1St Grader Crying at Drop-off

Just had to respond because my son went through the EXACT thing last year. It was just heart breaking. After weeks of this it got so bad I asked a therapist for advise. We decided me walking him in had to stop. We decided I would pull up and he had 10 seconds to get out of the van. If he didnt I had a teacher waiting for us that took him out of the van & into class. If he went in on his own the teacher gave him a sticker. 5 stickers meant a small reward at home. It took about 2 days for this to work. He finally told me toward the end of the year why he didnt like school.it was because he felt rushed getting his morning classwork done. If it wasnt done the teacher had them stay in for recess. I felt so bad that his year was so stressful because of this one thing. Good news is this year teacher has a different teaching style and he hasnt once complained about school.

She prefers to do things on her own. First grade is a big big change. She is not a morning person. So, I guess this is the problem. She will settle in. It will take time. She really does not have a choice. Hunger isn't the issue, because she just had breakfast. Time will take care of things. I promise you, it will get better. Hang in.

I am noticing lately that all these kids get dropped off. What is wrong with school buses. It also helps with the separation if she could get on the bus with other kids.

This too shall pass.
I worked at a daycare in HS and the best thing you can do for her is to not prolong the goodbye. Tell her she will be fine and that she will have a good day. The longer you stick around the more upset she will get and the longer it will take her to calm down.
I witnessed many kids upset with the goodbyes. Typically as soon as the parent was out of sight the child calmed down. We used to tell the parents to leave quickly then peak into the side window. It took about 5 seconds to get from the door to the window. Sure enough their child would be completely fine by the time the parent got to the window. Good luck!

It's not unusual, and I imagine the teacher and principal are experts at this sort of thing. I'm assuming nothing traumatic has happened at school. First grade is very different from kindergarten - she's there at school all day, it starts early in the morning, it's probably more structured, and the thought of it is making her feel tired already. For several days she has done this new routine. Then she has two whole days in a row at home - ah! This is the way it used to be! I wish I could have my old life back! Waaaah!

If I were you, I'd keep in close touch with the teacher on this. What do you think of an earlier bedtime for a while - not as a punishment, but as a sort of experiment to see if the mornings go better? This makes your daughter a scientific researcher and... maybe she'd like that idea.

Kids go through phases - they want to stay home in their PJ's - who doesn't? She may also be picking up on your discomfort at her tears. Kids have this uncanny ability to percieve what works on their mom or dad and use it to their advantage. It's not intentional - it's built in.

My daughter had issues like this in 3rd grade and then again in 6th grade - social awkwardness and discomfort still happens with most adults - we've just learned socially acceptable ways to deal with it!

I learned a trick from an 80+ yr old sunday school teacher and it works like a charm: Set up your daughter for success by setting your expectations, with affirmation. This afternoon you begin by telling her things like "I know there are days that you'd rather hang around the house in your pajamas - and I understand that - but you're 6 now and 6 yr olds go to school. I *know* you'll do really well in school and you'll make a lot of good friends as the days go by. I know that tomorrow you can go right into school with a smile on your face looking forward to the things you get to do - like Art, playing on the playground, circle time, calendar time, (etc.) . I am so proud of you and the lovely young lady you're are growing up to be. You make me so proud. And you should know that no matter what - I think you are awesome - and I will be even more proud of you when I see you just go into school with your chin up and a smile on your face." Then, before bedtime repeat that dialog and then do it agin in the morning as you get ready for school or as you drive there, etc. After school, when she's gone in without crying give her a huge hug - a high five - a woohoo "I was so proud of you - I knew you could do it!" Then go do a special thing - a special snack, or playground, etc.

Good luck mama - these kids just tear at our heart strings forever. Mine are 14 & 17 and they still bring me to tears...

I have had the same problem with my 1st grade son. I was so upset one day after dropping him off about 2 weeks ago. He was in tears and didn't want to walk in the door.

I emailed the teacher later to explain his rough morning and asked how he was doing. She explained that he was having trouble following directions and was talking when he wasn't supposed to. I told her how he was unhappy and felt he had nothing to look forward to. I explained that I would talk to him about following the rules. The next day, the teacher emailed me and thanked me for talking with him. He had a great day.

Last year, I also had to park and walk him in to Kindergarten. It got better as the year went on. The teacher seemed wonderful, so I don't think that was the problem. He has had two full blown panic attacks as well. Once was in Pre-K. It was awful. The teachers had to drag him in kicking and screaming to the Playground! I couldn't understand it. His first period was recess! The second time, he refused to go in the door to Kindergarten. The teacher came out and called the counselor, but she couldn't be reached. The only thing the worked was me promising to meet him for lunch if he went in his classroom. I work from home (per job, not on a regular basis), so this was doable for me. He eventually got over this and was happy the rest of the year.

