Dating Help

Hi D., Ok this is what I would do i have dated many men they are easy to read most of time. Don't call him serious don't call him if he is really into you loves you can't stand to be away from you he will call you. I have done this and it works you find out how much they are into you and if they are serious about you. Also go to library and get the book called he just isn't into me. It is a great book for all women to read it is short but to the point about men. When I read it I did things it said and it was true. So read that and DON'T call him.
I hope this helps you.
D.

I've been a single Mom with three children for the past 3 years (also with little or no help from their Dad)! So, I can truly, truly empathize with you... I've only recently began to be open to even considering allowing a man the chance to "date" me. I took time to heal from the pain of my divorce and I also spent a lot of time with other couples that truly have happy marriages/relationships. I'm also a crisis manager and have spent a lot of time helping other women heal from the wrong relationships. This is what I've learned...

Dating is not suppose to be Mating... It is to collect data. Spend time learning information about him (how he thinks, how he treats his mother, family, others, etc, how is his work ethic, what are his friends like (does he even have friends?)! Does he consider you a rare find, does he bring out the best in you, does he encourage you to be the best you can be, do you have the same goals, where does he see himself a year from now, three years from now...

Then, only if you're comfortable and content with all "the data" you collect about him should you even consider him as a possible mate... Do not waste any time or energy on a man that you feel like you're settling for because you want a father figure for your son or because you're lonely, etc...

Truly, the only relationship you will find true joy, peace and happiness with... will come from your heavenly father. God is the ultimate matchmaker, He will show "the right man" the right woman at the right time. All you have to do is sit pretty, heighten your awareness about individuals in your life and be patient. In God's timing (not ours) the man God has for you will find you, pursue you, do whatever he has to do to win your heart because God has shown him that you are from Him and "the one" for him. So, he knows that his efforts will bring him blessings - Big Time!

You will recognize this man by his actions, his behavior, his humbleness (he has to be humble because no man is perfect) -- he will make healthy deposits into your heart, mind, character and soul - not withdrawals! There will be no guessing, no games, none of that - Don't settle for less, ok?

Us women do not need to strategically place ourselves anywhere to be found (change our plans, wait by the phone, etc.). The right man for you, will find you (at the right time)! In the meantime, try your best to be patient (I know it's hard)! Just be yourself, spend "quality time" with your son, have "healthy" extracurricular activities with other people, continue to work on being the best you can be!

So, do not pursue (call, email, text msg, etc)any man - especially the ones you often have to second guess! In the end, your heart will be broken! I know many women who have done one or the other. (Settled or chose to wait) Go with the one that will pay off for you and your son - long term (choose to wait)! These are the women who have been blessed -- Big Time! So, don't waste any time on any man that is unworthy of your heart, your time, your energy, etc. Be strong, and be patient!

Please know I truly wish you the very best outcome! Feel free to write me back and let me know how you're doing!

K.

I would say to talk to him. Communication is the easiest way to solve these problems. You are both grown ups and you should not be expected to play games. You are in a great position having him as a friend first, you know about him, you know when things are "different." Just talk to him. Do not do the whole "are you mad at me?" thing. Just be honest, " you seem wierd lately, are you just really busy?" or "are we moving too fast for you." Make it about him, not about you. Do not try and figure him out, just ask.
I hope this helps, I married my best friend and we talk about EVERYTHING! It is great.
~Jenn

I am also a single mom, but I have a 50/50 shared parenting situation which means I do not have my sons for half of their lives; sounds terrible, and yes, it is :-( I am also dating, and made it a point to tell my (absolutely wonderful) boyfriend very early on, that I have been out of the dating scene for 10 yrs and hoped he'd be understanding of that. It's tough after being used to having a husband, to go back to getting to know someone and revealing more personal information about oneself. I've learned in my current relationship to keep open lines of communication. I also believe that if he truly wants to be with you, he will follow a natural relationship progression. Relationships aren't made to remain stagnant; I'm not suggesting you two move in together or get married...however, the intimacy should increase as should the comfort and ease you feel around one another. It should not feel like one of you is backing off (as it sounds in your scenario), and, if it does, you should be able to discuss it. I think it's hard enough dating as a single mom, you don't need the complication of trying to read his mind or wondering if you are still a priority. I also offer for you to email me privately. I hope everything goes okay for you!!!

I too am a single parent who has recently rejoined the dating scene. Knowing that you have to split your time between a child whom you love above all else and a man who you really enjoy time with is hard. I too have been seeing the same guy for the past three months and its great! HE travels frequently for his job, which puts a strain on actually seeing each other, but emails are plentiful. Phone calls are few and far between but i cherish each one. I honestly think that the cool down is more like reaching a comfortable zone than anything. If he wanted to blow you off, you would know it. My advice is to enjoy what you have and as they say...distance makes the heart grow fonder.

I'm married and haven't "dated" since highschool, but I feel like in ANY relationship, honesty is the best policy. I would be straight forward and ask him if he senses this "cool down" in your relationship and if he's feeling differently about things between the two of you. It is so crazy to me how couples begin to get serious and talk about having a committed future together, but then they don't talk about everything...when you're married, you have to talk about EVERYTHING!! you'd might as well get used to it now.

Good luck!!

Well, if you find the answer, please share! :) I am in a similar situation. Since December my son's dad has not helped. He used to have him two nights during the week and I would use that as 'date night' for me and the guy I have been seeing (for almost a year). To say things are tough....understatement.

We were gang busters in the beginning as well. Things have been slightly up and down over the past year as I sorted out custody, etc. but now that I have my son full time....things have really 'cooled' off.

At first I didn't take it personal, but the more I think about it, I realize it is a sort of 'rejection' of my son.

We too talked of moving in together, getting married, etc. Wrapped up in all the excitement...well, those talks have calmed to almost non-existent.

Well, enough about me....

Is this the first relationship since you split/divorced/separated? How long have you been divorced? I know that my current relationship is also my 'rebound' relationship. It sounds like you guys could be settling in or just losing the fireworks of freshly dating.

I too am struggling whether to hang in there or just let go now, while my son is young and can handle another loss easier than if he were older.

Please email me....I would like to share/hear how things ____@____.com

ok well i know you probly dont want to tell me, but how old are you? it kinda makes a difference. im 20 and the guys my age or up to at least 30 still.... at first everything is all calling all the time, getting close, but yeah after about 2-3 months they begin to back off a little. it doesnt mean there not interested. you've known him for a long time so you should kinda know how he is in relationships. if he's been in a few since you've known him. you just need to sit down relaxe and think about what kinda of relationships he's been in. why they broke up? his fault or the females?? let me know how everything works out for you!