Do You Tell Your SO Everything Friends Tell You? Spin off from Molly

A huge part of being a good friend is trust. Even though I share most things with my husband there have been times when friends have said please don't tell X about this and I have respected their wishes.
Besides, most men are like my husband and don't really care what's going on in other peoples' personal lives so it's really a non issue for M.!

I tell my husband EVERYTHING. It's not like he's going to go spreading it around. He is my best friend, and we've been together for 16 years. When I confide in a friend, I expect that their husband will also know, so I edit accordingly.

I don't tell him everything. My gosh, he'd die. I mean think about some of the things we discuss on here. I can J. see it now, "Hey, babe, today we were talking aboout vibrators and....". He's swallow his tongue.

But I reserve the right to tell him everything. My friends all know up front that I will not keep secrets from my husband unless they would make him swallow his tongue. If he asks, then I will be honest.

As long as my friends know that going in and know that my husband is not a gossip and it would stay right where I left it, then I think it's all fair. I usually put out a disclaimer, though, J. so they remember.

*ETA - I tell him because sometimes they have unloaded some pretty heavy things and I need to process it. I tell him because he is wise and a natural problem solver. I tell him because it is interesting or because I am hurt by it. All kinds of reasons, but not at the expense of the person that told M.. He's my best friend. I get to tell him what I darn well want to.

If the "secret" doesn't affect my husband, I would NEVER betray a friend's confidence.
I think a lot of women make this mistake--telling their husbands EVERYTHING they are told IN confidence by their friends.
If O. of my friends wants my husband to know, she'll tell him, or tell both of us together. Otherwise, I assume confidentiality is protocol.
I think if you are set on sharing EVERYTHING with your BF, you should be up front with them--even saying "You know, I'm going to tell Jeff about this--I tell him everything. It's our 'deal'."
I J. don't think it's right to have a blanket-deal that you both will tell everything.
I would also tend to think less of a woman that runs to her husband with everything her friends tell her, wouldn't you?
Now, a real example, my sibling shared with M. (asked/told M. he didn't want M. to 'spill' to our mom yet) that he is seriously considering engagement, and I told my husband b/c I know would NEVER blow it & tell my mom something like that....but I'd keep that more in the 'keeping it a surprise' category.

I tell my husband 85% of what goes on in my life...and those that are close to us.

My husband and Best Friend only Tolerate each other, and they only do it for my sake. So I have to be picky about what I share about the other with either of them. IT SUCKS!

We will crack jokes about people. It is never anything I would not say to the person, though. He is NOT a big gossip person...And I try my damn hardest not to be one either.

There are thing I share with him, that I do not consider gossip...J. info I know he would like to know. For instance....Our neighbors are some of our best friends. I found out not to long ago, they are having to have the home foreclosed on. THAT SUCKS! And I know my husband could live without knowing, but I think he needs to know...Because we are all friends.

I draw the line for the things I tell him somewhere between ''If it aint broke dont fix it'', Or is it worth possibly starting a fight or something over.

Like the other day, someone I am working with Occupy Federal Way on Facebooked M. and Told M. I was gorgeous. It brought a smile to my face, yet had I told my husband, he would have probably flipped out and told M. I could not work on this with him or any guy again. I know the guy meant no harm. I do not hear it very often....There was nothing wrong with him complimenting M...so ''If it ain't broke, dont fix it''. Now had the guy pressed the issue any further then paying M. a compliment, yes I would have said something and followed through with what my husbands wishes were(to some extent, I am not stopping my work with the movement solely for a reason like that).

My husband is my best friend. My equal. J. as I am sure he does not tell M. everything, I do not think he expects M. to tell him everything. There are J. some things he does not need to know about...My girlfriends Sex life and relation ship issues being one of them.

I still need to go back and respond to Molly's question:)

If one of my friends tells M. something in confidence, I do not tell anyone. Personally, I dont want to hear about someone cheating. I dont agree with it and I dont want to be brought into it.
Wouldnt that freaking suck if you had to tell your b/f that her husband was cheating on her?
When it comes to something that serious that could break a family, I want nothing to do with it. And who knows whats true or not? NOT my business! I would be protecting my husband by not burdening him with the info as well.

Think about it, you tell your husband, he slips tells his best friend, he slips, and then the whole damn town knows about it. No thanks!

The LESS he knows the happier he is.

I've learn to edit things over the years. He REALLY doesn't want to hear about someone's "lady surgery" or some silly gossip.

If someone tells M. something in confidence, I do not share it with my husband. The person told M. the secret, not us.

I subscribe to the idea that families do not keep secrets. There are surprises but not secrets.

Whether or not I tell my SO depends on whether or not I feel the need to talk about it. In serious situations, knowing a friend's secret would bother M. and I'd need to talk. Having a SO is the only person I'd want to share this with.

BTW I would not tell my friend that I would keep her secret if I were going to talk with my SO. It's not fair to agree to keep a secret and then not keep it.

I do not share EVERYTHING - like I told Molly - there are things Bob doesn't WANT to know.