I'm still walking part of the way to school, but now his older brother, who he idolizes comes with us. That seems to make my 6 yr old happy.

Anyway, despite his ups and downs, I am trying to get my son into a charter school. I have seen the positives and negatives of this school and think he will be more challenged and happier at this smaller, more personal school. They stress the arts and music.

I think if this doesn't get better for her, you might consider moving her to a private or a charter school. Here's an article that I found very insightful about school and why some kids hate it.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/radical-teaching/2010...

This happened to my youngest son. We had to involve the school counselor who helped him to overcome some of his issues. That might help her. My son was worried about me during the day, like I was gonna get hurt or something. Don't go there with your daughter though unless she has expressed that to you since you don't want to give her anything additional to stress over. Maybe you can write her a little note and put it in her lunchbox too. Or the home room teacher could give her a sticker for coming to class on her own, and she could get something for it after accumulating so many stickers. Good luck to you I know it's not fun to go through. Hugs!!

I don't have a specific suggestion but I wanted to tell you that a very dear friend of mine had a daughter who had a similar issue when she was small. My friend wouldn't even leave her with babysitters.

She's a teenager now and one of the nicest, most successful kids I have ever known. And beautiful - inside and out.

Her mom just stayed the course, supported her and loved her - and everything worked out.

This too shall pass.

This isn't all that uncommon. Do you drop her off? Or take her in? It might be that you need to just drop her off and not get out of the car. If she'll go in on her own that is. If she'll chase the car and not go in then that won't work either.

Most kids calm down as soon as mom or dad is out of sight. IF there is no one else they can focus on and get attention for doing this. If the teacher or principal are spending time with her then she's going to even take longer to stop doing this.

I hope you'll just think of this as something that will eventually stop.

I do know one girl who would have such a hard time at youth camp that she would make herself sick and have to go home by the end of the first day. Her mom had to volunteer as a parent helper or the girl had to stay home during the nighttime and come back the next morning. She's one in a bunch of kiddo's though.

This falls on the normal side.

First grade is a big change from kindergarten. They have a lot more actual work to accomplish. It can be tiring to pay attention for a longer periods of time.

Does she take a vitamin? You may want to consider a good multi vitamin with her breakfast.. Could be she need a bit of a boost. I was always n the anemic side, so I could get a bit droopy at times.

When our daughter seemed a bit low in the mornings, I used to remind our daughter of the friends she was going to see at school. Or if I knew it was a special class day like, Art, Or visiting the library.. those sorts of things, I would remind her and she would perk up a bit..

I know it hurts your heart to have her cry when you leave her, but she will grow out of this soon enough.. Hang in there. Treat yourself to a nice coffee or tea.. To help YOU feel better..

My 2nd grader is going through this right now after being totally fine with school from preschool on up. I've been totally perplexed. Today was the first day he didn't cry which surprised me for a Monday. I had emailed his teacher last week and she said sometimes adjusting to the new school year is tough.

It sounds like your daughter is not a morning person. Maybe try putting her to bed a little earlier, so you can wake her up a little earlier and give her more time to eat and get ready and relax a little before school starts.

Another idea is offer her an incentive for not crying at drop off. I was thinking about starting that with my son if he kept it up. I was planning to offer him a prize (dollar store items) to pick out a prize bag every day that he didn't cry, and an outing to Menchie's on Friday if he made it the whole week without crying.

Hopefully she'll adjust soon!

I am posting this because not all teachers are the sweet kind people we see at open houses and conference. I had a nun for first grade who not only belittled the kids but yelled at us and hit us. She wouldn't let us go to the bathroom until we were ready to pee ourselved or already had.

My son had a first grade teacher who always seemed sweet but I heard from my daughter, a few yrs older, that the other kids would hear her yelling at the kids all the time. I went to the school an sat outside the classroom a few times to try and catch her but couldn't.

My daughter had a 5th grade teacher who threatened to bash a kid's face in.

Talk to your daughter. She may have a reason to cry. She may be afraid of the teacher or another child could be bullying her.

I've found it helps with my daughter to focus on something that will happen AFTER school, so she has something to look forward to. Say, "when you get home today we can read together from your favorite book" or snuggle & watch a show together, color together... whatever it is, it seems to help her focus on that and realize school is just a portion of the day, and we can still do something fun together later. Good luck!

Poor thing. Sounds like a severe case of separation anxiety, I'm glad her school is being so thoughtful and understanding.
I used to have a book called "Helping Your Anxious Child." I can't remember the author but you can probably google it, or find it at the library. It had lots of practical tips that worked for us.
Good luck. I'm sure the change to first grade (which is huge) is what's triggering it.

