Mom Out of My Mind

T. I don't know what to tell you except that potty training at 18 months is probably a little early. Another thing I would like to suggest is FLYLADY.NET, I use to feel this way and actually sometimes still do, I started doing this Flylady thing and it is helping to get a routine in place. Hope it helps.

T.,
Please hold on. You are under a great deal of stress, and overcome trying to accomplish a great many things at the same time. I understand how the financial difficulty of your husband's loss of employment and subsequent income has really taxed your family. You are certainly allowed anger and frustration at the unfairness of that. Try to remember that it is an historical fact now, and that it will take a bit of time, likely at least what was lost to unemployment, for your family to come back out of it.

The name for God on the lips and tongues of children is "mother". In your case, you are really stressed out, really busy with extra child care duties, school and motherhood, and it would appear your children are responding in kind, and your spouse is not in a position or of a kind to provide you a vent. You are all displaced from your home, and are undertaking some huge milestones in each child's development-- you are trying to potty train your daughter, and your son is likely either in school, or pre-school. Both are additional huge adjustments for them, and their success, or failure, in these endeavors usually weighs heavily on their mother, often particularly when under the scrutiny of a mother-in-law.

You don't mention why you've undertaken potty training with your daughter right now, or what results you are having, only that she is clingy to you. Perhaps until you are more recovered from the blow the loss of your financial stability has caused, you could delay toilet training, and just concentrate on getting her through her apparent fears. No one learns when they are afraid, or stressed. Both you and she are in the same boat, but you have the advantage of superior cognitive development and reasoning, even though you are clearly at the end of your rope for coping. Maybe you could take a break from this endeavor with her, and take strength from the fact that she needs you. A need that is met goes away. That is what you both need right now.

You also don't say what behaviors your son is presenting that are "bad". Again, there is a great deal of upheaval in all your lives that has still not stabilized. He is reacting to that upheaval in his behaviors, as you are in yours, with anger and crying. It will be hard, I know, but breathe. If it doesn't endanger him, let it go. You'll feel better, and your failure to respond in those circumstances may result in him behaving more to your preference.

It is unlikely you have the funds to speak to someone professionally to help you through the difficulties you are having, and unlikely you have the time to research what free services are available to you. If you can though, do look online for support groups, or crisis assistance in your area or perhaps through school. You are obviously welcome to vent here, and I imagine everyone of us who has replied to you would not mind corresponding individually with you, if you wanted, though I can only speak truly for myself. You are welcome to continue your dialog privately with me.

Anger is a natural reaction to the kind of difficulties you are going through, and it mutates readily into the despair that manifests as crying. Unfortunately, anger is more useful, as it keeps you trying, so you may not be able to diffuse it entirely just yet. Don't beat yourself up over that. You also have the right to have time to heal from the blows that life has dealt You. Have patience with yourself. You are in my prayers.

I know how you feel! I have four kids under the age of four, so as you can imagine, I sometimes feel like I am losing mind. I often loose it, and yell a little too frequently. I am really trying to stop, because I don't want my kids to reap the consequences of my actions. You have to do what it takes to change your own attitude. And our children know when we are going through stressful situation and feel the stress. Which explains their behavior. I find for myself I need to have alone time once a week. Like getting a cup of coffee or just going to Target or the book store all by myself. Have you ever heard of MOPS? You can look for a group in your area online. It's a mom's group, where they have child care while you visit with other moms. They usually meet a couple of times a month. MOPS has been my savior, because it gives me time away from them and they are having a fun time playing with other kids. Your a good mom who's just going through a rough time. I promise this too will pass.

Hi T.. I hope you get a lot of emails on your situation. You sound overwhelmed. It happens. It seems your children are reacting to your stress. They are smart that way. You need to tell your husband, whether or not you think he will talk about it. It is not fair to assume someones reaction. Im not sure if your mother-in-law is helping. If she is take advantage of some time every day for yourself. This is soooooo important. Whether you like a bath or jog or read you need to take a moment for you. We all have our moments otherwise Im sure this website would not exist. In my time of need I look to God to help with my stress. It works everytime. It doesnt go away but I find I can deal with it better. Good Luck to you and God Bless

Dear T.,

Wow! You have been under and are still under a lot of stress. It sounds like you may be mildly depressed which is no surprise considering all the pressure you have been and are under. You might consider seeing a dr. for some temporary medication until things are more evened out.

I don't know if you have any faith or not, but my relationship with Christ is huge in helping me cope with stress and control anger. If you want more info on that feel free to pm me.

Don't feel guilty about the way you feel. My mom (who is an awesome mom) has at times felt like she shouldn't have brought us into the world mostly because she felt at that time she was doing a lousy job. It isn't your kids you don't want, it's just you wishing you were a better mom which is perfectly normal!

Have you thought of enlisting your mother-in-law's help? Maybe a united front and her support could help with calming the children (who are probably distressed from all the upheaval in your life as well). Perhaps deciding that sometimes your daughter will simply not get what she wants unless she gets it from Grandma or Dad.

Even if your husband isn't a talker he needs to know how you are feeling. Men think more visually than women. Maybe you could try communicating your feelings through an analogy to his favorite hobby or sport. i.e. I feel like a football team where every time I gain a few yards Iget dogpiled by . . . Think through how you will say it and make sure you have his attention. Try not to say it when you are really upset or in a way which blames him. Chances are he just needs to understand how you feel. He probably feels overwhelmed too since he hasn't been able to provide the way he would like for you all. You might try asking for his input too. Men love to be needed.

Anger is a signal emotion which tells you that something else is wrong. Try to figure out what is making you angry and why. Is it something you can do something about (make an action plan) if not, how can you accept it.

I'm under a lot of stress now too (expecting 1st baby, working on degree, work from home, husbands job change, selling current house and planning move to new city, etc.)so I feel for you. You'll be in my prayers. Hope you'll get a lot of great ideas from this forum!

Before you decide that this is all about your children, remember you are out of your own personal space. Make no decisions except ones that can get your family a space of their own.

Your children's behavior is a reflection of the stress and situation you are facing. It will get better once things are more settled. In the meantime, try to go for walks at least once a day with he kids so they can ask questions and all of you can get some breathing room. Give your self a break. Anyone in your situation would at some point begin to have the thoughts you are having.
Good luck, the Mommie Mentor, www.proactiveparenting.net

You sound like you are at your wits end. What hardship you are enduring. You sound like an amazing mom... you may not think so, but just being conscious of your actions and reaching out to others for consolation demonstrates your strong character and loving heart you have for your children. So begin by accepting the sheer truth of just that.

I have no easy answers for you, but I do encourage you to seek out a spiritual community, whatever you find comfortable. You should maybe check out local temples, churches, monasteries of whatever faith, and you will always find others with families and struggles similar to you. Having a spiritual base is so helpful; all religions/spiritual philosophies have similar teachings that so support the everyday emotions and struggles of life. Plus, having a community sharing in your children's lives is so amazing and takes off some of the burden you are carrying. It is so true that it takes a village to raise a child.

