Based on Lillian's Great Post...

Updated on November 21, 2011
J.C. asks from Bronxville, NY
8 answers

How do you keep preditors away from your kids? Do any of you use code words? I hear that some people use a family code word. Any thoughts on that?

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L.H.

answers from New York on

It's an excellent idea, but sometimes code words get forgotten when anxiety sets in. My son learned kung fu when he was young for self-control, but it's also good for self defense. I came staight out and told him he has to defend himself against anyone, who means him harm. I don't care who the child predator is and I explained that to my son. Anyone can be a predator and you may not even think they are including teachers. I taught him that if any one tries to touch him, they become "minced meat or fair game for all out kung fu practice." (He knows exactly what that means.) Kick, hit, bite, scream, etc.

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S.G.

answers from New York on

I went to a program from the Center for Missing and Exploited Children. He told us never to use code words. In experiments it took experts less than a minute to get a child to tell his or her code word. Never rely on code words to teach your child to be safe. One alternative strategy is to teach your child to always check with you before they do anything. Cell phones are everywhere. Children should say I have to ask my mom/dad. Can you call them?

1 mom found this helpful

V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

We had one when our kids were smaller. We never had to use it (one of the great benefits of being a SAHM maybe?), and I have forgotten what it even was!

Our kids are older now, (13 and 10) so if someone they didn't know was to try to pick them up... well... there wouldn't be anyone they didn't know! It would be a friend of ours and they know all our friends!
I think that code words can be a great idea. But if they never get used, be careful because you might forget them like I did~

Our kids' schools were great about that sort of thing, too, though. I could send an email to my kids' teacher (or call the school office) and share if someone would be picking them up. The person had to be on a pre-existing list anyway (supposedly--I know at the middle school they had no clue who the kid is getting into the car with)... but I always told my kids if something might be different. Like: Today, ___ is happening, so I might be late or have ___ pick you up from school instead. I'll send a note to your teacher and they'll know if it will be me or ____.

But I can't think of a single time that I've had anyone pick up my kids that wasn't a grandparent. Oh wait... there was that one time their regular babysitter picked them up for me. They loved her, too! (College student about to graduate now). :)

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E.B.

answers from Seattle on

we have a sound that my oldest made as a joke...it was so awful...yet very noticeable and efficient.

If they get lost they are to make it, if they have a stranger around they make it. and they know to find the oldest person possible and tell them they are lost and need a police officer.

They know to run like hell if someone tries to snatch them.

It is hard to say how we keep them away.

The things that have happened over the last few weeks have proven this to be true. Cause you had almost a whole football staff that had been made aware of what was going on at Penn State that just shrugged what was being said off. Because the football department would suffer if anything was taken seriously.

Now we have a country that is so disgusted at what has happen College foot just pisses me off. Because it is more important then kids who are being raped and molested.

It is YET another way the System has failed us...FOR MONEY.

Sorry of my soap box. I just am shocked that this is happening yet again. And in yet another institution that is suppose to protect kids.

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C.D.

answers from Atlanta on

We had a code word, just in case someone said something like, "your mother sent me to get you." I've always taught them certain rules that can never be broken concerning where they go, with who, etc. and to be aware and alert, pay attention. Now to pay attention means also to use your intuition and this they were to rely upon. It saved my daughter from what would've surely been the end of her, Thank God.

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P.K.

answers from New York on

Never had a code word. When I filled out school forms, I usually listed three
people that could possiblity pick them up. These were relatives and friends.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Our grandkids know they may not go with anyone, even my BFF or their BFF's family unless I specifically say they have permission to go. I even tell them personally if something happens and they have to go pick them up. They now understand how big of a deal it is for them to stay where I tell them and to do what I say. I let the kids play outside but they have to stay where I can see them from the window. Otherwise one of us is outside all them time if they are.

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M.T.

answers from New York on

Yes, we did have code words and I spoke with my kids about how I wouldn't ever send someone they don't know to pick them up. They didn't wear clothes or backpacks with their names, I was clear with them that adults do not need help or directions from kids, that they should avoid being alone and I didn't use those "tot finder" stickers in the windows.

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