often). i don't do a snack later, kids are smart and will quickly figure out that they can get "something" later, plus i just don't think eating meals/snacks in the later evening is healthy for metabolism or digestion :) my kids know the drill though, my 2yo and 8yo typically eat a good dinner - my 5yo is hit or miss, but he has always been a slow/picky eater in general - none of them have ever asked for something to eat after dinner/before bed, so it must not be too bothersome to them.

Your plan seems just fine to me. We have established times for meals and snacks for our home daycare. If the children refuse to eat at any of those times, we tell them that's ok, but that they will have to wait for something else to eat until the next meal or snack time comes. We do have the child sit with us at the table until all the others are finished eating. Sometimes this encourages a child to at least try some of their food. And we do make sure that snacks have a little extra nutritional boost on the days that the chilren refuse to eat meals. It doesn't seem to matter what foods are served. Yesterday one of the kids just wouldn't eat, and the meal served was one that has always been a favorite of all the children. He has a cold today, so it's pretty obvious why he didn't feel like eating yesterday.

One day in 5-1/2 years DS decided he did not like what we were having for dinner (it was actually something he liked) and didn't eat. He said he wasn't hungry. We just let it go. That night when we put him to bed, he announced his tummy hurt and he was hungry. I asked him if he wanted dinner - he said yes - we went off to the kitchen (where fortunately there were leftovers) and he polished off two servings. Since we have never offered other options and none of us snack in the evening, I don't think he has figured out that other possibilities exist.

If this were me in my house with my two kids, first I would evaluate dinner. Is it new? Is it too spicy? Did they even taste it? I make my son taste one bite of everything I make him. He often will continue to eat.

So if dinner tasted fine and was food my kids liked, then they would get to eat that 2 hours later as their dinner or eat it for breakfast the next day with the explanation that we are not wasting food. We've done this a few times with our son and it's worked great. He hasn't eaten dinner for breakfast in a long time. I think he didn't like going to bed hungry. He gobbled up his 'dinner' the next morning. To me, doing the cereal thing was a treat and/or a control issue. The kids know who's in control now. "On days we don't like a meal, no worries, b/c right before bed mom will give us cereal and milk."

My son knows he won't get a desert if he doesn't eat his dinner. And with me being pregnant I have the good stuff in the house nowlol! So I don't have an issue with him not eating, but i guess the idea of not getting an ice cream sandwich or a cookie or whatever else I happen to get at the store in a pregnancy induced shopping spree is worth eating whatever is in front of him

if mine don't eat I wrap it up put it in the fridge and they can have it at the next meal , until they eat it.
No snacks.
with the 2 yr old I'd give snacks, but not the 4 yr old.

When my son was 2 we were having some serious issues with him eating dinner also. he never would. My husband would do what you are doing and feed him something later when he would say he was hungry. It infuriated me. I wasn't making him poison and he needs to eat what I make him! So, I told my husband that I was going to start saving the dinner. I would sit us all down for dinner, son would say he wasn't hungry, I would say that I would save it for him when he is. Son would be sad and want something else. Son would get nothing else. Son would be offered dinner.....even if he asked two hours later! Dinner is dinner. Your children do know that they can sit at the table, tell you they aren't hungry and then in a couple of hours you will feed them something else. If you are okay with that, fine. If not, then just continue to offer the same thing. DOn't fight! I understand that. "This is your dinner. YOu may choose to eat it or you may choose to be hungry. I am not going to make you anything else" My son is 9 and he is a GREAT eater now.
L.

My kids are now 21 and 17. But as a couple of others posted, I wasn't going to have a battle of the wills at the dinner table. I've always been very lucky that my kids AND husband always at what was served. I did not make a second meal for the kids, they had what we were eating and now enjoy a huge variety of foods.

I also never had a 'clean your plate' rule but did have a 'you have to try it' rule. It's been proven that it may take 15 tries of a new food for us to get used to the flavor and texture. So having said that, I always included something they would eat.

If they wanted a snack later, and it was healthy, my feeling was they are growing bodies in need of nourishment.

Around that age, and mine are 6 and 2, they can be very picky eaters. lol I make them what they like, along with a veggie or fruit of their choice, while my hubby and I have the good stuff. lol

Waiting for 1-2 hours isn't making them think they didn't order what they wanted. They still didn't have to eat what you made, and they know that. You don't have to force them to eat, but when that 1-2 hours has passed, you should feed them dinner. You are setting yourselves up for big fights as they get older, and don't want what you cooked. You will be making double meals for a long time.

If our kids dont like what we make, they need to take a no thank you bite and then they can have a sandwich if they choose. I usually allow a snack of yogurt or cereal before bed as well...cherrios, cheese stick or shredded wheat (fiber one brand). I refuse to let them go to bed hungry and I also will not force them to eat if they are not hungry.If they are not hungry then we save their plate for when they are.