You are so blessed to have beautiful babies; I thought I may never become a mom, but I did. Sometimes my baby keeps me up all night and we feel so financially challenged that the other dreams we had are taking a back seat to family life. It's then that I try and sit and write down all my blessings. Once I get started, I realize that list is much longer than my woes.

Much love and light to you and your family. All things are dynamic, things WILL change. You have to be that change sometimes for it to be beneficial to you. And you have already taken the first step, so keep moving.

P.S. When I feel like everything is too much, I always say, "Do less!" So maybe hold off on potty training or whatever would lift some stress. Back off on expectations of the kids and yourself. Do what feels good sometimes... even if it is eating a bag of Oreos. Just don't do it all the time:)

Hi T.,

It looks like you have gotten some good advice. I just wanted to offer you an option. I am a certified life coach and would be happy to offer you a complimentary session and give you a few practical tools you can use everyday. There is no obligation, or pressure to continue. Just from one mom who's been there to another...a chance to talk to someone professional with no strings attached.

If you are interested just shoot me an email at ____@____.com

Whatever you do, I wish you the best!
L.

Hi T. I hope this finds you in better health. Well I can relate to you. In 06 I was in a roll over with my mom and she was driving my suv she almost killed me. It was hard getting through it because my husband was not there for me and we have two little ones that are only 20months apart. so I had my hands full.Well since the accident we went indebt had to fill bankruptcy lost our house so we moved in with my parents which i grudged every day my kids dont like my mom even though they are so young they do not conect but with my dad they do. Well anyways my kids were angels yes they had those bad days but not a lot once we moved in they were little rebels they would not listen to me they would not go to bed take naps. I was losing it. my husband did not help a lot and listening to my parents say they are bad kids it Killed me I just wanted to jump off a cliff i was yelling. and i said the same thing you did what was i thinking about having kids especially so close. I really lost it and needless to say i was also watching my niece she is 9 months youger the my daughter so i had three kids all underthe age of 3 yikes. Once we moved out of the house and out of state my kids went back to there normal selfs. Im not saying ur in-laws are the cause but your kids are like dogs they can sense tension and more and maybe thats why your son is acting out. Yes i know there never an excuse to act like that but he is 5 and he might be trying to tell you something the best way he knnows how. also try takeing walks at night just yourself to reconnect with your innerself. I go to the gym 6days a week and my kids go into the kids club and that 90 minutes is so peaceful i feel better and i dont yell as much and my attitude is better. something with exercise just calms you. I feel for you because i went through it just like you and my husband is also ot a talker so its like talking to a tree. Also maybe a date night just you and your husband and just let him know how you feel. he cant leave you so has to listen amd he might not know how you feel right know. Communication is a big key. I hope that helps you ad I promise everything will get better its just takes time> My family and I are taking little steps and its working. But alll in all your a good mom.Dont think any differently ok :) Smile. by for know M.

You have all of us! A whole group of friends to listen and help!
It sounds like you really do have a lot going on right now, and good reason to be stressed!
If i were you, I would cut back on the extra babysitting thing, and even try to find a good friend who can watch your kids for free one day a week.
I know you will say you need the money, but isn't your sanity and being a happier mommy more important than money?
If you live nearby, I would be happy to meet you and your kids and if it works out, have your kids over so you can have alone time.
It will get better!

Have you seen that commercial, "Depression hurts everyone?" (is it for Cimbalta?) When you are depressed everything and everyone suffers. I remember when my brother and I were little, my mom used to sleep all day long, she used to tell us we were mistakes, and she always seemed angry. She had us when she was very young... given the circumstances she was a wonderful mother, and we always knew she loved us.

You need a strong support system. Sometimes just talking to someone can get you out of a funk. Sometimes talking isn't enough.. they do make prescription drugs that will give you a little pick-me-up until you've gotten through the tough times. Sweetie, you have a LOT on your plate. You are NOT alone, although it may seem like it at times. Going to school WITHOUT having children is sometimes tough enough, girl!! You are an amazing woman, THIS WILL PASS!!!!

One thing to remember... look how fast your babies are growing up. My husband is VERY guilty of looking forward to the "next stages" and isn't taking the time to enjoy where he is right now. The bills will be there tomorrow, so will the dishes. You need a break. If you need someone to talk to, message me and I will give you my number. It has got to get better, right?

Big hugs, you and your family are in my prayers

Jen

Looks like you are under a lot of stress! I've been there and done that. I find that the little ones tend to react to mom's emotional state. Try a bubble bath now and then, take some time off your school until things settle a bit, and take the little ones to the park, blow bubbles out back, or go for a picnic. I found that breaking things up with fun, and focus on Mommy's mental state worked wonders. {{{hugs}}}

Girl have I been in your shoes!!!!! I use to be a stay home mom but because my husband (of 10 yrs this month)job hops like crazy I had to get a job.I have had the same job for 4 yrs.We have moved all over , staying with relatives! AHHHHH! We have 4 kids and Tons of stress.
There is ALOT we have been through and I finally went crazy.Now before you hit that point this is what helped me and this is my advice to you.......
get counseling,get on anti-depressants,(I hate taking pills but I noticed it took my anger away.)take time for your self.crying never killed a baby.the baby will be fine,if you cant refocus and calm yourself you cant help the baby or your son.
I know what you mean by you dont like the person you have become.my anger would go from 0 to 100 and skip all the inbetween.that is a symptom of depression.so is crying all the time.
deep breathe,think of positive things.when you get stressed go in the bathroom ,lock the door turn the water on close your eyes deep breathe and calm yourself.pray! tell the kids mommy loves you but mommy needs a time out for 5 minutes.
Your children are able to attend early head start and head start.Even if you put them in for half day that gives you time to regroup and go do something you enjoy and to have some you time.I use to think me time was selfish but it is very ness.
My husband is not a talker either.Well then he needs to listen to you.talk to him.
Last but not least social services has so many programs to help.Also one to get you into your own home.
I have so much to tell you and so many things I can give advice to you that could help.If you would like to talk to me e-mail me back and I will give you my number.I just have so much to say and I cant write it all!!

First of all... be gentle with yourself. Realize you have been and are going through real stress... not to mention the possibility of hormone related depression. Get help. There's nothing shameful about it. Start seeing a counselor as well as talking with your health care provider about the possibility of anti-depressants. It doesn't have to be forever, but sometimes they're beyond worth it to get you over the hump. Your children's behavior could well be them feeling what you're going through, as well as the stress of being in a combined household. See if your mother-in-law or husband can watch the kids even long enough to give you 1/2 hour to an hour to yourself every day... and use that time to nurture yourself. Take a walk or bike ride, a bath (with the door locked!), shoot baskets, go to the library, do your toe-nails... whatever makes you feel good... but not just sleeping, :) Hang in there and know this will pass, but get support.

You need a break. Your kids are most likely reacting the situation in the only way they know how. I understand that your daugh. might cry when you leave her w/her dad, but you just have to do it. Put your foot down and tell him you need a break. My advice is on your break, start exercising, even if it's just walking or stretching, it will definitely help you mental state. I hope things get better!

