Labial Tear, Scary!

Hello, I am a mother of 2 baby girls. Ages 3 and 1. With my first daughter I tore, but only got 3 stitches. My labor was not long...after I got home the pain from the stitches were not bad. After 5 weeks I was able to "enjoy my husband". It was very scary for me. I thought I was gunna rip open... It was uncomfortable and we stopped but about a week later we were good to go. Just be patient!!!

AHHHHHHH It's all coming back to me as I read your story. For me it was well over 2mo. and lots of lube. the 2nd time is ok the 3rd better and the 4th time your back on track.

good luck

I tore in the same direction you did. It took me a full 2 months plus a lot of artificial lubrication to be ready. Be patient with yourself. It actually takes our bodies about 4 months to be completely healed, but doctors allow us to resume sex at only 6 weeks. Seems crazy... then again the hormones are usually starting to creep up again around that time.

Hi P.,

I didn't having any tearing, but I did push for 3.5 hours!! I was sore for a good month, and my husband and I didn't even try and have sex for a good 3 months. It honestly took a full year for me not to have any pain during sex. I did tons of Kegels, but that really didn't seem to help. Even now, when I get my period I have this throbing sensation (which hurts) and the doctor just says to do more Kegels. Hopefully this won't be the case for you.

K.

I had some big babies myself. My first was 8 lbs 1 oz and my second was 8 lbs 14 oz. With my first I pushed for about 2 1/2 hours. They used the vacuum on my and within 3 pushes she was out. I did tear pretty good. I was sore and achey for a while. It hurt to get off the couch or bed. I used a floaty ring when i sat on hard chairs. It does go away. It just will take a while. I, also, wouldn't rush, enjoying your husband. I think they said to wait at least 6 weeks until you do anything. I would say, though, listen to your body. If you are ready, then go for it. But if you aren't, I am sure he will understand.

How long before you can enjoy your husband? (Hmm, let's see, kid is 18 by end of high school, then she goes off to college, comes back a lot, does the boomerang thing, and by about 25 she finally leaves for good...)

25 years. I say it'll be 25 years before you can enjoy your husband again.

(Sorry, couldn't resist.)

Hi P.,

I feel your pain! My 8 lb, 6 oz son was born with a hand next to his face so I tore all around and had lots of stitches. I was scared to even poop afterwards, let alone have sex! Yikes! The soreness you're describing was very noticeable for about a month, then tapered off and I think I felt pretty much normal after about 8 weeks.

The standard advice is to wait 6 weeks before having sex. Make sure you use lube and take it slow! I had intense pain the first time we tried at 6 weeks (the night before my 6 week checkup). The exam didn't hurt at all. I talked to my OB about the pain and he said it was because my estrogen levels were so low, and prescribed me an estrogen cream. Within 10 days of using that we could have sex without pain but it wasn't too enjoyable either. By the time my son was 3 months old, everything felt back to normal and I haven't had any more problems.

Don't be nervous, just make sure your hubby knows to take it really slow and leave you alone if it hurts. You'll be back to normal before you know it! Good luck and congrats on the little one!

I had a 10lb 8.6 oz baby 4 months ago--- Naturally..I had a 2nd degree tear. We waited until 8 weeks after birth to be intimate.. besides I was tired. The soreness you talked about.. I felt that also, although mostly it happened if I was sitting down for a long time.. so I would try to get up and walk.

Hi P.,

Congratulations on your new baby girl, and all best wishes to you! I had 2 babies, both naturally. I had the second one at home, and the first birth was very very long and intense (and painful!) With the second one I too had a tear, which really did not make the period of recovery any worse or take longer, actually.I really don't think you can put a time table or make a rule about the time it takes to heal and feel exactly the same as before. It took many weeks both times for me (lots longer than the silly and artificial 6 weeks rule) and with my first there was an odd little twinge that took almost a year to go away! You sound great and very typical for 3 weeks post-partum. Don't forget what a huge and epic journey you and your body have been on, and that you have given birth to another human being. I think the grandness of the accomplishment, and the equally big need for time to heal is overlooked by our culture. Rest in general is good for all aspects of the healing process, so do that as much as you can, it does make a difference! I think the fact that you are dreading being examined is normal, and I hope that you make your desire for gentleness clear. I don't think you will have an internal exam, I certainly did not at that point. You will feel fine eventually, take your time..Best to you.

I would say at 3 weeks its not abnormal to still be sore. Use ice if it helps, and take your pain meds if necessary. Your doctor should be able to tell if everything is healing normally or not. It will get better soon. To answer your first question: wait 6 weeks after the baby is born--more if you're still sore.

P.,

I too had a labial tear after pushing 4 hours and needed over 100 stitches (about an hour) before I even held 1st baby as doctor was worried I might hemmorhage. At 3 wk PP appt, the doctor just took a look at I was healing and waited to do a more thorough exam at 6 wks PP. It's been a while, but I don't remember either exam being painful although at 6 wk check the doctor advised against intercourse for 2-3 additional weeks and added 2 more weeks to my disability leave (no FMLA at the time). The achiness seemed to take the full 6-8 weeks to go away. Remember that you just used muscles that haven't been used at that intensity level and for such a long duration then add in the trauma from the tear...it may take longer than usual for the soreness to go away.

