S.G.
We lost our son last year and our granddaughter was only 3 at the time. She had a lot of questions which we answered honestly but when other kids were around she was distracted. This young man may be numb for a bit, it is not "real" for the first year and you go between not believing it to feeling lost and scared. Chances are when he is playing with your boys he will not say a lot about it other then he misses his dad or talk about what he and his dad use to do together. If they played catch together a lot, he may not want to play that for a while. He may also act out or be very quiet here and there. There is a helpful video by Seasme Street about a death of a relative. It is about Elmo's uncle dying and the things Elmo sees his cousin go through. The best thing your boys can do is let this boy talk about his dad if he wants too. They don't have to fix it, just lend an ear. If they knew him they may want to talk about fun things they did with him, but other then that just listening helps. One thing I would do with your boys though is sit them down and talk with them on how sometimes a parent dies when a child is young but that doesn't mean it will happen to them. Reassure them without promising, that you and their dad will probably live to see them as parents and possibly grandparents. They may be more clingy and worried about you and their dad because this opens their eyes that it does happen to people they know. Let them know that if this boy starts crying or gets angry over little things it is because the grief and his missing his dad, not because of something they did or didn't do. My granddaughter would start acting out, hitting, fit throwing and being mean whenever she would miss her daddy or think of something they did together. At these times we knew to sit down and talk with her and let her know it is ok to talk about those feelings but it is never ok to hit people. She is 5 now and when we talk about her daddy, she will say "If you keep talking about my daddy, I am going to cry" but it took a bit to get to this point. If you see this boy acting up while playing over with your sons, it could be time for a break for milk and cookies and a good talk about his feelings. Angry feelings are normal, they could be directed at the boys who still have their dad or to his mom who may be blamed for not protecting him or at himself for his unrealistic sense of it being his fault. Encourage him to talk to you about those feelings and insure him that it isn't anyones fault but it is ok to be mad at not having his dad here anymore. Like I said, chances are when he is with your boys he will probably be distracted enough to push it aside for a bit. Those escapes are heaven sent. Hope this helps