When my daughter was about two or three, she got under the cart at the grocery store. I was distracted and in a hurry. You are probably going to see how this story ends before the story unfolds.... She started running her fingers on the wheels and before I even could put on the brakes, her little finger had been run over by the big metal grocery cart filled with a week's worth of groceries! Of course there was a blood curdling yell and in the weeks that followed her nail turned black and then fell off! You can imagine that twenty years later I am still heart sick over this. So much so that I would like to save any mother or toddler from the pain, horror & not to mention the embarrasment of feeling like a terrible mother.
My dilema comes ~ when I see other children doing this now and believe me they still do! I wanted to write this first to help avoid this happening to what happened to my poor baby by warning any readers and then those shoppers that I might see allowing their little kidlets ride under their carts as I did so many years ago. Of course I am not judging because I was that very mother before and I always start out saying that... but you would be surprised how defensive some of those mothers can be. The other day I walked up to a dad who had his four year old under the cart and told him... "I let my toddler do that when she was little and will never forget rolling over her little fingers it was horrible." And he looked startled and very grateful like he didn't realize he was even down there and I walked quickly away so as not to just be standing there but I heard him following through... getting his little kidlet out from under there.
Okay so I'm not going to ask you am I just butting in because I know I'm not.... Why do moms not react like the dad? But do I say something or not?
Wow thanks EVERYONE for answering I didn't expect so many answers! I came back to 23 and so many variables.
We seem to be split right down the middle.
I guess I am more like the woman at the escalator assuming that someone's mom would want me to grab their kidlet's hand before it got pinched or stop a kid from running across the street before running into traffic.
I loved the one who wrote a metaphoric example of stopping someone's kidlet from drinking poision!
And all of the examples of the one whose dad accidentally hit her head on a table.. so does that mean you are not supposed to play with your dad? Or their finger got caught in a door so does that mean you are not supposed to shut doors?? LOL. Come on Reeeeally?
I still think I would rather assist a child from staying clear of harm's way rather than worrying about offending the mom! I liked the mom's suggestion of speaking directly to the child but not sure that would be politically correct nowdays.
The thing is I was the mom once that made the mistake of letting my kid ride underneath the cart... I'm the last one to judge. I'm just trying to avoid your kid from having the same catostrophe! It was interesting though to see so many perspectives! Especially the ones that would keep their kids under the cart and smile but not be defensive! A little bit of an oxymoron lol.
By the way I let my kids play ball in the street too but I didn't throw a ball when I saw a car coming and tell them to fetch! :)
if it was my kid doing it you better say something because I probably dont realize he got there. they are offended in my opinion cause you are right.
If I were the one with my child under the cart and someone told me their bad experience, I would probably just smile and keep my kid under there anyway. I wouldnt be defensive in any way, though.
I'm sure not all dad's would react the way the one dad did, either.
To ME a squashed fingernail is no big deal. Lesson learned, don't put your fingers on wheels (my son lost a fingernail getting his finger stuck in a wheel of a toy truck). It was obviously a big deal to you. But you can't expect every mom is going to feel the same way. Especially if they've got active or adventurous kids.
In my experience... kids get hurt doing all kinds of everyday activities, and especially fun ones... but that doesn't mean that the shouldn't be allowed to do those things again, much less that all kids shouldn't be allowed to do them.
- My sis broke her arm falling out of a tree - doesn't mean children shouldn't climb trees
- Same sis fell 12 feet off of a slide ladder (lost her footing) and got a concussion - doesn't mean children shouldn't be allowed to go on playground equipment
- Brother broke his finger slamming it in a car door - doesn't mean kids shouldn't shut their own doors
- Cousin lost a toenail when a Kayak rolled on it - doesn't mean kids shouldn't kayak
- Friend chipped a tooth spinning on the bars - doesn't mean kids shouldn't spin on bars
- I had an asthma attack (1st ever) running - doesn't mean kids shouldn't run
- I had 5 stitches in my forehead from knocking into a side table while playing with my dad (I lurched while giggling) - doesn't mean kids shouldn't play with their dads.
There is NOTHING that a child can do that doesn't come along with the potential for 'injury, maiming, & death" (hence the standard waiver whenever they're in anyone else's care). Most things carry much more potential for getting hurt than losing a fingernail. I'm not trying to minimize how awful you felt... but I hope you can also understand that what is very serious to one is no big deal, even if it did happen, to another.
I agree.. Moms might act defensive because someone is pointing out she is not watching her kid(s) but IMO they will follow through once you say it and move on. No mom in her right mind is going to let her child continue to play under the cart and risk the child getting hurt just to prove you wrong.
I know I would appreciate someone sharing their story with me...I am a first time parent and if I can learn from someone's experience and avoid a potentially dangerous situation, I'll listen.
one reason could be that women are professional moms and another woman kindly suggesting we might be putting our kid in danger may be taken as "youre doing your job wrong".
men on the other hand, do not generally consider themselves "professional" dads or "full time parents" and often submit to their wives for advice, or "where are the diapers, how do I heat up the food, which coat do I put on him today" etc, so theyre used to women sort of... kindly suggesting who, what, where, when and how.
=)
Well, the worst thing that could happen if you DO say something is that a woman you don't know gets a little offended. BUT, if you DON'T say anything, another little kid could lose a fingernail (ouch!). It sounds like the benefits outweigh the costs here.
I think moms get more defensive than dads because we're attacking each other left, right and center. Bottle vs breast, CIO vs co-sleeping, cloth vs disposable diapers, preschool vs homeschool, SAHM vs Working mom, time-outs vs spanking - really, the list goes on. I think we're SO defensive because we're used to *having* to defend our parenting choices. It's sad really, that a concerned parent can't make a comment to another parent without getting dirty looks, eyerolls and heavy sighs. BUT, that's the world we live in now. We've moved SO far from the 'it takes a villiage' mentality of parenting to the 'super-mom complex' that I don't see how we can ever go back.