Hubby and I experimented in other ways to satisfy his needs while I healed as I was not ready for sex even after the full 8 weeks. If I remember, hubby waited a couple extra weeks because I was still so tender and scared...sweet man. When we did make love the first time PP we went slow and it was uncomfortable for me for months and months. We did find that lube and keeping pressure off the side that tore helped. I figured the pain was normal...that the scar just needed to be smoothed by the friction of rubbing since that is what doctors advise for some scars. After about a year, things were mostly back to normal. Although, after 13 years I still have twinges from time to time and the scar site occasionally aches during menstruation and with intercourse the first time after my period...not sure why.

I was interested in the reply from Amy H about how estrogen cream helped with the pain. If I were you and had any issues a month or more beyond the 6 weeks, I would check in with your doctor. Believe me, I was young and naive...now I would ask why is this taking so long and if something would help.

I tore alot too but I only pushed for 13 mins. I think everyone recovers differently. I was in pain for about 4 weeks. When I went to my appointment I was worried too but it did not hurt. Just express your concerns to your doctor before he/she begins. Also I was able to "enjoy my husband" at 5 weeks or so and was terrified (prob what pro-longed it) Your doctor will tell you if you shouldnt. Hope that helps a little.

My first child was 8 lbs 7 oz. She is now a petite 40lb six year old. She got stuck on my pubic bone, it was a hard delivery. I had a few stiches. They had me sit on ice packs for the first 3 days. I have always been told no intercourse for six weeks after delivery. It was at 7-8 weeks before it was not painful. Take it slow. Explore sex with out intercourse, have fun. Don't be afraid to be examined, its better than an infection. Good luck.

congratulations on your new arrival!
No worries, I pushed for over 4 hours with my first, and they had to cut me end-to-end and suction her out. I was told by my DR at the time it was a lot of stitches...but not to worry! It took about 6 weeks until all was well down there! You will be fine! Good luck!

Hi P.,
I also had a vaginal birth....and pushed to the 3 hour limit. I also did have tearing and stitches. So, here's what happened. I also had quite a bit of pain sitting, standing, going sitting to standing and getting in and out of bed. For the first 8 weeks, I thought that perhaps I was just slow to heal. I saw 4 OB GYN's. The pain seemed to get worse, not better. Finally, OB GYN told me that I had pelvic floor [the group of muscles between the legs, sort of like a hamock in shape] dsyplasia. I gave birth of November 19th, 2007 and started seeing a PT at the end of January. I am still in pain. It took about up to the 6 month mark before I could walk, sit, stand for any length of time. As far as "enjoying my husband" goes...let's just say that the first 6 months were not enjoyable, it got better, but positions are still limited.
I was hesistant to write...such a personal matter, plus, I really didn't want to give you any more stress, or distress regarding your situation. And of course your situation could be completely different.
But, I will say, that most people told me that after about 8 weeks, things should feel pretty close back to normal.
It was this information [and the pain] that provoked me to further investigate and push for help/additional medical opinions with my health.

R. H

I tore pretty bad too...10 stiches. I was relieved that the MD said no sex for 4-6 weeks- it gave me a good excuse and made it so it wasn't a personal rejection of my husband. We ended up having sex 5 1/2 weeks after the birth and it was fine. I had my husband be very gentle and slow. Use lub for the first time, even if you don't normally use it(we don't normally, but it made me feel safer...) It was fine and all returned to normal within a few weeks(except for my labido, which took 6-9 months to return...)
Have fun!
-WEndy

I'm so sorry that you had a tear, it's definitely no fun, but trust me, it will get better and you'll "forget" how awful the experience was during labor and post partum. I pushed for 4 hours and experienced a 3rd degree tear - through until the sphincter. I won't go into too much detail because I don't want to scare you, but suffice to say, it took 2 months for most of the pain to go away. I was also scared of the check up, but it turned out that some scar tissue had formed where the suture was. The little overgrowth of tissue was causing the residual pain and so when the OB snipped it off (no anesthesia!) it did much better and really healed faster after that. There wasn't much soreness of the muscles after 2 months as well.

It will be quite sore for a while, but hang in there - it will get better!!

I remember that we played a bit (dont remember if it was actual intercourse, it's been a while now!) earlier than the 6 weeks (I had stitches too) and ohhh, it felt soooooo goood!! Probably mainly because healing skin is itchy and it felt good to be touched down there. (use lube!)

However, a good while after (like several months or a year), I started having a lot of problems with hemorroids. Serves me right as I was feeling so dang proud that I didnt have any when I was being checked after birth. I dont know if that had anything at all to do with it or not but... DO TAKE IT EASY. DO use lube. Let him play with you, not just satisfy himself. My husband wanted me to be sure to enjoy it and not have a lot of pain and be turned off to it/him after that.