If I'm talking to my girlfriend's and they make comments about their marriage - like my question from how does your husband treat you? Bob was upset because he felt that it was putting too much out there and bordering gossiping. However, as he thought about it - he said - okay- "we've SEEN his behavior...so you aren't lying or exaggerating...you are seeking advice for a friend...okay..."

he doesn't want to know what Pam and I talked about over dinner.
he doesn't want to know the "inside scoop" of someone else's marriage.

We TALK about things. trivial and unimportant and important...

If my friends have asked M. to keep a secret - NO FREAKING WAY - Bob doesn't want to know and I won't tell. That's NOT COOL.

I think as long as you let everyone in your life know that what ever they say can and will be repeated to your boyfriend then sure go for it. Personally if I wanted your boyfriend to know I would tell him myself.

My husband knows most things. My close friends know that if they tell M. something I will tell my husband unless we discuss not telling him. I usually ask if it is totally private vs. okay to tell my husband. I also ask if I can tell my mom, who is a much bigger gossip than my husband! I work in a field where confidentiality is important and always discussed upfront so I am used to doing it that way.

Anybody talking to one of us is talking to both of us, generally. Anyone who says, "Don't tell your husband/wife" to one of us is out of line. It's not their call. I determine how and if "secrets" I'm told are shared in my house. If you don't want my husband to know, then don't tell M.. Now, those are the basic rules. I do use discretion with wha tI share with my husband, but there is very little that I would NOT tell him. Yes, I will tell my husband if someone is cheating, but maybe not if we are both close friends with the couple, if he is really close with the guy. I won't tell my husband if someone has an STD, but I will tell him if someone's pregnant and still wants it quiet. Exception to that--if he is close with the father of that unborn and could let it slip. I don't necessarily tell him stuff involving his family members. (He doesn't want to know that his younger female cousin is a "wild woman".) I am careful about telling him anything that might re-color his current view of someone. Or give him a visual of their body parts--lol.

My husband has female friends who want to share certain things with him and have asked him not to share with his wife. Not cool. Yes, he tells M., anyway, but I get annoyed with him for leading them to believe that he will keep a secret with them from his wife. He doesn't share with M. all the man talk that goes on on the golf course. Well, sometimes he'll tell M. the dirty jokes. Sometimes he won't tell M. who told the joke.

Oh, and let M. add that I expect the same in the homes of others, whether or not that's the case.

i tell my boyfriend everything about my friends, the way i think about it is ok if your best friend is cheating on her husband & your husband sees this happening, hes going to know she told you about the affair & you never mentioned it to him so what could YOU be hiding from him? my boyfriend isnt the gossip type but i still tell him most things because i personally get frusterated with some of the things my best friend does & need to vent about it, plus i know he can keep his mouth shut:) i guess there are limitations though & times when you probably shouldnt tell him.

I don't keep anything from my husband. He IS my best friend. All of my friends know not to tell M. something they don't want him to know. Same goes for him.

If a friend asks M. not to say anything to anyone, then I won't. I say I'll tell it to the corn. Otherwise, if it is interesting information, I will share with my spouse. If I personally want to keep something secret, I don't tell anyone (but I can't actually think of any secrets I have at present except for what I got my husband for the holidays) because I assume they are going to tell their significant other. I think most people do.

I tell my husband everybody's business but only b/c they don't tell M. not to but it's not like they would think to tell M. otherwise. The only exceptions are a couple people, like best friend & a friend that my husband works w/ her husband, sometimes they tell M. not to tell my husband things & then I don't.

He doesn't really WANT to know all our girl stuff. Girlfriends are for talking and telling thousands of stories, and he's happy to be off the hook on all that stuff. :P
If something is important, they need help, or I think that Jeremy can offer some help with his own experience, life stuff, or professional opinion, etc, I will say "do you want M. to ask Jer his opinion on that?" If it's personal and they aren't comfortable, they'd tell M.. They usually want to know his opinion because they respect him and he's not around very much so they don't have to be shy when they see him again.
Occasionally I'll tell him something they'd be like "Ohhhh, thanks a lot!" but only if it's J. really really funny (and I tell them).
If your friends aren't close with your SO the way my friends ARE close with mine, then you should keep it to yourself (especially since HE has already told you how HE feels-----that means he doesn't want to hear it, it's not going to affect your relationship if you don't tell him something he thinks you shouldn't tell him). You really need to listen and hear what your SO is saying.....I think it's pretty plain he doesn't want to hear it. He said "You shouldn't tell your bf/husband private stuff about your friends". That means, exactly what it sounds like. If you're thinking about it, and he sees something's wrong and asks you about it you can say "Oh, J. thinking about __. She's got a lot on her plate right now" or something simple like that. If he pushed you, then you can decide what you want to do. But I think that's a non-issue most of the time.

My hubby doesn't want to hear it all. He thinks it's exhausting and I don't blame him. Fact is, I don't want to hear drama or details either. We have busy lives full of work and family. We share the important and day to day things anyway, but outside of family? Don't tell us.