Hi T.. I think you need to see your doctor. You might have a mild case of depression. I felt the same way after I had my youngest daughter. I was prescibed Lexapro for a few months. It really helped me. I also exercise to get rid of my stress. I hope you feel better soon.

Hi T....Carol hit it on the head. Wonderful advise! T. I've been right where you are with two little ones, exhausted and frustrated. My husband and I decided to start a business with a two year old and a six month old about four years ago. I can relate to your pain of being angry all the time and not feeling like yourself. I hated who I had become. I still struggle with my attitude toward my children, but things do get a lot better. I would say talk to your husband, he is there for you, you two need each other and even though he may not be a good communicator, you just may be surprised at his responsiveness to your needs.
Take care, I will be praying for you and your family.
S.

T.
I am a mother of 3 ( a 2 moth old little boy a 2y.o. little boy and a almost 7 y.o little girl) i dont have much adive but if u need a break or want to go out with ur hubby i know how that feels my e-mai; is ____@____.com no chanrge im sure it will help would love to watch your kids after u get to know me and if this is what u r looking for (free im not looking for money just to help someone)) make sure in the e-mail in the ubject line u put ur from mama source i know how it feels to need a break

T.,

Some great advice is already here. I can relate to what you are going through. I have 5 children, for each of my last 4 pregnancies my hubby was laid off - 4 times in 5 years. It was alot. So you aren't alone.

One thing that I will strongly suggest is getting the DVD "The Secret". I get a huge amount of help from it. You could also go to their website at www.thesecret.tv/scrolls. There are some 'tools' that will help lift your spirit under the 'free gifts' area. A friend of mine is going through a divorce and just started using this and she is a different person, smiling instead of crying.

With the kids, chances are they are feeling your stress and feeding off of it. Your daughter problaby wants you more because you want to be away from her - we all get there. I tell my kids 'personal space' all the time. And with the changes, it's alot on a kid. Take a few breathes and watch the secret - go to the sight.

I wish you the best!

Hi T.! Looks like you're getting tons of online support. I'd just like to add my bit - I, too, have sometimes felt like throwing my beautiful little son on the ground when he gets really whiny and clingy, and have spent a lot of time in tears.... and I have nothing like your reasons for being stressed! Well done for having the courage to come online and ask for help. If there's any way that you can get hold of some "peace" time for yourself, grab it! You've got a really tough job and you deserve - you NEED - time for a break, occasionally. I really hope you're feeling better soon.

It sounds like the children are reacting to your stress and since you are drained and have less to give, they have become more needy. Recently my son (almost 3) started acting out, being destructive and ornery, and the whole day seemed to be one long battle. I noticed that I was beginning to react and yell (which I never used to do) and not feel very warm towards him. I felt terrible as a result. Guilt only paralyzes us though, so I've decided to appreciate my efforts and forgive myself for being human (and allow him to be human also), but to take control of this situation before I become a mother I don't want to be. So I've decided a few things for my situation:
1)CUT THINGS OUT. We really can do with fewer activities and fewer things, which rob us of both money and time.
2)Take care of myself and take a break so I can be more refreshed to deal with this difficult phase (I enrolled in a dance class and I'm focusing on proper exercise, nutrition, water, and sleep).
2)Spend a lot of loving time with him. I need to forge that connection and bond no matter how difficult it may be for me right now to have the energy or desire. I'm the adult. And I've made a very conscious decision and effort to remain calm like I used to. I miss being that sweet gentle mother (I also miss him being a sweet boy, but I can only control myself), and I am determined to find it inside myself again. I have to realize that, as difficult as it may be at times, my actions really are completely within my control. Trying to see where he is coming from and what he's feeling in his little head really helps my heart be tender towards him in spite of his behavior. Also watching videos of him as a sweet baby and focusing and praising his positive, obedient behavior helps me like him better and helps him feel more loved. We spent the last two weekends doing family stuff and paying a ton of attention to the kids to remedy this problem, and let me tell you, he is a new kid! I'm sure some of change occurred in my attitude and perception of him, but I truly think his behavior has improved as well because his unmet need got met.
3) Routines and firm, consistent limits. I want to focus on disciplining him and enforcing appropriate behavior, but while giving him the attention that he craves and is crying out for.
I HIGHLY recommend taking Love and Logic Parenting classes or checking out some of their books and other materials at the library. I am seeing remarkable positive changes in my toddler's behavior since applying the principles/ideas I've learned through attending Love and Logic classes. You can call the Love and Logic company at 800-588-5644 to get the contact info for people who teach classes in your area.

The Love and Logic approach advocates offering many choices so they feel a sense control and it gets them thinking as opposed to fighting. They also learn critical decision making skills this way. Be firm and consistent in letting children suffer the natural (logical) consequences of their actions and choices, while doing so in a very gentle and loving way, having true empathy in your heart. My mom parented this way, and I really appreciate my upbringing. I feel she was a very effective and loving parent who helped prepare us for the real world.

I feel for you. It has been a long time but I still remember the emotional difficulty of going through a very similar period. If it is possible, it is probably not a good time for you to be taking care of other children. As endearing as they are, children can drain your energy. Have you considered professional counseling? It sounds like you have some old emotional baggage--which is probably the source of your anger--that needs to be dealt with. I went for both individual and group counseling and both were immensely helpful. You need people you can talk to and who will support you when you are feeling bad. In the meantime, try to be a little easier on yourself and share some good times with those babies. Before you know it they will reach an age at which they try to distance themselves. Take care and remember some of us out here are praying you will soon be having good times.

Hi T., It sucks doesn't it. I know how you feel. Yeah sure it was materialistic stuff that you lost, but it does define who you are, you picked it out. I've always heard that for everyweek your not working it sets you back by a week. So maybe you were being a little unrealistic thinking things would get better right away. I an sure they have lightened up a bit, but it will take some time. Your carrying alot of resentement, and it WILL start to fade away, and then maybe you won't have to watch someone else's children, you know the kids are picking up on your feelings, they just can't verbalize there fears to you, they've lost the familiar settings too. It will get better, and you will replace all the stuff and have a better home, you'll love it even more than the last one. And you know your husband the one who won't talk to you, how can he say he's sorry to the woman and family that he vowed to take care of? He feels it more than you . You will all get thru this though. Just relax and let it happen, it can only get better.

Turn to your faith and pray about this. Find a support group for moms that will help you deal with your stress. Get professional help. If you have a church, talk to your pastor. Some churches have Stephen Ministers, trained one-on-one lay people, who want to help (without charge) and can be matched with you for support through this time. Ask for one. If you can't afford a professional counselor, visit the West Yavapai Guidance Clinic and see if they can help. Open Door or other church programs might be able to help if you have specific needs. Try to look at the hope that you have for the future. God bless you.

