Cancer Scare, So Much Pressure, Having Anxiety

Get a councilor, you need someone you can be 100% open and honest with, and someone who can give you the proper tools you need to get thru this.

I am possibly living with something as we speak. I do not know what neither does the doctor. More testing is needed.

My childhood was brief like Letty's but I did get through it. My parents were both gone by the time I was 14. So I lived with my mother's sister who was something from the story Cinderella. There was another niece who was the favored and so you get the picture.

I am a breast cancer survivor and have been for the last 17 years. You have to learn that you cannot give into the what ifs and you have to live your life to the fullest every single day. Your priorities change and you do things differently than the mainstream person. Many of us survivors go full steam ahead and do what we want and others don't.

Contact your doctor for anxiety medicine to help you get over your hurdle and then taper off. Consult a therapist to talk to if you must but get it out of you don't keep it bottled up and worry.

Get a will, estate planning or whatever else needed and make sure all know your wishes. Write letters and notes and take photos and put in a book. Write about your childhood to your kids and how you grew up good/bad/ugly and the things that you loved - ocean, mountain, amusement rides, rides in the country.

Change the things you can and accept the things you can't. But move on in your life. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us.

the other S.

PS I have a few moments of concern over my new issue but I can't let it eat me up. My husband has cancer and he is more upset than I right now but it is understandable. We live our lives and we will continue to do so until we can't. Our adult children are aware of the situation and we must keep them current or else we will get the rath of Kahn from them.

Enjoy the sunshine on your face and smile and be still and be quiet and be safe.

You are definitely a candidate for some counseling and likely some anti-anxiety medication. All of this stress is very harmful to your health-the very thing you're trying to preserve.

I am exactly like you. My father died of pancreatic cancer and my mom went off the deep end. I had a health scare about 8 years ago when my youngest was a toddler. It was hell. I also had a great deal of anxiety when I started to get close to the age at which my father died. What honestly helped me was reading blogs and discussion boards by other people who had lost parents at a young age. It is a huge loss. I have PTSD because of it. Many of us deal with the surviving parent being someone who could not take care of us. The language you use here about without parents is so common for us. Essentially, we did not have childhoods. FInd a therapist, read the thoughts of people like us. You won't feel so alone and scared.

This is a good start. read the comments section too.
http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/03/23/child.bereavement.st...

I think what has always helped me to keep those fears at bay is to know that if I was suddenly gone, my kids would be very well taken care of.
My kids have always known if anything happened to us they would go live with their Aunt L and Uncle R, and cousins. They know they have a huge, loving family and many good friends who would take care of them.
I came from a small broken home with almost no reliable extended family so I have made building relationships with my in laws, my friends and even people in the community a major priority in my life. It's VERY important for me to know that my kids have a whole network of support (and so do I!) during times of change, stress or god forbid, serious trauma or loss.
I think if you focus on THAT, it could help you feel better.
If you continue to be obsessed though, to the point where you can't enjoy your life, you should ask your doctor for a referral to a therapist. Anxiety can become uncontrollable for some people, and if that happens you should seek professional help, for your sake AND your kids. THEY shouldn't be worried about you dying, growing up is hard enough without that!

Have you done estate planning and have life insurance? When my oldest son was born, it was less than a year after my best friend died in a car accident and normally, I would have been in the car with her. That freaked me out, a lot. I was afraid of not only suddenly dying but because I was a single mom, of what would happen if my son were to be raised by his loser father. I lost a lot of sleep over this. What helped me a lot was to have a good life insurance policy and an estate plan that set up a trust and guardianship for my son and did everything legally possibly to ensure that he'd be raised by my family if I weren't here. I rested more easily after that.

oh my dear, go get some counseling. it's good to plan for 'what ifs' but not to dwell in fear, nor to subject your kids to it.
you had a bad scare. go get some help dealing. it's okay.
khairete
S.

There are some things about death you can control. Make a will, appoint legal guardians for your children, have life insurance for the support of your children. These things will answer several of the "what if?" questions.

As for your internal thoughts and fears, everyone has them occasionally. When a friend my age died of skin cancer, I worried a lot about cancer for awhile. My friend didn't have typical symptoms, she went in thinking she had a mild patch of eczema on her arm. So small, but it had already spread internally. I obsessed about every little thing on my skin for awhile. Going to the dermatologist for a full body check - another thing I could do that was in control - it helped ease my fears and I was able to stop over thinking it.

When fears take over your life and you're thinking about death every day, it is no longer a problem that you can solve alone. A therapist can help you work through it and learn how to avoid getting sucked back into it again.

First, make sure that you have appointed someone you thoroughly trust to take care of your children in case of the unlikely event of your and husband's demise.

If Eckhart Tolle isn't helping you, I don't know that we can. But it's true that Now is all we really have, which is the core of his message, and you are already taking your children's mother away from them by wallowing in anxiety and fear.

You are also going to pass on your anxiety and fear to your kids, if you haven't already. You really need to assume you're going to be okay, stop thinking about death, and go back to living.

