Ok here is the deal me, hubby and kids are driving back the 900 miles to upstate, NY to see family. My issue is my inlaws. My brother in laws are fairly nice it is Mom in law, Aunt & uncle in laws
1)MIL.. does not want me married to my hubby, wanted me to give away my youngest 2 and thinks my oldest must be a slut cause she has piercings and a b/f . Plus is always yelling at us how we spend $ yet she is always getting things shut off and didn't have any interest in seeing her grandkids till we moved.
2) Aunt/ Uncle since the uncle recovered from breast cancer they are now extremely religious and judgmental. Examples saying the wedding bands we have are bad because they have twin dragons on them < We are both allergic to other metals so have matching stainless steel ones, the dragons are chinese as we are both Pieces> Also asked my kids what they wanted for Christmas last year hung up on my son and sent not even a card..
We are staying there when we are visiting with the mom. Going because with my worsening health i want to see my family and they has no room for us. we are bringing food, supplies etc for stay. Also bringing home my 15 yr old daughter's kitty we couldn't bring down at time. HOW do i deal with the inlaws without making making myself sicker and have fun? And so my kids do not get upset
EDIT.. don't have the cash to stay in hotel.. may be able to stay at my 1 brother's 1 night and have talked of keeping it at 5 days but I do love my brother in laws that live there... EDITING AGAIN how is using SKYPE which i do not have going to get my daughter her cat back? my niece and nephew are not old enough to go online.. sigh
some of the suggestions are good I just can't afford a hotel for the 6 of us plus part of trip is to get my 15 yr old daughter's cat to bring home. My brother in laws live with their mom and help her pay the bills. Thankfully the aunt lives somewhere else and i'm hoping to MIL will be working a lot. But my kids 15, 13, 10 and 8 want to see their uncles on both sides of the family. I want to see my niece and nephew along with my 2 brothers and sister. also plan on seeing a friend so my kids can give his gifts plus hopefully meet up with a few other friends. Can't skype as well none of them do that and I want to see family before I get to sick to travel anywhere.. Going to go with the cutting trip short and try to have fun.. Thanks for the suggestions..
not much you can do. ignore the comments and the ones you cant ignore jsut say you are sorry they feel that way. it wont be easy but if you WANT to go see them then you are going to have to suck it up and deal with it. good luck :)
It will be difficult but I suggest you plan to not respond to any comment that they make. Decide on a mantra that you can say to yourself that will help you not take what they're saying in a personal way. The first one that came to my mind is "Father forgive them because they know not what they say." This seems effective to me because they are religious. You're are using their beliefs to make yourself feel better. It's like internally you're pointing out their weakness. They are not showing Christian love. I don't know how to explain it. Hopefully you get the point.
Don't say anything to them. Don't try to explain your feelings or beliefs. Don't defend yourself. Realize that their comments are separating them from you and let it happen.
This is a no brainer, for us at least. We wouldn't make the trip. My wife wouldn't subject me to family like that and I wouldn't subject her to family like that. Put out an invite to anyone that wants to come to your house, the highway goes both ways. Save the gas money and get the family a new flat screen.... I'm just sayin... :)
Even war prisoners can endure torture if they know there is an "end date"!
Keep your eye on the prize--departure time.
TRY not to let them get to you, and if at ALL possible, stay in a hotel!
Well, my suggestion is to be realistic going into the situation. You know that it isn't going to be fun and relaxing, so on some level just accept that.
Be cordial and polite, just like you would with anyone opening their home to you. Plan things to do that are OUT of the house each day (visit a museum, park, etc) so that you aren't all together all day for 5 days. You can make arrangements to spend time with your family for the bulk of the day, make arrangements to visit your brothers-in-law for portions of each day, etc. Many times the "host" plans things at their home b/c they think it will be easier. Suggest to your aunt that you don't want to burden her with constant company, so you will be going OUT to visit others while you are staying there.
Remind your children (sounds like they are older) that they are to be polite and to tell you if they need a break or if something upsets them. Remind them that they don't need to get involved in any discussion or disagreement and that it is okay to politely excuse themselves from a situation.
Good luck and remember that it "will be what it will be", but you will get to see your family for the holidays!
I am not quite sure why you want to torture yourself like this. Are you able to stay somewhere else when you get to town?
Are you sure you want to go?
I'm with Patty. Seriously, are you sure you want to go??
This whole situation sounds like it is not worth the trouble or gas $$$. Think about staying home. Maybe you can just Skype on that day...
First, I would plan to spend as little time as possible around them without appearing rude but more importantly, have an escape plan ready. Your husband MUST support you in this. When things reach a point where you're ready to leave your in-laws' company for the day, you need to have an unmistakeable signal between you and he needs to be willing to leave when you're ready to go.
If you can't stay with your side of the family then you can't stay in the homes of any of his relatives unless it's one of your brothers-in-law that does treat you well. Otherwise, plan to stay in a motel or hotel or condo. See what's in the area online and book as soon as possible. If you can book online you might be able to get special discount rates.
I would also practice breathing exercises and realize that these people are not broken because of you. They don't sound happy, and their judgmental attitudes are an attempt to make themselves feel better. What I don't understand is why your MIL would treat her own grandchildren this way, unless she doesn't view your children as her grandchildren. Are you a blended family?
Stay with the people that are good to you - cut the vacation short if you can't stay longer with the nice people. You don't need the stress of the obnoxious people if you're not healthy. Take care of yourself :)