I always make sure there's something in the meal they like (a side of a veggie they like or rice or noodles or the meat). If they choose not to eat it or even try it, then they can be hungry. Once in awhile I'll let them have cereal or a NutriGrain bar instead of dinner if we've been dying to eat something that's far out of their palate (even though we always try to get them to taste it -and the oldest is pretty adventurous). I keep fish sticks and veggie burgers on hand for some of these evenings, but usually they are required to eat with us and eat what we've made. My two year old simply doesn't want to eat dinner most nights no matter what! We could eat chicken nuggets and Tootsie Pops for dinner every evening (his favorite junk) and he would usually never partake! So, I guess this is a phase. He eats two breakfasts -one with his brother here at home and again at preschool and a healthy lunch and afternoon snack, so I don't think it's hurting him!

sounds good to me...but i bet your 4 year old does make the connection. they could get in the habit of not eating, just because they know it's allowed. just a thought. mostly i agree with your method. except i wouldn't give a snack later...i would offer dinner again. if this happens too often, maybe push dinner back to a later time. i mean, my son is 5 and i can count on one hand the times he has truly not wanted dinner (i mean not just having an attitude about something else unrelated)...usually because he was sick. and i know other kids are not my little eating machine. but we have a good routine and it has never really been a problem. i am with you on the laid back no arguing part. but i wouldn't really give them another snack...snacking before bedtime isn't the best idea either.

My kids have a choice of peanut butter and jelly or eating what I make.

I have a pretty strict "You don't get snack until you're dinner is gone" policy. I encourage my kids (4.5, 21mo) to try new foods, and they're actually really good about it, but if they take a bite of a new food and don't like it, I don't push it. The new, unliked food becomes exempt from "the policy."

I understand that when they're full, they're full. I don't force food on them, and I don't make them sit at the table until their plate is clean (God, I HATED that about my dad!!!), but they know that if they want snack, they finish their dinner even if that means eating half at dinner and finishing right before snack. I absolutely, under VERY few circumstances, allow them to have something to eat in place of the dinner they didn't finish, and NEVER a snack... usually a healthy cereal, PB sandwich, bagel, etc.

Even my 21mo realizes this. If she didn't finish her dinner, she'll go running to the kitchen saying, "Finnis dinnuh, finnis dinnuh!" And the same goes for lunch. No snacks until the sandwich/bagel/hot dog/nuggets/etc is gone :)

I feel that by doing this, it helps them eat more healthy. It also helps me with portion control because I try to only give them 1-2Tbs of a food, and let them ask for more if they want more. I don't pile it on their plate, then chastise them and withhold snack when they don't finish.

If my daughter didn't want what I cooked, she was free to make her own dinner. At 2, she was capable of spreading peanut butter on bread.

I never tried to force her to eat things she didn't like. She had to actually taste it before declaring that she didn't like it, but if she truly didn't like it, I didn't make her eat it. After all, I don't eat foods I don't like. Why should she have to?

My girls, now 5 & 3, still say they don't like what I have prepared from time to time. But I always offer one thing that I know they will eat, as part of our family meal if that makes sense. They both really like carrot sticks and if they want to eat only the carrot sticks that night, then that is what they eat for dinner that night. I personally feel that they will eat when they are hungry and if they don't eat dinner one night, they will make up for it at the next meal or the next day. I hope that helps.

My daughter gets like this sometimes. We usually don't let her up from the table right away, but mostly we don't worry about it. Honestly, not letting her up from the table has more to do with not wanting her to interrupt our dinner than anything about her food. Lately, we'll let her up before we're finished but we explain that she needs to go play away from the table until dinner is over. She has a bad habit of trying to climb onto our laps and pick at our food or "make" us read to her. This has resulted in some pretty awesome temper tantrums but it's working.

Just last night, she got upset because I asked her to go play away from the table, instead of right under my chair, and she ended up going to her room. (My DD is 2, btw.) She calmed herself down, brought out a book and came up to me. I told her I wasn't finished and she got upset but walked away herself. She came back a few minutes later and politely asked for me to read after taking a peek at my empty plate. So sweet! I happily ended my meal/conversation and curled up on the couch with her. I'm really proud of her progress.

Anyway...back to the point. She gets a glass of milk during storytime before bed so I don't really worry too much about her being hungry. She's a great eater, when she feels like it.

I'm with you. I've never understood why some parents feel the need to be so controlling about their child's food intake.

I'm all about letting the child's natural hunger/food inclinations be respected. I know I wouldn't want someone forcing me to sit and eat something I didn't get a say in, at a time when I may or may not be hungry.