Anxiety sucks, I know, but you can get past this.

Sounds like some therapy would help. Does not sound like you can deal with this yourself.

Ouch, sweetheart, it hurts to spin your wheels like that. And you're right, not every self-help book is helpful for every reader (I'm extremely turned off by Mr. Tolle, myself).

It sounds like a bit of professional intervention may be helpful for you. Google EMDR and explore whether that therapy feels like a good fit. Just one or a few treatments have gotten real results for traumatic coping, even in soldiers with PTSD, and you are right in the heart of traumatic coping.

One other approach you might find helpful is the free resources at www.TheWork.com. It helps you learn a larger and less-intense way to see and interpret the many uncomfortable situations in life. Not for everybody, but if you're willing to really uncover and investigate the thoughts that are troubling you, it can be astonishingly effective.

As a parent, I think it's ok to be on top of your health. Anything that concerns you warrants further inspection.
Also, having a legitimate cancer scare I think does change you permanently afterwards. I was told, when my first baby was 6 mos old, that I could have ovarian cancer after a huge growth was found on one of my ovaries. Knowing that ovarian cancer is very deadly and a silent killer, I was petrified. I just knew that if it was cancer, my odds weren't good. Surgery was scheduled with an oncologist and my gynecologist, and it was all surreal. At my pre-op appt, they discovered that the growth was shrinking, and as my gynecologist said "Cancer doesn't shrink on it's own". The surgery was canceled, I was sent home, and the very large hemorrhagic cyst was gone in three mos.
Once they told me they no longer suspect any cancer, I went out to the car, and cried like a baby. It didn't help that my own mom was diagnosed with colon cancer when I was 12, and I grew up fast. Way fast. I was forced to answer questions that a 12 year old never thinks about, like "Who do you want to live with if I don't make it?". The big "C" has always lingered at the back of my mind ever since then.
As a mom now, I try to take it day by day and not let those thoughts take over my life. When these thoughts creep up, I find looking at myself in the mirror and saying "Today is a good day. Everything is fine. You are healthy and happy." really does help. I find it also helps to talk it over with someone you trust (my husband). He always makes me feel better. I also have accepted that anything can happen, and we have no real control over how long we will live on this earth. It's really out of my hands, and stressing over it shadows my own happiness. I just try to keep it in context and enjoy each and every day to the fullest.
Anyway, I don't know if this helps other than to say I understand how you feel and you aren't alone. However, if you find that that this anxiety is taking over too much of your thoughts and life, it might be worthwhile to see your doctor. No reason to suffer if something can help. Take care.

JM,

I am so sorry to hear this story. You said after a Cancer "Scare." So did they not find anything at all, or did they, and you are now Cancer Free? Either way, it is VERY scary! I am a Thyroid Cancer Survivor. 4 Years Cancer Free. Total Thyroidectomy. Those feelings are gut wrenching, and what I did is what the other posters suggested. Make sure that your Kids are provided for just in case, and make sure that you have a "Living Revocable Trust" in place. Make sure you give them "extra hugs and kisses" each day, because NONE of us are guaranteed tomorrow....healthy or not. I wish you all the best!!

First of all, I think you might benefit from some counseling. Next, do what you can to ease your anxieties. Make sure you and your husband do some estate planning. Have living wills, regular wills and check any life insurance policies you do have to make sure that the beneficiary information is correct (not naming former spouses or leaving out children). Then sit down and write a letter to your spouse and a letter to each child that is to be opened upon death. Pour your heart out in those letters.

Pick someone to raise your children if you and your husband can't, ask them if they would be willing to do this and put it into your will. Name a back up in case this person is not available.

Depending upon the age of your children, your line can become "Mommy and Daddy have thought about what we would want for you if something should happen to both of us and we want (grandma, Aunt X, Uncle Y, etc) to raise you. That way, your children know what would happen and they can at least know they would not be abandoned.

We can't tell our children in all honesty that we will raise them to adulthood. But we can tell them that we love them enough to provide for them to adulthood and that we have made sure they will not be abandoned.

If you are a praying person, maybe say a little prayer each morning asking for peace in your day and at night of thanks for that day.

Blessings, C.

Go to the doctor and ask for some anti-anxiety medicine that isn't habit forming. Get ahold of this anxiety with medication so that SOMETHING that someone says, hopefully a counselor, will sink in.

Quite frankly, what you are doing can hurt your body. The best way to stay with your family is to take care of yourself. Instead, you are sabotaging your health. If you DON'T get help, then you are choosing to hurt your health. GO to the doctor now and tell him or her this. Just do it.

I am the same way. When I read the title of your post and the C word I was scared to even read it. Then I thought wow this sounds like me let me read some the responses. Then I come to the one where a women's friend died of skin cancer and I immediately started thinking I have skin cancer and don't know about it. Ughhh I have had therapy I have been like this my whole life and it sucks. I just do not know how to not obsess because my biggest fear is death.