Boy O'Boy, I feel for you. First of all, do you have a church that your family attends. If you do, I recommend that you find a lady or group to talk to (NOT FAMILY MEMBERS...for they confuse things) Yes, you need lots of support, intervention, interaction. I have one of those husband also, he is the kind that needs a solution, not a talker. I have to come up with a plan and address to him to see if that is going work for him/us...and ask him I am in need for input on a solution for peace. When I do get his attention, I do not babble, but share with him a plan, their not dumb they know what is going on, just pretending it's not happening. They are trying to find solution of their own. Children,stress and husband never mixed. OH! your doing a wonderful jobs by NOT telling you children what your mother usde to say. It's stress and they don't understand...poor babies! The crying, just do it where no one can see you, that's perfectly fine. Try and try not to yell at your children...your the only friend...do not scare them. Your the strong-hold of this family, I know what your going through. I hope I was helpful.

T., You are not alone. You have resources, and this can get better. Sometimes the hardest thing about depression and fatigue is that it can seem impossible to reach out, but here are some ideas--

Call your physician or your pediatrician, or even your OB if you feel more comfortable with her. They are trained to help you.

If you have health insurance, turn the card over and on the back there is likely a number that says "Mental and Behavioral Health Services." You can call that number and they will refer you to a therapist.

If you don't have health insurance, you can contact a local church and they are very good for knowing about free counseling resources.

Arizona has a parent helpline, 1-800-732-8193.

If you are in Tucson, I know a lot of other resources. Send me an email if you want them.

Whatever you choose, please reach out to someone today, for your sake and your childrens'. I wish you all the best. Please let us know how you all are.

It sounds a lot like depression and I think you need to start talking to a councilor or go to COPE and get some help. I suffer from this as well. Yours could be temporary do to your situation and COPE will help you through it. It will get better though. You may need a little help to get through this by talking with a psychologist though. Call them up and start the process. http://www.copebhs.com/con_cope.html This is the site with the numbers to contact them. I hope this helps. The anger is something I had a problem with along with the crying and such at the drop of a pin. Just know that someone else has been through this type of thing and if you want to contact me to talk email me at ____@____.com

IF you have not always been like this, your hormones sound pretty messed up.-It sounds similar to depression-which you have just cause with all the stress you are going through.
No doubt, your children are picking up on the vibe, and acting out their fear the only way they can, BEHAVIOR.
Get help, there are free clinics to talk about these issues-definately involve your hubby-He probably would want to help if he knew.
Good Luck.

Hi there. First, don't feel bad about how your feeling...it's totally normal. I have 4 children and have been married for almost 13 years (I'm 32) My husband and I have been through just about every up and down that can go on in a marriage and I must say I'm finally happily surviving. We lost everything almost 8 years ago due to my medical bills from a serious illness in the hospital. We had to surrender our brand new house, car and every credit line we had. We moved in with my mom for 2 1/2 years, although it was difficult during the time, we survived it and my mother and I have a very close relationship. I basically had to put all my desires to nest in a home, doing the things the way I do them, and a little bit of myself up on a shelf so that my mother and I could get along. I had to do things her way on her time schedule. I had to remind myself that it was her home and she deserved to have things the way she wanted them, after all, she had already sacrificed so much of her home when my sister and I were little. When I moved out, I got that little box of myself down from the shelf (metaphorically speaking) and was able to be ME again. Tucking your own wants away is the best thing to do to maintain sanity in the home of elders. My mother was a bit neurotic about some things, I even had to do laundry a certain way; take the clothes out of the dryer and fold them right away BEFORE I began a new load. I just had to accept that was the way she liked things done and if she was happy, the whole house was happy. On the subject of being angry and irritated with your kids...don't beat yourself up, we all go through this. I know that guilty feeling of "I don't like my children right now". Know that you are in good company, all of us feel like this at times. We are homeschooling our children (11 & 9 yr. old boys, 6 & 3 yr.old girls) so I am around them 24/7. I don't "like" them most of the time, but I always love them. Part of my solution is an anti-depressant. There are SO many hormone changes our bodies go through while we are having children and there simply isn't enough nutrition in our food to help us balance things, so vitamins are a must! A little morning drink I have every day is called Emergin-C. You can get it at the grocery store and it's a fruity fizzy powder you mix with water and it's very yummy. It has energy vitamins in it and lots of B vitamins which are vital for our ever-changing hormones and moods. Your daughter probably is feeling a bit insecure because things are not stable with mommy. It seems we all feed on eachother's moods. We get cranky, our kids get cranky and before we know it; the whole house is full of chaos. It helps to just take a week or so and focus on just the kids. Disciplining them, spending time with them and just getting a handle on things. Don't stress too much about the house. Involve your son with the household chores and give him a jelly bean for each chore completed. Sometimes I even have to walk them through the whole task. I know it would be so much faster if I just did it myself, but if I do it with them, I'm not getting irritated while they are interrupting me so that I can do it myself. Does that make any sense? I might be talking in circles. If potty training is too much of a stress right now, just wait awhile. I've usually waited until the kids are at least 2 1/2 or 3 years old. It goes faster and we are much more successful when they are a bit older.
It has taken us 8 years to crawl out of our bankruptcy hole and get back on our feet. We struggled financially for many years and things are just now on the up swing. I know it's hard to be patient, just pray hard for some patience and I promise you will be granted with much of it. We have been renting since we moved out and it has offered us much flexibility with our financial situation. We are in our 3rd house and it looks like we will have a chance to buy it within 2 years. My husband graduates next year.

When you move in with your mother-in-law will you still have to watch extra children? I used to do that too and now that I don't, it's much less dissruptive with my children. It's important to create that firm family unit. Don't give up on your husband. Mine doesn't talk much either, but I think it balances us. I talk too much, so it helps him feel less pressured to perform with conversation. It was also very convenient that we couldn't afford sattelite TV anymore. We just have a TV with a DVD player. His attention has switched over to us. He joined Knights of Columbus with our Catholic Church and the men he is around are a very positive influence. It's been more time away from our family, but I'd rather have it be that than sitting on the TV all the time. Well, sorry to suddenly end this conversation, but my children are getting a bit crazy. Hope everything gets better. I'll be praying for you. A.

OH Honey...you need to make a little time for yourself to unwind. It also sounds like you may be battling some level of depression due to your circumstances. Talk to someone you trust where you can vent and also talk to your doc about something to help get you through. There are also alot of natural alternatives available if you are not into conventional medicine. You also need to clue your husband in that you are struggling emotionally. I know it seems like you aren't going to get through it but you will. Try to remember that it is just a season and it will pass. You can do it :-)

In reference to your children....They are responding to your stress. Your little one is also probably going through a normal separation anxiety phase. It will pass. Stress over potty training may exacerbate it as well. If it's too much, maybe you should back off for a month or so. Your older one is acting out in response to your emotional state. Even if your anger is not obvious, they just know. Recharging your batteries will make you a better mom and more able to handle the strain.

I'm sure you'll find a lot of women in your shoes...even me at times. And I'm sure there are alot of women reading this and saying a prayer for you and that God would give you perfect peace and direction...including me. Don't wait, get help so you can keep pushing forward.

yes, i totally understand and please take some time for yourself. it's impossible to take care of your family unless your needs are being met. exercise is vital especially when you feel poorly.

