When one has a baby/child, 2 to 4 things can happen:
1) the relatives/in-laws get pushy about it and seeing YOUR child, and then create emotional guilt and issues about it, making it "your" fault. Or,
2) The relatives/in-laws are balanced about it and have respect for your own child/family/spouse.
3) the relatives/in-laws don't even care nor show any "attention" to you/your baby/your spouse and are off doing their own thing for whatever reason.
4) If in-laws/relatives are pushy about having your son, then, you as the Mom, will forever.... be... trying to please them and your son will be stuck in the middle of this timing tug-of-war. Thus, you as the Mom, will forever... be having to... give your son to the In-Laws, even if you don't want to, because you will eventually feel that you have to... or don't have a choice. BUT... you are the Mom. And, you do NOT have to give your son to your In-Laws... per what THEY want.... no matter if they are nice or not nice. Toxic or normal.
You see, this is your son. Not theirs. And many times, a Mom feels like they HAVE TO... give their kid/baby to the In-Laws because the in-laws make it seem like this is how its done. And it is according to them. Not you or your, family. And because, the Mom feels she has to "please" the In-Laws.... and make peace.
And it is NOT what has to be done.
IF and since, your In-Laws are so PUSHY about it and time spend with your son, then is your Husband on the same page as you, about it?
If so, then GOOD.
If not, then, you will be STUCK in the middle of it all. And your own ideas about raising your son/and his routines, will be, usurped.
Then, what about your own family... and their time with your son?
Hopefully, they also get time with your son. If they are nearby.
The thing is: I do not agree, that a Mom has to give an inordinate time to the relative/In-Laws of having her child be with them. Just because, or just because the Mom feels she "owes" them this because they are the Grandparents or just because the in-laws do a lot for you or not.
The bottom line is: when relatives or in-laws, make your own child a bartering object, in who spends more time with him or not, then, it is wrong.
And YES, in the daily lives of a family who has children, it is BUSY. And realistically, you can't all just go visit whenever they, want. And you need to have boundaries. AND your Husband too. And if the in-laws get irked, well too bad.
And when in-laws make a Daughter In Law, feel like she "owes" them this... then that is, wrong.
You do not owe your life to them nor your child's time. And you shouldn't feel that way. AND likewise, for your family... what about their Son In Law? Your Husband? How is that going? Does your family pressure him?
Nice or not, when in-laws or relatives get pushy about your child, you as the parent have to have boundaries.
You either choose, being at their constant whims and requests, or not.
And hopefully, your Husband is on the same page as you.
And, do your in-laws have a computer?
You can all do Skype with them.
And why do you have to call them once a week? Who made that "rule" about it? And why can't your HUSBAND be the one that does so? Why... is all of this... on... You?
With me and my kids, I do not ever... make them feel like they owe all their time, to their relatives. Yes, family is important. BUT if and when family/in-laws are dysfunctional or unfair with their demands, I say so... and I do tell my kids, do not ever... feel guilty like it is their, fault. For their relatives, neediness or emotional comments. It is wrong to make a kid feel that way.
I have some pushy relatives. They can do no wrong, types.
And we do what we can. Per get togethers or not.
And what is financially possible or not.
I have in-laws, that NEVER, will visit us. Even if they can.
Yet Mother In Law, always expects us to bring our kids to her. And she lives in another country. It is financially, nearly impossible for us. And she already has tons of grandkids over there and great grandkids. My Mom, only has, 2 grandkids. My kids. And the In-Laws have never shown any respect to her, in coming to visit, us. But my Mom, and family does a LOT for their... son. My Husband here. They don't get that.
We also always contact the in-laws regularly by phone or Skype and via gift packages. But it is mostly us, making contact. Not them. Even if they are able to.
And we have visited them over there.
But they don't come here even if they can.
It is not fair.
And it gets real old, after awhile.
Your In-Laws "expecting" to see your son every... week. Is really not doable. And you need to tell them.
It just is.