I am a divorced mom with two kids. Life has been hard since the divorce (not something I wanted), but I've managed to finally have enough money to take a small vacation with my kids--it's been almost 7 years. I have invited my long-term boyfriend to accompany us, He is a good guy, but he's irrationally attached to his dog. He is insisting on bringing his dog on vacation with us because he says he won't have a good time without her. He says she's like his child. Dogs are not allowed in this cabin, and to be honest, I don't want her there. He thinks I'm being unreasonable, and he says if we get kicked out of our cabin, he'll pay for a hotel in town. NO! I rented a cabin, and I want to be there for a reason. I have 3 dogs, and I'm leaving them behind, no problems. I think that I'm being rational, but I really need some other thoughts on this. My boyfriend does a lot for me around the house, but I'm paying for this vacation. It seems like that gives me the right to say "no" on the dog.
Thank you ALL so very, very much for your responses! You have given me the courage to stand up for myself. There will be NO dog going on my trip, and probably no boyfriend, either. And yes, I need to get rid of him. It's taken me 4 years to get my feet back on the ground and my head on straight, and I can now see that he is not a suitable partner at all. I would rather be alone than be taken advantage of. Thank you again--your thoughts really, really helped me!!!
No dogs. If he doesn't listen, he can stay home with his dog. And you'll need to move on because he's selfish and unreasonable.
He's being irrational. I think this would make me reconsider having him in my life. I suggest he is way too attached to the dog. This time it's the vacation he's messing up. When will be the next time that the dog is more important than you?
I leave my dogs at a doggy daycare when I got out of town (not "boarding") and they LOVE IT. Maybe suggest that.
Is he going to pay you back for the cabin AND a hotel? It's been so long since you have had a vacation I'd say leave him behind with his dog and enjoy your kids:)
BF isn't even paying???
dog stays or he stays - you JUST got a call from the cabins after a dog incident occured a few weeks ago. Cabin called to confirm no dogs and they would be checking.
btw - my answer would be the same regardless of his payment, but i am just shocked that any long term whatever wouldn't be contributing.
he's being a jerk.
if he can't find a nice place to board his dog during the vacation, tell him to stay home. if he's okay with a hotel in town, tell him and his dog to stay there and join you during the day.
do NOT allow him to jeopardize your vacation by violating the rules of your lease, not to mention the fact that it's not what YOU want.
you've already weathered a divorce and the subsequent rebuilding of your life. don't sabotage all of that by catering to the whims of an entitled boy-man.
khairete
S.
Tell him "Sorry but if you can't go without your dog, then we'll see you when we get back.".
This vacation is for your kids and they come first.
The boyfriend is basically saying his dog means more to him than you and your kids.
Sounds like he should become an ex-boyfriend.
Why do you have to include BF with your family vacation?
Your focus should be your children, not the BF.
You're already seeing red flags here... Take heed and listen to your gut.
Your BF should not be involved with your children right now...
Don't let the idea of BF and the action in the bedroom fog your brain on your priority which is ( or at least should be) your children.
Go on vacation with your children. They are only young once and the need you in more ways , long term , than bf does.
I'm sorry if I'm too blunt but I'm speaking from being a child from a broken marriage and having a mom who "needed" a bf. I would have appreciated more time with my mom and bonding.
I'd say sorry, cabins says no dogs.
Regardless of who he is... this is just silly. People go on vacation. Dogs stay home or go to kennels if the hotel/cabin that their people have rented doesn't accept dogs.
It's as simple as that.
Why is your boyfriend fighting over something like this? Doesn't he want you to be happy and enjoy your vacation?
I think that I'd rather have/hire a handyman than put up with this guy's quirks, and quite frankly, mom, he's got a BIG quirk.
You mention the fact that he's a longterm boyfriend. Do you actually love him? It doesn't sound like he's attached to you and your children as much as he is to this dog.
I'd tell him that you've decided that there is too much stress between you two and rescind the invitation for him to vacation with you. Just be with the kids.
You are paying for this vacation, let it be a special time with just you and your kids, if he chooses not to come along. The simple fact is, no dogs are allowed on the property, period. Rules are rules. He can decide to board the dog or leave the dog with someone and come along, or he can just stay home - his choice.
I am a veterinarian and I get the whole "my pet is my child" thing, but I also have actual human children too, and they trump the animals every time. When we go out of town, the dogs and cats get kenneled and that's it. Personally, I wouldn't want him to come if he's going to spend the whole time whining about his dog. He's the one who is being unreasonable, not you. Maybe this is a bit of a red flag in regards to any future you were envisioning with him.
