Clinging to Mom at School

I always sat down with her and started talking and playing with her friends. Soon, she was talking and playing with them, too. After a few minutes of this I could get up, kiss her on the head, and leave with no problems. It only took 5 minutes, tops, plus I learned a lot about the kids she played with.

My 2.5 year old son has done this during a few phases -he's been going to twice a week preschool since he was 1. The best thing a parent can do -although it can be hard -and the thing most appreciated by preschool workers -is to give them a hug and kiss, reassure the child that you'll be back very soon to pick him/her up, and leave! Get out of sight! When my son went through this phase I would duck around a corner where I could still hear him, and he would stop crying in a few seconds and start playing. Sometimes it takes them a minute or two, but when they see that you always come back to pick them up in the afternoon and that you're going to have to go in the morning -they get used to it. DO ask her every day if she had fun at school, what she did, etc. so you'll know if maybe some kid is picking on her or there's another cause behind her sudden clinginess, but it's most likely just a phase!

C.,
I have 2 kids, mostly grown now, but I remember those preschool days like they were yesterday. My daughter went to preschool and never looked back. My son however had to be practically surgically removed from me to get him through the door of preschool. It was awful and embarrassing and heartbreaking all at once. It went on for months! I don't believe there is any good solution other than to keep taking them, reassuring them, showing that it is no big deal. It is hard when they carry on so much to just drop them off and walk away but if you react they will continue to carry on. Good luck and hang in there - this too shall pass. :)
C.

I sub in a two yr old and three yr old prek as needed. Many times there are situations that a child maybe treated badly I have never done this nor have I ever witnessed this type of situation at the prek I sub for. I can say this with experience of 3 children of my own i first off stop in myself no call ahead and see how my children have all been doing after these type of things crying when leaving mom. They have usually been fine I ever witnessed a problem except for one child in kindergarten and that situation was dealt with. As far as prek my kids did cry off and on and I find I have some kids that I get out of the car during carpool cry not wanting to leave their moms turn on tears off just as fast as they have turned them on...right after mom is out of sight I've had kids turn off the tears and get into class, play, laugh and have fun. to ease your mind you should unannounced and without disrupting the class an hour later after drop off check on your child and do this maybe once a week different days different times, you will see how things are and how your child is doing. I know it's hard and having to trust others well is just faith and trust but to ease you and to make sure things are fine that's what I did and what I would do. My best wishes to you, I bet things are fine she just misses mom and who doesn't like staying home?, I know I do.

Of course, first send in a note (or call) about her "new" behavior and make sure there's not some bully situation or something. (highly unlikely in preschool!) I would assume you're right on the money: the novelty's worn off and she's getting a little separation anxiety.

I would just act really excited about school -- about how great everything's gonna be, can't wait to see what Miss So-and-So does today!, can't wait to find out what songs she's going to learn today!, oh - it's going to be so great! Can't wait to hear all about your great day this afternoon!!! Then in the afternoon, "How was it?! I missed you but I know you had a fun day. What did you do today?" Just really upbeat and positive. This will pass.

It probably is a phase, but I would talk to her about school and see if she sheds any light on the topic. Maybe there is one child there who picks on her or is just mean in general. Maybe it is as simple as her missing you. I would just explain to her on the way there what is going to happen during the day and that you will be so excited to pick her up in a little while.

I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and I remember one of my friends telling me that as bad as it is to leave them when they are holding your leg and begging you not to go, that it is much harder when they could care less if you leave. I experienced that for the first time 2 weeks ago and he was right. It makes me feel good to know she is happy at daycare, but it also made me sad that she just ran off with her friends and never even said goodbye to me.(prep for college I guess!)

Also, if my daughter is a little under the weather, she will do the clingy thing. I wouldn't worry, though, I am sure it is just a phase.

hi,
do you walk her in to the class? does the school require you to walk in? i ask because it is generally easier on both of you, if you drop her off in a carpool line...at my daughter's school you drive up, and they get them out of the car and escort them to their rooms...they tell me she stops the "dramatics" as soon as i'm out of sight...but i've noticed that if i do go into the classroom she doesn't want me to leave...good luck...