T., I can totally relate to what you're feeling. I have been there, done that, own the t-shirt, as the old saying goes. I'm no pyshcologist, but I think you have been through so much that you may have a form of Post Traumatic Distress Syndrome. Losing everything has had a profound affect on you and it needs to be faced and dealt with. At the very least, I suggest that you go talk to a doctor and/or a psychologist. Perhaps they can suggest a good therapist to help you deal with things better. At the very least, this gives you a listening ear and perhaps eventually, you could bring your husband in and work on his lack of communication skills. Your children are not really being bad kids--they are just reacting to the stress and strain that all of you are under. These things are tough on adults, but even more so on children. They know Mommy and Daddy (and likely Grandma and Grandpa, too) are upset, stressed and under a lot of strain. Consider the psycholigst, dear. If you don't have medical coverage, try to get medical through AZ DES. They're really good with coverage and I think you need it. In all else, hang in there. Cling to the love you have deep down for your husband and children--that will get you through. God bless, hon! Hugs, Kat

T.,
Thank you for having the courage to reach out and request help. I will continue to pray for you and your family and your strength in God.
After reading everyone's suggestions, I would just add, try spending an hour a day either at the gym or walking or jogging to not only exercise your body but your mind as well. Keep reaching out and thanks for providing an update

Well this isn't advice. Just want you to know that I, and I'm sure others have been there. You need to vent obviously. I know that I couldn't have made it through very similar things without God's help. Your kids feel the stress and fear and react to that. If you would like you can call. Blessings, E. ###-###-####

T.,

It sounds like you need some "me" time... My 3 year old is going through some strange monster behavior too and its hard to stay sane...when you feel aggitated--step out of the room, decompress--so you don't rip your hair out, light a candle... picture yourself on the beach sitting in a hammock drinking a peach margurita... This too shall pass. You've already been through the worse...It'll get better.

Take care,

J.

PS And if that doesn't work--go to the nearest health food store and pick up a bottle of Happy Camper, cost about $20-$25, all natural and it works

break out your Bible - read Dueteronomy - but trust me I know what you are feeling - know that you cannot do it alone - what part of the valley do you live in? Talk to other mothers - call out for help - I'm sure it has been very challenging to be in such tight quarters and facing such challenges. Phoenix Christian Counseling Associates
E-mail: ____@____.com Phone: ###-###-#### has Anger Management classes as well. There are seasons in life and we have to ask for help when we need it (and accept it) and we have to help others when we are in that season.

I find that when I get out of myself and help others it helps me to stay focused. Christian Radio also helps me keep my sanity (most of the time) 90.3FM or 105.5 God bless and be with you.

D.

I think you should get a job outside of the house. I know it really helped me a lot, just to have that time to do something for myself. It would help with the income issues along with giving you a chance to breathe. The more comfortable you are, the more your kids will be too. Hang in there!

Dear T.,

I really feel for you.
Life can (and does) hand us all sorts of challenges.... through which we do most of our growing.
Reach out to your friends. Don't keep it all to yourself because bottling up all your frustration is very bad for you... One day (when you least expect it) you will EXPLODE...

Turning to our Heavenly Father can offer the peace you need. Take some alone/quiet time each day to read in the scriptures, listen to hymns, &/or pray... getting in touch with the peaceful feelings from the Holy Ghost can offer a great deal of strength during these trying times.
Also, keeping a positive attitude and smiling (fake it til it's genuine) will help your family. Your children NEED you during this difficult time. They need your love,patience, and acceptance along with your time--not just existing time together, but fun time...such as playing together, or going for a walk to the park...

You will benefit from playgroups, for yourself and for your kids...

Don't keep it all in... Reach out for help. It is out there.
Good luck!

Huggs,

L.

SAHM mom of 5 kids, ages 3,4,7,9,11...always busy...

Hi T., I understand your anger, and frustrations, and the crying. I've been there. Of course my situation was different, but we all have things we go through and sometimes just need help to cope. I'm going to say it, even though I'm sure I'm going to get blasted by most other people on here. Anti-depressants work for me. Yes, I am dependent on a pill. It's a chemical imbalance in my brain and no matter how hard I try to have a happy day, there are days that my brain will say, "uh, nope!" The meds help me to cope. For me, it's a permanent thing, depression runs in the family. For you, maybe it would be a temporary thing. It's nothing to be embarrassed about, although there are people out there who think you should be able to work it out on your own. That would be great, and I've tried. But I can't. I'm not ashamed. I am a much better person with meds. They don't turn me into a zombie, the side effects are minimal, if any and I can cope with daily life! Feel free to contact me if you'd like to talk about anything. I wish the best for you!

Girl I've been there, really have been there.I have 5 kids and we have been in that situation. Husband lost his job for 4 months & we moved in with his mom, the 1st month I was likd you. My mom gave me this advise.Thank god for this advise it saved my marriage & my relationship with my kids & in-laws. What you are going to need to do for yourself (if you have med insur). Go to your Dr. ASAP then tell your Dr what is going on in your life right now. Tell the Dr that the stress right now is too much for you to handle. Your Dr should suggest Prozac or an off brand at a very low dose & maybe an anxiety pill. Take it. It will be your life saver. When your family gets back on their feet & you think the stress is gone, talk to your Dr again about getting off the meds. The first few days on the meds you may feel tired this is good. You will start to feel better about yourself because you will see the results of how calm you are during this stressful moment in your life. Remember, if you don’t feel good about yourself then you can’t feel good towards others (kids, husband, and in-laws).
Good luck Girl

T.,
Hey, I have been there! A lot of changes, and since they're not necessarily happy changes, I find something like grieving takes place, and that always takes TIME. And with that can come anger, which can be taken out on the kids and hubby, for any reason, and they have thier own strong emotions, which they don't know how to handle either.
I found, when my hubby left the military due to war injuries and severe PTSD, that I had not experienced such stress in my life before then. And I wasn't handling it as well as I wanted to, and felt totally helpless to 'help' him, or do anything to improve our situation. At the time I was caring for our toddler and pregnant with my second. Everything seemed to be steamrolling me and I felt like I couldn't catch my breath to think straight to adjust. My husband struggled with the change, first from war to being home, then abruptly from military to getting a regular job and starting up school. He really struggled with it all, and needed more encouragement and support than I felt capable of giving, since I felt so overwhelmed myself. I was scared to death, because we had to move in with our in laws until we had enough money to move into our own place.( We had to sell or belongings as well to survive. That took a year. And I had our daughter while we lived there. Having my MIL there helped a lot- even though we didn't see eye to eye. The house was run by her, even though we cleaned and did whatever she needed done, but it was comforting to know that if I couldn't make dinner she could,etc. I got to know my in laws very well since we had lived across the country before.
My husband was recently laid off and we were threatened with eviction. God has worked some miracles getting us here and showing ME He can be trusted, even when it hurts and I don't like it. We are still struggling, but I am not as angry. I don't know why things happen the way they do, but I do know God provides, even when it is not the way, or when, we would have Him do it. I know I am a lot tougher having come through those things and I have had to learn how to have things taken from me, changed up on me, given to me, and be put in less than what I would want- and still find sunspots of joy throughout each day.
I had to make rules for myself, like "Mommy needs a time out!" and drop everything to chill for a minute,( I had a clinger at 18 months this time around);NO yelling (for me) if I started to feel panicky or thoughts about what I thought my hubby should do, or try, or what I couldn't do, I would have to tell myself, NOT helping! I delayed my daughter's potty training because I couldn't handle the accidents, clean up and stress, and she was too overwhelmed to get it. A few months later she was doing fine. I also found that getting myself and the kids into a good routine every day helped keep some semblance of order for everybody, mentally as well as keeping up with laundry, playtimes etc. and not lost in worry. I started with one thing a day to do, one thing the kids and I found fun, and that was go to the park. So if nothing else got done that day- we had at least gone to the park and worked some wiggles out.:) I know this was long- I hope it helped some. I know you are probably in shock right now, hang tough! I will be praying for you- you are not the only one facing this!

