Curious About This!!!!!!

I think I am kind of like you. I am much tougher on my daughter than on my son. My husband calls me on it all the time, but I really do is unconsciously. On the other hand, I feel like he is much tougher with our son than our daughter. We also have a baby girl, so I will be curious to see how it goes with her. As for advice, I think in a family, there is a "good cop" and a "bad cop", and it will all balance out as long as you and your partner know who will be responsible for disiplining whom in the family. At least, I hope that is how it works out. (P.S. Try this, ask your kids individually who they think is nicer, mommy or daddy. The answer may give you some interesting insights;)

Actually kids can get confused about things between playing and fussing. But they are pretty smart and can usually learn to tell the difference.

But I personally, would make a distinct difference. For example instead of saying, "You get off the chair". I said, "Tom, you get off the chair please." If he was in trouble I said, "Tom you need to get off the chair right now. That is a not allowed." I said it in a calm manner, but he knew by my words that it was not a rquest- it was a command because I wanted him to do it. After I said it twice I got my little wooden paddle and walked over and gave him a swat on his fanny. Then he definelty knew the difference.

Also you may want to record yourself to see how you sound. I know I had a friend that was ALWAYS fussing at her kids and did not realize how much. We got tired of being around her. It was frustrating to listen to it all the time. And because she did it a lot her house was not a calm, restful place. Kids do not to be talked at, played with, entertained all the time. They can learn to have quiet times, have quiet words, etc.

first of all, I too want to add that there is nothing wrong with spanking your kids which is what I believe you mean when you say "whoop". So to the poster who said she was upset about that...GET REAL! now I think that if your man is not the father of your two boys then he doesn't have a whole lot of say in how or when you discipline them! It seems like you are a good mom and you probably know what's best for all of your children, and it would be highly unlikely for a mom to be harder on her daughter than on her boys unless the daughter had more behaviors to react to! I spanked my son when he needed it, and sometimes my husband would come home and it would seem to him that I went off on our son, with little provoking . but he would realize that he was not at home all day and did not see all the things that my son got away with before his dad got home and that is why i went off. It was just the last straw so to speak! Don't worry, my son grew up well even with the occaisional corporal punishment! best of luck to you!

Have you tried a rule chart? I am strongly considering this. that way the rules are plainly stated (don't walk on the sofa, don't take the books off the adult book shelves, ect) as well as the discipline for that action.

It makes it much easier to be consistent and is something that can be easily transferable to two environments (both mom and dad's house has the same rule chart!) Also, try to avoid disciplining when you are upset. Children get the lesson a lot better if it is taught in a calm manner, rather then the unpredictable fly off the handle manner that many parents easily engage in. This might be what's preceding the problems he's concerned about.

Kylie -- just as a side note, only one person before you mentioned it at all, and it was as a last resort.

R., there is nothing wrong with playing with your kids! A parent is not only a disciplinarian. But it is important for your ex and you to be on the same page. I agree with the poster that suggested family counseling, it would probably help.

If your children are with you most of the time, your ex should mimic your discipline techniques so that there is consistency with your children. Something that may help is finding your children's buttons and not being afraid to push them. With me, my Mom found out that I couldn't stand upsetting her, so when I spilled red Kool-Aid on our brand new carpet after she told me no drinks in my room, all she had to do was sit down and cry while she was cleaning it up. I can tell you, I never took any drinks in my room again! This technique didn't work with my sister, instead my Mom used "no TV" with her. It's all about the buttons. Your kids have buttons like that, too! Be observant, and it will become very clear.

But the main thing is consistency. Especially between the two of you.

And don't give in to feeling like your ex has the power to choose how you discipline your children. Mom knows best, especially if they're with us all the time. It's because we cherish our children and know them sometimes better than we know ourselves. Your ex can't force you or guilt you into doing something you're uncomfortable doing unless you let him.

Good luck! Dealing with the ex/dad has a lot of struggles, and I think you're doing a great job!

I would suggest family counseling. Your and your childrens father definitely need to discuss and agree on a discipline style. You need to mean what you say and follow through. You may be giving them too many warning before the actual punishment, and that maybe what he was trying to communicate to you. A good book is Parenting for the Strong Willed child.
Family counseling can aslo help you communicate with each other better for the good of your children.

Good luck!

I just want to ask why it seems as though everyone who responded to this so far thinks it's ok to "whoop" your kids? Maybe, if that isn't working we should get some education on better ways to discipline that don't have anything to do with physical violence. It actually made me upset to read this request and am surprised no one has agreed with me on this.

Try positive reinforcement with across the board fairness, noone can argue with this.