At What Age Do You Have the Talk About Good and Bad Touching?

This probably should have started a long time ago.
Private parts and the correct terminology for them.
Parts of the body covered by a bathing suit are private and only touched by self, mom, dad or a doctor with mom or dad there......

My DD is 3 and her pediatrician talked to her at her physical about when it's appropriate (at a doctor's office, with mom or dad present) and when it's not. I think you said what needed to be said and periodically reinforce that as appropriate. People can ask really nicely for things that shouldn't be done.

My SIL is a child psychologist and she recommends starting at about age 3. You don't need to make it scary...just let your child know what is and isn't ok and when something feels uncomfortable for them to ALWAYS tell a grownup they trust--even if that other person told them not to. She wants to write a book for kids about this but has two toddlers of her own so time is short!

I didn't really ever have one "good touching / bad touching" conversation.

I started talking to her basically when she was born about respect for ourselves and our bodies and respect for other people and their bodies.

That encompasees touching, kissing, boyfriends, sex, birthcontrol, etc.

You're going to need to do some additional work if you haven't been having these kinds of conversations with him all along.

Has he NEVER put his hand... on accident.... on your boob? When he was crawling across the couch, or jumping into bed with you? You take his hand and you say - we don't touch people there. If he walks in on you in the bathroom when he's 3.... you say "we give each other privacy, mommy will be out in a minute". THESE are the conversations to have.

ONE conversation will absolutely not do. it's a series of conversations that you have with him all the time. What you told him is a good start.... but if he doesn't understand WHY.... then the message is lost.

Our area has what is called the "Children's Justice Center" and they attend lots of events with coloring books and talking points for parents on this issue. I agree with the other posters -- this is something that starts early and continues to be reinforced occasionally. Mostly because predators don't care how young or old your child is. But you can talk about it in a non-scary way. The little coloring book I have read with my 3 year old is called "My body belongs to me" and discusses things in a very non-threatening way.
And using correct terminology with small children is a great idea and has been the source of great amusement for me.

We started talking about 'private places' when my son was three. It's an ongoing conversation that will likely keep going when he's a teen (about respecting the person he's dating!? and their boundaries). We keep it pretty simple;arms and shoulders and hands are fine for touching (because kids need to also know what's okay) and that the crotch (easiest gender-neutral word to indicate genitals) and the chest are just considered 'private parts' just for him.

Even our pediatrician always tells our son during checkups that she will only touch his private parts ONLY when mom or dad are there. She's great in reinforcing that those parts are only for him, or for mama and daddy to help you with. (My son is uncirc'ed, so we'll have to teach him self-care as he becomes older, but the doc checks it regularly for now.)

I don't talk too much about 'bad people' but just focus on 'those parts are special and just for you, and those parts are personal for other people too, so we don't touch'. We have talked about saying "no" if someone tries to touch him there and that he should tell us or a teacher if someone is trying to do this, because it's 'against the rules'.

He should already know this and be able to say no, and then go tell a teacher plus tell you.

He is more than old enough to be sexually abused, he is more than old enough to be able to tell someone, he is old enough to know this.

It is never too early to talk about this. I've talked about it to both kids (7 year old and 4 year old). They both know correct terminology and when it's appropriate to talk about privates and you can touch/see their privates.

As soon as they are able to talk & comprehend YOUR conversations!

I was abused from what I can remember from about 4-6 yrs. by an uncle until @ age 13 I 'told'...the fallout was ridiculous since no-one except another uncle, my granma & granpa believed me!

I am the mom of 4 girls & now have 3 of 11 grans who are mine permanently & trust & believe, as soon as I could I taught!!!!!!

I believe our daycare and pediatrician started at three.

added: i wouldnt say anything further about the girl to him, but I'd tell the teachers, thats an odd request and I hope nothing has happened to her

not a one time thing but a continual education started when she was 3. I don;t make her scared, I J. every so often remind her where is private (i dont consdier up the shirt private yet, shes 5, the same as a boy there so far...although she probably considers it private) but we have talks about where is not to be touched and how if anyone does no matter what they say she wont get in trouble for tellnig...thats the jist of it, we sometimes talk at bedtime or during bath about it, Not contantly, jut every once in a while a few minute talk about what she thinks and I think on it. I like it that way, my parents stressed it too much and when my pop pop tickled M. and brushed agnst my chest I'd freak thats why I don't instill fear and haven;t included the chest yet

I guess now's the time...perfect opportunity to learn that we keep our hands to ourselves....even if asked nicely.

I talk with my kiddos about this continuously---- I started when they were learning their body parts---about age 1 or so. You should definitely have this conversation with your son now. Talk with him about his body and that no one is allowed to touch him in his privates etc. except the doctor/nurse when you are present in the room. HTH

M

Our pediatrician began the discussion with the kids when they were pe-schoolers during their annual phsycial. When it was time to look at their privates they would say, in passing, "Now you know that your private parts are only to be looked at or touched by your mom or dad when they're washing or dressing you, or if you are hurt there, or by a doctor when you're with mom or dad seeing the doctor. If anybody tries to touch you there and it just doesn't seem right to you then you should tell your mom or dad or another grown up."

Then we'd remind the kids every now and then - not make a big deal of it - but just as a by-the-way when they were taking a bath or getting dressed. But with both of my kids, my daughter in 1st grade and my son in kindergarten had a "situation" occur at school that were completely innocent - but with the extreme caution both were looked into. That's OK no one was traumatized but both situation were explored without the kids having much awareness of it.

I've had this talk with my children ever since they were very young, about a year old. I keep having this same talk with added information as the years have progressed. My kids are 5 and 8.

we talked to my son about what is "appropriate" and what isn't. in this situation, we're not talking about stranger danger, etc. it's simply about what is appropriate and what is not. it is not appropriate to put your hands under someone's clothing.

in my son's case, it is not appropriate to moon his entire preschool class.
:)

but yes, it is a good window of opportunity. you can also add that it also isn't appropriate for anyone to touch HIM under his clothes - except for mom and dad and doctor, etc. no need to freak him out about it but it's a good opportunity to start gently making him aware.

it is NEVER too young to talk to a child about good and bad touching, while they are still in diapers is a good time to start, typically, most molestations happen while a child is this young, too young to know what is being done to them, and too young to tell anyone about it. gee, can you tell i have no sympathy for child molesters ?? and, please, if there are people out there who have sympathy are these rapers of children, dont try to privately contact me, telling me how wrong i am.
and, yes, your child did the right thing by telling you about what happened at pre school, holding another childs hand is ok, the child asking the other child to put their hands inside the other ones clothing, not ok.
K. h.

The Winnie the Pooh video at 3. And reinforced it every once in a while till she was in 5th grade.