Did It Hurt?

Have you two talked about this? It's unusual for a man to be a virgin in his 30's. I think it's actually important to know IF he can have sex.

I'm sure you're poo-pooing what I'm saying here. But I had a friend many years ago who was a divorcee and met a man several years after her divorce. They married without sleeping together because HE was religious and didn't believe in sex before marriage. In the first year they were married, they had sex 3 times. And not the first few months of their marriage. He was unwilling to try on their wedding night. The best she could figure was that he just didn't have an interest in sex. He just really wanted to be married and he loved her. But it was wrong of him to do this to her and not long after that first year, she left. It was a disaster for her.

Pre-marriage counseling would REALLY be in your best interest. Please don't go into this with rose colored glasses.

Congrats on your engagement. A little foreplay should probably be enough to get your juices going and keep things from being uncomfortable. As for him, truly an unknown, he might be quick, or he might surprise you. Just approach the whole thing with kindness and you'll have many years of good loving ahead.

Best,
F. B.

I know this isn't your question, and you and fiance have every right to do whatever you want, and I doubt you will change your minds about your course.

However, since you made the 2 minute comment: I've been around the block more than a few times, and I've been with enough sexual duds that there is no way I would commit myself to someone without first testing the sexual waters. Doris Day's response is the perfect example of what I'm talking about. Sexual compatibility is one ingredient of a healthy relationship. BTW, there can be other issues than lack of libido or not being able to get it up. I could give you a list of them.

But if you're willing to take that gamble, go for it.

…it's like riding a bike. Congrats and have fun!

ha! you're going to have long row to hoe to find anyone else in your circumstance!
:D
no clue, really. but i can't imagine it will be painful. even with a hymen it's not always painful for women. if you're both revved up and ready to go, it ought to be awesome all round. wouldn't hurt to keep a tube of lube handy just in case, but i'm betting it'll be fine.
make sure you let us know!
and yes, i miss the old format too.
:) khairete
S.

I went 4+ years after my oldest son was born. As a single mom, I was too busy figuring out mothering and working and keeping house to worry about dating and I'm not a random hookup kind of girl. The first time after that dry spell was a little clumsy but like riding a bike, it all comes back. Definitely no pain, but have some lube handy in case you need it. Have fun ;-)

No, 90% of sexual intimacy is mental. If he gets those "juices" moving now then it won't hurt at all when the time comes. IF IF IF you don't get turned on by his touch, his hug, his kiss, etc...then take your time. As the day grows closer if you're still not feeling that...flood of joy when he even enters a room then you need to seek deep in your heart to figure out why.

If he gets your heart going by just entering a room then it will be just fine.

Why do you think it might hurt now?
It didn't hurt before, did it?
If you're in love with this man (and I hope you are since you accepted his proposal) - you've got a life time of being together through thick and thin and there will be MANY facets to life only one of which will be sex.
I can't think of anyone I know who's been in love worrying about how long the sex act will be.
I don't know if you're Catholic or not but going through Pre-cana together is a good thing for couples to do to make sure you're both on the same page with what you expect your married life will be like.

It shouldn't hurt. It's not as though your hymen grows back. You may be out of practice, especially if you haven't been masturbating, so you might want to keep a little lube handy just in case you're slow to wet up.
The last time I had sex with a virgin, he was 19. Sex was always a two-minute experience.
There is no way to tell how long it will last ahead of time. But you two will have plenty of chances, even if he blows his load right off the bat the first time.

I went 5 years and it didn't hurt during but I was a little sore after. You will not need a drink so just enjoy it. I have never been with a virgin man so you may have some training to do. Have fun and congrats!!!

First off - I've been around since Mamasource too, and I also miss it, but do enjoy this format as well. :) Second - congrats to you on your engagement!!! In regard to your question - I have not gone for several years without sex; however, when I was pregnant with my last child, I was put on bed rest at 28 weeks and of course sex was off the table for the remainder of the pregnancy. Even though I had a c-section, we still waited two months after the birth (as instructed by my doctor). So in all (after not really doing much during the pregnancy), it was about five months' wait. Granted I'd just had a baby, but also not the natural way, and the first time back in the game did hurt for me. It was quite sore during and a bit afterward. I think everyone is different, so you might just have to wait and see. If you're sore, he'll understand - he loves you. He'd have experienced the same if he was with a virgin anyway. Also, don't be drunk for your first time. This is a very special occasion for you both, and you never know how alcohol could spoil it or make you to forget. Especially since you waited until the wedding night, be sober so you can truly be you. Good luck to you, and congrats again!!