I would be telling him, "Really? I worked really hard to save up for me and my kids to have this trip, it's been a tough 7 years, and I am not going to have it messed up because you can't deal with not having your dog there." Heck, he's not even paying for any of it, so what gives him the right to insist on breaking the rules and risk getting caught and kicked out because of a dog?
AND good luck finding a hotel on short notice that will allow you to have a dog too!
He sounds as if he is making his stand. Let him.
You don't want the dog, you are paying, you don't need to jeopardize all the money you have saved by risking being kicked out, you get to decide.
He can come, or he can stay home, but no dog. I "get" being attached to a pet, but the false thinking that a pet is the same/equivalent to a child is the thinking only someone without children can have. I'm guessing he's never had any children of his own. But he certainly equates yours with his dog. I not only would insist on him choosing (the trip or the dog, not both), but I would consider the status of your relationship in general, most likely. Is he this immature about everything?
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And regardless of the dog situation, the first poster made a good point. Why is it that you have had to scrimp and save for 7 years to take a vacation with your kids and your boyfriend is going and not paying for even a share of it?
He's being unreasonable. He can stay home with his dog, because you don't need man-drama on your nice cabin vacation.
If/when you want to take a trip that includes dogs, you can plan it to accommodate them. This time, no dogs allowed.
the dog is not allowed in the cabin, so end of discussion. If he does not want to leave it behind then he can stay behind. He is being silly.
Leave them both home.
LBC
No dogs allowed. No, irrational bf allowed either.
He's made his choice. It was you or his dog. YOU didn't force that choice.
He can either change his mind or not go.
You say, I'm going to miss you!
You are paying for the vacation? You are paying for the vacation.
I agree with Mandy.
What if the owners of the cabin live next door? Can't really hide a dog in that scenario. Tell him to make other plans for the pupster, your vacation is far too important to have to deal with the stress of getting kicked out and moved to a hotel. Also, it would completely cheat everything you had planned for your kids ... who this vacation is really for.
Enjoy the trip with your kids and leave him and his dog at home.
Yes, pets are like children to those who don't have kids, but I can't imagine saying I wouldn't have a good time if I didn't have my dog. I'd want a break!
I'd leave them both at home!
We've taken our dogs on many vacations. We've always found a dog friendly house with a yard for safe tie out & a screened porch to boot. It usually involves an extra pet deposit, which is not an issue.
That's what responsible dog owners that live their dogs do, IMO.
You don't "sneak" a dog into a place the doesn't allow O.!
And I would never try to stay in a hotel room with a dog. How restrictive is that?!
If you have been dating him for 4 years, I would imagine, by now, you are fully aware of his attachment to his dog. Most pet owners who are this inclusive of their pet, only vacation at pet friendly resorts/hotels/cabins, etc.
So, why would you book a vacation that did not accommodate his dog? I imagine you know the answer, and that it was perhaps a bit of a test?
Only you know how much your BF and his pet mean to you long term. If there is a serious long term commitment in your heart and mind, then what you planned is a bit callous and not inclusive.
If you were sensing that it's time to move on as this relationship does not have a future, then booking your unfriendly pet vacation speaks to where your priorities are. Only you know what you both want. If his attachment to his pet is the only quirk, then considering all the real problems there are in life, this is a minor problem on the grand scheme of things.
I do appreciate the humor in all the responses, but you have to be ready to end this relationship now over this vacation. And are you ready to do so? Are you ready to role model to your kids that you will not lie on your vacation lease? Or will you role model to your BF and kids that you will lie?
Personally, I can't imagine inviting a BF on a vacation where he was not paying his fair share. Why is he not offering to cover his part?
Four years seems like a long time to keep a free handyman around the house without knowing there's no future. Does he feel entitled to go because of the work he has done around your home?
If he cannot go on a vacation without his dog, and have a good time. he has issues. MAJOR issues.
Tell him you will miss him, but to have fun with his dog.
Here is why pets are not easy to take along on trips..
What would happen while you all visited a Museum? The dog would not be allowed in.
If you go to a Waterpark.. No dogs allowed.
Nice restaurant..Nope, no dogs..
Come on mama. Why not go with the kids alone? They will not enjoy you as you will have to be GIRLFRIEND (you know what I mean) at sometime with BF. I know its gonna be hard to cancel or change the plans now that you have already invited him--but make up a BIG excuse/lie of why he cannot go with or without the dog. Maybe that now your parents are now insisting on going...
