Behavior Problems with 12 Yr Old Boy

I really like to watch the show Supernany, you can try gettting them to help you, like the last person said maybe some type of counseling or other things would help.

Hi M.,
I am a Love and Logic teacher and would welcome having a conversation with you. I teach group classes and have an upcoming class on Sunday 15th at the Unitarian Center on Abrazo. Feel free to call me if you would like more info. ###-###-####. You can also check out the Love and Logic website at www.loveandlogic.com.
Best,
E. C

we had problems with my daughter and we ended up taking to her to psych. named Kathy Hall. She is absolutely wonderful. she will have one on one with the child and then a group meeting with the parent. she was a god send for us. her office is on Montgomery. Look her up.

Hi M.,
Sorry you are in a totally frustrating situation. I have known kids like this and it sure is heartbreaking to watch. I think counseling is a great idea and I also want to suggest a program I have heard of called Total Transformation. You can google it and get the info. This situation can and will get better as long as your mom-in-law takes action. Please let us know what happens!
-Jen

I worked with Jewish Family and Children's Services for a few years. It was a wonderful place to get help, counseling, parental training, whatever you need to help that boy. It sounds like a mix of "coming of age" and past trauma of some type. They have therapists that deal with families, children, or adults. It's a great resource.
Don't let the name fool you, it's not just for Jewish people. And if money is an issue, they can help you find funding for the services you need.

I'd have to agree to not hit a kid especially for not listening. First I understand that your situation is frustrating and I wonder if you're not comfortable talking to her because she is your mother-in-law maybe your husband could? Where is the 12 year olds' father? If he's not in the picture much, that could explain quite a bit of his behavior. I'd try studying some love and logic if you can't afford counseling. My guess is he's not doing well in school, if so you could potentially seek the guidance counselor's help and support as well. It makes us so angry when we see kids behave poorly and it effects us so much when we feel like we're not in control. For yourself, I would take a step back and listen to these conversations/arguments to see if in some situations he may have a reasonable point to his side and try to begin to support him. Also, if he really can't listen (like doesn't realize someone is talking to him for a few minutes while he's reading or focused on something else) try getting him checked for ADD....some people say milk allergies can cause some behavioral problems and potentially ADD, maybe try to take him off dairy for a month to see what happens....
good luck

Other than talking and yelling, what consequences has he faced? Taking privileges away is usually more effective. 12 is a very difficult age for parents and for kids but clear consequences as well as rewards are usually the only ways to stop bad behavior. For example, if he is being disrespectful to his mother, he looses the right to having a cell phone, or can't use the computer, watch tv etc. If he is hurtful to his sisters, he looses the right to privacy...so that his door to his room comes out. Conversely, if he does something well, he should be praised. I have a 12 year old son as well and we have found that giving him responsibility and being very consistent has helped him to begin to grow up. Other than that, maybe some counseling is in order. Don't wait though, it will only get worse if it's not stopped now.

Wow! I feel your pain. My son is now 19 and we went through the exact same thing. I went from counselor to counselor and even a Church counselor and it was a very difficult transition in our life.
I found a church that had activities for pre-teens and kept him involved in sports. I did go through the crying phase but I had to be strong. Being a single parent and had no moral support from his dad was hard, but I made it. I had to have hope and faith and I couldn't give up. I wasn't going to let him win. I had to do a lot of praying and go to church myself to keep motivated and I had to find friends with the same struggles/issues and we pulled each other through. Your in my prayers becasue it is a DIFFICULT stage and don't give up. I now have a 13 going on 14 yr old son and his issues weren't as bad as my other son. Hang in there!