T.,

You are not crazy to feel the way you feel. Your kids are changing and adjusting to all of the chages to, not to mention, their feelings are in many ways a reflection of yours. Go to your doctor and tell them how you are feeling, if you don't have insurance, apply for aide. It is there for a reason. The doctor may be able to prescribe somehting mild, so that you are no longer a ball of anger and frustration. I know it is hard sometimes, give yourself and your husband a break and look at the positives in your life. I know it is cliche', but Having a healthy family, and family who are willingto let you stay with them is priceless. Look at it as an opportunity for your children to get to know their grandparents better. Hang in there.

T.:
{{BIG HUG!!!}}

T

Your children are upset because their Mommy is not happy, and they are connected to you. What you are doing is vitally important. Don't give up. Do everything you can to get the help you need. Sometimes you can find that help in a close friend. Forget about yourself, and do what is best for your family. Do not make the mistake of abandoning them in any way. It's up to you to break any negative cycles in your family. You are doing the most important job on earth. Don't underestimate how important you are, and how precious your little ones are. Hang in there the best you can. You can do difficult. Love to you from a stranger. There are more people on your side than you know, as evidanced by all these loving responses you are getting.

Your children are probably responding to your stress. I tried to potty train my daughter around 20 months and it was a nightmare and I should've just stopped and waited til I was more calm to handle it. I have been in your position before where I just felt like a hormonal train wreck and I still feel that way sometimes. It is just a matter of controlling our feelings and anger. It is a learning process for us as well as our children, and just remember that a lot of women go through tough emotional times. It's hard being a mom sometimes! Usually when I am upset with my children it is because I am not paying enough attention to them. I have to stop whatever I am doing and just go play or talk to them. THat helps trememdously!!!! They want our love and attention and sometimes I get selfish and want to watch a movie or sit on the computer for a while or scrapbook, or whatever. And make sure you get your husband involved. Go on a date every week! It doesn't have to cost money, just go for a walk or make dinner and take it to a park. It is important to have good communication and connections with your husband so he can help and relieve you. My kids love to play outside and I find a lot of relief by letting them play outside every day. Your situation sounds stressful right now and that has a lot to do with how you feel, so just hang in there and just remember that when mom is happy, everyone is happy!

Hi,
Have you ever considered that you may have a mild form of Postpartum depression? I have had it twice with both my children and in fact am still recovering from the second one.
I felt just like you, not like myself at all, like I just wanted to run away from my kids, and I got angry a lot. I personally chose to take medication, but that is not the way for everyone. I have gone to a counselor and that has helped me enormously in helping to sort out my feelings too. It is hard because as mothers we feel guilty for feeling anything but love for our children, but no matter how much we love them being a mother is very, very hard work and your feelings are nothing to be ashamed of.
I may be off base here of course, but I just thought maybe you should consider it. It took me a long time to admit I needed help and a lot longer to accept that it is okay to need help. But it is okay to need help, being a mother is rewarding but also frustrating. I love my kids, but I have needed a lot of help to adjust.
Ree

Oh honey, rough times, eh? First, you have sooooo much on your plate right now and maybe you need to take inventory of what can be changed..for example, potty training the 18 month old. Statistically, kids aren't typically ready until they are two, even three, especially with boys. Second, you need some YOU time. Baby has got to get used to being alone with dad and grandma. Start taking some evening walks if that's all you can get. You may also be on the edge of depression and may need to see a doctor. At the very least get the "you" time and get some exercise which has been proven to help elevate moods. Do you still need to earn money by watching the kids? Can school be put on hold? You have so much going on and your kids have gone through some serious change. Your son is acting out due to the lack of stability that he has in his life right now. Believe it or not, they pick up the cues from us and their emotions are very dependent on ours. Talk to your husband now and begin to take some very proactive steps to make a change in your life before it's too late....Good luck to you :)

Hi T.,

I went through a semilar situation some years ago, so I can relate. Sounds like you need a little 'ME' time. Is there any way you could get up before the rest of the family and go for a quiet walk to enjoy the beautiful blue skies and sunshine we are so lucky to have here in the valley? I don't know what it is about being outside in the early morning, but it does help to calm the soul. Not to mention, the sunshine is a natural mood elevator. As far as your son and daughter, they are probably reacting to your emotions. Children are very vulnerable to tensions in the air. You might want to rethink the potty training. Unnecessary(?) stress for both of you right now. Hope this helps. And I hope you like living with your Mother-in-law better than I did!

P. C - Soon to be Fifty and Fabulous! Wife of 25 years, mother of a wonderful 23 yr old son and 18 yr old daughter, and a business with Arbonne Swiss Skin Care.

I think a lot of moms can relate to how you feel. There are many of us who have been stretched to the limit. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I would say that most moms have very high expectations put upon them, more so than even a decade ago. No mom can do it ALL. There is a lot going on with your family situation and sometimes it helps to simply your life somewhat to elevate some of the stress. Simplify to what you can and need to do until your family is more stable. Unemployment, life challenges cause us to reevaluate our lives and help us to see what is important to us. I am part of a moms group...momsclub.org is where you can find some info on it. There are probably others in your area that you can research. They provide support in a lot of ways to SAHMS. Play group is good to give the kids social development and good for mom to have some connection outside of the house. Most important thing is you are not alone and its great that you share rather than take out on the kids or others. Sharing your stress is healthy and most likely you will find others will relate.

T.,
You certainly have every reason in the world to FEEL stressed and overwhelmed. My goodness.

What helped me was taking flaxseed and vitamin D daily along with keeping really hydrated. It really turned my moods around.

It might also help to take a walk by yourself in the evenings or whenever you can - just 15-20 minutes of YOU time and fresh air can do wonders. You can also go to the library and get books/CD's on mediation and relaxation which are amazing to help calm and focus. A good book I'm reading now is, "A New Earth" which is fantastic.

