I have worked at home for over 13 years. In recent years since my kids started school, I have received several requests for babysitting. These requests come from moms who work full time away from home who didn't adequately plan for childcare during school breaks, especially long break like summer and Christmas. I know stay-at-home moms that have dealt with this also.
I've been pretty offended by the requests. Is it just that they don't understand that "work-at-home" means you're actually trying to get something done? Most days, I'm doing good to take care of my responsibilities much less take care of someone else's kids because they haven't planned properly.
Has anyone else dealt with this? If so, how did you respond?
Thanks everyone for your feedback. For the ones that asked, I do keep my kids with me while I work. It's what they've grown up with. My purpose for working at home was to avoid daycare. They're used to the routine & understand that when the door is closed, they can interrupt only if absolutely necessary. They're older now so this is easier now than when they were infants & toddlers, of course.
UPDATE: Yes, I did work outside the home when my oldest was a baby. Finding reliable, loving daycare was one of my top priorities. Sorry if all this sounds snarky or unsympathetic but I have walked in those shoes, if only for a short time. Maybe I don't see their side of it because I am just naturally a planner. I plan 6 months ahead when possible. I understand not everyone does this but they have months to make arrangements and fail to do so.
My husband and I are truly blessed to be operating a successful business from home but it's only successful because we've taken it very seriously. I've known these moms for years. They knew very well that I work from home. I just don't think they understood it for what it is.
Instead of using such a strong word as "offended" I probably should've used "annoyed". I felt like they were devaluing my job. My responses have been varied but I've said no most of the time. One mom learned to use the phrase "hang out" instead of "babysitting".
Again, thanks for all the responses. It's always good to find out how someone else handles a similar situation.
yes, they don't understand.
no need to get offended. they're just asking. you say no.
nothing to get offended over.
khairete
S.
I've never dealt with this but I just gotta say I think it would be incredibly rude and insulting to get these requests. To me, that would be implying that just because I don't leave the house I'm not really working!!
If this were me, I would just simply tell them I'm sorry but I'll be working and too busy to be watching any children. End of story! In my opinion that's all you would need to say. You don't owe anyone any more of an explanation.
Good luck!!
EDIT: I did use the word "presumption" because in my case, people WERE presumptuous and it was clear. "Since you're already home with your children and not working anyway, would you mind ... " I heard that all the time. It was never preceded by, "If you don't already have plans in place, I'm in a really tight spot and need your help." Well, not entirely true. My best friend was the only one who was polite about this.
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When I was a stay at home mom I did deal with this. I wouldn't say I was offended. I was more annoyed at the presumption that I would be available when I hadn't offered my help... but then I remembered that there's really no shame in asking for help and there should be no shaming of those who ask.
We're in a messed up culture where we're taught that if we ask for help it must mean that we're weak or we didn't think things through. We must be pushing our problems onto someone else. That's really not true.
If you can't help out the people that ask, I wouldn't be offended at all. I would simply say, "I wish I could help but I'm stuck myself. I have to work but the children are going to be underfoot all week and I don't know when I'll get anything done. I was thinking about hiring a babysitter myself."
You should say, sure, I can take care of Sally tomorrow. And I'll bring Jane to your office on Friday for you to watch.
I would say it probably depend on the age of the kids involved. I know a couple moms that work from home O. or two days per week and they watch each others kids. They're about 8-11 in age range so the kids keep each other entertained actually. They might make them lunch, check in here & there but it works our well for both if them (school breaks and summertime).
But, yeah, I think unless you've actually worked from home ( I have) you don't realize how hard it can be when the kids are small.
My advice is just be honest when they ask...
I work at home as well and if it's just for a few hours or a day, I try to help. It's actually a nice break for the kids to have someone else to play with and I find that I can still get a lot done. I try to limit it to only one or two a month, because it does cut into our regular routine. I know what you mean though, I also get funny comments, like "will you be up at 9am?" as if people assume I sleep in and lounge around in the summer. It makes me laugh and I try not to take offense. I know they don't mean anything by it. It's just a different lifestyle.
I've been a SAHM, WAHM and work out of the home mom and I never really encountered this. When I was a SAHM and WAHM mom I just set boundaries with everyone I knew so they were aware of what I was and wasn't willing to do.
If you can't "help out" with a request.... just say "I'd love to help, but unfortunately I'm working that day and can't take other kids".