At my house, I serve a healthy dinner every night. It's up to the kids to decide what & how much they will eat. I do request that they try something if it's new, but they know that I will never make them eat something they don't like. If they're not particularly hungry at the time the meal is set on the table, I'm not going to deny them food later when they actually are hungry.

The outcome is very healthy children who feel respected, eat a varied, healthy diet and know to stop eating when they feel full. It's very rare that either of them wants something else to eat before bed time.

The way I see it, choosing the food we eat is a life skill that too many people don't get a chance to develop. Your body will guide you toward the food/nutrients your body needs. You just need to learn how to listen.

my kids are older now, well 3 of them, 12, 10 and 8, but since they started eating meals as toddlers it's been the same routine. breakfast, snack if they get up early enough to need one, lunch at 12, snack at 3 dinner at 6. if they don't eat what is available they don't eat. It has never been an issue. Now there are things that certain family members do not like and I do work around that. My DD does not eat potatoes, not in any form (well french fries but they don't count) she hasn't eaten potatoes ever, so it's not a new thing, and we tried and tried when she was young. So I will make sure she has something to compensate for the potatoes. But I also make two veggies and offer two fruits, because we all do like different things.

My little one is a major eater but sometimes my 4 yr old doesn't want to eat. I usually give him a number of bites he needs to eat to get dessert, which is always something reasonable like fruit or yogurt occasionally cookies etc. So he will always eat if I give him an amount and tell him that dessert is in store. I also don't make things I for him I just know he doesn't like. I had some things I just hated as a kid and there was no way I was going to eat them. If I do serve something and he says he really doesn't like it then I just try and get him to eat the other parts of the meal. So far so good! I always tell him if he doesn't eat anything then he can eat it later and only have water to drink, but so far I have always gotten him to eat enough that I really haven't had to do that. Good luck!!

My son is 2 1/2. If he doesn't eat dinner I worry about him waking in the middle of the night hungry. I usually leave his plate out and he will eat some before brushing his teeth. (No food or milk after brushing teeth). If he still hasn't eaten a lot, I may offer yogurt.

We usually eat pretty late so I don't even have an option of offering a snack later on...but I'm not sure I would. I cook something, even if it's just a side dish, that I know my kids like. If they eat it great, if not then I offer them cheese, yogurt or applesauce as choices to supplement dinner. I don't agree with battling over food nor do I agree that you should just keep serving the same plate of food over and over again, but I won't "make" something else to eat for them, it has to be already made!

Before i prepare a meal i make sure it is healthy stuff that they also like. Sometimes they dont finish but they always eat.

I don't replace the meal...that's just it for the night. Of course they are still allowed a snack before bed, but instead of getting to choose it, I choose it.

(Now, if I was experimenting and the meal was terrible, I play short order cook. Tonight we experimented making gluten free biscuits and gluten free sausage gravy all from scratch, and everything had the consistency of glue. Tasted fun, but it was like eating glue. So I let my oldest have a bowl of cereal, because she's not the gf child, anyhow. The youngest had an apple and cheese instead.)

I'm not a short order cook, so my girls (3 &5) have learned that "you get what you get, and you don't throw a fit". If they don't like what I serve for dinner, they usually will have to try it at least once. I typically don't replace my dinners with substitutes. If they decide that they aren't hungry, they ask to be excused but they know that if they do get hungry, their plate will be waiting for them in the fridge! I don't make a big deal about it because if they are full, they're full and if they're hungry, they'll eat what is on the menu! They will only get something different if they have already eaten their dinner and are still hungry. I just don't have time to be making 4 different meals at dinner time......good luck!

Because my granddaughter (I am raising her) is a really good eater, I don't worry at all if on occasion she's not hungry. I tell her to eat what she wants, but not to stuff herself or make herself sick and it's all right. I offer her a snack every night before bed so she doesn't go to bed hungry (I can't sleep if I'm hungry). If she has a snack, she will usually choose something good; she very rarely eats candy or junk by her choice! I'm very lucky when it comes to good eating habits - she has them; I don't!

They go "hungry" if it is dinner that they won't eat....usually because they overindulged on afternoon snacking. So, breakfast is usually eaten with much gusto!!!

I do what you do. My kids are basically really good eaters but sometimes like you said, they just aren't hungry. Or maybe they don't like what I fix on occasion - even kids should be allowed preferences of food sometimes. I don't make something different for them, I just make sure that there snack later is healthy.......we do cereal also or ants on log, cheese stick etc.

I think you did the exact right thing. You did not make the food an issue but allowed the kids to choose. The snack you are giving them is appropriate for their age and tastes. I applaud you for making a good decision.

BTW, kids need to eat something substantial about every 3 hours. A snack of cereal or other food that you mentioned is appropriate for a snack. It has vitamins and grains and has milk so it is a pretty good snack.