Rememeber, you're doing a great job and things will get better!!

Best,
C.

I responded to this post,,,,,in this long drawn out heart felt letter, and I see it doesn't show I reponded to you. So did you receive my email?? I sure hope so.....if not.....email me back I will gladly inspire you today!! and EVERYDAY!! Chin UP!

Tough one. Recently I have been overwhelmed with my mother and 4 year old sister living with me in my apartment. I feel like I have no personal space, no quiet time, and no control over my home. Kind of the opposite of your situation. I have begun to think of any little, however small the detail or change, to make myself ok. Even if it's taking 1 minute longer to take out the trash, breathe. Your son is reacting much the way my sister is in her new environment. Same thing, find any detail that can make him feel more stable and at home at any point in the day. Maybe the space you have there isn't personal enough for the kids. A picture that was on the wall at home, a piece of furniture, or linens. It's hard because you want to be respectful of your mother-in law's space, but your sanity is at stake. Remember, this day will happen whether you're happy or not, do what you can to smile, it's contagious.

It sounds to me like you have tried to be patient and understanding of the situation, but when he got his job, you expected it to change faster than it has, so it seems like it will never end. It is very difficult to live with another family, particularly your -in-laws. I believe that the stress of feeling like it will never get back to normal has caused you to radiate ill feelings, so your kids sense that in a big way and each reacts differently to the situation. Neither one feels secure when you are not your normal self, so the daughter clings and the son acts out. My suggestion is, even though your husband doesn't want to talk about it, that you figure out how long this situation will last. Say, with his income, then having to pay deposits, etc. for a new place, and adding any other expenses it would take to move out, then putting in the monthly expenses of living plus some for entertainment/ outlet - how long would it take to be comfortable living with that income (having saved up enough to move in) in a new place? After you have that figured out, then you will know how much longer you have to bear the circumstances you are in. And knowing the time/ that it's not forever makes it bearable. You can calm down and bide your time until you can leave. The kids will see the calmness/ relief and will relax themselves... and will probably blossom when you are in your own place. In the meantime, hug them and tell them that you haven't felt well for awhile. Apologize for yelling at them, though they needed to hear what you said. Tell them that you love them no matter what. That will help, too.

For the past many months I had been stressed/depressed out of my mind. I blew up/overreacted to everything. My 3 year old started asking me if I was "nice now" once I cooled off. What a bi**h of a mother I could be a time. How horrible. How could I stop! You said your 18 month old is making things harder for you and then you said your anger is at an all time high. She is going crazy because you are. It was quite an eye opener when I got a bit of a grip on myself to see what a positive/happy/non whiney kid my daughter became instantly upon me getting a grip on myself. It was hard! I've been reading lots of books that helped (7 habits of highly effective people, secrets of the millionaire mind) ONe thing that really stuck out at me was "you can't change what happens to you but YOU CAN change the way you react to them. The way you are "affected" by them is in YOUR CONTROL. That was pretty powerful. Tough to do but I do and can have control over myself. I can be more at peace with what happens. No I am not all perfect, I got sucked into my hubbys craziness/bad mood today and went nuts. But I am "back on the wagon" My daughter/family/and I deserve better.

OK, so that's the anger part. And yes, I had the same what the hell did I do to my life by having this kid feelings. I think most moms do from time to time but nobody admits to it. By reading books on self improvement with the focus on changing my thinking process to change myself and my life, instead of trying to change everyone else.

Then one heck of an awesome book is Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv. Eker. I really think everyone should read it (free checkout at local library) It talks about WHY we are stuck making whatever amount we make and just never seem to do ahead, what is wrong with our thinking and what to do to fix it.

I know it isn't much "advice" but these guys already put all the good info in their books. I highly, highly recommend both books mentioned above"

Hang in there, these hard times will not last forever. You will get through it and life will get easier. Take care!

I know where you're coming from. there have been times where I didn't think I could handle it anymore. My advice is when your daughter starts crying, throwing a fit, etc. put her in her crib if she's still in one, or just in her room and let her cry. Go into another room, if possible one where you can still hear her, but just barely, and let yourself unwind a little. It won't hurt her to cry, and if you get too frustrated, you might hurt her, so take a minute or two away. If you have any friends around that you trust to watch your kids, have them babysit for a few hours and get out of the house. There's nothing wrong with a little "me" time, and it gives you a chance to reset all the buttons your kids may be pressing. you don't have to spend any money either.. Go for a walk in the park, or go somewhere you can sit and think. Or even go home and take a long hot bath. If you can get yourself back to center, you cn be a much happier mom for your kids. That might help them settle down as well. Good luck.

you honey sound extremely stressed & depressed (with good reason too. talk to your hubby he may understand more then u think. also get some u time even if it is just a bath. your kids know when something is off & they'll react. also see some one about depression either drugs or a natural approach could do u wonders. keep in mind (something i had to make myself do cause i was close to a Mental break down) stressing over things you cant contol makes you angry frustrated & crabby. they r still there & your just making more stress.

T., the BEST thing you can do is learn to become objective to your emotions (easier said than done). A great resource to help learn how to do that is available at www.fhu.com. All the good advice in the world will only work for a short time, until you (all of us) can learn to not react to the things life brings to us. I've been where you are. This exercise has been the only thing that saved my life, my marriage and my children. Trust. There is a way out.

You are in such a stressful situation. What do you do for you? What do you do to relieve your stress? I would suggest a few things. Your kids are feeding off from your frustration. Do something for you, go for a walk/run/swim. Exercise is so good for your body when it is stressed out. Helps release all of those stress hormones. I would do something that feeds your spirit, read, attend a woman's group, church, something to refuel your heart and spirit. Then spend some alone time with your husband. Reclaim some love, passion and intimacy between the two of you and your children will feel more relaxed and secure.
PS It could be a good thing that your husband doesn't do the talking thing, sounds like you need someone to listen to you. Start telling your sweetheart whats on your heart. ;)

I have felt your anger for a few years & finally started taking a low dose anti-depressant that has just taken the edge off. I still get frustrated & yell but it is ALOT better. I feel like I am actually in control most of the time instead of the opposite. My boys are 5 & 2 1/2. Remember that parenting is the hardest job in the world. Hang in there & this too will pass.

Hi T.,
There's another piece of the puzzle that I'm not seeing in any of the other posts so far (although I think the other advice you've received is very valuable and I'm sure will be incredibly helpful to you). It may sound like a crazy thing to ask in response to your post, but how is your diet, exercise, and sleep? These things are SO critical to our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. I know from experience! Believe me, it is amazing the transformation you can make for yourself (almost immediately) if you go from eating a junky diet to eating "real" food. I don't want to assume this is part of your problem, but if it is you will be doing yourself a HUGE favor by really taking care of yourself. You will be so much more capable of handling the great deal of stress you're going thru. I know many people don't truly understand what a healthy diet really is, or they think it takes too much work to eat healthy -- if you have these types of questions or feel this may be part of your problem and want to discuss further, PLEASE feel free to email me. I truly understand first-hand how it feels to be out of control and angry. I wish more people understood the critical link between the food we eat and how we feel -- I believe it would put some doctors and pharmaceutical companies out of work! If nothing else, I would highly recommend you read Dr. Mark Hyman's book "UltraPrevention" (his website is www.ultrawellness.com). He actually has several books out, any of which would help explain how different foods affect our bodies. He's just one example, but I believe a very good source for this information.
Be kind to yourself!
--S.