Is it possible you are misunderstanding them? Are they asking what YOU are doing with your kids because they need ideas or they are wanting to pool resources? Maybe they aren't trying to take advantage of you or insinuate that you don't "work"??? Maybe they just are wondering what you are doing so they can get ideas.
I work from home also. Since I am usually the only dependable person 'available' I get calls 'my car broke down can you take me to work?' the baby is sick can you watch him etc etc. I do help but I expect to be refunded for my out of pocket expenses. I used 3 tanks of gas helping my son and DIL when her car broke down and they needed rides to work and needed babysitting. I also told them I spent my time helping you so you could keep your job --- you need to take your free time to help me get things done I couldn't get to. I watched their 2.5 yr old for 3 weeks because DIL was on 2nd shift for her training period and couldn't find daycare.
As usual I'm still waiting to be re-paid.
As far as helping moms who work away from home, I would but only for emergencies. If the child is sick and can't go to daycare and it's only one or two days then okay. But this mom should expect to help you on the weekend. But for moms who don't plan anything for the summer or other school breaks they need to be better at organizing their life. Besides daycare there are camps, the Boys and Girls Club, the Y, the Park and Rec departments etc.
Well, how do you handle your own children during these breaks? Do you have someone else come and take care of them, do you use a daycare center, or do you still have them at home?
Either way, I would explain that I was working during this time and that you had to make alternative arrangements for your own children. If you have taken time off for the school breaks, then just say that you already have plans with your kids.
I would be a bit miffed at their assumption that you would be willing to take care of their kids too.
I was asked a lot to babysit when my kids were young and I was home all day. Only occasionally have I taken a regular gig watching someone else's kid, I'm more likely to take on short-term (a few hours to a few afternoons) obligation. Was I annoyed? No, I didn't hear any "presumption" in their requests. I said no when I couldn't do it, and never took on more than I could handle. And no one ever faulted me for it, as far as I know I never offended anyone by refusing.
Maybe respond by saying "Sure, I will watch them at my home office today and tomorrow you can take mine to work with you, thanks!"
I would probably look at where I stand with my own life. If I don't have time to care for other children I would let them know that babysitting was off limits. If you don't put your foot down you will regret it as they will take advantage of you.
There is the saying that poor planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
You state that you are doing good to get through the day with your child. You certainly will not if you have others. So say no and be done with it. They don't want to pay the costs of childcare for the summer. Not your problem. State to them that you cannot and be done with it. Less headache and ill will all around. They will find another source just not you and you will not be frazzled at the end of the day.
the other S.
PS It is okay to say no.
That's crazy. The only stay at home mom friends I've ever asked for help are the ones who've said "let me know if you ever need me to help with kiddo." Just expecting that someone has time to watch their kids for them just because they're home is rude. I'm sorry I don't have a response for you to give them, but I think you're not in the wrong not wanting to watch their kids while you're working.
I understand where u are coming from, but sometimes having exta kids makes it easier.
This might be something you can choose how u react to, being offended is understandable but might be hurting u more than letting go.
Huh - that's kind of weird (to me). I work full time from home and have never had any of my friends ask if I could watch their kids. Do you watch your own while working at home? If yes, they might figure you're not working all that hard and can handle an extra kid or two?
For me, I can't watch my kids and work... it's a real job... so I have to find childcare just like everyone else. Of course, I can have one of my kids stay home sick every so often without taking the day off, but that's about it.
I think I would say something like "You DO know I actually work from home, don't you? I can't watch kids and do my work. Why don't you ask a SAHM who is not a Work From Home mom?"
Lol, this sounds cuh-razy to me. I would be offended, too. I am a planner, but I also play things by ear. What I don't do is visit my problems onto others. I could see asking you to help out in an emergency, no more than about two days. Even then, I'd be crying real tears and offering real money. I would understand that you are WORKING at your JOB and not just stting around waiting for me to give you an opportunity to chase my kids around your house. I would understand that you have already been through this with your own children and would ask for volounteers if you were interested in navigating those land mines again, trying to get work done with children who are not as familiar with you or your practices. Let me clarify WORK: I'm not talking about things that you set timelines for with only personal consequences, like laundry or writing checks or cooking. I'm talking about having deadlines that affect people outside your home and your income. If I have a rough day, I can opt to order pizza and just cook the next day. I can shove a pile into a corner or pay a bill in a few hours. Your timeline is a little different. Besides that, even if it weren't, you've paid your dues and gotten into your rhythm.