Hi P.,
Most doctors tell you about a month before physical activity with a spouse, so your body can heal. The healing depends on your body. I breastfed my son & I felt fine after a few weeks. The stitches are invisible.
I do believe breastfed babies your body heals faster. Im not sure about other women, but non breastfed babies,the body takes longer to heal. I was cut with two of my boys because their heads were 13 cm. I know postpartum is a woman with moodswings, my sister told me. Congrats on your baby, & good luck. I hope some of the info was useful. G.

Congrat. Yeah I had my almost 9 pound sound 2 years ago. And I pushed for 4 hours, yes 4 and thought I tore in half. It took 3 months before I had no pain. LOTS of stiches and 5 months later we had sex and got pregnant. Yes, I had our daughter 15 months after our son. Best of luck.

Dear P.,
Congratulations on your new baby!
Since you are going to your appointment this week, you can ask about all these things then. And I know you are afraid to be examined, but you need to let the doctor make sure you are healing well. Even with no tearing or stitches with my daughter, the doctor said to wait six weeks for whoopie. Your case may be a little different depending on how well everything is going back to normal. It's far better to wait it out than risk infection or making things worse.
Best of wishes!

P.,
You should have been told at least 6 six weeks before engaging in any sexual intercourse and maybe longer depending on how "YOU". The first time will be awkward although it should not be painful. You need time to heal and that can take time. So don't rush it and do any more damage to that already sensitive area. Take the "sore" down there when you get up from the couch, bed etc. as a sign from your body that it is not ready for anymore.
trish

I had a little bit of tearing and I felt sore for at least 8 weeks. I had my follow-up at 6 weeks not 4 and I didn't want anyone touching me at that point. It depends on how quickly you heal. When you do start enjoying your husband again just take it slow. Use lubrication and you may want to consider being on top so you can control the amount of pressure and penetration (sorry so detailed).

I would wait until you go to your postpartum check up. Your Dr. will be the best judge of when and if you can "enjoy" your husband. I tore south perineum and delivered about 2.5 lbs of placenta that was missed a week after birthing and was still able to take part in the bedroom festivities after my 6 weeks was up. Be forewarned though.... it is going to hurt. But it gets better w/ time and for most people the pain goes away completely.

When I went to the postpartum check up. It was only slightly uncomfortable. I only have like 4 stitches and have a pretty low tolerance for pain though. Good luck!

Everyone's healing is different, but I can tell you from experience to keep the communication open with your husband because you may think you are ready to find that you are not. Internal healing is hard to gauge. Intention here is to help not be vulgar, but lubrication is the key. It takes awhile to get that back to normal, so you might want to have some handy before the "big day". One other piece of personal advice is to be prepared that it might not be the same at first, but it will get better. Good luck and have fun!

Don't jump the gun to soon. I had a 48 hour later and only 3 stitches, but the pushing and labor pains bruised me beyond the 6 week limit. I began relations with my husband 4 weeks after, thought I was ok, and then had the most intense, spasming pain for the next 24 hours, I couldn't walk. It was worse than child birth!!!

I highly recommend you wait the aloted time (I know this hard to do. What I fear most, is that is seems most women will try and not like it the first time and won't try again. Don't let this happen! There is an estrogen cream you can use to help "relax or soften" things up and you can use it (minimally) while nursing.

Take your time, go slow, and relax. You will get there!

Take care!

Dear P.,
Thank you for asking this question! I had various "normal" issues making love with my husband for a long time after the birth of my daughter and was frustrated that no one wanted to talk about it. I felt disappointed that help/information about my body were so easy to come by before birth, but on this issue no one wanted to talk. We should not be apologizing to each other for talking sensibly about post-partum sex. It's important. Thanks for listening to me vent. Now I'll try to address your question!
I too had natural birth for my 8 lb daughter and had a second degree perineal tear. It hurt for at least 3 weeks. Sitz baths and ice packs helped at first. I was also afraid to look.
My husband and I didn't have intercourse for 8 weeks, though my doc gave me the okay at 6 weeks. The first time was excruciating and emotional. I continued to endure painful sex (with lube, with lots of foreplay and relaxation) for 8 months post-partum. I finally returned to my OB and she prescribed premarin cream (estrogen). I was to apply a tiny bit to my scar from birth and massage the scar tissue. Within 10 days we were having a good time again.
I encourage you to have an open mind, use lube, and if sex still hurts after 1 month or more of trying, go back to your doc. Don't wait and suffer for months like I did!
Good luck.
A.

with stitches I would wait for at least 6 weeks, I had light tearing and pushed for 3 hours and had intercourse at 4 weeks and the act was fine but after I was so sore we waited another 2 weeks to try again. I think now matter the stitches situation you will be sore after the first time so go slow and be really gentle with your body. You ar only 3 weeks give your body and mind more time to heal, in the mean time enjoy massage and cuddling and kissing with your husband