Beavior

HI L.,

I would try a homeopathic remedy like pulsatila, maybe you should go to a homeopath and get a constitutional remedy, they can work wonders if you get the right one. This is not really a behavioral thing, it's on a much deeper energetic, cellular level. best of luck. J.

Put a child in time out for crying? Make them tell you they are sorry for crying? Are you kidding me? That is just telling her that her feelings don't matter and if they inconveniance someone then she needs to internalize them. That's messed up.

Yes when they cry for no apparent reason and go on and on it gets old. But they are doing it for some reason. Does she have an ear infection? some other injury? Also just because she can talk well dosen't mean she can articulate how she is feeling, for that she may just not have those words.

Here is a group that has helped me a lot, please check them out and don't punish her for expressing her feelings.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PositiveParenting-Disciplin...

Hi, L.. Keep ignoring her. Tell her that she needs to use her words when she wants something. Praise her when she uses her words. Give her attention only when she displays the behavior that you want to see. Explain to her the only way you can get my attention is using your words, if she cries, ignore it as much as you can. Sing a tune in your head. I personaly have ear plugs that work really well. I can still hear but not as aplified. It takes some time, but be encouraged eventually it will fade out. Boy, what mother's go threw for Love.

I share your pain, my daughter has the same cry. I have found if I exuast her at parks and playdates, she is a bit more tollerable. I keep asking my mom how she handled us (as there were two girls and one boy in my family) she said she was very strict. Whatever that means, because she acts the same way with mom when mom reacts the same way. *sarcasm is really hard to advoid*

Seriously, they are two, so they are learning every action has a reaction. They will try you and this is part of the learning lesson. Unfortunatly, it's both sides learning.

I read some of the responses and seem to think that there are two methods here ignor or disapline. It seems to me that you have to pick your battles. My daughter is just now learning sad and ouches. Funny and silly are the others. Mad and scared isn't there yet. Frustration is reason for her screaming. I watch my daughter trying so hard to stroll her stroller in the house, she screams when she can't fix it. I also am now asking her, Hannah do you need help? Because they can't do everything you think they can, and they probably don't know all of the names you have for objects.

So it's a learning game. From what I gather, it goes with each kids too. I'm only on number one...sigh....
Good Luck!!
Jen

When my daughter cries out of frustration I tell her to use her words instead. I let her know that I don't know why or what she wants or needs unless she tells me. It took awhile, but now I just have to remind her once to use her words and she will usually tell me what's wrong instead of crying. Good luck!

There's a book that may help. The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp. It talks about how to communicate with your toddler when they cry and throw tantrums.

I agree that all medical problems should be rules out.
But the big question I have is what are you doing when she cries? Are you in any way reinforcing it? Giving in at all? No matter how much you hate the sound, giving in will only give her the message that crying will get what she wants and she will continue to do so...
Encourage her to use her words, and if she does give her immediate positive reinforcement. Big smiles, clapping, "that's very good!" "thank you for using your words!" Even if it's behind loads of tears, give her positive reinforcement for any attempt at communicating with something other than crying. Children thrive on that kind of attention from their parents,so once she figures out that by doing that she gets that kind of attention, she will continue to repeat the behavior.
Once you've got her at least trying to use her words, just keep expecting a little more from her each time--. Just be consistent and don't give in to anything if she screams/cries or it will only continue.

Good luck!--things won't change overnight but if you stay consistent, I think you'll be surprised with your results.

Oh and a very helpful book for me has been Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers by Tracv Hogg.

I think the important thing is what you do when she cries. If you ask her to calm down and tell you what it is she is crying about, or what she wants, and she still doesn't stop, then i would give her a warning that you are going to put her in the naughty seat. If she still doesn't stop, then put her there-in any corner or seat that is away from everyone. Leave her there and let her cry for 2 minutes. She will continue to get up and walk away from her naughty seat. Just keep putting her back while saying nothing. She will eventually stay there. When her time is up, get down to her level and tell her you put her there because she won't stop crying. Ask her to tell you she's sorry, and give her a hug, say i love you.
Repeat this behavior in the same way EVERY time it happens. I guarantee you she will get it. Try it for 3 days. You may only have to use it a few times, and then when you give "the warning" she will stop.
It works for me!

The reality is that she is 2 and she is doing a lot of growing and changing very quickly. Even for a very smart girl this is a very frustrating and confusing time. There is a reason they call it the terrible two's. She is still very young but is learning to establish control and independence, so it is very upsetting for her when things are out of her control.

One of the posters suggested saying how she feels. This is good advice, it acknowledges that she is upset and frustrated and it helps to get her back to the thinking part of her brain rather than the emotion part of her brain. Someone suggested putting her in time out every time she cries, but if you do that you are not acknowledging her frustrations and you are punishing her for something she really can't help. As the last poster said, you would force her to internalize her feelings, and treat her as if her feelings are not as important as yours are. That method may succeed in gaining compliance when you want her to stop crying, but it is harsh and does nothing to teach her how to deal with her own emotions.

I think the best thing you can do is acknowledge her frustrations, then nicely ask her to use her words then you can talk to her, then talk to her to try to find out what's bugging her, one simple question at a time. If you have been trying to get to the bottom of things for a while and still have gotten nowhere, or she still hasn't calmed down at all then you may just need to let it go. Tell her that when she is ready to talk, you will be there, but as long as she will not talk, you will not be able to help her. Asking her to use her words when she wants something is to try to get her out of her emotional state, and get her thinking. Even adults fail to think very well or function properly when they are functioning in the emotional part of their brain. That's why we tend to fly off the handle, or start yelling when the kids get very out of hand or we've had a bad day that just gets worse. So, if being an emotional mess is hard for us just think about how hard it is for a little toddler that hasn't learned how to work through problems.

She's only two. She will slowly learn how to work through problems, calm down when she's emotional, and communicate when she's upset, but that takes time, a long time. The best you can do is try to work with her, try to understand her feelings, and sometimes just try not to let it bug you too much. Two year olds are going to cry, and they are going to do it a lot. They will do many things that bug you a lot. So you have to choose your battles and let some of the little stuff go. Just remember that old saying, "This too shall pass."

I would tell her why she's crying, ie: give her the vocabulary to tell you what is going on. example: it seems your so sad that you cannot watch Elmo right now. That IS sad!!!

or: you're really FRUSTRATED right now! you're ANGRY.