It's totally normal.
For some kids it's just their way of dealing with transition.
Once they get that cry out in the morning they are fine and totally happy the rest of the day.
It's just really hard for us to watch.
In a week or two (or some kids take a bit longer) she won't do it anymore.
Try to keep the same waking up and going to bed schedule on weekends as you do on week days.
If their sleep patterns aren't too upset and they are well rested Mondays just seem to go a lot smoother.

OH MY GOSH. You are my twin =) We JUST went through this. My heart goes out to you. My kindergartner went through the EXACT same thing. The best suggestion I can give you is having the teacher or principal meet you at the classroom in the morning. Make the transition easy on you. Stay out of the classroom and keep drop offs short and sweet. Give your daughter a kiss and be on your way. Sometimes, we as parents, perpetuate their reactions to us leaving. When I take my son to school, I give him ONE kiss (not 25) and basically push him into the classroom. He has GREAT days at school and the sooner he starts in the morning, the better off he is =)

I'm sorry that she (and you) are having trouble here! Please, please rest assured that this is VERY normal even for kids who are otherwise outgoing and social and who usually like school. Remember, she has had only two Mondays to get through and is still probably in the post-summer letdown phase; weekends remind her of what summer was like (I'm home, I'm having fun, my time isn't all spoken for) and Mondays come as a bit of a shock to the system (my daughter is 12, knows fully what to expect, and still has a rough first few Mondays when school starts!).

You do need to talk to her about how she's six, and first grade is her "job" and she should be proud of that. Be sure to acknowledge her emotions and let her talk about them but at a time when she's calm and not in the throes of impending departure from you (Monday breakfast is not the time for that discussion, for instance). Ask what SHE thinks could make dropoff easier -- other than just not going to school. Let her see you listening.

You did not mention the logistics of how dropoff works at your school or for the two of you. Are you walking her to the school? Driving her and she gets directly out of the car? Driving her but parking at school and walking in from the parking lot? It does make a difference. As someone else noted, you must be swift and sure in dropoff. Do not linger, give extra hugs or keep turning and waving at her; it may sound cold, but you really do have to make the parting fast and confident on your part so it sends her a message that it's time to get down to business and mom is confident she'll be fine. If you walk up with her to the school door, do not go inside; let her go in the door by herself (don't proceed into the lobby or to the classroom door -- just don't, and most schools dont' allow that or dislike it even if it's allowed). Make a ritual that is the same every time -- maybe one hug and kiss, a special saying you and she alone use ("Have a great day, you'll be A-OK" or something, let her make it up like a magic spell)and then you turn and walk away without looking back. If you drop her off in a car, start using the dropoff line for cars if your school has one, so she must get out of the car but you stay in it and drive away.

Whichever you do -- pick one dropoff technique and stick with it but ensure it's swift and you do not go back to see if she's OK, or follow her to the classroom as the teacher escorts her, etc.

If she is still having these issues after maybe the first five or six weeks, I would ask to see the counselor -- you at first, without your child -- and ask the counselor for some strategies and ways to handle this. If she really persists, ask the counselor to meet with her one on one a few times to see if there are other stressors, but this does not sound like there are, if she's fine once you are gone. Really, this will pass.

Your daughter is more upset than mine was but mine also had a hard time adjusting to 1st grade and many people told me it was normal. She loved K and her K teacher and she complained about the full day and lack of free time etc. And she'd cry a bit in the mornings sometimes. It lasted fairly long. Not just a week or two. But by year end she LOVED her teacher. Unfortunately, there's not a lot you can do and it's heartbreaking... I would tell her that many children don't like 1st grade at first but they grow to like it. Let her tell you what she misses about K and why she's upet about 1st etc. Only thing you can do is validate her feelings and listen and assure her it will get better. Does she have friends in the class? I'd facilitate playdates with new classmates if not. A friend always helps.

My daughter's friend cried for the first 3 months of kindergarten, then again for the first month of first grade. Now 2nd grade no tears.

I liked NYMetromom's suggestions.

I also think maybe if you and she can go for a little walk alone for a few minutes before school, it might be helpful.

She's a normal kid.

It does not matter how "independent" or free spirited or spunky a child is or that they have their own mind and likes doing things on their own. They are STILL just a young child. And any child IS still prone to any age-related phases or emotions.
My daughter was and is like that. My son too.
BUT, my daughter had a hard time in 1st grade and cried too.
And then she was fine.
Your daughter will be fine too.
And many kids, are like that. Regardless of their personality.
Its okay.
It will be fine.