Me? I may have 3 children, but I recognize that I *don't* know everything. If someone gives me sound advice, I thank them and take it. If someone gives me advice I don't agree with, I thank them and don't take it.
Well, no offense, but I wouldnt let my kid ride under there anyways! Thats just asking for trouble! But, my son likes to help mommy push the cart. So he stands in front of me, pretty much under me and helps me push. Well, of course when I was distracted paying, my son discovered that if you push on the front of the cart (under the handle) you know how it will fold in, well he pushed it until it was folding in and was trying to climb in that way, which would have resulted in it folding back on him and smashing him, like I said, I was distracted and a man next to me saw him doing this, and told me right in time. It was literally seconds I had to grab him out of there before he got smashed. Thank God that man said something or he would have really been hurt! So, I wouldnt have been offended if you told me your story. Some people just dont think. I really do think employees of the stores should correct people. I think moms get pissy because they are trying to take the easy way out and let their kid do what they want even if its not safe and they feel like your calling them out on it. They may be rude, but they will still think about it, even if they dont admit your right. Your kid really shouldnt be riding underneath the cart. Just common sense.
If it were me, I would want someone to tell me.
If you saw someone about to drink poison, would you tell them? Of course! If they choose to ignore the information and drink it anyway, oh well, you tried.
Say something! They may be a bit embarrassed by your comments but at least it was called attention to.
I would. If mom is too dumb to appreciate the help and experience.....oh well. If you can save a kid or two from the pain....you go girl!!!
Thank you for letting us know and warning us! Very helpful.
However, since you haven't been receiving a good reaction by other people when you see them doing it I would just recommend not saying anything. Hopefully those mothers don't learn the hard way. :)
We get defensive. I think it's in our nature to feel inadequate when someone points out something to us whether we are aware of the danger or not. For example, when I had my first born, I was out with her and some old woman walked up to me and told me that my baby's socks were too tight. They were NOT too tight but to this woman, who was a total stranger, she thought they were and she felt the need to inform me. Back then, I snapped rudely at her to mind her own business. Today, I would politely say, "Thank you for your concern..." and walk away. I was out with my mom years ago and my mother pointed out to a mother with a child in a stroller who appeared to be falling out from under (he wasn't properly strapped in) but the mother didn't seem to notice. This mom snapped so rudely at my mother, just for her simply saying, "Your child is falling out of the stroller." There is a tactful way of speaking to someone and likewise, there is a tactful way of responding. IF you feel so strongly that a child is in danger, most certainly say something in love and kindness...but always brace yourself for the inevitable mom (or dad) who may take your comment as judging or criticizing.
I have a 4 1/2 year old daughter and although I don't let her ride under the shopping cart I would appreciate someone with a personal experience warning me if she was doing something that they thought might hurt her. I think there are certain things that you can "ignore" or let the child learn on their own to suffer the natural consequences but getting their finger run over by a shopping cart is not one of those things. I definitely think you should step in to alert the parent as long as you do it in a nice way and are not being condescending.
No, mind your own business. Many parents and children know the dangers and choose to take the risk.
Mothers are generally more defensive when it comes to their kids, we're wired that way. :-)
most of the time unsolicited advice is not appreciated. we all have stories about what we wish we would have done, but our stories don't all apply to others.
if it's really making you cringe, by all means say something. but don't be surprised if reception is not great. told a different way, with a slightly different emphasis, and all the moms here would be indignant about the rude judgmental mother who presumed to intervene unnecessarily.
khairete
S.
I would love for someone to stop me if they saw something I didn't that could endanger my child. As long as it doesn't come across as judgementally, (and it doesn't sound like you are), then I think it's thoughful and helpful.
I would appreciate it much more then the times when I'm out with my kids and they do something or something happens and I get the look from people who have either forgot what it is like to have toddlers or people who must not have kids cuz they give me the look..."I would NEVER let my child act or do that, blah, blah....that's when I get defensive.
I would definitely say something non-judgemental and if you are relaying your own story I can't see how they would interpret it as judgemental. I guess I am a real busy body because I pull children away from playing with escalators and luggage returns all the time. I just assume their parents have temporarily lost sight of them - kids move to danger so quickly!
Maybe instead of talking directly to the parent you could say something to the the child, "Oh sweetie you better be careful under there, you don't want your fingers to get run over!"
And possibly share your daughter's experience as well.
I would want someone to tell me, I don't let my daughter ride under the cart. I stop the cart until she gets out!
Yes, it's none of your business but a quick - my daughter's nail got run over, turned black and fell off - as you walk by will be all you need. Then it's up to mom or dad to do what they will. You can't please everyone but saving one kid from harm - sure, why not.
I would rather a mom/dad be pissed off with me that a child getting potentially hurt. If I can avoid it or I see an accident waiting to happen, I use my mommy instinct, and go for it! I would want someone to do the same for me-- Keep up the good work Mama!
m
I can see how you are just trying to help. I also see how some parents may think you are being judgemental of them - despite your good intentions. I probably wouldn't say anything and let it go.
Mind your own business. if they get hurt , they get hurt it isn't your responsibility.
Most of us parents know the risks of letting a kid ride under the buggy.
Dad's don't always think about these things like mom's do.
Also if they have kids like mine it doesn't matter how many times you tell um that they might get hurt doing something , they are gonna do it until they get hurt and learn from it. I think Momto2princesses is right on.
And as usual Riley J put it into words better than I could.
And a squished finger is A LOT different than poison! good grief people no wonder why our kids are growing up to be bratty little wimps, no one lets ANYTHING happen to them.
