Boyfriends Friend Is a Dog...

R.,
I usually don't respond but since you're frustrated with non-responses here goes......Under no uncertain circumstances should this friend be allowed within 50 miles of your girls......I don't care how long your BF and he have been friends. That is not the kind of person you want to associate with as you said "If you lie with the dogs you're going to get fleas....." You have to think of your children's best interest and having someone around that is immoral (cheats on his partner)and participates in illegal activities (drugs) is just plain wrong. I don't care how "unconventional" your life/family is.....If you want your family to flourish then put it in a flourishing environment and surround yourself with people who help you to grow.....not people who have the potential to pull you down...

PS: I'm no saint but I know deep down what's right and wrong ......

I think that you may need to consider these problems you mention as possibly being rooted to your "unconventional" lifestyle. Marriage, as a social institution, serves as somewhat a neon sign saying "We're adults now, with a family mentality. Keep childish business away." Perhaps this dog of a friend would have more respect for your relationship if it were more formalized. It concerns me that your boyfriend has not established the boundaries with his friend to demand the same considerations as a marriage. Most guys in committed relationships handle the friends who would otherwise embrace them in the bachelor lifestyle. It seems your boyfriend is trying to exist in two worlds at once and you're the one getting pulled apart.

I think you need to sit down and discuss/evaluate with him what your relationship means to the both of you and why you have chosen "unconventional." Then perhaps discuss what conventions or innovations you can use to help let the world know you're in a committed relationship and working on building a stable family despite titles and paperwork. The friend may be a dog, but that's the life he's choosing. It seems to me that your boyfriend is avoiding choosing and that's the problem.

your boyfriend took the girls number & her calls & tried to hide it from you & probably didnt tell you the whole truth......makes you wonder doesnt it? Dont be so naive.....get your girls & new baby away from people like this...otherwise they will grow up to date losers like your BF"S friend because they see its acceptable......if your BF loves you he will have better judgement & make better choices

First of all let me say - WHAT A DOG THIS "FRIEND" IS! UGH! Anyhow, I think that you do need to mention this to your boyfriend. His not telling you the whole story is obviously bothering you (rightly so). I would mention it in couples' therapy. You said yourself you are going there to work on being fair to each other. Well this scenario was not fair to you. I think therapy will be a + environment to bring it up in. Also, I think you should mention it to the friend the next time he "stops by." BUT you can't back your man into a corner and make him choose friend or girlfriend. No man wants to be put into that situation. So you need to steel yourself to STAY CALM. I would say something like "You know Rob and I are together now. He doesn't need or want anyone else. Please don't try to bring anyone between us." Walk away, don't get sucked into an argument and don't get crazy. That will only make it worse. Good luck.

Hi R.;
Do Rob really know how you feel about the whole situation? Express how you really feel to him. Express that you don't want his friend around you or your children. You can't pick and choose his friends but you can control who you allow to be in your square. Look at the "Trust" factor in this situation. If Rob was interested in giving his attention to someone else, he wouldn't need his friend to help him. I think that you guys should have a heart to heart conversation. Be honest with one another. Don't give his friend power to do anything that would harm your relationship. Good Luck!

I think you have the right to tell your significant other to have his friend pound salt. He is not respecting your boundaries or the boundaries of your relationship. People don't show up at your house at 2Am. That's just not done. It's like a slap in the face for your Boyfriends friend to give him the name and Number of some girl. It's disrespectful.. And disrespectful for your boyfriend to take it.You need to decide what you will allow in your relationship and then discuss it with your partner. Discuss what works for both of you. And I don't think you are being hormonal. I would think like you are and I'm not pregnant. Respect yourself and your boundaries. Yes, they are both DOGS!!!!

I think your boyfriend needs to realize his friend of 10 years is not ready to grow up and may never be. If you and your boyfriend are going to have a successful family life together, he's going to have to choose between you and the kids or his friend and his issues. If he can't, then you are going to have to decide how important your kids are to you vs having a boyfriend.

You have been with your boyfriend two years and you are about to have a baby that you both are ready for, right? People will come in and out of his life from the past. There will be people who are not in committed relationships. Your boyfriend gets a dose from his past through this friend. A girlfriend with two kids from her past is a lot plus a new baby is even more on a two year relationship. All this maybe more overwhelming to him than you think. Communication is important. You need to find out where this unconventional relationship is going or not going. Is there marriage in the future?

Hey R.~I read the other 3 responses that the other ladies have put on here and they are great! They touch on every point. Your "unconventional lifestyle", the boyfriend, and your girls, and the not so favorable friend. Honestly, you probably won't like my answer as much as the other's because it may just not be as nice and supportive. I just feel sometimes it's not necessary to mix words to get the point across. But before I say what I have to say, I want you to understand that the reason I am being so blunt is because I've been there myself and sometimes you need to take a step back and take a look at things from another angle. The fact that you have to ask the question, to me, is the answer you are looking for. Plain and simple. If your boyfried is not doing EVERYTHING, and I mean EVERYTHING that he can to make sure that your family is 100% taken care of, and by that I mean emotionally, physcially, financially, protectively, and otherwise, it is unacceptable. Period. He is obviousbly putting some "doubts" in your head by continuing his association with this friend. Which is not ok. Not to mention, it is not ok for your girls to be in contact with anyone who does drugs. It does not matter whether the drugs are physically being done elsewhere, and then this person is being exposed to your girls. Anything can happen!! It's not ok. I'm not understanding why your bf is having a problem putting and end to his friendship with this guy (or at the very least, toning it down 90%). I mean for all intense and purposes, even though ya'll aren't legally married, you are a family unit. And, just in general, at some point your bf needs to grow up and try to spend time with men who are going to do more meaningful things with their lives than a guy who does drugs and is a womanizer, UNLESS that's who your bf wants to be? I guess for me, It's easy. I know that if I were to hang out with a woman that my husband just wasn't comfortable with and it was causing issues, well, he comes first in my life, and my friendship with her would cease-even if she were a long time friend. I know he would do the same for me. We would never ask these things of each other unless it were a situation similar to yours, but the fact that you are having to write about your doubts and the intrusions this "friend" is making on your lives is unacceptable and is only going to continue to create problems. The friend obviously does not know how to treat women in general (his poor wife) and he has no strong convictions about marriage vows-how to keep them, etc.-and now he is trying to drag your bf into that dark hole with him cuz he doesn't want to go there alone!! In my opinion, your bf needs to choose. It's just that simple. He has you and the girls (his family) or he can have his friend. Doesn't sound like he can have both, because it will be at your expense. I guarantee you, these problems are not going to go away until the loser friend does. Like I said, "Been there, done that".