I've read the other responses and absolutely agree! You've got to fill your own well if you want to have anything to give. You MUST take some time for yourself. I think playdates are a great idea! Or maybe Grandma can watch the kids for an hour or two once a week. Sure, your daughter will cry initially, but having been a nursery worker for several years, I can assure you, it will pass and will get easier for both of you the more often you do it.

Also, communication is INCREDIBLY important! I don't know your husband, but there's got to be a way to let him know how much this hurts you. I'm sure that he loves you and will care about trying to make your load lighter.

Now, I am a very religious person, and I have tried this in my own life and can testify that it works. I apologize in advance if I sound preachy, but as I said, I'm speaking from experience, here. Read the scriptures daily and try to involve your kids if you can. Pray before you read to have the Spirit with you, and pray morning and night. God speaks through scripture and I know He is there and will help guide your life. Your are His child and he loves you more than you can even imagine. You will gain peace and insights that will help you handle your anger and your children. It won't happen overnight, but be diligent and exercise your faith, and it absolutely WILL happen! The happiest times in my home have been when I have done this. By happy I mean that my hubby and I got along better, the kids didn't fight as much, the kids minded me better, and when you walked into the door of our home, you could feel peace. And it sounds like peace is number one on your priority list right now.

All the best to you!

I have gone thru the anger and crying and feeling out of control. I humbled myself (it's embarrassing) and asked my doctor for Zoloft. I was beside myself before, and now i feel in control and am a MUCH healthier mommy and wife!!! My sister was the one who convinced me, since she found herself on the verge of not being able to mother her own children...
i know there's a stigma to being on anti-depressants, but for me it was worth the happiness of my family! My son deserved a happy mommy!!!

T.,

I know a little bit about how you feel. I was working one full time job and my husband was working one part time job and always trying for a second full time job but nothing even panned out. After I had my second son we had to move in with my mother because we could not afford day care and my husband didn't want to watch the kids while I went to work so I had to quit my job.
My second son didn't like to be with anyone else either and he still would love to be in my arms all day. He never sleeps but is a happy baby through out. I also have a three yr old son as well who is very easy going but being spoiled by my mother.
My stress comes from my mother mostly but I know how it sucks to be out of control and screaming and yelling. It is a horrible feeling and only makes you feel worse.
My advice to you is it to try and get out of the house as much as possible right now. I know your daughter is possesive of you but you need to force her away from you. Once she sees that she can't have you all the time she will get better. As for your son, he is probably acting up because he wants the same attention that you are giving his sister and will do whatever he can to get it. I think if you set aside time where you and he go to the park or do something just the two of you outside the home on a weekly basis he will start to feel special again and begin to calm down. Husbands not talking is also something we have in common. However I sugggest just talking anyway. Even if he doesn't want to respond or hear it just tell him how you feel. At least you will get it off your chest and if he refuses then I would try going to see a counsler at your school.
Now I can't garauntee my advice will work especially not right away. There is no quick fix but at least you know have some ideas.
I hope things get better for you. Feel free to contact me if you need t6o talk.

Hi T.-
Find a playgroup on days that are good for you- let the kids play and go talk and vent with other moms! I was recently in a similar situation, living with my inlaws, they spoke primarily spanish and hold high mexican traditions and I am a white girl- if that doesn't tell you anything... My children are 2 and 4, they are getting back to normal now but they were major pains in my but and all I wanted to do was hide from them!!! I hated feeling like this and couldn't help but resent all the decisions I had made in my life... My husband was without a job for well over 6 months as he seperated from the AF and then applied for the border patrol, now he has the job but things are still tight... So as you can see similar situations, same feelings... the only thing that keeps me going is that I know it has to get better eventually! Right?!? I am not a highly religous person but lately I have been locking myself in the bathroom and notice that I a saying the serenity prayer quite a bit-i guess it helps me a little to keep my patience-it keeps me calm anyways which helps keep my kids calm.... oh and smile- it really helps- even if it is a fake one- it changes a persons attitude especially when someone smiles back!
Goodluck!

It is so great that you are reaching out for help T.. Your children are reflecting back at you the tension and anger that you are expressing. More often, kids don't have the verbal skills to tell you what they are feeling so they show you instead. When your kids feel the erratic energy coming from you, it scares them and even though getting closer to you physically increases that fear, you are their foundtion and that is why they are clingy. It is like adding fuel to the fire that is already going on inside you. The stress regarding your living situation is obviously a very big issue. Stress is the biggest cause of physical illness. I don't know if you enjoy listening to music but you might try putting on some soft instrumental (meditation type) music. On a physical level, the tempo of the music will be reflected in your heartbeat and that of your children. Buy a big bottle of bubbles - yes T. - bubbles. Go outside with your kids and blow bubbles. Talk to your son about the anger and upset inside you and him - doesn't have to be real technical but he will understand. Teach him to imagine that everytime he blows a bubble, he is blowing away the anger, hurt, fear, or anything that is bothering him. The bubbles give them a visual of releasing the stress they are feeling - and you too! I have yet to meet anyone that is able to stay angry or stressed out while blowing bubbles. Please give it a try.

Forgot to add - Bach Flower Rescue Remedy for immediate relief from stress.

Hi, I just wanted to try and give you a little support here! I wouldn't be too hard on yourself for feeling this way, you have been through an extremely stressful time the past few months and I think that would make anybody feel that way. I am sure living with family makes it even harder, everybody needs there space. Your children are probably just clingy because they feel the stress too! We have had money problems and I notice when I am super stressed or angry, my children act out too! What has helped me is getting out of the house as much as possible even if it is for a walk or a trip to the park...ANYTHING helps not only them but me. I also noticed that when I go to bed earlier and read an uplifting book instead of staying up late and watching tv I am in a much better mood in the morning! It is a hard time though, so I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. You'll get through it the best that you can and soon it will be just another bump in the path:)! GOOD LUCK!

Hello,

I saw your posting and have just a quick note for you. I have been there with all the crazy stuff that happens in this world... and the feelings of anger and resentment that comes with it. My advise to you - and this might seem odd, but I think you should seriously buy the book "The Art of Happiness" by the Howard C. Cutler & the Dalai Lama. No matter what religion you are, this book will help you in overcoming your negative feelings... I promise! It can't help you on changing the way things are right now - but it can help in how you choose to accept/view what's happening in your life. Give it a try!

You're just very stressed out. Take at least 15 minutes to yourself and breathe. Even if it's in the bathroom and think of nothing at all. It's very hard being a woman and mom at times. And husbands sometimes don't know how to talk or say the right things. Just hug yourself and relax things will get better.