Hello there! I hope all is well. Let me just begin with telling you that pre k for 3 year olds is a fabulous idea and I am so happy you took advantage of it. We went through this exact problem and more. I even had to make trips back to school to console my daughter and in some cases take her home. The problem wasnt the school, it was a student. A little boy was picking on her. We had a sit down with the parents and the teacher. It all worked out, mostly it was my daughter being thin skinned and never have had to defend herself before. Just talk to the teacher and ask her to see if anything is going on with your child that you need to be aware of. I hope everything turns out OK.

Remember, even though you feel pressured to do otherwise, that your daughter and her emotions are more important than even a whole year of preschool. She needs to know that you are listening and supportive of her. Trust me, you don't want her to doubt that when she is 12! This support starts now. This is only a season, give her that time.

A couple of thoughts:
1) After listening and hugging her, see if telling her you will pick her up early that day will help adjust her - and do it. When you pick her up, say "How did you like me coming early today, did you miss the playground or was it ok?". Remind her that you keep your word and acknowledge her. You may be surprised what you learn.
2) Go in with her and stay awhile, maybe even leave with her after you play a bit. Afterwards, talk with her about the things in her class you enjoyed. Don't manipulate her by trying to tell her what she should have enjoyed and therefore should have wanted to stay (yes, we all do it :) ).
3)NEVER RUSH HER!!!! This the receipe for disaster. Be late, for gosh sakes, she is 3 :)!
4)When things get tough, keep her out for a day. Don't wait until the melt down happens at drop-off. Get in step with her and know if it is coming. When you do you know it is coming, prevent the melt down and reverse the day by saying: "Wow, I think you and I need to spend the morning instead of going to school. Will you be ok with that - I know you may miss xxxxx?" Try not to do it back to back days, but give her the opportunity to be heard.
5) She also may not be feeling well, even if she seems to be fine later. Right now, everyones immune is a bit activated. You may do some natural support (like cod liver oil or others) to help her get to top condition.

From another mom of a previously hesitant preschooler and a floortime play therapy trained mom - J.

Hi C.:

Try walking into the classroom with her and sitting with her for a few minutes until she settles down. This will eliminate some of the drama. This same thing happened with my son. My husband was the one who took him to school and this is how my husband ended up handling the situation. It was so bad that my son would catch the porch post and hang onto it to avoid going into the classroom. He eventually settled down with my husband sitting just a few minutes with him each morning and realizing that we would be there to pick him up when school was over.

R.

My suggestion is to be as non-dramatic about it as you possibly can. It helps A TON if your daughter's teacher is willing to work with you on this. My daughter's first teacher was very much in agreement that the sooner I could get out of the room the better. I would sit her down, give her a big hug and a kiss and walk straight out the door. If she clung or cried or kicked, the teacher would pick her up or find a distraction for her. Needless to say, the drama lasted less than a week. If you do not have the assistance of the teacher (which would surprise me -- it makes their jobs harder if you have a clingy kid) then I recommend making sure she is getting plent of rest. You might even try to get up a little earlier to spend some time together before shuttling her off. Best wishes!

I am sure my response is one of a parent with a grudge, lol.
When my son did this around the same age (well, he was 2), I didnt understand why all of a sudden he was crying and not wanting to go. About a week later, one of the ladies at the daycare was fired, the director of the center tried to play it down, but according to the DSS report filed, during a routine inspection, a worker was seen pulling my son around by his ear and picking him up/dragging him (with anger) by one arm. I was astounded. The idiot worker must have been so used to behaving this way that she did it while a DSS inspector was there. After she was fired, he stopped the crying at drop off time.
Just make sure there isnt something sinister going on before you do anything.

Hi C..

My 2 1/2 yr old goes to daycare. She has been going since she was an infant and as soon as they would take her in. My son, who is now too old to go, went to the same daycare since he was a baby. He never cried when I left him. But the girl, she cries every morning. She loves her friends and teachers, just something about Mommy leaving her in the morning. It isn't too long after I am gone she is fine, however, it still breaks my heart to leave her sad little face. It's okay though, I still have a job to go to, and I know she is takin care of. Good luck. You sweetie will be fine. Sad for you, but fine for them.